Hiding in Shadows
by PattySassySquad
Summary: Slightly AU. Meredith Grey is a mousey and quiet intern. Derek Shepherd is an asshole Attending. What happens when Meredith speaks up to Derek when he treats her like crap? What happens when Derek's mom comes to town and asks about his "girlfriend"? (not original writer of story)
1. Hiding in Shadows

**Note: I did not write this story. I found it in another site and decided to share it on here! The whole story is finished and I will post the chapters. All rights go to **_**mrsmcdreamy29**_** on the site **_**surgical language**_**. Enjoy **_**Hiding in Shadows**_

**WARNING: Derek is a major asshole in this fic...I know this and he has his reasons for acting like this...at least in his mind.**

**Please read carefully as the back story is revealed in the first few chapters...see if you can figure Mer's past out.**

**Please comment when you can as I truly welcome all words, whether they are of encouragement or criticism.**

**Without further ado...**

"Hey you. I need an intern." Dr. Derek Shepherd ordered Dr. Miranda Bailey.

Bailey cocked an eyebrow and glared at the Neurosurgery attending. He had been here for over a year and had yet to bother to learn anyone's names or positions at Seattle Grace. He pissed off the nurses, badmouthed the residents and tortured the interns. He was known around the hospital as McStickUpHisAss courtesy of Dr. Cristina Yang, first year surgical intern. While Bailey didn't condone name calling of upper level doctors, she couldn't help but agree with Yang, especially when he was crossing her. Apparently he didn't pay enough attention to the hospital grapevine but one didn't cross Dr. Miranda "Nazi" Bailey and live to tell about it for long. It was long past time to educate him.

"Excuse me?" She asked curtly.

"Are you hard of hearing?" Derek asked gruffly.

"Are you talking to me?" She said, blinking once.

"I am looking at you, aren't I?" He said impatiently. "Or are you blind too?"

"Oh hell no!" Bailey said, finally reaching her breaking point.

Derek looked at the wild look in her eyes and wondered if she was going to have an emotional breakdown. Oh God, she was probably on her menstrual cycle. Something told him to back up a step.

"Hell no, what?" He asked exasperated, thrusting his hand into his thick raven locks. Shit, he just needed a fucking intern.

"I am a surgeon and an excellent one. You are an overly moussed, overly confident, my-shit-don't-stink, infuriating asshole of the highest level of assholes. You never think about anyone but your damn self and I don't know what is stuck up your ass and I don't really care, but you had better go see a Proctologist and fix it fast or I am going to fix it for you. Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?" Bailey asked as if she was talking to a first grader.

Derek heard the muffled laughter behind him and his jaw tightened and his cobalt eyes flashed.

"I am your boss, you know this right?" He hissed.

"You don't scare me you just piss me off. Now, what did you need? I don't have all day." She demanded.

Derek took a deep breath. He would not kill this resident today, but he would talk to Richard about this doctor. If only he could remember her name…

"I need…I would like an intern for the day…please.' He bit off sharply.

Bailey smirked.

"That is what I thought you said. I will see if I can spare one."

With that she walked off, smiling smugly to herself. They all realized, even if some did it slowly, that she was the head bitch of the surgical floor. Some just had to be schooled and she was just the teacher for the job.

"I hope I have a kick ass surgery today." Cristina Yang said. "Yesterday, I had to babysit the Bobsy Twins down in the pit. I now know why some animals eat their young."

Meredith Grey laughed and shook her head at her best friend. They were so different but totally got each other and had from the very first day of their internship. Where Cristina was a petite, dark curly-haired, brown-eyed, confident and raucous Asian, Meredith was a slightly tall, severely thin, mousey brown-haired, green-eyed, seemingly shy and quiet Anglo-Saxon. Both were brilliant, in their own way. Cristina just came off as a know-it-all and Meredith came across as studious and simple. Everyone noticed Cristina and no one noticed Meredith, and she liked it that way. Couldn't disappoint anyone who didn't know who the hell you were or even if you existed. Life had taught her in the form of her mother, the 'Great' Ellis Grey, that she was a major disappointment and a waste of space. Meredith used to be outgoing, but that had garnered her unwanted attention and so when she started her internship, she decided it would be good to disappear into her surroundings. Luckily for her, Cristina had seen through her façade and had taken the time to get to know the real her. So she had invited Cristina to live with her in her mother's house, so she wouldn't be so lonely.

"Yeah, I had round the clock colostomy bag changes yesterday, so a surgery would be nice." She agreed, fiddling with her glasses.

"Mer, if you want surgery, you have to put yourself out there especially during rounds. You are smart, not as smart as me, but still smart but no one sees it because you hide. Stop that. It is annoying and serves no real purpose."

"She is right about that. I can help you out of your shell along with other things, if you want." Alex Karev smirked, walking into the locker room. He was the eternal frat boy with the perverted mind to go along with it.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Hell no. I don't need syphilis anywhere near our house, thank you very much. Go take that shit somewhere else." She ordered.

Meredith laughed quietly at their antics. With a minute to spare, the remaining two interns rushed through the door arguing, as always.

"I still don't see the problem. They are just tampons George. I am not asking you to kill someone for me." Isobel Stevens retorted to George O'Malley. Izzie was a tall, curvaceous blond ex-model, which made Meredith feel frumpier than usual.

"I am a man. I don't buy girl products." George hissed, making his boyish looks appear agitated.

"But I really needed tampons and now I have to use the cheap one in the women's bathroom." Izzie whined.

"Izzie, I have some in my locker that you can use until you get some." Meredith offered.

"Thanks Meredith. I appreciate that." Izzie said, smiling a toothpaste ad grin at her.

Meredith smiled in return.

Bailey entered and they all snapped to attention. Bailey already looked pissed off, they definitely didn't want to add to her ire.

"Karev-pit, Stevens-ortho, O'Malley-cardio, Yang-you are with me, and Grey-" She paused giving her an, "I am so sorry" look. Meredith closed her eyes, knowing what was coming. "Neuro. I am sorry but it is your turn to deal with him. And unfortunately I have already had a run in with him today, so he is nice and pissed off. Sorry for that. You are however the person least likely to piss him off more."

"Really Dr. Bailey, the pit?" Karev whined.

"I am sorry Dr. Karev, would you rather have Shepherd?" Bailey asked.

"Um…no. The pit is great…fun even. Love the pit." He back pedaled. Last time he was with Shepherd, he had made him furious and had to do rectal exams on all the Neuro patients post op and pre op.

"That is what I thought. Now go!"

The interns all practically ran out of the room, except Meredith, who looked up towards the heavens, and even though she wasn't even remotely religious, she figured it couldn't hurt to pray.

**Please, please, please comment!**


	2. Are you new?

2. Are you new?

Meredith paused and took a deep breath. She adjusted her glasses nervously. She didn't know what it was about Derek Shepherd that made her jittery but he did. Maybe it was the fact that every time she was his intern, he made derogatory remarks to her or about her or that he never remembered her name or that she was his maid in training…running all of his mundane errands or maybe it was that he reminded her of her mother. Unfortunately, she was stuck with him and she would just accept that this was going to be the day from hell. She walked up to him.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

"What?" He said curtly.

Meredith took another deep breath.

"I…um…am your intern today?" She said unsure.

"Doctors don't say um. You want to be a surgeon, then you need to speak and act like one." He said.

"Yes sir. I am very sorry about that sir."

Derek finished signing his charts and then glanced at her.

"Are you new here?" He asked confused.

"No sir. I have been here for six months, same as the others." Meredith said, secretly frustrated. What? Did you have to be a goddess to be noticed around here?

"Yeah, whatever…what is your name Intern?" He asked, not really caring.

"Dr. Grey, sir." She informed him…again.

"Okay, Dr. Gary. I need you to prep Mrs. Wakefield in Room 3368 for her craniotomy and when I am doing that surgery I need to you to do post op and pre op notes and don't be sloppy. I have to be able to read them. Then when you are done with that, I need pastrami on rye from that deli around the corner, no sauerkraut. I will take my lunch in the third floor conference room. Thank you can handle that? Oh and I need my dry cleaning picked up. Here is the ticket." He handed it to her and looked at her expectantly.

Meredith glanced at him uncertain of what more he wanted from her.

"Hello? Do. You. Think. You. Can. Handle. That?" He said slowly and precisely.

Meredith felt her temper flare up for the first time in a long while. This guy was something else.

"Yeah, I think I can handle that…sir." She said, somewhat snide.

"See that you do. You have four hours. If you are done by then, you can scrub in with me on a DBS case. I am sure you will enjoy that, Gary." He started to walk away.

"It's Grey." She informed him quietly.

"I don't really care. Just get it done." He said, getting on the elevator.

"No problem asshole." She muttered. She sighed and got to work.

Four hours and five minutes later, a slightly sweaty Meredith Grey, sat down Derek's sandwich in front of him and placed his dry cleaning on his office chair.

"Sorry, I couldn't find you. I thought you said you would be in the conference room?" She said slightly out of breath.

Derek leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms and regarded her thoughtfully. She was such an insignificant little girl. She was about 5'7", with hair the color of mud; he couldn't see her eyes as her glasses obscured them. Her scrubs were about one size to big and didn't flatter her at all. She wore no makeup and looked like a 16-year-old virgin.

"Tell me Dr…" He prompted.

"Grey." She said softly, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Grey, that's right. If you can't manage to find me on time how can I trust you to assist me in surgery? I can't let an incompetent person in my OR so I think it best if you didn't scrub in with me today. Maybe another time, when you can prove to me that you are capable enough. You can catch me up on my charting this afternoon. That is all." He said tersely.

Meredith stood there, in shock. After all that, after running around like his little bitch, he was not going to let her scrub in?

"Hello? I would like to eat now. The door is behind you, don't let it hit you on your over covered ass on the way out." He spat out, unwrapping his sandwich.

Meredith walked out his door and didn't look back. She would not cry, not over this heinous ass. She would get angry. She had forgotten how good it felt to get angry. And while she was at it, she would find out tonight just how much she missed tequila.


	3. Tequila and Anger Don't Mix

3. Tequila and Anger Don't Mix

Jaws dropped when Meredith walked into Joe's, ordered three tequila shots and then downed them in five seconds flat. Izzie, Alex, Cristina, and Georges' jaws to be exact. No one else knew who the hell she was. Which was exactly what she had wanted, but sometimes being invisible was really lonely. Yeah, she had Cristina and even the others when she was at work, but…still lonely. She walked over to them and plopped down.

"Wow Mer, that was impressive." Cristina said in admiration. "Who knew you could hold your liquor?"

"Shepherd is an overbearing asshole!" She burst out.

For the second time in as many minutes the others were taken aback. Anger and drinking? This was getting interesting. They settled back to watch the normally quiet intern vent.

"What did he do to you?" Alex asked.

"He had me do the prepping and the pre ops, and the post ops, and get his lunch and his dry cleaning. He gave me a four-hour deadline, which I was five minutes late for, because he told me he would be in a place that he wasn't. Then he wouldn't let me scrub in because I am incompetent. And he couldn't remember my name and he said my ass was over covered. Ass!" She hissed.

The four other occupants of the table all glanced at each other. Meredith noticed.

"What?" She spat out.

"Well Meredith, you could change-up your appearance some. You know some makeup and maybe cut and highlight your hair…" Izzie trailed off hesitantly.

"Wear scrubs that fit." George said.

"Get contacts…" Alex chimed in.

"Get an attitude and some confidence." Cristina offered.

Meredith glared at her, feeling somewhat betrayed.

"Et tu, Brute?" She asked, hurt.

"Mer, you can't be taken seriously with the way that you look." Cristina said.

"How do I look?" She said offended.

"Like you don't give a shit…" Izzie said.

"Like you want to fade into the background…" George said.

"Like you're a band geek…" Cristina said.

"Like you haven't been fucked in a long time…I can still help you with that." Alex offered once again.

"Look, I just don't think that I should have to look like freaking Dr. Barbie to be taken seriously. My mother wasn't a raving beauty and she is the most famous woman surgeon in her field." No matter her issues with her mother, she was an excellent surgeon and Meredith was proud of her accomplishments.

"But she is the biggest bitch in her field too Mer. People tend to notice that. Take Shepherd for instance…he seriously needs to get laid. And if it comes down to you being a bitch and getting a makeover, I am all for the makeover. I have to live with you and more than one bitch would be confusing." Cristina said.

"Whatever, you are right about one thing…Derek Shepherd definitely needs to get laid. I don't know anyone who would want him with that attitude, maybe he can hire a hooker." She mused, louder than she intended but the tequila was taking effect. She missed the frantic looks she was receiving from her friends.

"Thank you for that suggestion, Dr. Grey. I will take that into consideration." Meredith closed her eyes in humiliation, praying this was a figment of her overactive imagination. She slowly turned around. No it was him…a very angry him. "However, seeing as how I am sure you haven't had sex in years…" He looked her up and down disdainfully. "…If ever, I doubt you have much knowledge on the topic. So I would have to demand that you refrain worrying about my sex life and worry about getting fucked yourself."

"Fuck you asshole." She hissed, her emerald eyes flashing.

"Not interested. And may I remind you that I am your boss…" He hissed back.

"Here, you are just as screwed up as the rest of us mere mortals. Someone just needs to take you down a peg." She said.

She vaguely felt Cristina grab her arm but she shrugged her off.

"Oh and just who is going to do that? You?" Derek laughed. "Please, you couldn't find the peg if you had two pairs of glasses on. Are you trying to be unattractive because if not, you might want to buy a hairbrush and some hair products and quit borrowing your mommies clothes." He said snidely.

"Are there any hair products left, you overly styled baboon?" She retaliated.

His eyes narrowed.

"That's it…your ass is mine. For the next month, I am going to teach you some respect. Even if it kills me."

"Respect? Please, you have to know what respect is to teach it. So bring it on." She said.

"I will." He said.

"Good."

"Good."

"Great."

"Great."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

Meredith gasped.

"What you can dish it out but you can't take it? This is going to be the highlight of my year." He said. "I will see you tomorrow."

"No you won't. I am off tomorrow." She retorted.

"Whatever, you had better enjoy it. It will be your last for a while."

He stormed out of the bar leaving Meredith in his wake, fuming. She noticed everyone's eyes on her. How ironic, she thought.

"What the hell are all of you looking at?" She hissed. She turned to a shocked Izzie.

"I need your help."

"With what?" Izzie asked, hesitantly, scared of this angry ranting Meredith.

"I want a makeover…tomorrow. That man isn't going to know what hit him when I get done."


	4. Derek's Past

4. Derek's past

Derek looked distastefully at his answer machine before picking it and throwing it against the wall, making a mental note to change his phone number and to get a new answering machine. More messages from his perfect sisters and his widowed mother.

Mel…"We haven't heard from you. Don't make me kick your ass. Call us back."

Kathleen…"Derek? This is not healthy. You need to come back home and face your feelings. Call me."

Nancy…"Derek, quit ignoring me and call someone back. Have you even tried to call Addison?"

Julie…"DerBear? I am really worried about you. If you need me, just call. Love you."

Carolyn Shepherd…"Derek Christopher Shepherd, I will not be ignored. I will come out there if you don't call me. Derek? I just want to know if you are okay…I know you are having a hard time and you need family to help you get through this. I haven't seen you in a year. Are you eating well, maybe dating someone? I hope so; you don't need to close yourself off from everyone. I will call you later. I love you."

Derek poured himself a Scotch and sat down on the couch in his trailer. He took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down. That run in tonight with the Intern Grey had pissed him off. He wasn't used to being challenged and it had happened twice in one day, first with Dr. Nazi and then with her. He had to admit, she intrigued him. Her emerald eyes had flashed at him beneath her wire rim glasses and her chest had been heaving with anger, showing him that she did actually have breasts…very nice breasts. Derek shook himself out of that particular train of thought…he was just horny. That had to be it, because fantasizing about the very mousy and meek intern was just hilarious. It truly was. He didn't even want to think about a woman at all. His ex-wife had destroyed any faith he had in relationships or women in general. Coming home that night…their eleventh anniversary no less…to see her and his best friend, Mark…entangled together in his bed, was just about the worst thing he had ever experienced. He had thought they were happy. Sure, they had hit a rough spot, but what married couple didn't. He had thought that since Addison was pregnant that they would work things out and move on as a family. He laughed bitterly to himself. He knew the instant he found them together that the baby she was carrying wasn't his... it was Mark's. Mark was a manwhore…really great daddy material. He really hoped they were happy and that they rotted in hell.

He got up and walked out to his deck and studied his surroundings. It was quiet out here, no one to nag him and make him talk, just grass and trees and his trailer and his lake so he could fish when he got the urge. He didn't need or want anyone, besides he had managed to alienate everyone in Seattle anyway. He didn't used to be this way…angry and sullen and insulting, but he now wore it like a second skin. So he would choose to ignore the tiny pang he felt where his heart used to be regarding Dr. Grey. It was better for everyone involved.

*****************************

"Did I really do that?" Meredith asked Cristina the next morning when she entered the kitchen looking for aspirin.

Cristina looked up from the medical journal she was reading and laughed loudly. Meredith winced.

"Oh yeah, you did. Trust me, I had front row seats. Very entertaining, didn't know you had it in you." Cristina grinned.

"I did know, which is why I don't drink tequila anymore. I can't believe I insulted my boss." Meredith groaned, burying her head in her arms.

"Please, fight the power…it is about time you let loose." Cristina remarked, pushing her plate of cold pizza towards Meredith. Meredith made a face and shook her head.

"Yeah, I let loose all right. I verbally vomited all over the most hated attending in the history of Seattle Grace. He makes my mommy look like an angel some days. I made an enemy of the person who is supposed to teach me for the next seven freaking years." Meredith exclaimed, panic taking over now that she was more lucid and awake.

"Quit freaking, you weren't on duty and neither was he. Besides he engaged too so no one can do anything about it." Cristina said, shrugging.

"He will have me on slave duty for the next six months if he wants too. He is going to torture me!" Meredith said.

"Sucks to be you. Your timing is impeccable to finally grow some balls. I just wanted you to speak up during rounds not piss off an attending, but that works to."

Meredith banged her head repeatedly against the table. Cristina put a dishtowel underneath it to keep her from doing permanent damage to her head and continued eating her pizza. The door opened.

"Mer?" Izzie called out.

"Kitchen." Was Meredith's muffled reply, her face buried in the towel. Izzie's heels clacked on the hardwood floors as she entered the kitchen.

"Mer! Why aren't you ready? We need to get going if we are going to get everything done. You have a hair appointment in an hour, then a mani pedi and then waxing…"

"Waxing? What are we waxing?" Meredith asked alarmed.

Izzie rolled her eyes and looked her up and down.

"Everything." She said.

Meredith turned a little green. Cristina laughed at the look on her face.

"Mer…go get dressed in your frumpy clothes so that I can burn them when we are done." Meredith got up and walked towards the stairs. 'Oh and get your credit card." Meredith acknowledged her with a wave of her hand.

Twenty minutes later, Izzie shoved Meredith out her front door and they were on their way.

"Why am I doing this again?" Meredith asked aloud.

"Do you want the real reason or a fake one?" Izzie asked.

"What's the difference?" Meredith demanded.

"Well, the fake reason is so you can feel better about yourself, get noticed, be taken seriously…yadayadayada…" Izzie informed her.

"And you think the real reason is?" Meredith prompted.

"To drive Derek Shepherd crazy…"


	5. Makeover

5. Makeover

"OUCH! Damn it Iz! Is this really necessary?" Meredith said, glaring daggers at the waxing technician.

Izzie looked at the hair that had come off with the strips and looked pointedly at Mer.

"What do you think?" She said.

"What is the point? No one has been down there in years." Meredith hissed.

"And it shows." Izzie said.

Meredith turned her glare towards Izzie and winced again as the technician ripped the last strip off.

"Done!" The technician said and cleaned up the mess and walked away.

"Great, so we have done the Mani pedi and the waxing…thank god…now on to the haircut." Izzie said, crossing off items on a list.

"You made a list?" Meredith asked horrified.

"Yes, I don't want to have to do this again."

"Um…Iz I don't want anything drastic…" Meredith said.

"That is the point of this Mer…" Izzie whined. "You want a change right? Trust me."

Before she knew it Meredith was looking at herself in the mirror in awe. Her hair had been cut four inches and was layered subtly. The hairdresser had put in golden brown highlights to compliment her already brunette hair. Her makeup was minimal but fabulous. Her already thick lashes were enhanced with mascara and she had on gray shimmer eye shadow and black eyeliner. Her cheeks were a light bronze and her lips shimmered a pale peach. Izzie stood behind her in the mirror smiling.

"Well what do you think?" Izzie said.

"I…I look like myself." Meredith said, fighting the tears threatening to overflow.

Izzie looked alarmed.

"What's wrong?"

"I haven't allowed myself to be…me for a long time. I have my reasons but I looked the way I did on purpose."

"Okay." Izzie said, deciding not to press for details. "Time to go buy some clothes."

"Let's go." Meredith got up and with one last look in the mirror followed Izzie.

Five hours later they were in Izzie's car headed home. The trunk and the backseat were full and Meredith's credit card was groaning in complaint. It had never been used that much and Meredith had a feeling the credit card company would call her to make sure it hadn't been stolen. Overall, she was pleased. She had gotten some jeans, slacks, dresses, shoes, sweaters, shirts and blouses, a new coat complete with scarf and gloves and some nice lingerie…not that anyone would see it but Izzie said there was nothing wrong with feeling sexy for yourself. Meredith wouldn't know about that. Sex for her had never been anything really special. She had a string of tequila enhanced one night stands up until two years ago when something had happened to her…which was somewhere her mind didn't want to go…ever, ever…again.

"Mer?" Izzie's voice penetrated her thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry. I was thinking." She explained.

"Do you have a headache?" Meredith shot her a glare. "I don't mean from thinking Mer, I mean from the new contacts?" Izzie quickly amended, laughing.

"Oh. No…I have had them before…" Meredith said.

"Then why…"

"Iz, I told you, I had my reasons. Let's just leave it at that, please." Meredith pleaded. She didn't want her past dredged up again, not when she was finally moving past it.

"Okay, but if you ever want to talk…" Izzie offered.

"I know, thanks." Meredith said, gratefully. Maybe this friend thing wasn't so bad after all. She settled back in her seat and closed her eyes for the rest of ride.


	6. Friends night in

6. Friends night in

"My God, Izzie, what the hell did you do to her?" Cristina asked as they walked in, struggling with the bags.

"What, you don't like it?" Meredith asked, slightly hurt.

"You look hot Mer…I guess I am just not used to you…looking like that. Dr. Barbie, here you come." Cristina said, grinning.

"Don't call me that. That is just…no." Meredith said, shuddering slightly.

Cristina peered at all the bags littering the foyer.

"How much in debt are you in now?" She asked.

Meredith groaned.

"Let's put it this way…Thanks for the clothes. You rent is paying my credit card bill for the next year. So glad I own this house."

Izzie and Cristina laughed and helped her haul her bags to her room and unpack them. They got it done swiftly and decided to watch a movie and relax before going in to work the next day.

"Sweet Home Alabama? Patrick Dempsey is hot." Meredith suggested.

"No!" Cristina protested. "How many times do you expect me to sit through that movie without going crazy?"

"Once…maybe twice." Meredith said.

"I have watched it five damn times Mer" Cristina reminded her confused. Izzie giggled.

"Yeah, I know." Meredith grinned.

A look of awareness crossed Cristina's face.

"Bitch!" She said, throwing a couch pillow at Meredith, who giggled loudly. "I am not crazy…you and Tinkerbelle here are crazy."

"Hey!" Izzie protested. "How am I crazy?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Cristina asked.

Izzie thought for a moment.

"Probably not." She said.

"The Notebook?" Meredith asked.

"What the hell Mer? I don't do sappy." Cristina complained.

"What do you do?" Izzie asked.

"Men who make me scream their name out…" Cristina said wickedly.

"Quit bragging." Izzie muttered. "I have forgotten what sex is like. It has been a long time."

"Great, if you can't get laid looking like that…I don't stand a chance in hell." Meredith complained. "Not that I want to get laid…"

Izzie and Cristina looked at her disbelieving.

"I don't…" She insisted.

They continued to look at her.

"Okay…fine…I am horny…are you satisfied?" She admitted.

"Yes." Cristina said flippantly.

"Glad one of us is." Meredith groaned.

They all looked at each other and laughed.

"It is Thursday…Grey's Anatomy is on…" Meredith said hopefully.

"It has Patrick Dempsey in it Mer…" Cristina whined.

"Hence its appeal…" Meredith said.

"Fine. Turn it on. But if I get admitted to the loony bin, it is all your fault." She said.

"I will visit you everyday…" Meredith said, kissing her hand and smacking it to Cristina's forehead. All three settled in to watch the mess that was Shondaland before calling it a night.


	7. Wow, You are hot

7. Wow, You Are Hot

Meredith awoke the next morning to Cristina banging on her door.

"Get up Mer. I don't want to be late. I have to get the good surgeries." She yelled.

Meredith threw her covers back and got up and dragged her ass to the shower and then threw on the clothes Izzie had told her to wear today. She looked longingly at her sweats for just a moment but thought better of it. That was dowdy, unattractive Meredith…she was now the outgoing sexy new version of her former self…. or whatever. It was too early in the morning to get things straight in her hazy mind. She fixed her hair and left it loose with her natural curls. She applied her makeup with a quick but careful hand. She looked in the mirror before heading downstairs. She had one a white lacy camisole under a teal blue jacket paired with black jeans and black high-heeled boots. Not bad she thought.

"Mer! We are going to be late…quit primping damnit and get down here."

Meredith grabbed her coat and ran downstairs. Armed with her daily dose of caffeine she slipped into her car and headed to the hospital.

When they arrived they saw they had ten minutes to get upstairs and changed before rounds. They sprinted towards the elevators and slipped inside just as the doors were about to close.

"Made it." Cristina said, relieved. They were way too lazy to take the stairs. They got off the elevator and rushed to the intern locker room. Cristina entered first and Meredith quickly followed. The locker room was rowdy as always until Meredith stepped in. Then there was dead silence. Meredith stopped and looked apprehensively at the others who were staring at her in shock…well except for Izzie who was smug and Cristina who was annoyed.

"Hello?" Meredith said hesitantly.

"Hi there. I am Alex Karev…and I will be happy to show you around if you want a tour." He offered.

Cristina and Izzie died laughing and Alex shot them a glare.

Meredith smiled at him.

Recognition dawned on him.

"Damn Grey!" He whistled. "You are smoking hot."

Meredith blushed.

"Shut it Alex." She muttered embarrassed.

Bailey entered and everyone once again snapped to attention.

"Karev-Gynie, Stevens-Pit, O'Malley-You are with me, Yang-Cardio and Grey-…Where the hell is Grey?" She focused on Meredith. "And who are you?"

"Grey." Meredith informed her.

Bailey looked her up and down.

"Huh. What happened? You win a spot on Extreme Makeover?" She asked. "Never mind, I don't know what you did to Shepherd, but you are with him until further notice. Hope you like Neuro."

"Guess I have to now, huh?" Meredith said smartly.

Bailey raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Give him hell Grey." She said.

"I plan on it."

"Good, now go! What the hell are you all standing here for?"

They scattered and Meredith went to go find Satan. She found him eating a bagel in his office. She knocked on his door.

"What?" He said without looking up from his reading material.

"You wanted me?" She said, her voice husky.

Derek looked up and froze. He looked her up and down with something akin to interest.

"Depends on what you mean by want…I can think of all kinds of things I could 'want' you for…but why don't you just tell me why you are here." He said, leaning back in his chair.

"I am your intern." She said, rolling her eyes.

"No you are not. I am waiting for my mousey intern now and she is late so go tell your resident…what's her name…and tell her I want Gary."

"It's Grey. My name is Meredith Grey…not Gary…not Intern…not Mousy Intern…not Gutter Girl…Grey. Get it right." She yelled.

Derek straightened up in his chair and looked at her incredulously.

"You are Grey? You? I don't think so. Nice try though."

Meredith just looked at him with mock patience.

"She has glasses…"

"I got contacts…"

"She has brown stringy hair…"

"I cut, dyed and brushed it…"

"She wears loose scrubs…"

"It's called a smaller size…"

"I'll say, nice breasts…"

"You must have missed the Sexual Harassment Seminar last month." Meredith said, exasperated at this whole conversation.

"Who's your mother and what is her specialty?" He asked suddenly.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Seriously? You are going to quiz me?" She asked incredulously.

Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Unfortunately, my mother…and I use that term loosely…. is Ellis Grey, creator of the Laparoscopic Grey Method and the best General surgeon in her field. She is Head of General Surgery at Mass General, where she tortures everyone there as you do here…Satisfied?" She asked.

Derek looked her up and down.

"Not even close. Don't think because you got all…un-ugly…that I will give you an easy ride…of any kind. I am not going to sleep with you just so you can get ahead." Derek said sternly.

Meredith's mouth dropped open in astonishment.

"Are you…How do you fit your big ass ego through these fucking doors everyday? I wouldn't sleep with you if the world depended on it…Don't think for one fucking second that you enter my thoughts at all…except when I am thinking ways of shutting you up permanently." Meredith seethed.

Derek smirked.

"Glad to see we are on the same page then. That will make it easier…for me at least…you are another story. I am going to make you wish you had never crossed me."

"And like I said, bring it on asshole." Meredith scoffed.

"Oh I will. Today I have three surgeries, none of which you will be assisting with…however, what you will be doing is getting my coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner…my dry cleaning, getting my car washed, my pre ops, my post-ops, typing my dictation…let's see what else? Oh yeah, I am researching this surgery request so you will need to get me all necessary information. Do you have all that or do you need to write it down like a waitress?" He said.

"So I will be like your wife? Doing all your mundane errands with no hope of sex. Fun." Meredith said sarcastically.

Derek froze and he jumped up and walked slowly around his desk. His cold eyes burned into hers.

If you value your career at all Dr. Grey, you will never…ever…say the word 'wife' in my presence again. Now get going. I am hungry." He hissed. He reached behind her and opened the door and practically shoved her out it. When the door slammed in her face, Meredith jumped.

"Seems I hit a particularly bad button." She muttered to herself and then shrugged and got to work.


	8. Dragging

8. Dragging

Fourteen hours later, Meredith was dragging. She had done everything he had wanted and she had done it exceptionally well. All she wanted to do now was to find the nearest bed. She focused on the on call room and practically wept. She was off, she should go home but she didn't think getting behind the wheel of her car would be very smart. She entered the quiet and thankfully empty room and crashed on the bed, asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

Derek paged her once again. She hadn't answered yet…what the hell? He stormed up to the Nurse's Desk.

"Has anyone seen Grey?" He demanded.

The nurse, Liz, her name tag read, glared at him before returning to her computer screen.

"She was last seen entering On Call Room 2 about an hour ago…why don't you take your sunshine and try there?" She said, snarkily.

Derek gave her one last glare and stormed off…this time to the proper on call room. He threw the door open and opened his mouth to yell, but something stopped him for a moment. He shut the door behind him and walked quietly to her bedside. She was sleeping soundly, her pager on the floor. Her hair was splayed across her delicate features but he could see the dark circles under her closed eyelids. His heart began to beat rapidly. She was actually very beaut…No; he wasn't going to do this. He wasn't going to let another female get him in her clutches. He walked back to the door and this time opened and slammed it hard. She bolted up out of bed and lost her balance falling back on the bed. She brushed her hair away from her face and fixed her glare on him.

"What the hell are you doing?" She yelled.

"What the hell are you doing?" He yelled back.

"I am sleeping." She said, rolling her eyes.

"No, correction, you were sleeping…now that you are awake, you are going to go check on all of my pre ops and write down in exact detail any concerns they have so I can address them tomorrow morning and then you are going to monitor my post ops and if there is any thing such as a beep from their machines I want to it documented. And if after that you have time to fool around with things such as sleeping…feel free." He said, triumphantly.

"I am not on call tonight." She said.

"Oh but you are. You should always double-check the schedule…you never know who might have to change it." He mocked.

"You can't do that!" She exclaimed.

"I just did…unless you don't think you can do it…I would understand it if you were too…weak." He taunted.

"I am not weak." She hissed, bending over to get her lab jacket and pager from the floor.

"Glad to hear it Dr. Grey." He smirked, as he exited the door leaving her behind, fuming.

Meredith groaned as she lay across one of the benches in the intern locker room, her arm over her eyes. She hadn't gotten anymore sleep since the Devil had woken her up and then went to his home…wherever it was…for a good night's rest.

Cristina walked in and sat down by her feet and nudged her.

"What happened to you last night? You were supposed to come home…you weren't on the schedule." She said, handing over her coffee.

Meredith gratefully took a gulp.

"Apparently, Satan changed it and I was…and of course I am on again tonight." She complained tiredly.

"He can't do that Mer." Cristina exclaimed, outraged.

"Apparently, he can and he did and he will." Meredith said, rubbing her hands on her face rigorously to wake herself up enough for rounds.

"Hey what's up? Grey you look like hell." Alex stated. "I mean you are hot and all, but you look like someone ran you through the ringer."

Meredith glared at him and snatched his coffee from him mid-drink and gulped it down.

"Hey!" Alex protested.

"Go get yourself another one… I have at least another 36 hours to go after the 24 I just completed." She ordered.

"Damn, you really pissed him off didn't you?" He said.

"Yes…I did. I think I am regretting it right about now. Now I know why they say to pick on someone your own size." She sighed.

"Hey Everyone! Damn Mer, you look rough. One day and you start looking like the old you again?" Izzie whined.

"Izzie, I have been here for twenty-four hours. Shut. Up. Now." Meredith ordered.

"Shutting up now." Izzie said.

"You look fine Mer." George said. "And if you need any help today…just let me know. I can do it quietly so no one but us finds out."

"That's sweet George but I have to do this myself. My whole life I have been called weak and it is just about time I proved everyone wrong."

Meredith stood up and walked over to the mirror. She snagged her hair through a ponytail holder.

Yeah, it was time.


	9. I am hungry

9. I am Hungry

"Grey, these notes are practically illegible. How am I supposed to read them?" Derek bellowed at her. Meredith had headed to get her own lunch as she had just brought him his thirty minutes before. She hadn't eaten in twenty hours and she was starting to feel it.

Meredith sighed and turned around to face him. She took the chart in question from him and glanced at it. She looked back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"That is your handwriting, not mine." She pointed out sweetly. She wheeled back around to head towards her destination.

"Did I say I was done with you?" He remarked.

Meredith stilled and turned back around to face him, resisting the urge to stomp her foot and pout. She was hungry!

"No sir, what can I get for you now? Coffee, tea, maybe a brownie, an attitude adjustment? Please tell me, how can I make you happy?" She said, sarcastically.

"You can't, so don't try." He growled. "But what would make me more…tolerable…is for you to dictate my notes tonight when you are on call in between monitoring all my patients…you know since you can't read my writing."

Meredith took a menacing step towards him…aching to wrap her hands around his arrogant neck. She stopped herself. Violence, while so fulfilling, would serve her no real purpose.

"Yes sir." She said, instead.

"Good girl." he said, condescendingly.

"Now, I have to go to operate on my patient. Right now, what I need is for you to call the DMV…they messed up on my tag and I really need in straightened out. Do it from my office…cell phones cut out too much. Have fun."

He walked away with his trademark smirk.

Meredith sighed and walked towards the direction of His Highness' office, ignoring her growling stomach once again.

Meredith exited out of her patient's room and went to the Nurse's station to finish her notes. She stifled a yawn. She looked at her watch and groaned. It was only 10pm…she still had another twenty hours to go and it looked like it would be with no sleep.

"Hey, I am about to head home." Cristina informed her sympathetically.

"God, home sounds so good." Meredith said as her stomach rumbled loudly.

"Hungry much?" Cristina asked. "When was the last time you ate?"

Meredith thought for a moment.

"Yesterday morning for breakfast…I think."

"You didn't eat yesterday morning Mer, you just had coffee. Are you telling me you haven't eaten since the day before yesterday?" Cristina asked, concerned.

"Look don't freak out on me, I will go right now and get something to eat before I dictate his notes. I promise." She assured her friend softly.

Cristina nodded, satisfied.

"See you in the morning. Hang in there…he can't do this forever." She said.

"Let's hope not." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. She waved goodbye to Cristina and headed towards the cafeteria.

Beep Beep Beep

She checked her pager.

911

Meredith groaned. Seriously? She looked longingly at the food court but headed towards the Pit.

Food, as well as sleep, would just have to wait.


	10. scrubbing in

10. Scrubbing in

Meredith nodded off at Derek's desk but she jerked her head up. She stretched and glared at the pile of charts that she had just finished. She smiled slightly and began to count down the hours until she could crash at home in her own bed after devouring a medium pizza all my her little old self…there would be no sharing today. She fought down the nausea she had experienced since late last night.

Derek walked in his office and his eyes found hers, his eyebrow raised in question.

"I'm sorry. Am I interrupting your meditation time?" He asked sarcastically. "Do you get paid to sit there?"

"No sir, I just finished your dictation." She pointed out.

"You should have had that done hours ago." He retorted.

"I would have, but there was a three car pileup and I had to help out." She said, evenly. She was in no mood to fight.

Derek regarded her for a minute and then nodded, satisfied.

"Fine. I have a hemispherectomy in OR 2 in one hour. Go prep the patient and then you can scrub in and I will even let you hold the clamp." He said, ungraciously.

Meredith grinned in excitement and the nausea and the fatigue melted away. He sucked in a quiet breath. Her smile transformed her more than any makeover ever could. She smiled with her mouth and with her translucent emerald eyes. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and concentrated instead on what she was saying.

"Thanks." She said happily. "I appreciate it."

"Yeah, well…get going or there will be no surgery." He said, roughly.

"Yes sir."

She walked past him with a sudden burst of energy and went to prep the patient in 3354. She answered all of Josh Malone's parent's questions to the best of her ability and then walked with them to the OR.

"Hey where are you going?" Alex asked.

"I am scrubbing in on a hemispherectomy in OR 2." She said excitedly.

"Damn! All I got is this stupid appendectomy." He said. He looked quickly down at his patient who glared at him. "Sorry dude, but seriously, you couldn't have had a bigger problem?"

"Look, I have done Shepherd's bitch work for three days nonstop. So quit complaining and be happy for me." She admonished him.

"No. You suck and you still look like hell. You need some sleep." He said.

"Sleep can wait…I think…Food, I really wish I had right now." She sighed.

"When was the last time you ate?" He asked, suddenly concerned. Meredith was a tiny person who couldn't afford to lose weight.

"Oh it's fine. I will get something at lunch. Save a seat for me, will ya?" She asked.

"Yeah, no problem." He said, heading to OR 1.

Meredith got the child situated and went to scrub in. Dr. Bailey and Derek were already in there. She got in between them and started to lather up.

"This is a big surgery Grey. Congratulations." Bailey said.

"Thanks. And um…thank you Dr. Shepherd for giving me this opportunity." She said softly to him.

He studiously scrubbed in, not looking at her.

"Surgeons don't say…" He started to remind her.

"Um. Yes I know…sorry." She stated dryly.

He finished scrubbing in and went into the OR.

Bailey glanced at her.

"Are you okay? Cause you don't look okay…you look tired." She stated.

"All of us are tired Dr. Bailey." She pointed out matter of factly.

Bailey searched her face for a long moment and then nodded, walking into the OR. Meredith quickly rinsed off and headed for the OR doors, stopping for a minute as she got dizzy. The room spun for a minute and then leveled. Meredith took a deep breath and walked into the OR, stopping at Derek's right. He nodded to the nurse and the gallery.

"It's A Beautiful Day To Save Lives…"

The music started and with a clean slice of Derek's scalpel, the surgery was underway.

Meredith held tightly to the clamp, fighting another round of fatigue and dizziness. Halfway into the surgery, Derek had started firing off questions and she had answered the first twenty with no hesitation. Now, she was having trouble concentrating on what he was saying…it was taking all she had not to let her hand holding the clamp slip.

"Why is it important to let the space where we are removing the brain to fill with spinal fluid?" He asked.

"Um…I…because…" She stuttered. Bailey looked at her questioningly.

"Come on Grey, I expect you to know this. Okay, you can let go of the clamp, I am almost finished. So what is the answer?" He asked impatiently.

Meredith handed the clamp over the scrub nurse and staggered back a few steps. Bailey was watching her intently now, her brow furrowed in concern. Meredith was pale and she was sweating.

"Grey? Are you okay?" Bailey asked sharply. Derek looked up quickly from his work and glanced at Meredith.

"I am fine…just…"

Suddenly the room spun round and round and Meredith fell, hitting her head on the defibrillator on the way down.

Blackness encased all of her senses and she floated...


	11. Worry and Lectures

11. Worry and lectures

"Get a stretcher in here now!" Derek roared. He frantically looked around. Bailey was tending to Meredith, who had hit her head hard. Blood flowed from her left temple. "What is her pulse? What is her blood pressure? Tell me something damnit!" He roared.

"I don't know anything except her pulse is thready at 48 and that she hit her head and is currently unconscious on your OR floor. Shut up and finish your surgery while I tend to my intern." She ordered.

The stretcher came in along with Cristina and they loaded her onto it and put an oxygen mask over nose and mouth.

"Mer? Mer, can you hear me?" Cristina said, worried.

They started moving her out of the OR.

"Bailey, I need an update as soon as you know anything." Bailey didn't answer, concentrating on Meredith. "BAILEY!"

"I heard you." She glared.

And then they were gone.

Derek turned back to his surgery and finished quickly, trying to control his shaky hands.

"Dr. Swift, close for me." He ordered and then stripped his gloves off and hurried to scrub out. He HAD to find out what was wrong with her. He didn't know why he had to, he just did.

Derek quickly headed for the Nurse's Station.

"Where did they take the intern who collapsed…Grey?" He asked.

"She is in Exam Room 5." The nurse told him.

He rushed for the room and stopped when he saw the four people who had taken up residence in front of the room he needed to get into.

"Move." He demanded to them. He thought they were interns…the woman with black curly hair…the Know It All…was just in there helping Meredith.

They all stopped whispering to each other and looked at him. They lined up…united…in front of the door, granting no access. Their cold eyes…all varying shades of brown…glared at him.

"No." The Frat Boy said. He crossed his arms and regarded Derek as if taunting him to push him too far.

"No?" Derek said, cocking his head.

"Yes, we are saying no." The Know It All said.

"And you are who to me?" He asked.

"We are no one to you, but we are someone to Mer. She is our family and families protect each other." The Beauty Queen said, defiantly.

"And you are protecting her from me…the neurosurgeon who needs to check her head injury?" He said, condescendingly.

"We called Weller for that…he is in with her now…as well as Bailey and the Chief…so as you can see, we have it well under control." The Science Nerd informed him quietly.

"So leave…now." The Frat Boy ordered.

"No." He said, leaning back into the wall to wait, ignoring the scathing looks of the Fucked-Up Foursome.

Bailey sighed and opened the door. George almost fell and quickly righted himself.

"Is she okay?"

"What did you find?"

"Well?"

"Can we see her?"

"Whoa, can it. She has a concussion and is still unconscious. CT showed some mild swelling that will resolve itself in a few days. Dr. Weller is keeping her for observation tonight. She will need to be off for about a week." Bailey informed them. Sighs of relief echoed the hallway.

"Why did she pass out?" Izzie asked.

"We are running more tests and when I know, you will know. Now I am one intern down so you can visit when you are off."

They nodded and left to perform their varying duties, relief evident in their steps.

Bailey waited until they were out of earshot, then turned to Derek, who was waiting impatiently.

"I have never hated a human being as much as I hate you right this minute." He stood up to protest, but she put a hand up to stop him while giving him a 'If you say one word right now it will be your last' glance. "I can say this quietly or I can say this loudly, but you should know one thing before you make that decision…The Chief loves that girl in there like a daughter, so if you want him to hear this let me know now and I will go get him."

Derek clamped his mouth shut and waited for her to continue.

"Our job here, in this hospital, is to teach these young people to be better doctors. Not to abuse them or use them…to teach them. That girl in there…" Bailey broke off and cleared her throat. "…Has a lot of spirit and you did everything you could to break it. She had been on duty for you for 56 straight hours with no sleep and no food…running your errands, doing your dictation, prepping patients you don't even have…yes I know about that…running the Pit and the Code Team…all for what? So you could teach her a lesson? She is suffering from malnutrition, dehydration, exhaustion and now a concussion. She is only 100 pounds on a five foot seven-inch frame. She suffers from a metabolism disorder already. Now I know you didn't know that, but all she wanted was a kind word from you…for you just to say 'Good Job'. That is all and you terrorized her. Meredith is the kind of person who was raised to show no weakness…you have no idea what her mother is like. She is off of your service effective immediately…when she has to be on Neuro, she will be under Weller. I need to go back to work but I don't want you anywhere near my intern. And if I catch you, I will go to the Chief on this."

Bailey stalked off and Derek watched her go, then looked longingly at Meredith's door and glanced in the window.

She lied there, pale and fragile looking.

Her eyes were closed, deep dark shadows underneath them…shadows he put there.

An IV was inserted into her right arm; infusing nutrition and fluids…things he deprived her of.

A frown marred her perfect mouth…a frown he made appear.

Shame washed over him and he staggered backwards from the window and fled to his office. He shut the door and slid down it, finally coming to a rest on the floor. He put his head in his hands and cried...for all that he had lost and for the way he was now.


	12. Get out Now

12. Get Out Now

Later that evening, long after visiting hours were over, Derek headed towards Meredith's room. Bailey, as well as the Fucked up Foursome, had returned home for the night. They wouldn't be back until morning. He wanted, no needed, to check on her. He really wished he knew how to banish this woman to the recesses of his battered mind. He didn't like the feelings she provoked in him.

He rounded the Nurse's Station and avoided the knowing look on Nurse Liz's face. He went to knock on the door but stopped when he heard voices. Damn, who was in there now? He looked into the window, but quickly moved his face out of sight. The Chief? Well Bailey did say the Chief had a special emotional tie to the intern. He listened closer, knowing it was wrong and not really caring at that moment.

"I am fine Chief. There is no need to call my mother and I really wish you wouldn't. I moved out here for a reason…" Meredith's soft voice said.

The Chief sighed.

"I know… and I am so glad you did, but she is going to flip if we don't call her." He aids.

"You know as well as I do, that my mother doesn't care anything about me. I am a nuisance…'waste of space' is how she put it if I remember clearly…if you want me to recover, leave my mother out of this." Meredith demanded.

"Meredith, your mother is not a perfect person." The Chief began.

Meredith snorted indelicately. Derek smiled. She was a feisty one.

"Don't I know it. Look, after the 'Matt' thing…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "Just I saw then how she felt about me. I don't want to see her or talk to her, okay?"

"Okay." The Chief agreed. "You get some rest. I want you back here in tiptop shape in a week."

"Yes, sir." Meredith agreed smiling.

The Chief leaned forward and kissed Meredith on top of her head and headed towards the door.

Derek looked around frantically for a place to hide. He didn't want to Richard to catch him lurking outside Meredith's room. He ran to the Nurse's Station and pleaded with Liz with his eyes. She rolled hers and handed him a chart and a pen.

"Derek."

Derek looked up; the pen hovered at the chart as if he was writing.

"Yes Richard." He said politely.

"Why are you still here? I thought you were off hours ago." He asked.

"Oh…I was but…I just decided to check on one of my patients." Derek replied.

Richard looked closer at the chart in his hand. His brow furrowed in confusion.

"Your patient is a 22-year-old woman with a bowel obstruction?" He asked.

Derek looked down at the chart and closed his eyes in embarrassment.

"Richard, I…" He began.

"Oh! Sorry Dr. Shepherd. I gave you the wrong chart." Liz exclaimed. She quickly handed him another, more appropriate chart. She swiftly went back to business.

"Thank you…Liz." Derek said, hesitantly. Why was she being nice?

"Oh well, I will leave you to it. Got to head home to Adele. Interesting day huh, Derek?" He asked, making conversation.

"Yeah…how is Dr. Grey?" He asked in a tone that said he didn't really care.

"Oh she is going to be fine. She said she was just so busy she forgot to eat and sleep…I swear…these interns..." Richard shook his head in disbelief.

"Yeah…these interns." He agreed, though his mind only wandered to one particular intern…the only intern whose name he actually knew.

"Look if you don't mind and she would kill me if she knew I was asking you to do this…when she is on your service, make sure she takes care of herself, okay?" Richard asked.

Derek swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. If only Richard knew…

"Yeah…sure." He agreed.

Richard smiled brightly.

"Excellent…knew I could count on you." With that he patted Derek on his back and went to catch the elevator.

Derek looked at Liz, who raised her eyebrow at him.

"Uh…Thanks for…you know." He stuttered.

"You are welcome Dr. Shepherd…now I do believe the coast is clear and if not I do have your pager number." She hinted.

Derek nodded and headed again for Meredith's door. He quickly opened it and shut it quietly. He looked at Meredith, who appeared to be resting comfortably. He grabbed her chart and read the notes carefully, looking for anything they might have missed. She was a little anemic but other than that and the concussion, everything was fine. He walked over to her and softly grazed her forehead feeling for clots.

Suddenly, cobalt met jade and he sucked in a breath. Her eyes were confused…hostile even.

"Dr. Shepherd? Can I help you?" She said rather loftily.

Derek narrowed his eyes at her attitude. He was here, checking on her and risking certain death from Dr. Bailey and she was going to act ungrateful?

"Yeah, you can tell me why you decided to pass out in my OR today." He said curtly.

She rolled her eyes, which resulted in her wincing.

"Oh yeah, I did it just to piss you off…oh wait, you are always pissed off so that is obviously not it." She said sarcastically.

"You little…" He bit off.

"What? Go ahead and finish what you were going to say." She challenged.

He looked down and took a few deep breaths, trying to control his rising temper.

"Look, I came here to check on you, the least you could do…" He started.

"Is what? Thank you? So not going to happen. You walk around here like you have a stick stuck up your ass, you are rude to everyone…except the patients and even then you are detached…you have no consideration for anyone. You don't bother to learn our names or our faces. Have you always been like this or is this something you just reserve for Seattle?" She ranted at him.

He sucked in a breath and walked slowly, deliberately towards her and he leaned down to look her in her eyes.

"You don't know anything about me and that is the way it will stay. Now I will not take the blame for what you did to yourself…you understand? It is not my fault you are weak." He hissed.

It was her turn to suck in an outraged breath.

"I am not weak." She declared with a shaky breath.

"From where I am standing…yes you are." He said.

"Then go stand somewhere else and get the hell away from me." She demanded.

"Fine."

"Fine."

He stood there for a moment and looked at her. She was panting and shaking and she looked as if she were barely holding her emotions together. The now familiar shame was reeling through him. Why did she make him feel like this?

"Look…" He began.

"Get out." She whispered.

"Just let me…"

'GET OUT NOW!" She screamed, throwing a bedpan at him.

He ducked and exited quickly so as not to alert anyone of his presence in her room.

He took one last look in her room. She was curled into the fetal position with her hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs, something else that he had caused.

Well…Hell! That went didn't go well at all.


	13. House Calls

13. House Calls

"Cristina…go to work! I am fine and this hovering thing you are forcing yourself to do is annoying me. I am fine. Now go." She ordered.

"Well, I did want to get on that Cardio case today…" Cristina admitted.

Meredith laughed.

"Then go. I am just going to stay right here on the couch and watch movies all day while eating massive amounts of junk food." She said.

Cristina hesitated.

"Fine. I am going to go, but I will call and check on you later." She said, as she grabbed her jacket and bag. "Don't do anything strenuous Mer."

"I won't Mom, now get out of here." Meredith joked.

The door closed and Meredith was alone again, her smile fading. Her head was killing her today. Probably from all that pent-up emotion she had released after Dr. Shepherd had left or rather after she had kicked him out. She had a feeling she would pay for that once she went back to work. He wasn't the type of man to let himself be bossed by some 'weak' intern.

She hated that word…weak. She had been called it all throughout her life…whenever she got sick, whenever she got anything less than an 'A', anytime she asked for lunch money or if, god forbid, she asked for her dad…she only made that mistake twice growing up. She had always wondered what her life would've been like if her dad had taken her and she wanted to know why, if her mother resented her so much, she just didn't let Thatcher take her when he left. Maybe she would've grown up in a loving and stable home, where moms didn't slice their wrists and who were there baking cookies and going to PTA…she had gotten housekeepers and nannies until she reached the age of thirteen and then Ellis decided to save the money and make Meredith take care of herself and the house. Not that it ever got messy, no one but she was ever home. She had broken her arm once and she had to call a cab to take her to her mother cause Ellis wouldn't answer her page and when she did…

Meredith was startled out of her reverie by the doorbell. She wasn't expecting anyone. She looked out the window and saw an antique like Range Rover parked in the drive…who the hell…

She got up to answer the door with a questioning smile on her face, which instantly melted when she realized who it was.

"What the hell are you doing here? How did you get my address?" She demanded.

Derek Shepherd moved awkwardly from foot to foot out in the cold wind.

"I…"

Meredith slammed the door in his face and then walked off. Derek looked stupidly at the closed-door and rang the doorbell again and then when he didn't get an answer, he pounded on it.

Meredith stood just out of sight in the living room, the pounding at the door in tandem with the pounding in her head. She winced.

"Will you let me in…Please?" Derek demanded through the closed-door.

Meredith rolled her eyes but went to the door and opened it.

"What do you want?" She asked, irritated.

"Um…" He began.

"Surgeons don't say um." She reminded him smartly.

Derek looked at her in surprise and laughed loudly.

Meredith felt her heart still and she was taken aback.

The man was gorgeous when he laughed; he was more carefree and younger looking…and just plain hot.

"I haven't laughed like that in…forever." He sobered up and then said almost shyly. "Can I please come in? I brought food."

Meredith stepped back dumbly and he entered her foyer. He looked at her inquisitively.

"Kitchen?" He asked.

She pointed down the hall and he nodded and went in that direction, Meredith following him slowly. He put down the bag and quickly loaded bagels, cream cheese, strawberries, grapes, apple slices, cheese and two bottled waters and two coffees onto her bar. He turned around to face her.

"I didn't know what you liked and I am somewhat of a health nut so…" He said gruffly.

Meredith took in all the food and then looked at him, confused.

"Dr. Shepherd…you…why…how…" She rambled.

"What, when and where?" He said jokingly.

Meredith opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. She took a breath and began again.

"Are you Bipolar?" She asked suddenly.

Derek looked offended.

"No. Why would you even ask that?" He asked, haughtily.

Meredith looked at him pointedly.

"Okay, you may have a point." Derek ran a hand through his hair. "I am here because I want to say…what I wanted to say…I am not good at saying and I…"

"Spit it out Shepherd." She said exasperated. "I have a headache and I want to go to sleep."

"I am…sorry." He said quietly, looking down at his feet.

Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"The Great Derek Shepherd saying sorry to me…the lowly Dr. Grey? God, you must be in a lot of pain." She said flippantly.

"You have no idea." He whispered, pain flashing through his eyes.

"What happened to you? To make you like this?" She asked curiously.

"That doesn't concern you Dr. Grey." He said firmly.

"Meredith." She said.

"What?"

"Meredith…my name is Meredith. You are in my house for some odd reason I still don't get, but my point is you are in my house and my name is Meredith." She informed him.

He looked at her…she looked so young. She was in gray yoga pants and a long sleeve gray Dartmouth shirt and she had her glasses on and her hair was in a messy ponytail and she didn't have any makeup on and all he could think of was how beautiful she looked…how natural she looked. He sucked in a breath…he had to get out of here.

"I need to go…yeah I need to…please, enjoy the food. Please eat…so you don't pass out. Get some rest…don't fall down the stairs…I have to…" He paused to look at her. "I have to go…" He rushed past her.

"Wait…I…" Meredith said, baffled.

But he had already fled out the door, leaving Meredith wondering what the hell had just happened. And she thought she was messed up…


	14. Scut and Visitors

14. Scut and Visitors

"Glad to have you back Grey. Now, in honor of you coming back, you get to be on scut." Bailey informed her.

"What? Why? I just had a week off which sucked…like majorly sucked…please Dr. Bailey don't stick me on labs and paperwork." Meredith pleaded.

"What part of scut don't you understand? Were you this whiny before the concussion?" Bailey asked.

"Yes, but I just whined in my head." Meredith muttered.

"Well start doing that again before you give me a headache." Bailey ordered. "You could always go home."

"No. Scut is good." Meredith said quickly. Home sucked worse than scut…at home there is laundry and cleaning and…ugh! Horrible shit.

"It could be worse Mer, you could have to be on Shepherd's service." Alex joked.

"That will not be an issue any longer." Bailey announced. All five interns came to attention.

"Why? Did he quit?" Izzie asked.

"Move?" George asked.

"Get fired?" Cristina asked.

"Got ran over by an ambulance and died?" Alex asked.

"No. How did you five get through medical school?" Bailey asked, irritated. "In light of certain events, Dr. Grey will not be working with Dr. Shepherd for the remainder of her internship. Let's just leave it at that." Her tone brooking no room for argument.

Meredith looked at Bailey shocked. He didn't want to work with her. She had not had any contact with him since that very odd visit to her house. Had she offended him somehow?

"Bailey. Why? I mean I am very interested in Neuro.'

"And you can still do Neuro rotations but under Dr. Weller. Now that is the last I want to hear of it, now everyone get to work…Now." Bailey left and they all scattered.

Meredith walked slowly to the elevator. She wouldn't let him do this to her…it was not going to happen. She was going to go to his office and speak her mind…if it was the last thing she did, and knowing his temper…it very well might be.

Beep Beep Beep

Derek looked down at his pager and furrowed his brow in confusion.

Visitor 3rd Floor Nurses Station

Visitor? For him? There was no one in Seattle who was going to visit him. He didn't have friends…well, he used to but he knew how that turned out. With his friend sticking it to his wife…literally.

He strode up to the Nurses' Station.

"I have a visitor?" He asked Liz disbelievingly.

"Yes I know, that was my reaction to. I thought you were raised by wolves but apparently that is not the case." She commented dryly.

"Well who is it?"

"Do I look like your social secretary?" She said.

"Okay, the sarcasm? Stops now. You are just a nurse. You don't get to talk to me like that. You need to learn your place." He hissed.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd! I did not raise you to speak to anyone like that. And if you remember, I was a nurse for 25 years which put food on the table that you had no problems eating when you were growing up."

Derek closed his eyes and turned around slowly, blinking spastically, hoping that this was an apparition, a hallucination, a tumor for Christ's sake…anything but his mother who was glaring at him with disapproval. He decided to turn on the charm.

"Ma! Good to see you." He said weakly, trying to smile. It came off as a grimace which his mother noticed.

"Don't Ma me, Derek. You apologize to this nice nurse right now." Carolyn Shepherd demanded.

'Ma…" He whined. He was 40 years old, his mother shouldn't be able to tell him what to do.

"Derek…" She said warningly.

"Sorry." He muttered to Liz, who wasn't even trying to hide her glee at him being taken down a few notches.

"Good boy. Now, let me look at you." She frowned. "You look like hell. Your hair is too long, you have bags under your eyes, your frown line is more prominent…" Liz snorted in the background. He shot her a withering look.

"My hair is still great." He joked weakly.

"I am hungry so let's go to the cafeteria and get something to eat. I had to take the red-eye and they only served peanuts on the plane." She looked at him expectantly.

Derek groaned inwardly. Outwardly he smiled and led his mother to the cafeteria, dreading what was to come.


	15. Questions and Fabricated Answers

15. Questions and Fabricated Answers

"So are you sleeping?" Carolyn asked.

"Some." He said.

"Drinking?"

"Some."

"Wallowing in your own self-pity?"

"Ma." He said. "Don't."

"I will Derek, I will because you left without a word to your sisters or me. You were hurt, I understand that, but punish Addison not us. We are your family. Not that you noticed. You don't call us, you don't write, hell…even a damn text…just something that says 'Hey I am alive, don't worry.'"

Shame, an emotion he was getting quickly used to, washed over him.

"I'm sorry." Also something he was getting used to.

Carolyn looked in the distance focused on some random object and sighed.

"The family reunion is the next week. I expect you to be there…" He made a sound of protestation. "If you are not there, I will bring every damn last one of your family here." She warned.

"Ma, I would need time off."

"Already taken care of, Richard says you have vacation time coming to you. Says you haven't missed a day since you started…are you dating?" She asked suddenly.

"Ma…" He groaned.

"What I worry about you. You need to find a nice girl and settle down. You are forty years old son."

"I did settle down and look at where it got me Ma." He reminded her.

"I said a nice girl." His mother said. "Look, there are some nice girls back home in Connecticut. I can introduce you to them next week." His mother said.

Oh no. He could not let that happen. His mother thought she should fix everyone up. He panicked and desperately thought of a way to get out of that particular hell. His eyes fixed on Meredith, who was at the coffee cart in the cafeteria.

"Meredith…" He whispered.

"Who?" His mother asked.

He sat up straighter. An idea struck him…it could work…he would make it work. It was just a little white lie, his mother would be none the wiser and then she would be gone…

"Derek?"

"Meredith. I am dating a woman named Meredith."

"Meredith. How long have you been dating her?"

"Just a little while."

"What does she do for a living?"

"Doctor…well intern." He said.

"Intern?" Carolyn raised her eyebrow.

"She is um…older than a regular intern…I think.' He muttered the last part to himself.

"How much older?"

"She is 30ish…"

"Does she…"

"Ma…"

"Sorry I am just excited for you is all. I want to meet her."

"No! I mean…no, we just started…seeing each other…and she is a little um…shy." He stuttered.

"So…I can't meet her?"

"No…not yet."

"So…bringing her to the family reunion would be…"

"Out of the question, now can we please drop it?" He asked.

"Yes…of course we can." She smiled.

Little did he know that his mother was nothing if not tenacious and right now what she wanted was to meet this mystery woman with or without her sons help or permission.

She was going to meet this Dr. Meredith, make no mistake about it.


	16. Girlfriend?

Carolyn Shepherd sidled up to the Nurses' Station.

"Liz…is it?" She asked sweetly.

"Yes Mrs. Shepherd?"

"Oh please call me Carolyn…us nurses need to stick together."

"Okay Carolyn."

"There is this person…a woman actually…that my son mentioned in passing and I was just wondering if you could maybe lead me to where she might be? He wants me to finalize some plans but he didn't tell me her last name." She informed Liz.

"Okay…do you know her first name?"

"Yes. Her name is Meredith and she is an intern here." Carolyn said hopefully.

"Oh Meredith Grey! Yeah, I will page her for you."

"Thank you Liz. I really appreciate it…. and I mean I really, really appreciate it."

She settled back to wait for her son's new girlfriend because she had an invitation to extend to her and 'no' was not an answer she was willing to accept.

Meredith sighed in satisfaction. Done with the pre op labs and it was getting time for an early lunch.

Beep Beep Beep

Or maybe not…

She sighed and headed to the Nurses' Station. She smiled at Liz.

"Hey Liz, what's up?" She asked kindly.

Liz smiled back at Meredith. She was so nice and friendly to everyone. It didn't matter if you were a janitor; the lunch lady, doctor, nurse or patient…Meredith Grey always had a kind word for you.

"Hey Meredith…I mean Dr. Grey…"

"Meredith is fine…"

"That woman over there has requested to speak to you about finalizing 'plans' with her?" Liz said.

"Plans? What plans?" Meredith asked confused.

Liz shrugged.

Meredith walked over to where a kindly older woman sat in a waiting room chair.

"Hi. I am Dr. Meredith Grey…"

"Meredith! It is so good to meet you. I swear my son tried hiding you like a dog with his favorite chew toy, but I wasn't about to let myself be put off. I am Carolyn." She extended her hand.

"Nice to meet you?" Meredith paused. "I am sorry but who are you?"

"He hasn't mentioned me?" Carolyn said outraged.

"Who?" Meredith said still confused.

"What?" Carolyn was now confused.

"Who is 'he'?" Meredith asked.

"What?" Carolyn frowned.

Derek handed the chart to Liz and ran a hand through his hair.

"Anything coming in to the Pit?" He asked her.

"No, but your mother is so nice…asked me to page Dr. Grey for her."

Derek looked at her horrified.

"And did you?"

"Of course I did." Liz said bewildered. "They are over there chatting right now."

"Shit!"

He swiveled around until he found his mom…talking to a clueless Meredith Grey and it showed on her face. He swiftly marched towards them.

"Ma! What are you doing?" He hissed.

"Derek, did you really think I was not going to meet your girlfriend?"

Meredith blanched.

"Girlfriend?"

Meredith turned to glare at him. He sent her a helpless look.

"I am so sorry Mrs. Shepherd, but I really need to talk to your son for just a moment. Will you excuse us?" Meredith said, faking sweetness.

"Of course dear. I will just wait here." Carolyn said kindly.

Meredith grabbed his Derek's arm, her nails digging through his lab coat as she practically dragged him down the hall to his office. He winced both from the pain and what he knew was coming. She shoved him into his office and slammed the door and crossed her arms waiting on an explanation.

"You're mad.' He stated.

"Why the hell does your mother think I am your girlfriend?"

"I may have told her you were." He answered sheepishly.

Meredith looked at him for a long moment in silence before she wheeled around and exited his office leaving him standing there alone.


	17. Bribery and Blackmail

17. Bribery and Blackmail

Meredith got maybe two steps away from the door before Derek grasped her arm and pulled her back in his office.

She looked pointedly at his hand and he let her go.

"Meredith…please listen to me…please." He pleaded.

His tone made Meredith pause. She looked at him and then nodded reluctantly.

Derek breathed a sigh of relief.

'Thank you.' He said.

"Well look who finally found his manners.' Meredith said sarcastically.

"I guess I deserve that." He admitted.

Meredith gave him a look that said 'I am already pissed, don't add to it'.

"Okay, so I totally deserve it. Look…I just need you to pretend just for a day, maybe two at the most…"

"Why?" She asked. "I mean can't you find a date. You are an attractive man…as long as you don't open your mouth…"

Derek glared at her.

"What? Am I wrong? You aren't exactly Mr. Popular here." She pointed out.

"And? Who Cares? I certainly don't care if I make friends with any of the lame asses here." He said.

Meredith headed for the door.

"Sorry…I'm sorry. Please don't go. I need help.' He pleaded.

"Why me?" She asked.

"Uh…because you are friendly and people seem to like you and you are easy on the eyes…now…"

"And I am the only person whose name you know." She stated matter of factly.

"That too." He smiled sheepishly.

"What would I have to do?" She asked hesitantly.

"Just maybe go to dinner with my mom and me…tonight. Act like you actually like me."

"I didn't take Drama classes in college, so that is going to be impossible." She said.

Derek bit his tongue trying to keep a hold on his temper.

"Try…' He said through gritted teeth.

"What do I get for doing this?" She asked suddenly.

"What do you want?" He asked suspiciously.

"Surgeries…good ones for me and my friends...for one month." She demanded.

"What? Hell no! I wont be blackmailed." He said.

Meredith shrugged.

"Then you can be the one to tell your mom that her precious baby boy lied to her." She said sweetly. "Have fun with that."

She turned for the door.

"Fine." He bit out. "You win. But this means I own you for the same amount of time."

"Whatever for? She is leaving in a few days." Meredith said.

"Yeah, but you see…there is family reunion in Connecticut and she really wants me to go and now she really wants my girlfriend to go and suddenly…so do I." He said, smirking.

"What?" Meredith hissed. "You have got to be kidding me. No. I wont do it."

"Yes you will." He said.

"Not even a groundbreaking surgery is worth that kind of torture. Forget it."

"One month of surgeries…good ones…for the Fucked Up Foursome and six months for you and extra help for the intern exam at the end of the year and two other favors to be decided by you at your own discretion." He offered.

Meredith mulled it over for a minute, biting her lip. She sighed.

"One time offer…ten seconds, nine, eight…" He taunted.

"Shit!" She sighed. "Fine. You have a deal."

She extended her hand to him and he took it. Awareness flowed through them both in the form of an electric current. Derek immediately jerked his hand back and Meredith let hers fall to her side.

"So…um…yeah. Dinner tonight. Dress semi formally. I will pick you up at 8pm. I will expect that you will be ready." He said effectively dismissing her.

She nodded and swallowed and swiftly walked out of his office. She leaned against the wall wondering what the hell that was and how was she going to make it go away?


	18. Getting Ready

18. Getting Ready

Meredith put the finishing touches on her makeup and took a look at herself in the mirror. Her dress was an emerald-green halter dress that flowed around her knees, her makeup minimal and her hair down in loose curls. She topped it off with a pair of gold strappy high-heeled sandals and diamond studs in her ears. She was ready…physically…mentally she was a mess. What the hell had she got herself into? Going to dinner with Dr Shepherd and his mother…the mother who thought she was dating her son. Meredith didn't date…ever, at least anymore…and she didn't think she could pull this off. She had to act like they were a couple. She had to act like she liked him. He intrigued her, she knew that, but they fought all the time and his mother was going to pick up on that.

"Mer?"

Meredith gasped. Oh shit! Cristina.

"Yeah? What are you doing home? I thought you were going out?" She called down the stairs.

"No one worth going home with. Want to order a pizza?" Cristina asked.

"Um…actually I am going out." Meredith yelled.

Footsteps pounded on the stairs and suddenly Cristina appeared.

"You? You have a date? Does Tinkerbelle know?" Cristina asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"No, Izzie doesn't know and she won't know either." She said warningly.

"So…who is it?" Cristina asked.

"Oh…um…no one you know…well." Meredith hedged. Cristina would freak out if she knew it was Derek.

"Spill Mer. is it that Uno brow guy with the dead teeth from the Morgue? Cause if so…" Cristina joked.

"Cristina…Shut up."

"Who is it?"

"Not telling." Meredith said.

The doorbell rang and Cristina and Meredith froze, both sizing each other up. Cristina suddenly darted out the door.

"Cristina…!"

"You snooze, you lose Be-otch." Cristina yelled.

Derek rang the doorbell and pushed a hand through his hair. He and Meredith were meeting his mom at The Archfield for dinner, which is where she was staying. He heard shouting and cursing from the other side of the wooden door.

"Do not open that door…" He heard Meredith yell.

"Try and stop me." A sarcastic voice said back to her.

The door opened.

"So you are the guy taking…"

The Know-It-All stopped mid sentence and blinked spastically and her mouth opened and closed like the trout he had caught this morning. She looked back at Meredith who was looking down at her shoes.

The door slammed in his face.

What the hell was it with hospitality at this house?

He knocked on the door and let out a frustrated sigh.

The door opened and Meredith appeared in the door frame.

"Sorry about that." She murmured.

Derek did a subtle double take and sucked in a silent breath and willed his underused nether regions to stop twitching. She was Breathtaking.

"Meredith Grey, what the fuck do you think you are doing?" Cristina screeched.

Derek winced. Well, that took care of that problem. He went to pull Meredith out of the house. She rolled her eyes, dug in her heels and pulled her arm away. Derek sighed loudly. Meredith elbowed him. He glared at her.

"Look…" He looked at Meredith. "What's her name?"

"Cristina Yang." She informed him, rolling her eyes.

"Right." He looked to Cristina. "Yang, I am taking Dr. Grey here out to dinner. I am not going to steal the key to her chastity belt, I don't want her to pose nude for me…I just want to take her to dinner so my mother will back off and quit fixing me up with every bubble headed female this side of the Mississippi River. Now, I don't want to be late. Goodbye…" Derek hesitated, looking at Meredith helplessly.

"Yang!" Meredith exclaimed, frustrated.

"Right…I knew that." Derek said. "Goodbye Yang. Grey, let's go before I die of old age."

"That would be helpful and much more pleasant at work." Cristina retorted.

"Yeah, yeah." Derek said, dismissing her and leading Meredith out of the house and to his car.

He went to open the passenger side door for her and Meredith looked at him like he was out of his mind.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I am opening the door…whatever…just get in. Talking to your 'mother' in there made us late. Why is she living with you again?" He got in on his side and she groaned and got in on hers. This was going to be a long night. No scratch that…a long six months.


	19. Need to Know Details

19. Need To Know Details

"How old are you?" Derek asked, startling Meredith.

"I…what?" She asked.

"How old are you? I need to know…we should know something about each other if we are going to do this." Derek said.

"Are you sure you can remember anything I tell you?" Meredith sassed.

A grin played at Derek's mouth. He made an effort to stifle it.

"I think I can manage." He replied wryly.

"I am 32."

"Years?" He asked incredulously.

"No…decades…of course years you moron." Meredith said.

"No…it…you just…" He stammered.

"I know…I know…I am too old to be an intern…what the hell took me so long…why can't I be a normal girl and not have pink hair and drink tequila…why do I always have to be an embarrassment?" Meredith ranted.

Derek looked at the steering wheel for a moment and wondered how to proceed.

"Look, I can't decipher girl freak out into normal language…what I was going to say was you look a lot younger than that…"

"Oh…sorry." Meredith blushed.

Derek swallowed hard. Damn, she was beautiful. This was going to be so hard…literally.

"How old are you? Did you grow up in Connecticut? How many siblings do you have? Where is your father? Where did you go to school?" Meredith blurted out.

"Okay…40, yes, though I lived in New York before moving here, four sisters, he died when I was 10, and Columbia and Bowdoin." He answered. "You?"

"Um…32, Born in Seattle but was drug to Boston with my mother when I was five, no siblings that I know of, my father has been MIA since I was 5, and Dartmouth."

"So it was just you and your mom?" Derek asked.

Meredith snorted.

"No there was my mother and then there was me…never in the same place if she could help it." Meredith stated matter of factly.

"But…" Derek began.

"Can we drop this, please?" Meredith asked softly.

"Why Seattle Grace?" He asked instead.

"Far away from my mother and close to Richard Webber." She said.

"The Chief?"

Meredith giggled.

"How many Richard Webber's do you know?" She asked.

"Smart ass." He said.

"I know." She agreed.

They pulled up into The Archifield. Derek handed the valet the keys to his Lexus and then went around to get Meredith out. He extended his hand and she took it reluctantly. Her breath caught at the electric tingling yet again. He cringed.

"Let's just get through this…okay?" Meredith asked, taking her hand from his and grasping his arm. She could feel the warmth of his skin through his shirt but it was better than the feeling of being Tasered by touching his bare skin.

"There she is." Derek murmured in her ear.

Meredith shivered.

"Are you cold? Do you need my jacket?" Derek asked.

"No." It was disconcerting enough touching him but to be enveloped in his blazer surrounded by his scent…no thank you.

"Derek…Meredith! I am so glad we could do this." Carolyn said happily. Meredith and Derek took a deep breath and pasted smiles on their faces.

"Ma." He leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Mrs. Shepherd." Meredith nodded politely.

"My mother in law was Mrs. Shepherd…the insipid old bat…call me Carolyn and we hug in my family." She said, before drawing an awkward Meredith in her arms.

"Heavens child, you act as if you have never been hugged before." Carolyn admonished.

Meredith looked down and Derek exchanged a shocked look with his mom before he subtly shook his head.

"So, who's hungry?" Derek asked, breaking the tension.

"I made reservations for 8:30, so why don't we head into the restaurant?" Carolyn suggested, walking ahead.

Derek looked at Meredith, who was still studying her shoes.

"Do you want to go home?" He asked.

She raised her head at his gentle tone and she shook her head. She squared her shoulders.

"A deal is a deal…Let's do this." She said, placing her arm in the crook of his elbow and he led her into the dining room.


	20. Dinner with Ma

20. Dinner with Ma

They were having a decent evening so far. The conversation was stilted and awkward and Meredith was glad dinner arrived when it did. If her mouth was full she didn't have to talk just nod. She took a drink of wine…wine was good, tequila was better, but wine worked too.

"So Meredith…tell me…how many sexual partners have you had?" Carolyn asked casually.

And the wine spewed out of her mouth and suddenly, Meredith was coughing and sputtering.

"I'm sorry?" She croaked incredulously. She looked at Derek in disbelief.

Derek groaned and shook his head. His mother never ceased to amaze him…or embarrass him.

"Ma…" He said.

"It is just a question and Meredith doesn't mind answering do you?" She looked at Meredith shrewdly.

"Three hundred and eighty four…give or take a few." Meredith deadpanned.

Derek and Carolyn looked at her, eyebrows raised in shock.

"What? He didn't tell you that I used to be a prostitute in the effort to put myself through medical school?" Meredith asked.

Carolyn put a hand to her throat and Derek looked somewhat amused. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I'm kidding…" She laughed.

Derek and Carolyn breathed a sigh of relief.

Meredith sighed.

"Honestly, I don't know. I spent most of high school and college and med school getting drunk and having a string of one-night stands, which stopped two years ago. Since then there has been no one…I don't have any STDs and I am not interested in going back to that way of life." Meredith said, her head high.

"I can respect that. I even admire that…now how did you and my son meet?" She asked kindly.

"Hospital." They said simultaneously.

"Was it love at first sight?" Carolyn asked.

Meredith snorted. Derek kicked her lightly.

"What? It wasn't." Meredith said.

Carolyn looked confused.

"Let's just say that your son's…opinions and views drew strong reactions from me." Meredith said and smirked at Derek.

"Yes and Meredith's beauty and personality was…understated, but soon became… very outward and apparent." Derek said slyly.

"And then you found each other." Carolyn concluded. "How long have you been dating?"

"Five weeks…" Meredith said.

"Three months…" Derek said.

Carolyn looked between the two of them.

"So which is it?" She asked.

"Derek considers our first date as the start of our relationship which was three months ago…but I didn't consider us in a relationship until…um...until…" She faltered.

"We consummated it." Derek blurted out.

Meredith whipped her head around, looking at him like 'what the fuck'. Derek cringed.

"Oh well, that makes sense I guess…things weren't done that way when I was younger…in those days you waited until you were married to have sex…but I understand what the times are now. You two look so good together." Carolyn beamed. "I can't wait until you meet everyone Meredith…they are going to love you…well, probably not Nancy but that girl is so far up Addison's ass that I don't know where Nancy begins and Addison ends."

"Addison?" Meredith asked pleasantly, not noticing Derek stiffen beside her.

"Oh you know, Derek's ex-wife." Carolyn said casually.

Meredith looked at Derek, whose face was set in stone.

"Oh…yeah. That's right." She said, putting her hand over Derek's and squeezing it gently…showing him support.

He looked down in surprise at their hands. He looked at her and she smiled softly at him and turned back to his mother.

"Addison was too much and what she did with Mark…"

Derek started panting softly.

"Do you have grandchildren?" Meredith interrupted, trying to get off the subject that was obviously at the root of Derek's problems.

"Oh my yes…Fourteen…Nine granddaughters and five grandsons…" Carolyn rambled on about the children.

Meredith felt a squeeze and looked up into the grateful blue eyes of Derek Shepherd, before turning her attention back to his mother once again.


	21. Good Night

21. Good night

"So…that was…" Derek began as they pulled away from The Archfield two hours.

"Awkward? Humiliating? Torture?" She interjected.

"Yeah…" He agreed.

Silence filled the car.

Derek looked at Meredith.

"You can ask, you know…if you want too." He said.

Meredith glanced sideways at him.

"There is nothing I need to know." She said lightly, letting him know she didn't want to invade his privacy.

Derek nodded.

"Thanks anyway…you know…for getting my mother to change the subject." He said quietly.

"I sensed in was a…painful…subject for you so…" Meredith trailed off.

"Still…you didn't have to do it so just accept the thank you." He grumbled.

Meredith glared at him.

"Why do you do that?" She asked.

"Do what?"

"Be all nice and human like and then switch to the asshole all of us know and hate?" She asked heatedly.

"You know how you were minding your own business here just a minute ago? Continue doing so." He ordered.

Meredith crossed her arms and glared out the passenger window.

Derek concentrated on the road, grinding his fingers into the steering wheel.

They arrived shortly to her house and she opened the door and quickly got out. He went around the car and caught her arm before going she got too far.

She wrenched her arm away and started to retreat.

"Wait…" He pleaded.

"Why?" She asked never turning around.

"I don't want to fight with you." He said.

Meredith turned around and blinked at him in disbelief.

"Well, you have certainly missed the mark on that one." She retorted.

"I am not the only one in this relationship who is hot-headed and stubborn. You, my dear, are contrary and argumentative." He said.

"We are not in a relationship and I am not your dear. I am the woman you blackmailed to act as your girlfriend so your mommy wouldn't hurt you."

Derek moved closer to her.

"I am not scared of my mother…" He said.

"Yes you are."

"No, I am not."

"Then why am I here? Why not just tell her you are not ready to be in a relationship? Why not tell her that this Addison person was the love of your life and that what she did or what you did, destroyed you?" Meredith demanded.

Derek swallowed.

"Because I don't know if I am destroyed, I don't know if she was the love of my life because right now I hate her, I don't know how I feel and all I know is that I don't want to feel anything right now but anger and you complicate that." He said helplessly.

"Me? I haven't done anything but try to help you." Meredith declared.

Derek laughed.

"You have drove me crazy since that night in the bar…stark, raving mad." He said, smiling slightly at the memory of her tipsy and ranting at him.

"You are not the easiest man to get along with." She stated.

"Then why do you try?" He asked curiously.

"You are broken." She said simply.

Derek reared back and the familiar rush of anger flared up.

"I don't need you to fix me…I don't need or want your pity." He hissed, looking into her eyes to intimidate her.

Meredith held his gaze.

Believe me Derek, I don't pity you because then I would have to pity myself and I refuse to do that. You think your life is so hard? Try living in mine for one day with my memories and see which one of us has it rough." She took a deep breath. "Thank you for a most interesting evening Dr. Shepherd. I will see you at work tomorrow."

She leaned close to him and grazed her lips over his cheek.

"Good night." She whispered and then she disappeared into her bright house.

Derek stood there, watching her go. His fingers trailed lightly where her lips had burned into his cheek. How the hell was he going to survive Meredith Grey and furthermore did he want to?


	22. Intervention

22. Intervention

Cristina paced through the living room as George, Izzie and Alex watched her. They had all rushed over after Cristina called them horrified.

"Yang, do you mind telling me why I dropped everything and missed out on the chance to be laid just to watch you pace this fucking living room?" Alex said bluntly.

Cristina stopped pacing.

"It's Meredith." She said.

"What is wrong with Mer?" Izzie asked anxiously.

"She has gone off the freaking deep end of reality. Drastic measures must be taken. We are going to stage an intervention." Cristina said.

"For what?" George asked. "Is it alcohol, drugs?"

"She is on a date." Cristina explained.

"That is your crisis…Grey is getting some? I am outta here." Alex said.

"She is on a date with Shepherd." Cristina informed them.

Alex sat back down and Izzie and George gasped.

"Now are you listening?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah." Alex said.

Headlights shown in the window. The four interns raced to the window, their collective faces pressed up against the cold window, struggling for room.

"Hey! Watch where you are sticking that thing." Izzie complained.

"Oh you know you love it." Alex smirked.

"Well, I don't, so stay still." George said.

"Shut up! I can't hear what they are saying." Cristina hissed.

"They're fighting." Izzie said.

"Of course they are, he is swine." Cristina said.

"She is giving him hell." Alex observed.

"Of course she is, Mer is strong…she doesn't take crap from anyone." George stated.

Everyone gasped.

"Did she just?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah, she did." George confirmed.

"Dude, she just planted one on him." Alex laughed.

"Oh, hell no!" Cristina fumed.

The door opened, but the four people didn't notice in their shock.

Meredith walked in to find her four friends plastered against her living room window. She walked up behind them.

"What are you looking at?" She asked.

Everyone whirled around to face her. Meredith raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"We need to talk…after you go brush your teeth. I don't want any Satan germs spewing out of you mouth." Cristina demanded.

"You were spying on me?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"You kissed him?" Cristina asked.

"You should get your shots." Alex said.

"He is so mean Mer." George stated.

"That is just so wrong…was it good?" Izzie asked.

Meredith opened her mouth and then closed it again, weighing her words carefully.

"Thank you for your concern Ma and Pa Karang and Aunt and Uncle Gizzie…however, I have a reason for going out with Shepherd and for going to Connecticut with him next week…"

"What?!" They shouted in unison.

Meredith put up a hand in warning.

"As I was saying…it will benefit us all and by that I mean surgeries…good ones…one months worth for you all and six months for me." Meredith stated proudly.

"Still not worth it." Cristina said after thinking a moment. "Besides I am not going Neuro."

"Would you rather be stuck on scut or the pit or Gynie?" Meredith asked.

"No…still Mer, you are going out-of-town with him and how are you going to get passed Bailey? She said you couldn't work with Shepherd anymore." Cristina pointed out.

"That is his problem. I am doing what is expected of me." She said.

"And what is that? A little horizontal mambo?" Alex said suggestively.

"No. It's not like that…he is…it is not like that." She rambled. His past was not her business or theirs. "I am doing this as a favor."

"He is an asshole. He doesn't deserve favors…sexual or otherwise." Izzie said.

"I am not sleeping with him and if I was, I am 32, it is none of your business." Meredith said.

"We just worry about you Mer." George said quietly.

"I know and I appreciate it, but…it just isn't like that. There is nothing between Shepherd, and me okay? Good night."

Meredith walked up the stairs and disappeared into her bedroom.

"Oh, she is so in denial." Cristina stated.

"Yeah." George seconded.

"Yep." Izzie sighed.

"She is screwed…literally." Alex smirked.


	23. What is it about them?

23. What is it about them?

The shrill ringing of her cell phone awakened Meredith. God, she needed to change her ring tone.

"What?" She barked into the phone.

"You kissed me…on the cheek…you kissed me and I want to know why?"

Meredith blinked drowsily.

"Derek?"

"What?"

"It is three in the morning…why are you calling me?"

"You kissed me…"

"Um…yeah."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"That is what I say…"

Meredith sat up in bed.

"Are you drunk?" She asked.

"No, just had a drink or bottle…or two of Scotch…"

Meredith groaned.

"Where are you at?"

"Your house." He slurred.

"My house? Why are you at my house?"

"Couldn't remember where I lived."

"Did you drive?" She asked panicked.

"Nope, took a cab."

"Well have the cab take you home."

"Can't. Left already…"

"Derek…"

"Let me in. It's raining."

"Seriously?"

"No I like to be wet…or rather have you wet." He laughed drunkenly.

"You're disgusting…"

"Yep…let me in Grey or I'll…I'll…sing. That's it, I will sing."

"Oh God, please don't." She begged.

"I am Henry the Eighth, I am…I am, I am Henry the Eighth, I am…I am, I've been married to the widow next door, she's been married seven times BEFORE! OH HENRY, OH HENRY, NO SIR, NO SIR! SECOND VER…"

Meredith wrenched the door open, out of breath from racing down the stairs. She clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up." She hissed. She dragged him into the house and shut the door quietly on the dogs howling and people yelling at him to shut the hell up.

Derek grinned and stumbled lightly.

"You are so drunk." She said, resigned.

"Yep. Nice outfit." He leered at her.

She closed her eyes in embarrassment. She forgot she was in her lavender lace boy shorts and camisole. She crossed her arms over her chest and wished for the ground to swallow her whole.

"Well…you can have the couch. The blankets are in the hall closet; crawl there if you have to. I am going to bed."

He grabbed her arm gently to stop her.

"Wait, don't go." He pleaded.

"Why? So you can make suggestive remarks or put me down? I have had enough of both in my life, I don't need it from you."

"No." His head looked to the ground. "I like talking to you." He whispered.

"Oh. Okay. Um…let me go get dressed."

"Don't on my account…" He said. She glared at him. "Sorry." He said, looking appropriately contrite.

Meredith stifled a smile.

"I will be right back. Bathroom is right through the den, please don't vomit or urinate anywhere but in the toilet." She ordered as she trotted lightly up the stairs.

_What was it about him?_

Derek watched her go up the stairs, her movements graceful.

_What was it about her?_


	24. He's Hung

24. He's Hung

"Mer? Where the hell are you?" Cristina yelled as she walked down the stairs. It was a rare morning that Meredith would be awake before her. She walked into the living room and gasped.

Derek Shepherd was on their couch and her person; her friend…was sprawled on top of him.

"What the fuck is this?" Cristina yelled.

Derek groaned. Meredith moaned and shifted to get more comfortable. Something was sticking into her stomach and it was hard and long and…oh! Meredith's head shot up and she stared into hazy blue eyes.

"Oh crap!" Meredith scrambled off of the couch grabbing the throw to cover herself with. She looked down at Derek and stared. His erection was tenting his boxers. Wow! He was hung.

"Do you mind?" He said gruffly.

"No…not at all." Cristina said, staring at it.

"Where the hell are my pants?" Derek demanded, wincing as he did so and grabbing a throw pillow to cover himself.

"Who cares." Cristina replied.

"Cris." Meredith admonished.

"What? It's right there looking at me." Cristina defended.

Meredith shook her head and looked for his pants. She found them behind the couch. She handed them to him quietly.

"Look, I am going to go take a shower and when I get back down here, you won't be here…so…goodbye Derek." She took a step back and proceeded to flee the room.

"I don't have my car so I will be needing a ride to work." He reminded her dryly.

She stopped and looked back at him.

"Oh…right. Crap. I will be ready in thirty minutes…coffee is in the kitchen. Help yourself to breakfast or whatever." She ran up the stairs.

She was so out of practice…that line used to work so well.

"Hurry up and park Mer…Shithead stinks back there…Scotch is seeping out of his pores." Cristina demanded.

"Shut it Yang." Derek demanded.

"Um…no. This is Mer's car and we are not at work so…fuck off." She retorted.

Derek turned his attention to Meredith.

"Do I have to include her with the surgeries?" He asked.

"Yes, you do. Cris, shut up." Meredith demanded. "I swear it is like having two children in the car with me."

"Sorry Mom." Derek said dryly.

Meredith looked at him in the rearview mirror.

"Watch your mouth young man." She said sassily.

Derek grinned slightly.

"Oh look…you two are having a moment." Cristina said sarcastically. "Get me out of the car before I hurl."

Meredith parked and Cristina escaped quickly, leaving them behind.

"Hey Mer." Izzie yelled. She halted in her progress moving towards her. George bumped into her.

"Hey!" He protested. He stilled when he noticed Derek.

"Um…Mer…can we talk to you?" Izzie asked.

"I'm kind of busy right now Iz." Meredith said pointedly, tilting her head towards Derek. "I will catch up with you later."

Izzie nodded and she walked towards the hospital's entrance with George.

Meredith looked at Derek.

"That can't happen again Derek."

"What can't happen again? Me showing up drunk on your doorstep last night or you waking up on top of me this morning? Cause both are fond moments I would like to hang on too." He said sarcastically.

"There will be no memories…I will go with you to Connecticut to your family thingee or whatever, but this…whatever it is, can't happen. I am not your crutch to get over the bad shit in your life. You play hot and cold and I can't handle that right now." She rambled.

"What? You can't handle being friends?" He asked, smirking.

"Have you ever had friends? Because showing up on their doorstep and keeping them up all night with loud off-key singing, vomiting loudly and whining like a baby while doing a striptease is not my idea of friendly." She retorted.

"Man…your friends are boring then, huh?" He said.

Meredith rolled her eyes and snorted.

"Do you do that often? Get stumbling drunk and forget your address?" She asked hesitantly, waiting for him to bite her head off.

Derek sighed and pushed a hand through his hair.

"Yeah." He admitted.

"Oh…well…um…next time write your address on your forehead so someone can take you home." She suggested jokingly.

Derek chuckled.

"I'll be sure to do that." He said. "I am sorry for inconveniencing you, Dr. Grey."

He stared to walk towards the hospital.

"It's Meredith or Mer." She said.

Derek turned around.

"What?"

"When we are out of the hospital and when we are at the reunion…I am not Dr. Grey. I am Meredith or Mer." She repeated.

"Why?"

"We have to be familiar with each other or no one will ever believe we are a couple. And you sung badly and you slept underneath me on my couch and you vomited on my foot…and I felt…it. So out of the hospital, I am Meredith and you are Derek…okay?" She said.

Derek smiled slightly. He nodded.

"Okay…Mer. I will see you later and I will talk to Bailey or well the Chief cause Bailey terrifies me…about you being on my service." He said.

Meredith giggled.

"Yeah, Bailey is scary." She admitted.

"Yeah." He breathed, looking at her.

"Yeah." She said awkwardly.

"I should go in and take a shower…apparently, I stink." He said.

"Yeah, you should. I will see you later." Meredith said.

"Yeah, later." He turned around and disappeared into the hospital.

Meredith watched him go.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?


	25. Asking for time off

25. Asking for time off

Derek knocked on Richard's door.

"Come in."

Derek entered and came face to face with Dr. Bailey. He straightened up.

"Can I help you Derek?" Richard asked.

"Oh. Yeah, but it can wait until you are done with Dr. Bailey." He said, turning to leave.

"We are going to be a while Shepherd so what is it?" Richard informed him.

Derek thought for a moment. He owed this to Dr. Gr…Meredith. He owed it to Meredith. He sighed. He was going to have to face The Nazi sooner or later.

"Yeah, I would like Dr. Grey on my service today and well, for the rest of the week." He informed him.

Dr. Bailey shot up from her seat. Damn that woman was quick.

"Absolutely not!" She said forcefully.

Richard looked at her in wonder and confusion.

"Is there a problem Dr. Bailey?" Richard asked.

"Yes sir, there is. The reason Dr. Grey ended up in a hospital bed is because of Dr. Shepherd." She informed him.

"How so? Did he push her down and make her hit her head?" Richard asked.

"No, but she wouldn't have fallen and hit her head if he hadn't abused his power and made her work 56 straight hours with no sleep and no food." She said.

"How is it Dr. Shepherd fault that Meredith didn't take care of herself properly?" Richard asked.

"He was unnecessarily hard on her sir and I don't think it is in Meredith's best interest to be under him." She recommended.

Hmmm…Meredith Grey under him…sounded like heaven on earth.

"Shepherd?"

Her light brown hair flared over his pillow, her emerald orbs darkened with lust, her full ripe breasts heaving…

"Derek?!"

Derek shook his head out of his fantasy and brought his lab jacket over to cover his…ardor.

"Yes sir?"

"Are you okay? You are sweating." Richard asked.

"I am…um…fine sir." Derek assured his mentor.

Dr. Bailey looked at him suspiciously.

"You can have Grey for the week but if one hair on her head is harmed…" Richard trailed off meaningfully.

"Yes sir. I will take really good care of her." He assured Richard.

"She will be gone next week, so make the most of It."

"She already asked off?" Derek asked surprised.

"What do you know about it?" Dr. Bailey asked. Her eyes bore into his. "Wait…you are off next week."

"I am…I have a family function back in New York." He said, meeting her gaze.

Dr. Bailey turned to The Chief.

"Where is Grey going?"

"She said she had a family problem to address and I let her have time to take care of it." The Chief said simply.

Dr. Bailey nodded at Richard but looked at Derek knowingly.

"Thank you Chief for letting me have Grey. You will let her know Bailey."

Derek smirked slightly at Dr. Bailey and headed out the door.

Round two goes to the asshole, he thought.

Now time to talk to the other attendings to continue holding up his end of the bargain for the other interns.


	26. Chapter 26

"Why the hell was Shepherd seen getting out of your car this morning?" Alex bellowed, walking into the locker room.

Meredith paused in getting dressed and looked at him.

"Good morning to you too Alex." She said wryly. "I am all for using someone to get ahead but driving him to and from work…"

"He showed up drunk last night and woke up pant-less on our couch this morning with Mer here all over him like a cheap suit." Cristina announced.

Everyone turned to look at her.

"I was not." She denied.

Cristina looked at her.

"He had on boxers and I was dressed…kind of…Anyway, it is none of your business." She asserted.

"So you didn't have sex?" Izzie asked.

"How is that any of your business?" Meredith asked.

"They didn't. I would have heard that sex." Cristina said, grinning.

"Why is that?" George asked.

"That man may be an ass but he is an ass with a big fucking cock…the screaming would have woken me up I promise you." She said.

"I didn't really want to know that." George said, looking sick.

"I hate to agree with O'Malley but I agree with O'Malley." Alex seconded that.

"Really? Like how big is big?" Izzie asked, leaning closer.

"Like at least ten inches, no joke." Cristina confided.

"Stop, this is not appropriate conversation." Meredith scolded.

"Oh come on Mer, you want him bad." Cristina ribbed her.

"No I don't." She denied.

Izzie and Cristina looked at her doubtfully.

"Okay so I wouldn't mind a turn on that particular ride but I have more self-control than that. The man has issues…major issues and I have enough of my own crap so it is not going to happen." She said assertively.

"You just have to fuck him Mer not go to therapy with him." Cristina said. Izzie nodded in agreement.

"No." Meredith said.

"Okay then I will just have to take your turn then." Izzie said, sharing a look with Cristina.

"Like hell you will bitch." Meredith hissed.

Izzie grinned at her and exchanged high fives with Cristina.

Meredith slammed her locker door and stalked out of the locker room.

"She so wants him." Izzie said.

"Yep." Cristina agreed breezily.

"Nice of you to join us." Bailey said to Izzie and Cristina as they approached the group.

"Sorry Dr. Bailey." They said.

"Karev…Plastics, Stevens…Gynie, Yang…Cardio, O' Malley…you are with me, and Grey…I need to see you for a moment."

Everyone scattered while exchanging grateful looks with Mer, who in turn looked at them with an 'I told you so' look.

Dr. Bailey scowled at her and Meredith schooled her expression.

"You want to tell me what the hell you think you are doing?" Bailey demanded.

"I don't know…"

"Do not finish that bullshit sentence Grey. You are a bad liar and I don't have the patience right now." Bailey said. "What is going on with you and Shepherd?"

"Oh…nothing." Meredith said seriously.

"Grey…"

"Nothing Dr. Bailey." Meredith assured her.

"He is off next week…"

"Okay…"

"And so are you…"

"Yes…"

"Where are you going?" Bailey asked.

"I have a family thingee to do…" Meredith responded.

"Grey, you don't have a family to speak of so go try that bull somewhere else."

"I didn't say it was my family…" Meredith said.

Bailey sighed.

"He is an attending Meredith…a nasty, attitude ridden, mean hearted attending. What are you doing?" She asked softly.

"He is broken Dr. Bailey and he asked me for a favor and we understand each other…sometimes and he had no one else and I know that is his fault but I can see this whole other person in him and I like that person…as a friend only, of course…" Meredith rambled.

"Of course." Bailey agreed, disbelievingly.

"I just want to help him and then we will go our separate ways…" Meredith promised.

Bailey sighed. She didn't like this one bit but Grey was nothing if not headstrong.

"Okay Grey, go off to find your attending…but if this ends up badly, I don't want any whining about it…understanding me?"

"Yes Dr. Bailey." Meredith smiled in relief, running off to find Derek.

This day was already turning good.


	27. Chapter 27

"Nice to know you can keep your end of the bargain Dr. Shepherd." Meredith said as she approached him.

"Yes…well." He said.

Meredith looked at him closely.

"She made you pee your pants didn't she?" Meredith guessed.

"Almost." Derek said sheepishly.

Meredith giggled and Derek laughed with her.

Heads turned in shock…Derek Shepherd…laughing?

Derek noticed the stares and led Meredith gently towards his office to get his case file for the day's patient.

"We have surgery in an hour Dr. Grey. We have a special case today…a hemispherectomy on a three-year old. Should be interesting." Derek said.

"No shit! A hemispherectomy? I get to scrub in on a hemispherectomy? I get to scrub in, right?" Meredith asked, suspiciously.

"Yes, you get to scrub in." Derek agreed.

Meredith squealed and without thinking, hugged him tight.

"Thank you! This is so cool!" She said to him, still in his arms.

Derek stiffened.

Meredith pulled back.

"Um…sorry. I didn't mean…I…um…sorry." She rambled.

"No…it's okay…you just surprised me." He said.

"Okay…it won't happen again. I will go…um…prep the patient." She said, slowly backing out of this office.

"Dr. Grey."

"I know…surgeons don't say um…I'll try to remember that."

Dr. Grey."

"Look I am sorry for touching you…I said it wouldn't happen again."

"Meredith!"

"What?" She hissed.

"You will need the chart…" He prompted, holding up the aforementioned item.

Meredith blushed.

"Right. I knew that." She said, grabbing the chart from him, but not before he grabbed her arm.

Derek looked down at her and noticed she was shaking slightly.

"I don't mind you touching me. You will have to touch me if we want to convince my family that we are an actual couple." He said.

"We could be a couple in a fight…" She suggested.

"For the whole week? Nah…that would ruin my reputation as The Love God…I can't have that." He said.

Meredith stared at him in surprise.

"What?" He asked, noticing her scrutiny.

"You just made a joke." She replied.

"Yes, well…even Satan has a sense of humor." He smirked.

Meredith laughed.

"Yes…I guess he does." She said sassily.

"Do you want to come home with me tonight?" He blurted out.

Meredith whipped her head from the chart and looked at him.

"Excuse me?" She asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"I mean…I just thought…you should know where I live so if they ask you…" He trailed off, silently berating himself for suggesting this.

"Oh…um…okay…" She agreed.

"I promise not to kill you…" He joked weakly.

"Well, that inspires lots of confidence…" She muttered.

They regarded each other silently for several uncomfortable moments.

"So…" She said.

"Yeah…" He agreed.

"Let's go…do this." Meredith recommended.

"Right behind you." He assured her, watching her as she left. He closed his office door and banged his head against it several times, trying to knock some sense into it.

Good luck with that.


	28. Chapter 28

"So…where exactly do you live? We went across Seattle, got on a ferry and are now twenty minutes away from that. This is like the middle of nowhere…are you sure you are not going to kill me, because I feel like I should start apologizing for the prostitute remark right about now." Meredith rambled anxiously.

Derek chuckled.

"We are almost there. Be flexible Grey."

"I'm not flexible." She remarked.

"Sure about that? Cause you look like you would be…" He said without thinking. His eyes widened as the remark left his mouth. Way to go Shepherd, take her out to the woods and make sexual remarks to her. She already probably thinks you are going to rape, kill and bury her…add to it why don't you.

"Why Dr. Shepherd…that is a very inappropriate thing to say to your intern." She mocked.

"But honey…you are my girlfriend…" He joked.

"Well, then you should know if I am flexible or not…" She giggled.

"That is not even funny Grey…" He complained.

He slowed the car down and pulled into the dirt drive. He suddenly felt very nervous. He had never brought anyone out here…he had never wanted to…until her. He forced himself to put that thought to the back of his mind. This wasn't the time to analyze.

He parked his Lexus beside his Range Rover. Meredith got out of the car and looked around curiously. Her gaze settled on his silver airstream trailer that he had bought hours after completing the paperwork for the land. He eventually wanted to build but the thought of coming home to a big empty house didn't seem right for him.

Her surprised gaze settled on him. He looked down at his feet waiting for her to scoff at him.

"This is…amazing." She breathed.

He looked at her, searching for any signs of her placating him but found none. She just looked around, her eyes sparkling.

"Amazing?" He asked.

"Don't you think so?" She asked him.

"Yeah but you realize that I am a neurosurgeon who lives in a tin can." He remarked.

"No you are a neurosurgeon who lives in a top of the line Airstream on the most beautiful land in Seattle. How many acres is this?"

"Forty."

"Wow. How did you even find this?"

"Ad on the internet." He told her.

"Great find." She whispered.

Derek watched her investigate. She was hands down the most amazing woman he had ever met.

"Is that a lake?" She squealed.

"Yes." He smiled.

She looked at him with the most beautiful smile and extended her hand in invitation.

"Take me there?" She asked.

Derek swallowed and took her hand. They fit…their hands…they fit. His mother had once told him that she knew Derek's father was the one for her, when she took his hand and the fit perfectly. He shook himself out of his reverie.

"Derek?"

"I'm sorry…what?"

"Do you ever use this lake?" She asked.

"Yes…I fish."

"No shit? Really?" She asked, astounded.

"Yes, really…why?"

Meredith bit back a laugh.

"You just don't seem really fishermany to me…that's all."

"Fishermany?"

"It's a word." She defended.

"Where is it a word?" He asked.

"In the Meredith Cronicles…it exists…just leave it at that." She grumbled.

"Oh so in the dark recesses in your mind, the work fishermany exists…got it." He said, humoring her.

"Shut up." She hissed.

Derek looked at her.

"You know I am your boss." He mocked.

She groaned.

"Are we going to start that again? Cause if so, I am just going to go jump in this lake here." She joked.

Derek got an evil glint in his eye. Meredith saw it and backed up several steps.

"Let me help you with that." He said right before he lunged at her.

She squealed as he grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder.

"Put me down! So help me God Derek…I will scream." She warned, as she kicked and hit him.

"Go ahead Mer…no one but me and the lions, tigers and bears will hear you." Derek taunted.

Meredith stilled.

"Lions…tigers…BEARS?" She yelled.

"Oh my…" Derek joked, laughing.

"Ass!" She hissed.

"But isn't my ass nice? Look at it, you have an excellent vantage point."

"I would but the blood is rushing to my head right now." She reminded him.

"Shit! I'm sorry." He put her right side up.

She swayed and he caught her. He swung her up in his arms.

"Put me down." She whined.

"I will when we get to the trailer. Are you hungry?"

"You cook?" She asked.

"Yeah…somewhat decently." He said.

He opened the door to the trailer. He winced wishing he had thought to straighten up yesterday morning, but he didn't have guests ever so…

He slowly put her down and cringed as she looked at the trailer and its mess.

"Cute." She said.

Derek blinked in disbelief. Was this woman for real? Nothing fazed her.

"I meant to clean…" He apologized.

Meredith laughed.

"What for? You said you don't normally entertain so why would you?" She said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Your house is…"

"Always a mess…you caught it on an Izzie day." She said.

"An Izzie day?"

"Yeah, Izzie will come over to visit and can't stand the mess and cleans it up…we let her. Cristina is a slob and I am…messy…and Izzie is borderline OCD…she also bakes. She's a nice wife."

"Why doesn't she live with you then?" He asked.

"Oh god no…she is way too happy and cheery and…ugh. Just no." Meredith said shuddering.

Derek laughed.

"She's responsible for my makeover." Meredith informed him. "So you can thank her for that."

"Why would I thank her? I liked you the way you were." He said softly.

"What? You didn't even notice me…no one did. You made derogatory remarks all the time about my appearance." She pointed out.

"I make derogatory remarks to everyone…don't get me wrong you are beautiful now, but you were beautiful before." He said simply.

Tears filled Meredith's eyes.

"Meredith? I am sorry…did I say something wrong?" He asked, alarmed.

"No…no…don't mind me." Meredith sniffed. "That…it…that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

She looked at him and blue met sparkling green. He leaned forward, an imaginary magnet pulling him to her. Her lips parted slightly as his sweet breath hovered over her lips.

Ring Ring Ring

They sprang apart as Meredith fumbled for her cell phone.

"I am just going to take this outside." She said.

"Yeah…I will start dinner…take your time."

She smiled stiltedly and walked outside.

Derek leaned against his counter and cursed himself.

Way to lose control Derek…

**Who wants Derek to lose control?**

**Please comment!**


	29. Chapter 29

"Where are you?" Cristina asked.

"I am at Derek's" She told her.

Silence ensued for several moments.

"You are at Derek's…' She repeated.

"That's what I said." Meredith took a shaky breath in.

"What the fuck is going on Meredith? You are acting so strange lately."

"How so?"

"You are on first name basis with the most vile doctor at the hospital…the guy who worked you right into a concussion might I remind you and who is using you for his own personal gain." Cristina ranted.

"Hmmm…really? How was the Piggyback surgery you assisted on today?" Meredith asked dryly reminding Cristina of her own personal gain.

"So not the same thing."

"Look, I know you don't understand this and I am not sure I do either. I just…feel…like I have to do this…" Meredith tried to explain.

"Mer…I think you are playing with fire."

"Trust me. I am not a little girl. I will go with him to Connecticut and uphold my end of the bargain and then he will uphold his and we will part ways…no fuss, no muss…just quick and dirty."

Crisitina sighed.

"Fine…but I want more Cardio. I will see you when I see you." Cristina paused. "Be careful Mer."

Meredith smiled.

"I will Cris. Night."

Meredith ended the call but remained sitting in one of Derek's deck chairs and looked out unto the night sky, appreciating the simple beauty of this early fall night. She shivered slightly, suddenly thankful she hadn't taken a dip in the lake.

She was suddenly enveloped in warmth. She looked up at Derek and smiled softly.

"Thanks." She said, snuggling into the warm fleece throw he had provided for her.

"Welcome. I thought we could have some wine out here while we wait for dinner to be ready. Hope you like spaghetti."

"Haven't found an Italian dish I don't like or rather any food I don't like other than Chinese."

"What have you got against Chinese?" He asked, sipping his wine.

"I used to love it but one night I was watching this HBO special about the…ingredients…in authentic Chinese food and that was it for me."

"Do I even want to know?" He asked.

"Do you eat Chinese food?"

"Yes."

"Then no…you don't want to know." She confirmed.

"I think I will stay in the dark on that one."

They settled into awkward silence.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"For?"

"What happened in there."

"Hmmm…so are you apologizing for being nice or for almost kissing me?" She wondered.

"The almost kissing part."

Meredith pushed down the hurt and contemplated whether to broach this subject with Derek or not and decided to just rip the band-aid off.

"I want you kiss me." She said.

Derek choked as his wine went down the wrong hole.

Meredith waited patiently for him to finish while sipping her own wine.

"Why?" He croaked.

"Don't you think we need to? I mean won't your family get suspicious if we never touch, never talk, never kiss? Aren't you Irish?" She asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Hello…'Kiss Me, I'm Irish'?" She hinted as if it was obvious.

Derek laughed.

"Yes, I am Irish and yes they would get suspicious. I just don't want to push you into anything." He said.

Meredith looked at him incredulously.

"Okay I don't want to push you into anything more than I already have." He amended.

"Let's just get it over with. That way, it won't seem so strained or foreign when we get to the reunion." She suggested.

"Okay. How do we do this?" He asked.

"You put your lips on mine…" She prompted.

"Smart ass." He muttered.

They just sat there staring at each other, neither one making the first move.

"Fine…I will start. And you called me a virgin?" She mocked.

She leaned over and slowly moved her face closer to his. He held his breath. She tentatively placed her hand on his chest. Her eyes fluttered closed and her lips brushed his.

His breath hitched.

She applied firmer pressure.

He swallowed a moan.

Suddenly, he hauled her into his lap and plunged deeper, plundering her mouth, his hands burrowed into her silken hair. Their teeth clashed but they didn't take notice. Her mouth opened to inhale air and he took that opportunity to thrust his tongue into her warm cavern. Her tongue wrestled his for power. Their lungs threatened to burst, but all they could do was try to get closer to each other.

_Beep Beep Beep_

Meredith disconnected from him and drug air into her lungs. She took heed to the shrill beeping but couldn't find the source. His mouth took up residence on her clavicle.

She noticed smoke coming from the trailer.

"Um…Derek?" She said breathlessly.

He licked the crease of her neck. She moaned.

"Derek?"

"Hmmm?"

"Your trailer is on fire." She said.

"Hmmm…it can wait." He said, dragging her mouth back to his.

Suddenly her words registered with him.

"My trailer is on fire?" He said looking at her. She nodded and pointed to the kitchen area.

"Shit!" He threw her unceremoniously off of him and raced into his trailer, where smoke was billowing from the stove. He took the pots off of it and threw them into the sink and then disengaged the smoke alarm. He waved a towel in front of the stove and opened the windows in an attempt to air out the smell. He walked to the front door where Meredith was watching him.

"Museli?" He asked sheepishly.

Meredith couldn't help it…she burst out into boisterous laughter. His own mouth twitched a little as he stifled a smile.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"That was…it…damn…" She gasped with laughter.

"Spit it out Grey."

"That was some hot kiss…we almost burned down your trailer." She said while continuing to laugh.

He joined her in her laughter and sat back down beside her.

"Well, I have always been told I am hot and full of fiery passion…" He boasted.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"More like full of hot air." She said.

He chuckled.

"You want to go out for pizza?" He asked.

"Yeah, that would be nice."

"Let me just go and close up and I will meet you at the car."

"Can we take the Range Rover?" She asked.

"Why?" He asked.

"It is just more…you. And I like…you." She said, ducking her head in embarrassment and walking to the Range Rover.

Derek felt a grin on his face.

Hmmm…she liked him. The feeling was more than mutual.


	30. Chapter 30

Meredith bounded down the stairs the next morning and entered the kitchen.

"You ready?" She asked Cristina cheerfully.

"Ugh! Who put the happy juice in your cereal?" Cristina asked disgusted.

Meredith rolled her eyes. She burrowed through the cabinets.

"What are you looking for?" Cristina asked.

"Do we have any Museli?" Meredith asked, her voice muffled.

"Why the hell would we have twigs in a box?" Cristina asked.

"I was just curious to how it tastes and Izzie went through a health nut phase and loaded us up on healthy crap remember?"

"Yeah, I threw all that shit out twenty minutes after she left."

"Oh…"

Meredith sighed and sat down with a cup of coffee and a muffin.

Cristina observed her closely.

"What?" Meredith demanded after a long while.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"What? No…" Cristina looked at her doubtfully. "No! We just might have kissed or something…" Meredith trailed off.

"You might have kissed."

"Okay so we totally did…" Meredith grinned.

"Judging by the look on your face, I would have to guess that it was a good kiss." Cristina asked bored.

"It was…smoking." Meredith said and giggled.

Cristina looked up, her eyes narrowing.

"You just giggled…about a kiss. Who are you and where is my bitter, slightly deranged person?"

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Let's go. I want to see what cool surgeries we have lined up today."

Cristina studied her Izzie-acting friend for a while longer before giving up and racing her out the door.

"Shepherd!"

Derek looked to his right at the petite black woman who was barreling towards him at rapid speed.

Shit! Fuck! Damn!

He started to walk off.

"Don't you dare walk off from me…I will hunt you down and kill you."

He sighed and turned to look at Bailey.

"Can I help you Miranda?" He said, giving her his most charming smile.

She glared at him.

"That's your name, right? It says so on your jacket."

She remained silent, her gaze never wavering.

"Fine then, I will just call you Bailey." He relented. "How may I help you, Bailey?"

"I don't know what the hell you are doing with my interns but I want to know what it is. My interns don't get to pick their surgeries, my interns don't get a choice in attendings, my interns don't get to decide on a speciality…yet here they are…once again…on the specialities of their choice and everyone I ask tells me to find you. So here I am."

Derek ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"I just…look I made a promise, or rather a deal with…Mere…Dr. Grey in which I may have promised her and her friends surgeries in exchange for her acting like my girlfriend at my upcoming family reunion." He blurted out.

Bailey looked at him horrified.

"YOU DID WHAT?" She screamed.

He winced. How was it that this tiny woman scared the shit out of him?

"Okay, so you're upset." He said, stating the obvious.

"You don't say." She hissed.

"This is only for a month…well for the others anyway. I have Grey for six months."

"You can't do that. I won't allow it. My interns have to be well-rounded, they must have experience in all specialties so they can pass their intern exam. I will not have a failure on my hands, so whatever you have to do, fix this or I will go to the board."

She stalked off, leaving him there wondering how the hell he was going to explain this to Meredith.

Something told him she would not be happy.


	31. Chapter 31

**Warning: McDouchebag makes an appearance once again. Please try to remember that this is a defense mechanism before you blast him. LOL! That being said...Enjoy!**

He was right.

She was not happy.

She was downright livid. Her green eyes flashed with rage as she glared at him. And he thought Bailey scared him. Meredith terrified him.

"Look I am sorry. Bailey threatened to go to the board and to be completely honest that woman scares the hell out of me. I will make it up to you, I promise…but for now I can't make good on the original deal." He explained.

Meredith now looked at him with something resembling calm.

"I understand." She said calmly.

He looked at her suspiciously.

"You do?" He asked.

"Yes. I do, so I expect you to understand when I tell you that I can't uphold my end of the bargain either." She smiled sweetly at him. "It was nice knowing you."

She began to walk away.

"Wait!" He yelled.

Several people stopped to look at him oddly. He ignored him and chased after her rapidly disappearing body.

He raced in front of her, causing her to bump into him. She growled at him.

He smiled but quickly stifled it when she glowered at him.

"Can we talk about this like two rational humans?"

She snorted.

"You, human? Yeah right."

"Meredith…Mer…please." He pleaded. "I need your help…I need you…I mean you know, to convince my mom…" He quickly backtracked.

Meredith looked at him sadly.

"I am sorry but I can't. I thought I could but…I can't." She whispered.

"You have no choice in the matter. You promised and I will find a way to make up my end of the bargain I swear to you but you will help me if I have to drag your ass on the plane tied up with string and duck tape on your mouth. I will also make sure you don't see the inside of the OR for a month, so don't mess with me Grey. You can and you will help me." Derek snarled.

Meredith looked at him, disappointed.

That look alone was enough to make Derek take pause, but he barreled on anyway.

"Now get to work. You are on the Vagina Squad today."

Meredith nodded in understanding, not trusting herself to speak. She looked at him briefly before walking away from him.

He had to force himself not to run after her and beg for forgiveness.

But what good would that do?

"So what the fuck happened Grey?" Alex asked her as he joined them down in the tunnels.

Meredith groaned.

"Okay for the last fucking time…Bailey casterated him and he turned into a woman…and buckled under her demands so basically we got fucked." She spat out.

"You wish you had gotten fucked but all you got was a kiss." Cristina taunted.

"You kissed?!" Izzie squealed.

George rolled his eyes and Alex made kissing noises. She threw her apple core at Alex and hit him in the head.

"Hey!" He protested.

Cristina and Izzie guffawed loudly.

"So now what?" George asked.

"Now we go back to our code running, lab delivering existences and hold the fond memories of our one day on top close to our surgically hungry hearts before Shepherd became McDouchbag." Meredith responded.

"He has always been McDouchbag…don't let your girly feelings get in the way of that knowledge. So he is a good kisser and has a big dick, he still screwed us over." Cristina pointed out harshly.

Meredith winced.

"I know." She said quietly.

Cristina's pager went off.

"Shit. Back to the Pit." She emphasized.

"At least you don't have lots of vaginas staring at you all day." Meredith pointed out.

"True."

George and Izzie said goodbye which left her with Alex. They remained in comfortable silence for several minutes.

"You okay?" He asked.

"No. I am pissed off."

Alex chuckled.

"I feel sorry for him then. You are definitely a force to be reckoned with Grey."

He squeezed her arm and smiled tenderly at her.

He sighed.

"Well let me get back to Cardio…"

"I bet Cristina hates you right now."

Alex laughed.

"When doesn't she?"

"Good point."

She settled back on the stretcher after he departed. She was so confused. One minute Derek was charming and the next he was overbearing and a major asshole. She couldn't reconcile the two in her mind. She never knew which Derek she would get at any given moment.

It was…exhausting.

It was…baffling.

Yet…she was…intrigued.

She was…captivated.

She was in so much trouble.

**Please Comment!**


	32. Chapter 32

"You all packed?"

Meredith turned to face Cristina.

"Yeah." She sighed.

"You don't have to go Mer, he can't make good on his threats. You can go over his head to the Chief."

"I know, I just…I don't know." Meredith sighed again.

She sat down on her bed.

"He is such an asshole but he is an asshole who needs me right now. I am going to do this and when we get back I will make sure I work with Weller only." Meredith decided.

Cristina sat down next to her.

"Mer, are you…do you have feelings for him?"

"What? No! No…I just…I don't know Cris. He is seriously messed up and I am messed up enough without him adding to it and I just don't know. I mean he is seriously like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and I don't know which side of him I get next and I know this is going to sound seriously twisted, but sometimes I can't wait to see which one I get…even if I am on the losing side…Does that sound crazy?" Meredith finished her ramble and looked at Cristina expectantly.

"Oh no…not crazy at all…you like bipolar brain surgeons who could go all axe murderer on your ass. I think that is completely sane Mer." Cristina said sarcastically.

Meredith laughed.

"I am so confused." She said hugging her knees to her chest.

Cristiana looked at her sympathetically.

"I know. This is why I fuck random guys." She informed Meredith.

Meredith giggled.

The doorbell rang.

Meredith groaned and looked at Cristina.

"Don't look at me for help."

"I wonder which Derek I have today?" Meredith asked.

Derek pounded on the front door.

"Don't make me break down this door and come and get you." Derek bellowed.

"Dr. Jekyll it is." Meredith said.

She ambled down the stairs and opened the door and smiled sweetly at him. He was scowling.

"Hi honey…thanks for waiting patiently for me while I dragged my heavy suitcase down this very long staircase." She said sarcastically.

"Let's get going. I want to get this over with as soon as possible." He said stiltedly.

Meredith nodded and turned to Cristina.

"Don't let Izzie throw a party, she can however cook as much as she wants to stock my fridge. You can watch my mother's surgery tapes but put them back where they belong. No skanky fucks in my bed. I don't care if my bed is more comfortable or bigger…I will take a black light to my sheets when I get home. Understood?"

"Yes Mom, now get him out of here before I throw myself off your roof. Have fun…" Cristina bantered back.

"Yeah, it will be one fun party." Meredith said dryly.

Derek rudely cleared his throat.

"Keep your damn panties on!" She yelled to him. "Here, take my bags to your car and I will be there in a minute."

"Okay, so I am going to go do this very idiotic thing for a guy who I am sure doesn't appreciate it."

She smiled once more at Cristina and turned to leave.

"Wait." Cristina said.

Cristina pulled her into a hug.

"Don't loose your heart to this guy Mer…I don't think he will be good for you." She whispered to her.

"Are you coming anytime in the next millenium?" Derek complained. "Move your ass Grey!"

Meredith nodded at Cristina and followed Derek out the door thinking to herself that it might already be too late.

She was already falling for him.

Meredith settled into her first class aisle seat on the plane. Derek sat beside her in the window seat, playing with his Sidekick. Meredith reached forward for her small carry-on bag that held the three things for a good flight: Cosmo, chocolate and her pink Blackberry Pearl.

The flight attendant stopped, leaned over her and asked Derek if there is anything she could assist him with…assist being the operative word. If that woman leaned over any farther, her breasts would pop out of her uniform and hit Meredith in the face. So not what she wanted…girl on girl was a phase best left back in college.

Derek looked up and his eyes widened. He swallowed hard at the two very buoyant peaks pressed inched from his face. He looked up at the very toothy flight attendant, who currently had what looked like a piece of black licorice stuck in them.

"No thank you…Rose. I am just fine." He asserted.

"Are you sure…maybe some peanuts or a drink or me?" She said, trying to be seductive but failing miserably.

Meredith snorted loudly while flipping through her Cosmo. Both of them looked at her…Rose glaring and Derek pleading. Oh fine…

"Excuse me, could you please get your implants out of my boyfriends face? He is more than happy with my smaller although real breasts and by the way you have something black stuck in your teeth." Meredith said, still flipping through her magazine.

Rose clamped her hand over her mouth and straightened up.

"Thanks." Meredith said smiling sweetly. "Ooh, look! We can try this bendy thing in the bathroom later. My flexibility will definitely come in handy with this one." Meredith said, excitedly leaning over to show Derek the article.

Rose huffed and stalked off.

Meredith righted herself.

"If she gives me any food, you are tasting it first so if it is poisoned you will be the one to die." Meredith muttered as she settled back in her seat and pointedly ignored him for the rest of the flight.


	33. Chapter 33

"I do not snore! Why would you even say that?" Meredith huffed, her arms crossed over her chest.

They were ten minutes from his mom's house outside of Hartford, Connecticut and she wanted to jump out of the car and walk back to Seattle rather than sit here in this car for the next few minutes with him.

"Because it's true. I couldn't sleep the whole flight because someone was sawing logs in the seat next to me. I am surprised the pilot didn't think something was wrong with the plane and make a crash landing." Derek complained.

Meredith clamped her mouth shut and pointedly ignored him. It was rather easy because she had done it since he picked her up.

"Meredith?"

Silence.

"Mer?"

Silence.

Derek counted to ten, looked at her and then counted to twenty. Shit. That didn't work at all. He still wanted to throttle her for her stubbornness.

"Grey!" He yelled.

She turned towards the passenger side door and looked out the window.

He fumed as he pulled into his mom's driveway.

The party was in full swing. Cars were parked in the driveway, the yard and on the street.

"We're here." He told her.

Meredith rolled her eyes and muttered something like 'No shit Sherlock'. He stifled a grin.

"Well, move your ass then." He demanded.

She cut him a glance that could have melted an ice sculpture. She barreled out of the car, slammed the door and stormed towards the front door. He raced after her. He grabbed her before she knocked.

"Wait. We have to act like we are a couple, not like we can't stand each other." He reminded her.

"That's right, we are lying to everyone in your family…I almost forgot."

"Stop this. We had a deal." He demanded.

"A deal which you have reneged on may I remind you. I am doing this because…I don't even know why I am doing this…I need to have my head examined. One of your sisters is a shrink right? I will make sure and request her services sometime this week." Meredith ranted.

Derek got in her face and said fiercely.

"Do I have to remind you that I can make your life a living hell in no time at all. Do…not…push…me."

"You arrogant son of a bit…."

"There you two are!" His mother exclaimed.

Derek drug Meredith to him and held her close.

"Hey Ma!" Derek said brightly.

"Hi Carolyn. How are you?" Meredith said, smiling sweetly.

"Just great. I can't wait to introduce you to everyone Meredith. They are just going to love you, just as much as my son does."

"Well, that outta make for a fun week…" Meredith laughed stiltedly.

Derek pinched her arm in warning.

Meredith then promptly but subtly stomped her two-inch boot heel in Derek's sneaker clad foot.

"Humph." He grunted, wincing in pain.

"Are you okay dear." Carolyn asked.

"Yes Derek, are you okay?" Meredith asked in wide-eyed innocence. He narrowed his eyes in a 'I will make you pay for this later' look which she returned with a 'Bring it on' look.

"Let's get you kids in here. It is nippy out here." Carolyn ordered.

"Behave." He hissed in her ear.

"You first." She challenged.

Oh, what a week this was going to be.

Still limping slightly, Derek led Meredith into the foyer right behind his mother. He stole a glance at her and she still had that challenging look in her emerald eyes. He sighed in frustration and concentrated on his surroundings. The house was packed. Men, women and children everywhere. The noise was deafening. He couldn't believe there was ever a time he didn't notice the noise. Clearly living in solitude had gotten him over his immunity. He loved his family, he did but he missed the quiet that his trailer afforded him. He walked into the living room and waited for it…five, four, three, two….

"Derbear!" A woman squealed.

Meredith's eyes widened as what seemed like 547 people all whipped their heads around to look at them…or rather Derek. Then all hell broke loose.

She was thrust aside as people rushed him…four women and fourteen children to be exact. All shouting for attention and asking questions. He laughed a rare laugh.

"Calm down, one at a time…" He chided them. "First let me introduce you to Meredith."

He whistled at her and patted his thigh to beckon her, smirking the whole time.

She grit her teeth.

"I am not a dog Derek." She hissed.

"No you certainly are not." A male teenager murmured to another.

One of the women smacked him upside the back of his head.

"Michael…Behave!" She hissed.

"Ma!" He complained. "Don't mess up the hair."

Meredith snorted.

The woman smiled at Meredith.

"I'm sorry about him, he needs a filter installed. I am Julie McMullen, since my brother here has forgotten his manners."

Meredith extended her hand. Julie overlooked it and hugged her. What was with this family and hugging? Meredith awkwardly patted her back.

"Now, I am Derek's favorite sister, don't tell anyone…" A slew of protests rang out over the room. "What? I am…"

"Don't listen to her…she is in need of Kathleen's services…I am actually his favorite though he would never admit it because we are so much alike…I am Mel Shepherd-Flynt. This is my husband Brad and my rugrats, Heather, Hayley and Ben. This is Kathleen, or Kathy, Donovan, her husband Brian and their children…Keith, Sarah, Presley and Kyle. She is the shrink so stay away from her as she will analyze you to death. This is Nancy Ellis…she is the resident bitch in the family, her husband Peter and their children, Caroline, Maddy and Amber. And finally, Julie…the delusional one, her husband Mike and their children, Michael…the horndog…Ryan, Nicole and Megan. Think you can remember that?" She asked.

Meredith sat their in wide-eyed disbelief.

"Um…no."

Everyone laughed. Julie shooed the children off and men off, except for Derek, who was going to go but Meredith's fingernails reminded him that he wanted to stay…aware of it or not.

"You don't come from a big family Mary?" Nancy asked shrewdly once they were all seated comfortably.

Meredith narrowed her eyes thoughtfully having gotten an idea of how Nancy was at dinner with Carolyn. She was an Addison fanatic.

"No…just me and my gestational carrier. And it is Meredith." She replied, her tone letting it be known that she would dip down into hostility if needed.

"Whatever…how long have you been dating Derek?" She asked.

"Long enough."

"How long?" Nancy persisted.

"Nance…" Julie said warningly.

"Oh god, here we go…" Mel groaned.

Kathleen and Derek remained silent.

"What? We know nothing about her and he just waltzes in with this Barbie look a like after a traumatic divorce from the love of his life and I think she should know that she is the rebound."

"Nancy Caroline…stop this right now!" Carolyn admonished.

An uncomfortable silence engulfed the room.

"Derek why don't you show Meredith the guest house where you two will be staying." Carolyn suggested.

Meredith jumped up at the suggestion and stood woodenly until Derek got up and silently led her to where they would be staying for the next week.

It was a guest house complete with a sitting room, bathroom, kitchen and bedroom…one bedroom.

He noticed her uplifted eyebrow.

"I will sleep on the couch." He said.

Meredith nodded silently.

"What? You are mute now?" He demanded.

Meredith lifted her head up to look him in the eye.

"No, but I think you forgot your voice back there." She said softly.

"What?"

"Your sister verbally attacked me and you said nothing. I have bent over backwards to help you with this and you let her talk to me like I am some bubble brained prostitute you picked up off the street. Mel says you are like her but I just saw some definite similarities between you and Nancy and none of them are very flattering. I am going to go freshen up and grow some thicker skin. I will be out in a while. Please feel free to go ahead without me. I can fend for myself. I have done it my whole life. Why should now be any different?"

With that she went into the bathroom and locked the door. She turned on the faucet, slid down the door and cried.


	34. Chapter 34

Derek paced the room waiting for Meredith to get out of the bathroom. He was ashamed, needed to shower and he really needed to pee. Pride kept him from going to the main house. Carolyn would smell discord a mile away. He should have defended her but Nancy had mention Addison and it was all he could do to keep from screaming. He crossed the room to bang on the door when he heard it…

Gut wrenching sobs from the other side of the door.

Derek hung his head. He had made her cry…again. He tapped on the door.

"Meredith…" He asked hesitantly.

"I said go ahead without me, I will be there in a few minutes." She said, her voice thick with emotion.

"Let me in." He ordered gently.

Silence.

"Please…." He pleaded.

Silence.

So they were back to the quiet game. Great.

Derek sighed.

"I…I'm sorry Mer. I am working through a lot of things at the moment, which you know some of…but being back here just threw me for a loop. I will have a talk with Nancy and make it clear she is not to speak to you like that. I didn't mean to make you think I was ashamed of you, because I am not. I know you are doing me a huge favor by being here and I don't think I have let you know how much I appreciate it. But I do…really. I know…I know I am not the most pleasant person…" Meredith snorted. "…and I know you have had to deal with your friends and Bailey and taken a lot of flack for doing this and I…just…thank you and I'm…I'm sorry."

He heard a rustling and then the click of the lock. The door opened and Meredith was revealed. Her eyes were lined in red and puffy. Her nose was also red and her hair was tangled as if she had yanked it with her hands in frustration. She avoided his eyes.

He sighed and tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

"Thank you."

She nodded.

"Why don't you get dressed in the bedroom and then we will head back up for dinner?" He suggested.

She nodded again.

"Are you ever going to speak to me again?" He asked.

Meredith shrugged.

"You are an infuriating hag." He said playfully.

Meredith giggled.

"Ah…there it is." He smiled.

She smiled back although it came off as more of a grimace than a smile. He brushed her hair out of her eyes without thinking. She stilled where his hand met her face. She leaned forward unconsciously. She suddenly remembered herself and practically leapt away from him.

"I am just going to go get dressed and you do whatever it is you do to get ready…um…yeah…just give me a few minutes. I won't be too long…you will probably be longer. I mean I am sure one of those bags contains your whole hair product line…" She rambled nervously.

He looked at her oddly and shifted uncomfortably.

"Right." He agreed, drawing out the word.

"Yeah…so see you in a few." She said as she practically rushed into the bedroom and slammed the door.

She groaned. Talk about verbal diarrhea.

Derek stared at the bedroom door for a few moments before gathering his clothes and heading to the bathroom. A cold shower was definitely needed. Imagining her getting undressed and what kind of lingerie she was wearing and what her body looked like without said lingerie had given him a BIG problem.

He just learned an interesting fact about himself.

Rambling apparently turned him on.

Dinner was being put on the table as they reentered the house. Meredith sniffed appreciatively. Home cooked meals were a rarity for her.

"Can I help with anything?" She asked softly.

Carolyn smiled at her warmly.

"You can help set the children's table." She said.

"Okay…I can do that. Just don't ever ask me to cook."

"You can't cook?" Julie asked, joining the conversation.

"No, but I can burn with the best of them." Meredith said.

"Oh thank god! The rest of these bitches are gourmet cooks. It is so nice to be among normal people for once." She turned to Derek. "Keep this one." She ordered.

"I plan on it." He said.

Meredith looked at him in surprise. He winked at her. Meredith felt a flash of disappointment. If only they weren't acting.

"Just show me where everything is." Meredith said, forcing brightness into her tone.

Julie laughed.

"Come on…I'll help you. They don't let me near the kitchen."

They made quick work of it and in the meanwhile Meredith was entertained with funny stories about Derek growing up with four sisters. Julie was warm and funny and when Mel joined her, Meredith realized that Mel was a lot like Cristina. Sarcastic and quick-witted.

They settled down to dinner at the massive dining room table. Meredith sat between Derek and Julie and right across from Michael and Kyle, the two older grandchildren. They kept looking at her like she was the new Playboy centerfold and although it was flattering, she kind of wished Derek would look at her like that.

"Meredith?"

"Huh?" She said forcing her thoughts out of her mind.

"You were lost in space." Derek said.

"Figures." They heard Nancy mutter.

Derek opened his mouth to say something but Meredith squeezed his leg. He looked at her questionably. She just shook her head subtly.

"So Mer, may I call you Mer?" Mel asked. Meredith nodded her head. "What do you do? Ma wouldn't tell us anything."

"I am a doctor." She replied.

"What kind?"

"I am a surgical resident."

"What year?"

"I am an intern."

Nancy looked at Derek.

"An intern? You are dating your insubordinate? Talk about going downhill…"

Meredith threw her napkin down on the table and stood up.

"What is your problem?" She hissed. Derek put a restraining hand on her, which she shook off.

"He is dating someone apparently much younger than he is, he is on the rebound…you are his mid-life crisis. I don't know what he sees in you quite frankly." Nancy said.

"First of all, I am only eight years younger than he is, Secondly, I am smart, I am good at my job, I am caring, responsible and most importantly I am not his ex-wife. That is what he sees in me. Not that it is any of your business." Meredith stated firmly. "So I suggest you keep your catty comments to yourself or save them for someone you can intimidate, cause that sure as hell's not me."

She took a deep breath and sat back down at the stunned table.

"This sure is delicious Carolyn." She said politely and continued eating her dinner.

Derek squeezed her leg causing her to look at him.

He leaned over closer to her.

"I thought you wanted me to defend you?"

"That was before I remembered I had a voice of my own." She winked at him.

He leaned back in his seat and smiled to himself. This woman never ceased to amaze him.

If only they weren't acting.


	35. Chapter 35

Meredith was looking at herself in the mirror later that night trying to wait until Derek was sleeping before creeping into the bedroom. She didn't want to make things more awkward than they already were….especially since she hadn't thought about the sleeping arrangements and had only packed slightly sexy lingerie. She had a weakness for all things lacy and silky and now that weakness was biting her in the ass, while not currently covering it. She was currently wearing a very skimpy black baby doll nightie that ended right below her crotch. One breeze and she was exposed, because she didn't like wearing mismatched panties and this one didn't come with any. Hence her hesitation to go waltzing to the bedroom. She placed her ear to the door and not hearing anything, eased open the door and tiptoed towards the bedroom. She was almost to the door when…

"And I thought that purple number was hot…" Derek drawled.

Meredith closed her eyes in humiliation. She squared her shoulders and turned around quickly, forgetting what sudden movements did to her nightie.

Derek's eyes widened.

Meredith quickly pulled down her nightie over her…parts and forced herself to look into his now very dark blue eyes.

"I thought you were sleeping." She said.

"This couch was not made for sleeping." Derek informed her.

"Oh! I can sleep on it." She offered.

"No. You are doing me a huge favor and I won't hear of it."

"No really I don't mind…when my mother wanted to punish me, she would make me sleep in the laundry room floor until I learned my lesson so I am used to sleeping on hard surfaces." She said quietly.

Derek blinked.

"Well, I am not your mother so go to bed before I go in there with you." He warned.

Meredith's eyes widened at his words. She backed up until her back hit the door and she fumbled for the doorknob, finding it, turning it and quickly entering her safe haven for the night. With a whispered 'Good Night', she shut the door.

Derek laid there for a minute, willing his body to calm down and having no luck. Damn her for tempting him, no matter how innocent he knew it was. She was damaged, probably more than him if her confession was any indication. He gave up and got up to take another cold shower.

Derek had been asleep for what seemed like only minutes before being startled awake by screaming. He looked at the clock. 3:37. He thought for a minute he had imagined it, since he was dreaming about a certain intern thrashing underneath him, screaming in ecstasy. He looked ruefully at his fully erect penis.

"NO! STOP IT! PLEASE! STOP!"

Derek leapt off of the couch and ran to the bedroom…the locked bedroom.

"Meredith! Meredith wake up! Open the door Meredith!" He yelled urgently.

"STOP! GOD PLEASE!" She screamed.

Damn the door. He took a running start and crashed into it with his shoulder. He ignored the pain that shot through it and did it again…a third time…until it splintered open the fourth time. He crashed into the bedroom to find Meredith sobbing in her sleep. He rushed over to her and pulled her sweaty body into his arms.

"Shhhh…wake up Meredith. Mer, wake up. Wake up!" He demanded.

Meredith started and woke up, her eyes darting all over the room, looking for danger. She was gasping and panting and sobbing and shaking. She looked up at him and then burrowed deeper into his arms, burying her head into the crook of his neck. He felt her tears run down his bare shoulder and chest.

"It's okay…shhhh….it was a just a nightmare…I'm here…you are safe…I promise…no one will hurt you…" He kept up the litany of words as he felt her come under control as he rocked her back and forth, his strong arms encasing her.

She sniffed and slowly raised her head to look him, her face showing her embarrassment.

She entangled herself from her and the abandonment made him feel cold.

"I'm okay." She said simply.

Derek nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

Meredith shook her head forcefully.

"No! I mean, there is nothing to talk about…it was just a nightmare." She said.

"Okay, well I am in there if you need me and I am sorry about the door. I will get it fixed later."

"The door?" She asked confused, looking around him and seeing the door practically off its hinges.

"It was locked and you were screaming and I just…"

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I will pay for it."

"No need for that. I will take care of it, after all I am the one who broke it." He smiled crookedly.

She smiled hesitantly at him.

"But you broke because of some stupid nightmare…" She protested.

"It wasn't stupid if it had you screaming like that. And I said, I will take care of it and that is final." He said.

"Well, you don't have to get all snippy about it." She argued, glad he was treating her normally.

"Well, stop arguing with me and I wouldn't get 'snippy'. He said putting the word into air quotation marks as he leaned closer to her.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Good."

"Perf…"

The rest of the word was swallowed as he slammed his mouth onto hers. He moaned at the taste of her lips that were salty from her tears. He gripped her tighter, not wanting to let her go…ever.

Meredith opened her mouth under his careful ministrations. Lord this man could kiss. Everything flew out of her mind…the nightmare, her state of dress or undress, the fact that he was her mean acid tongued boss and that his sister was Satan's Spawn…everything…just gone. All she could concentrate on was his lips molded to hers, his tongue tangling with hers, his strong arms encasing her, his thick erection pressing against…whoa, hold the phones…

Derek knew the second that cognitive thought entered her mind…he released her mouth and drug in much needed oxygen. They gasped and panted as they looked at each other.

"Sorry." He said.

"Don't be…I forgot my nightmare for a minute…so that is good." She said awkwardly.

"I will just be on the couch." He said as he got up. He shifted uncomfortably and felt rather embarrassed as her eyes widened at the sight of his fully erect penis that was flying a full mast in his thin pajama bottoms…he didn't wear underwear either…actually he didn't normally sleep in anything but he didn't want to freak her out.

"Okay…I will be fine." She said, trying to tear her eyes away from his penis. But Cristina was right…it was just staring at her, could you really blame her?

"If you need me just yell." He said, not moving.

"Like I did before?" She chuckled.

"Well it certainly got my attention." He agreed.

And he definitely had hers. She licked her lips unconsciously wondering what it would feel like, having that big thick cock nestled inside her making her scream for better, more pleasant reasons.

He saw her eyes darken and read the lust there in them. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone but for tonight he would have to be the good guy and walk away…for now.

"Good night." He said.

"You could always stay." She offered quietly.

"I can't." He breathed.

"Oh…ok…yeah…sorry I don't know what I was thinking." She began apologizing, her face a flaming red.

"I am not rejecting you Meredith. I want you so much, I am aching and well you can see what you do to me…but you are really vulnerable right now and I won't…I can't take advantage of you…"

She nodded quickly and waved him away.

He leaned over and tipped her chin up, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"When I make love to you and I will…I don't want it to be because you woke up screaming from a nightmare that you won't discuss covered in sweat and shaking…I want to be the reason for the sweating and shaking and the screaming." He smiled crookedly at her. "Okay?"

"Okay." She breathed, nodding.

"Good, glad we got that out of the way…now get some sleep. We have the family picnic…which includes all my aunt, uncles and cousins."

Meredith groaned.

"You mean there is more?" She asked horrified.

"Oh yeah…" He smiled apologetically.

Meredith burrowed her head into her pillow and screamed into it.

"Sorry…Good night." He said, walking out of her bedroom. He heard what could have been a muffled goodnight and smiled.

The rest of the week was shaping up to be better than he thought.


	36. Chapter 36

Derek awoke a few hours later, feeling pretty damn good all things considered. He had to sleep…for now…on this uncomfortable, way too short couch, he was awoken from a boner inducing wet dream to Meredith screaming…and not like the way in his dream either. He was surprised he fell back to sleep after holding her scantily clad lithe shaky and sweaty…okay, he really needed to stop that train of thought. His mother would not be too happy if her baby boy showed up to the family picnic with a boner the size of New York City. He ran his hand over his face vigorously to wake himself off and then stumbled to the bathroom. He stopped in his tracks.

Holy Fuck

He thought Meredith Grey in lingerie was something to drool over…her getting out of the shower dripping wet…had his tongue hanging out. This is what the scrubs were hiding. WOW! He heard a gasp. He allowed his eyes to meet hers as they were previously settled on her breasts and well, her nicely trimmed pussy…he was only human.

"Are you finished?" She asked wryly, her face amused and red. She was blushing under his deep scrutiny.

"No…not yet. Just stand there like that for a couple of hours." He said almost catatonically.

She shook her head and wrapped a towel around herself.

"No…" He whined, fighting the urge to stomp his foot.

Meredith giggled and walked around him and into to bedroom. He followed her only to have the door shut in his face…kind of. It was still leaning a little.

"Mer?" He scratched at the door lightly.

"Let me get dressed. They are eating at noon and it is already eleven."

"We can do a lot in an hour." He informed her.

"No. Now go get ready." She ordered.

"Fine." He shuffled back to the bathroom. "Not even getting any yet and she is already bossing me." He muttered.

"I heard that!" She yelled.

Meredith laughed loudly as she put her right hand on the green circle. Some of the kids had roped her into playing twister and she couldn't resist their begging. They were in the den amidst a shitload of people. When Derek and Meredith had walked in, Meredith almost had a full-out panic attack. There were at least a hundred people in that house and thankfully none of them were like Nancy. They were all very accepting of her and she just loved Julie and Mel. They had pulled her away from Derek and they had spent a good two hours making fun of everyone and telling Meredith stories about the family. It was the first time other than with the interns, that she felt like she belonged.

"Your turn Meredith." Amber said.

"Oops sorry." She flicked the black indicator. "Left hand red."

She quickly executed her move.

"You are going down soon." Amber laughed.

Meredith just smirked. What the thirteen year old didn't know was that Meredith was flexible like a gymnast. Yoga rocked.

Derek walked back downstairs from beating Peter at Wii. He heard lots of whooping and hollering and after exchanging glances with the four brother in laws…they walked downstairs to see what the commotion was.

He stopped in his tracks for the second time that day. He walked up beside Michael who grinned at him.

"How smart am I?" Michael boasted.

Derek opened his mouth to berate him but lost all thought when Meredith took her right leg clear over her head to put in on a yellow circle.

Simultaneously, several heads twisted to the side to watch her.

"Pretty fucking smart…" He said.

Mike leaned into him.

"I hate you right now." He hissed.

Derek swallowed hard and shifted uncomfortably. He felt like a hormonal teenager. He only hoped like hell his Aunt Ida was not anywhere nearby…she was the ex nun.

Suddenly he heard groans from the men as the game came to an end. Meredith having won. A smattering of applause rang out and Meredith laughed and took a bow. She spotted him and ran over to him, throwing her arms around him.

"I am having so much fun. Thank you so much for bringing me here." She said, bringing his head down to hers and kissing him deeply.

He heard the catcalls and whistles, but couldn't bring himself to care as he drank her in….her scent, her softness.

Julie and Mel walked in.

"What is all the damn commotion about in here…oh!" Julie said as she saw them, smiling widely and nudging Mel.

"Can you two not make me barf up my lunch?" Mel said loudly. She spotted the twister game. "Who played twister?"

Meredith extracted herself from Derek.

"Oh, Amber invited me to play with her." Meredith said breathlessly.

Julie wordlessly went up to Michael and slapped the back of his head.

"Michael Anthony McMullen, how much did you pay her?" She demanded to know.

"Ma!" Michael whined.

"Don't Ma me young man…"

"I gave her a twenty." He muttered.

"Amber Ellis!" Mel said.

"What? It was twenty dollars to play twister…oh god, what did I do?" Amber said sarcastically.

Meredith stifled a laugh.

"Everyone out!" Julie demanded. The men all grumbled as they filed out. As Mike passed, Julie slapped his head too. He went out rubbing it.

"I am so sorry Mer." Julie said.

Meredith let out all her held in laughter.

"This is hilarious…you mean to tell me that your son bribed his cousin to get me to play Twister so he could stare at my ass for an hour?"

"That pretty much sums it up…" Julie said.

"He is our resident horndog." Mel said.

"And he is all mine…unfortunately." Julie said, laughing in disbelief at her son's antics.

"It's okay…it served its purpose." Meredith said, winking at the girls. They smiled at her slyly.

"So now what do we do?" Meredith asked, wanting to play more games and have some more fun. She has never gotten to do this before and now she wanted to experience all of what it was to belong to a big family even if it was just pretend. She would have these memories to treasure always.

"Now we introduce you to Derek's wife…meet Addison Montgomery Shepherd." Nancy's voice rang out.

Everyone looked towards the door where Nancy and the most gorgeous redhead Meredith had ever seen were standing.

Okay, this was one memory she would just as soon block out…


	37. Chapter 37

Derek's demeanor changed so instantly that she thought for a moment he had turned to stone. She glanced at him, concerned. She vaguely noticed Mel slip out of the room, only after glaring at Nancy hardly. Julie just hovered protectively by Derek as did she so now they were flanking this statue-like person and projecting a united front…united to kick this bitches' ass if it came to that…

And boy, Meredith really hoped it came to that.

"What are you doing here?" Derek hissed.

Meredith winced inwardly. She had heard him rant and rave and bitch and moan but she had NEVER heard him talk so…deadly serious before. What the fuck did this bitch do to him?

"Well, you would know if you bothered to answer even one of my calls…" Addison said boldly, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"I don't want to talk to you…ever…" He said.

"And yet, here we are." She replied loftily.

_Oh this bitch had it coming…_

"What do you want?" He asked hardly, stressing out each word slowly.

"You…back…with me…" She said simply.

Meredith bit back a hiss.

"Never gonna happen…" He informed her.

_Hell yeah, never gonna happen…_

Mel slipped back in the room this time with Carolyn and Kathy, both looking concerned at the situation and the general tension in the room…tension being an understatement.

"We were so good together…we are Derek and Addison…we were married for eleven years…we can't let some little misunderstanding come between us." Addison pleaded desperately.

"Misunderstanding? MISUNDERSTANDING! You fucked my best friend of thirty years in my bed on our eleventh anniversary…you got knocked up with his baby and tried to pass it off as mine…where is the manwhore? Is he babysitting?" Derek yelled.

_Oh. Snap! So that is what happened to him._

"It didn't work out…I…I lost the baby…and he cheated on me and I realized what a mistake we…I made. I am so sorry Der…we can start over…start a family…you have always wanted that…right?" Addison begged.

_Lost the baby my ass…_

Everyone with the exception of Nancy looked at Addison like she had lost her mind…even Kathy, the shrink. She could make her first million off of that bitch alone…and Meredith thought she had issues…

"Not with you…now go the fuck away." Derek said coldly.

_My sentiments exactly._

"With who then…her…" She said pointing at Meredith, sneering. "What? You go for jailbait now? What is she…twelve?"

_No this bitch didn't…_

"That is really none of your business any longer." Derek said.

_Damn right…_

"She seems…sweet. She has that…oh wee, he's a brain surgeon thing going on, but…sweet…" Addison said condescendingly.

_That did it!_

Meredith exchanged a look with Julie and then Mel and finally Carolyn and Kathy, the first two looks asking for backup if she needed it and the last two looks…apologizing profusely for any damage this house might injure, cause Meredith was going to go the fuck off…

_Right about…_

"Tell me Derek…does screwing this little bimbo make you feel better after watching me screw Mark?" Addison said, bitchily.

_NOW!_

Meredith turned to Derek, who looked like he was barely holding on to his emotions.

"Derek? Der? Look at me." She ordered gently.

He didn't respond so Meredith made him look at her.

"Derek, I want you to go to the guest house and wait there for me. Take some really stout alcohol with you, but don't get plastered just yet…I will be there in a few minutes, okay?" She said softly, yet let everyone hear her. "Can you do that for me please?"

Derek looked at her catatonically. She smiled at him and he shook himself out of his trance and nodded. He stalked over to the liquor cabinet and helped himself to a bottle of scotch but no glass. There would most likely be puking later on…yay…

He looked at her one last time, his cobalt eyes soft and then he hardened them and glared at Addison before storming out of the den.

Meredith nodded to Mel, who shut and locked the door.

_Let the games begin…_

Meredith looked directly at Addison and smiled innocently.

"So you're Satan's Whore?"

"Excuse me?" Addison said with a laugh.

"Well, Nancy is Satan's Spawn and you are her friend and a whore so I thought the name was fitting…" Meredith said lightly.

Julie snorted and Mel guffawed.

_Damn she loved those girls._

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Addison demanded.

"I am the woman who is fucking your ex husband, I am the woman who is getting him over the shit you put him through and I am the woman who loves him…" Meredith paused.

_Oh…holy…shit!_

_She loved him…_

_She, the one who couldn't commit to a tuna sandwich, loved her egotistical overbearing jackass of a boss…_

_She was so fucked…_

_Later Meredith, _she told herself…

"And you are the fucked up whore who betrayed her husband with his childhood friend…and got knocked up…really? How fucking cliché…ever heard of birth control? I bet you panicked, right? I bet a million thoughts were running through your fried little brain…should I tell Markie, should I keep it…wait, I will pass it off as my husband's…he won't ever know…so what if it doesn't look like him…am I warm yet? So when Der left, you were stuck with Casanova and thought not so good daddy material…I will just get rid of it, tell everyone I lost it, get sympathy votes…my poor husband left me pregnant with his baby and I miscarried…well Addison…"

Meredith got closer to the bitches' face…

"Boo Fucking Hoo…"

"The only bitch stupid enough to believe that shit was your Satan's Spawn over there…the rest of this family has intelligence. Now what you are going to do is take your size ten Prada wearing feet out of this house. You are no longer welcome here…and feel free to take your home girl over there with you…" Meredith said pointing to Nancy.

"You have no right to tell anyone what to do…this isn't your house you home wrecking dirty ass mistress…' Addison hissed, spit flying from her mouth.

"But it is mine." Carolyn's voice rang out in the tension filled room. "And I want your pampered privileged ass gone…now. I have loathed you from day one and I wish to God I had told Derek to leave you at the alter…you have robbed him of a family and a home and his brother. He was so excited when he found out you were pregnant and you just ripped his whole dream right out from under him. You made him leave and flee across the country. This is the first time he has been home in two years…how dare you show your face here in my house. How dare you abort an innocent little baby just because you spread your legs for my adopted son….Get out now!"

She turned to Nancy.

"And you…where is your loyalty? He is your brother…why corner him this way? He hasn't done one thing to you…why?" She spat.

Nancy hung her head and stayed silent.

Addison looked at Nancy who didn't look at her, then at Kathy, who shook her head in disbelief, at Mel, who sneered, at Julie, who glared and finally back at Meredith, who looked back at her with triumph in her eyes. She turned on her heel to leave…

"Not so bad for a twelve-year-old huh?" Meredith said.

Addison didn't turn around, she just squared her shoulders and stalked out…

"Don't forget your broomstick bitch…" Julie yelled after her.

Nancy looked at everyone and got the same looks cast at her as Addison did.

"I'm sorry." She choked out as she fled the room.

Meredith sat down hard as her emotions crashed. She looked up at Carolyn.

"I am so sorry. I should have let you handle it and the vile language I used…"

Carolyn waved her apology off.

"You just did what I have wanted to do for sixteen years now, but I didn't want to make Derek unhappy."

"Looks like Addison did that for you." Meredith pointed out. She stood up gingerly.

"I better go check on him. We are going to call it a day, I think. I will see you all tomorrow."

"Meredith?" Carolyn asked.

"Yes ma'am."

"Thank you…for…he is different now then he used to be, I know that but he seems…okay when he is with you…I see glimpses of the happy Derek."

"People change Carolyn and things that happen to them can either make or break them and then they have to learn to live with themselves the way they are after that happens…doesn't always mean they are unhappy…just different."

"I know dear and please call me Mom…you just earned it." Carolyn said, her voice thick with emotion. She stepped over to hug Meredith and she let herself sink into the comfort of a mother's embrace. Another memory to tuck into her mind for later. "Now…go…see about my son."

Meredith scurried to the guest house, knowing that when she got there she had to lay all the cards on the table and she was dreading it.

Honesty sometimes really sucked…


	38. Chapter 38

Meredith knocked lightly on the door to the guest house and entered cautiously. Derek was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands rocking back and forth. The bottle of scotch was one-fourth gone already. He was shaking. Meredith made her way over to the couch and settled in next to him. Neither one said anything for a moment.

"So know you know." He said quietly.

"Now I know." She agreed. She took a deep breath and began.

"Matt was a doctor that I dated three years ago. My mother was…is…a horrible person and has always expressed her disappointment in me very vocally. One day, I went to have lunch with her, at her request, and I told her that I was going to go on a trip to Florida with a friend of mine since we were out for summer break before I started my third year of medical school. She told me that I needed to spend that time studying since I obviously hadn't grasped anything in my classes. She said a 3.9 grade point average was average and she had raised me to be extraordinary and nothing less than a 4.0 would be acceptable for her daughter. I told her that I needed a break and I was going and she couldn't stop me. A few more words were exchanged and it got heated and she slapped me…in the cafeteria at Mass Gen in front of several of her coworkers. I ran off and hid in the stairwell until I could stop crying enough to drive and this guy sat down next to me and offered me a tissue. He asked me what was wrong and for some reason I told him. He said that my mother was a bitch and he should know because she was his boss. He invited me out and I accepted…at first it was just to piss her off but I really liked this guy. We casually dated for a few weeks and then we became…intimate. He said he didn't want to rush into that because I deserved better than a one night stand. I thought 'Gee, this guy is really nice and maybe, just maybe I could be this normal girl with a boyfriend'. It was great…at first. But then he started getting possessive and jealous. I never looked at anyone else, but I couldn't control the way men responded to me. One guy came on to me at a bar and Matt drug me out of there. That was the first time he hit me. Afterwards he was so sorry and he was crying and I forgave him. The second time…the same thing. I eventually lost count of the beatings but one day I just had enough and I told him to leave me alone…that I didn't want to see him anymore and I left him."

Derek looked ahead not saying anything, his jaw clenched.. When she paused, he looked at her, his eyes flashing.

"Go on." He said tersely.

"I didn't have any contact with him for several months. One day, he came over and told me that he thought he had left something at my apartment and that he really needed it back. He said it was a watch his grandfather had gotten him. So, I let him in and…." She broke off with a sob. "He cornered me…and he beat me unconscious. When I woke up, I was at Mass General. My mother came in and asked me what I had done for someone to do this to me. I told her that Matt had done this. You know what she said? She said she was ashamed of me and how dare I drag an innocent man's name through the mud. I told her to leave and I told the police what happened and I pressed charges. However, Matt had an airtight alibi. My mother vouched for him and informed the officers that Matt had been at the hospital all night and that he couldn't have possibly left to do this. Then she told them that I was a whore and one of my many one night stands must have done this. They dropped the charges and Matt got off scot-free."

Meredith reached for her purse and withdrew a Polaroid picture. She handed it to Derek.

"This picture is a reminder of what happens when I let my guard down."

Derek turned it over in his hands. He gasped.

It was of a woman with a black swollen eye and bloody nose with a bloody and swollen lip. There were abrasions on her cheeks and forehead and bruises on her neck where someone had tried to strangle her. It was Meredith.

"My mother cut me off…financially and I had to get a job and take out loans. I…um…I recovered at home by myself and when I was able to go back to school I was a different person. I wore glasses and always had my hair back and I wore baggy clothes and I was quiet and meek. I became invisible. I threw myself into my studies and I worked hard at the college library and I applied to different intern programs and Richard contacted me and invited me to Seattle Grace. He is an old friend of my mothers and it was clear across the country away from…them. So I took it…now you know…"

"Now I know…" He said, his voice strangled. He was holding the picture in a death grip.

He looked at her. His eyes were still flashing and his mouth was in a tight line. Meredith backed up, a little fearful.

He finally spoke.

"You have no idea how much I want to drive to Boston and kill them. How anyone could ever treat you like that? You are so…amazing and intelligent and kind and honest and…beautiful. I don't want you to ever think anything less than that of yourself. You amaze me Meredith Grey."

He took her face gently in his hands and kissed her softly. He leaned back at her and smiled. She blinked rapidly.

"I am a temperamental asshole and if you could just overlook that one flaw I think this week will be…pleasantly surprising."

Meredith laughed lightly through her tears.

"One flaw?"

"Okay one of many." He smiled. "What happened after I left?"

Meredith looked at him.

"Do you really want to know?" She asked.

"Yeah. You didn't hit her did you?"

"Would that have bothered you if I did?"

"Yes…because you are a very talented surgeon and I don't want you to injure your hand…her face…I don't really care about." He said.

Meredith laughed.

"No, I didn't hit her physically but she got the message and your mom went all ape shit on her. It was highly entertaining."

Derek laughed.

"She won't be back here anytime soon and Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I am glad she did that to you."

Derek looked at her inquisitively.

"I mean I hate that you are in pain and all but if she hadn't done that to you then I wouldn't have met you and I am glad that I did." Meredith said, looking down at her shoes, embarrassed.

"Meredith?"

"Yeah?"

"Was…"

"What?" She said looking up at him.

"Was…I was in pain, but I don't think I am anymore just mad more than anything. I was hurt when I met you but in the past two weeks I find that all I can think of…is you." He whispered.

_Oh. Oh!_

"That is…good." She said.

He leaned closer to her, his lips hovering over hers.

"Very good." He whispered.

"Now what?" She asked.

"Now you shut up and kiss me." He ordered.

She smiled into his eyes right before brushing her lips over his.

Where their kisses before had been passionate and intense, this kiss was gentle and searching…as if he were afraid that he would make her fearful of him.

She would just have to take charge.

She stood up, grinning as he protested at her absence. She turned to face him. Her hands gripped the hem of her gray cashmere sweater and she pulled it off.

Derek sucked in a breath at the sight of her pink lacy bra.

Her eyes never leaving his, she slipped off her high-heeled boots. Her hands traveled down her torso and rested on the button to her jeans. She cocked her head at him and smiled fully at him, finally flicking the button open and slowly bringing the zipper down. She bent over, her breasts pushing closer to him as she pulled them off. She reached up to pull her ponytail, letting her silken tresses flow down around her shoulders. She walked seductively away from him towards the bedroom pausing in the doorway looking at him still sitting there on the couch.

Derek stared at her in open-mouthed amazement as he took her in…her bra and the matching thong, her hair, her face, her rocking body. He shifted uncomfortably, really wanting to go to her but afraid he couldn't walk because of his massive hard on.

She smiled at him again and crooked her finger at him in invitation as she backed into the bedroom.

He may be paralyzed with horniness but he wasn't stupid. He bolted up from the couch and quickly and awkwardly rushed after the little vixen who had him in such a state. He gawked at the sight that met him.

Meredith lay out on the bed, her knees open in obvious invitation, one hand above her head and one hand…in her panties.

_Fuck him running_

He just stood there looking at her, like he didn't know what to do…

"Are you going to stand there all night or do you want to give me a hand?" Meredith asked, amused.

Derek shook himself out of his porny trance and threw his clothes off in rapid succession. Meredith giggled until he climbed into bed next to her clad only in his boxers. He shifted on his side and raised himself up on his elbow and looked down at her smiling.

"You look like you know what you are doing, are you sure you need a hand?" He replied.

"Well, unfortunately, I have had lots of practice at pleasuring myself…" She informed him shyly. "I…um…haven't done this in a long time…almost three years in fact."

Derek nodded in understanding.

"Me too…no sex since I moved to Seattle."

Meredith took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to relax her body.

"So…how?" She asked hesitantly.

"Don't tell me you have forgotten how." He said, his eyebrow raised.

"No…I just…what if I…" She stopped.

Derek suddenly became aware of what she was saying. He made her look at him.

"If this becomes to much for you or if you start to freak out just tell me to stop. There is no pressure here with me, okay?" He informed her.

Meredith bit her lip and nodded.

She brought his lips down to hers and moaned softly. Her tongue darted out and stroked his lower lip before sucking into her mouth. Derek hesitantly kissed her back, wanting her to take the lead.

She plowed her hands into his thick hair, making their kiss deepen. He kept his hands on her face as he lightly devoured her mouth making her lips swollen and red. She grasped his hands and made them trail lightly over her body, showing him what she wanted. She threw her leg over his hip grinding into his erection. Derek threw back his head and groaned. She took that opportunity to swoop in and suckle on his neck. Derek willed his body to behave, ignoring its pleas to rip her panties off and pound her into oblivion…although that would be something they would do later. She dipped her fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs and tugged them down, using her feet to help her get them off. She pushed on his shoulders to make him lay flat and then took him in…in all his glory.

_He was a god_…

There wasn't an ounce of fat on him. He was slightly muscular while being lanky. He had broad shoulders and a tapered waist, nice pecks and flat abdomen with a light dusting of dark hair that tapered down to his happy trail…and oh holy jesus above…his penis was magnificent. By far the biggest she had ever seen. She was slightly fearful about it fitting. Cristina was not exaggerating about the size of him. She sent a silent thanks up to the gods…

Derek watched her take him in, her expressions showing exactly on her face…like an open book. She moved down until she was eye length to his penis.

_Oh holy hell_

He groaned loudly as she took him in her mouth. It had been years…seventeen to be exact…since he had a blow job but he had never felt like this. His hands fisted the sheets as she suckled and blew and licked, willing his body to hold off in its release. But two years had built up and before he knew it he was hovering at oblivion.

"Mer…I..am…going…Mer…" He warned.

Her response was to suck harder until he released years of pent-up frustration into her mouth and down her throat. She accepted all he had to offer and then sat up licking her lips in satisfaction.

He looked at her in a daze…

"Wow…' He breathed.

Meredith moved back up his body and settled next to him, giggling.

"I figured you would last longer if I gave you a…preview…' She said, sassily.

Derek laughed at her and rolled over on top of her. Her eyes widened as she realized he was hard again.

"Yeah, I am like the Energizer Bunny…I can keep going…and going…and going…" He whispered in her ear.

He unclasped the front closure on her bra, exposing her full breasts to his eyes.

"Wow…" He said reverently.

"You say that a lot." She informed him, laughing.

"Just telling the truth."

He took one dusky nipple in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it making her gasp and hold his head still. He chuckled and moved to the other one. He worked his way down her abdomen and trailed his tongue over the waistband of her panties. He lingered there enjoying her squirming. He was so enthralled at her reaction he almost didn't hear her.

"Rip them."

Derek shot his head up and looked at her. She smiled wickedly.

"You little vixen." He said amazed. He looked at her panties, trailed his hands over them and gave them a rough tug. They came apart in his hands. He brought them up to his nose and he inhaled, his eyes never leaving hers. Her eyes glazed over and suddenly she reached up and wrenched him to her, wrapping her long limbs around his waist, positioning his throbbing manhood at her dripping wet core. He looked her deep into her eyes, searching for any doubts and saw none, just an aching want and a trust he wasn't all together sure he deserved.. He slid into her slowly, embracing her moans and gasps as he settled deep inside her.

They fit…perfectly together, just like their hands did that first night at his trailer. He once again had the thought that maybe this was the one…that she was the one. That all the heartache and betrayal and women in his life…all that was leading him to meet Meredith Grey.

She squeezed her vaginal muscles bringing him back into the present. He moved slowly wanting this to last. She gasped each time he moved…in and out, slowly and then building up to a faster pace. Her muscles convulsed with each movement strangling his aching cock, making him want to plow into her but stopping himself, controlling himself…for her. Everything for her.

Meredith never took her eyes from him, making the moment so much more intimate than any other sexual encounter she had ever had…she felt him down into her bones. Every movement, every sigh, every moan…everything for him.

She felt her release coming on in a frenzy…building up into this fever pitch explosion…of which she had never felt.

"Derek…oh god…Derek….harder…please…god…' She moaned loudly, biting her lip to keep from screaming.

He moved faster and harder, his tip bumping into her cervix and hitting her G spot every time as he did so…making her get louder and louder until her sweet voice screamed out his name.

"Derek!"

Her muscles tightened around his cock, bringing him to instant orgasm.

"Meredith!"

They slowly came back down to earth, panting and gasping. His head was buried into the pillow near her neck as he recovered. He heard sniffling and raised his head to look at her. Her face was away from him. He sat up and made her look at him.

"Are you okay? Was I too rough? Did I scare you?" He asked panicked.

Meredith shook her head adamantly at him.

"Then what?" He asked, thoroughly confused.

"It…I…it has never been that way for me…ever." She admitted.

_Oh._

"Is that bad?" He asked.

Meredith laughed a little at that.

"No…it was wonderful. Thank you." She said, her emerald eyes shining with tears.

"Every other guy you have ever been with should be taken out and shot…they should've appreciated what a gift you were giving them…that was amazing Meredith." He told her quietly.

Meredith's lashes fluttered as she nodded at him. She stifled a yawn.

He reached down and pulled the covers over her wrapping her in instant warmth. He shifted to get comfortable.

"Don't go." She said groggily.

"I wasn't planning on it." He told her. "Sleep…my love."

She was already out.

He watched her sleep wondering how this tiny woman had managed to make him feel this way after two weeks of interaction.

She _wanted_ him.

She _liked_ him.

She _trusted_ him.

Could he live up to her expectations?


	39. Chapter 39

Derek awoke the next morning, cuddling with a very warm Meredith. She was plastered against him, every part of her body touching his. What a way to wake up was the first thought that entered his foggy mind.

They had just fallen asleep not five hours ago after christening just about every surface in the guest house. Meredith was very flexible and was game for anything. You know the saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Yeah…not really a problem for them. She was a very good teacher and he wasn't so bad himself, judging my her screams, gasps and moans.

Meredith shifted a little and murmured something in her sleep. He decided he would go up to the main house and grab them some breakfast and they could lounge a little before meeting his noisy family for lunch at Matteo's. He threw his jeans, sweatshirt and sneakers on before jogging towards his mother's kitchen.

Upon entering, he saw Mel, Julie, Kathy and his mom all sitting at the kitchen table drinking their morning coffee looking at him, seemingly amused at something. He smiled sleepily before going to make himself a cup. He inhaled and then sipped at his coffee.

"Morning." He said.

Mel burst out laughing.

"What?" He asked.

"Oh you so got laid last night." She pointed out.

Derek looked at his mom.

"Ma!" He said gesturing for her to do something about his younger sister.

"What? Are you twelve? Deal with her yourself, I had enough to deal with yesterday." Carolyn grumbled.

"What happened yesterday?"

Everyone looked at him.

"Wow…that must have been some sex." Julie said, exchanging looks with Mel and Kathy.

"I mean besides…what did Mer call her? Oh yeah, Satan's Whore…showing up on her broomstick?" He said, grinning slightly taking another sip of his coffee. He was leaning on the bar facing their table.

"Nancy." They all said in unison.

Derek frowned.

"Oh." He said, sounding bored.

"She is sorry Derek." His mother said.

"Yeah sure she is…" He said doubtfully.

"She is. She just wants you to be happy." His mother insisted.

"Yeah of course she does…and she just thought the best way to make me happy was to bring the woman who destroyed me to the family reunion when I was here with my new girlfriend." Derek said sarcastically.

"She is sorry." Carolyn repeated.

"If she is so sorry then why isn't she down here apologizing to me and going to the guest house and apologizing to Mer?" Derek asked.

Every one of his sisters sitting at the table burst into laughter. Even his mom was smiling.

"What the hell is so funny?" He yelled, frustrated at their behavior.

"Um…she did." Kathy said.

"She did what?"

"Nancy. She did go to the guest house, we all did." Kathy said, struggling to keep a straight face.

"When?" Derek demanded. "Because I sure didn't see you."

More laughter.

"You were otherwise…occupied…dear." His mother said delicately, fighting back a smile.

Derek narrowed his eyes.

"Occupied?" He said, feeling embarrassment rising in him.

"Yes…occupied DerBear…as in 'Damn Mer…that's it…just like that…oh god….that feels so good…" Julie imitated.

"Okay I get it. You can stop now." Derek said, his face a flaming red.

"What's the matter DerBear…are you embarrassed that you got caught banging your girlfriend? By the way, she really is flexible." Mel interjected.

"You saw us?" Derek hissed.

"Oh yeah, we saw more of you than we ever wanted to last night." Kathy said, shuddering to make her point.

"Ok girls, stop now. Your brother is embarrassed….which is how I would feel if my mother saw me having sex on her beloved dining room table." Carolyn said pointedly.

"I am going to take Meredith some breakfast and coffee. We will see you at lunch. Do not…I repeat…do not bring this up to Mer." Derek pleaded.

"Who us?" Mel asked innocently.

Derek grabbed a plate and filled it with pancakes and fresh fruit, he grabbed a carafe of coffee and as an afterthought…a can of whipped cream. He put it on a tray and started out the door.

"Hey DerBear? What's the whipped cream for?" Julie asked innocently. They all laughed again.

Derek shot them a dirty look.

"Shut it." He growled.

He walked out the door and closed it with his foot, effectively cutting off the sound of their laughter.

He really wished he had a brother.

Meredith woke up and stretched, wincing at the ache in her muscles. She was confused at first but then a smile spread across her face. She had made love with Derek…a lot. Damn that man was a god in bed and on counters and on the floor and in the shower and…anyway…he was damn talented with his hands and his mouth and especially his…

"Hey."

She looked up with the stupid grin on her face. He was leaning in the doorway in just his jeans, his hair everywhere and looking more sexy than she had ever seen him before.

"Hey." She said back.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Yeah, I could eat." She said, making a move to get out of bed.

"Uh uh…did I tell you to get up? I will be right back." He said disappearing into the kitchenette area.

He returned with a silver serving tray. It contained a plate of pancakes and fruit, a small pouring cup of syrup, a carafe of coffee and two mugs, a rose…and a can of whipped cream. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

"It is for the pancakes." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Damn." She said.

He grinned.

"Eat." He ordered.

"You are not a morning person are you?" She asked as she took a bite and moaned.

He watched her eat, fascinated at the way she shoveled her food in.

"No…not really." He admitted.

She pretended to think as she chewed.

"Hmmm…so you are not a morning person, an afternoon person or a night person…what does that leave then?" She asked, fighting a smile.

"I disagree…I think I am a night person…" He said suggestively.

Meredith almost choked on her bite at the feral look in his eyes.

"You may have a point." She said breathlessly, remembering the night before.

"I thought you might say that."

She rolled her eyes then.

"So…you are…verbose during sex. I never would have thought that about you. Well, I guess I can see that as you don't know when to shut up most of the ti…." He was shut up by a forkful of pancake.

"I could say the same for you." She huffed. "And I don't recall you being very quiet last night either."

"Oh I know I wasn't, as my mother and sisters let me know this morning.' He said.

Meredith's eyes widened as she choked on a strawberry. Derek patted her back until she stopped coughing.

"What?" She croaked.

"Yep." His mouth popping on the 'p'.

"Nancy came up here with them to apologize to us…I imagine it was under the influence of a lot of alcohol…and well, they didn't get an answer and they came in…and lets just say we were on my mom's dining room table." He informed her.

"But…I…please…oh god!" Meredith said, freaking out.

"Yeah, that is what I was apparently saying when they walked in." Derek said dryly.

Meredith pushed her tray away and threw the covers over her head.

"I'm not coming out for the rest of the week." She asserted, her voice now muffled by the pillow.

"Think of how I feel…my mother saw me going at it with my younger girlfriend on the table her parents gave her as a wedding gift." He said comfortably.

Meredith groaned.

"No…think of how I feel. Your sisters and your mother saw me bending my legs in a way no ones legs should go…and I imagine they got a really good look at my wax job." She hissed.

"They saw my penis." He said.

"Half of them changed your diapers." She groaned.

"It has grown since then Mer." Derek informed her.

Meredith threw the pillow off of her face and glared at him.

Then she laughed. Loudly. Freely.

He couldn't help but join in with her infectious laughter.

They stayed like that for a long time just laughing at the predicament they suddenly found themselves in and neither one sure where it was going…


	40. Chapter 40

Derek and Meredith entered Matteo's thirty minutes late…for reasons known to… well…everyone over the age of sixteen. Everyone shot them knowing looks, making Meredith blush and looked down. Derek placed a hand on her lower back and led her to the table, pulling out her chair for her. She looked at him stupidly, but sat down.

Silence washed over the adult table. The kids were sitting a little distance away. Everyone was either staring at their plate, biting their cheeks to hold in laughter or smirking openly. Derek glared in warning.

Meredith leaned over to Carolyn and put her hand on her arm.

"I am very sorry about fornicating on your table." She whispered loudly.

That was all it took.

Carolyn's shoulders started shaking with laughter, Mel had tears coming down her face, Julie practically fell out of her chair, Kathy looked amused, Nancy raised an eyebrow and Derek lips twitched with the barest hint of a smile as he shook his head in astoundment.

Meredith shrugged her shoulders. She picked up a menu.

"What's good here?" She asked casually.

Meredith moaned as she took the last bite of her tiramsu. Derek shifted uncomfortably. He had a hard on for the last thirty minutes just watching her eat. She made these sounds of pleasure and contentment.

"That was amazingness personified." She said.

Julie looked at her with disgust.

"Where the hell do you put it at…all that food? I gained twenty pounds just watching you."

Meredith smiled.

"I have a metabolism disorder, which is great in some aspects but bad in others. I don't gain weight but am forced to eat at least 2500 calories a day…if I don't, I pass out…just ask Derek." She said ruefully.

Derek frowned at the reminder, hating the vision of her lying helpless and unconscious on the floor, bleeding from her head.

"Don't ask Derek." Derek said. "I don't want to be reminded of that."

"What happened?" Mel asked.

"What did I just say?" He asked.

"You said don't ask you so I am asking Meredith." Mel said smartly.

"I was working for your brother and I didn't eat, or sleep for that matter, for two days and I passed out in the middle of an awesome surgery in the OR. It was humiliating. I hit my head and everything." Meredith informed her.

"Wait. If you knew you had to eat, why didn't you?" Julie asked.

"I felt like I had something to prove." Meredith said simply.

"Like what?" Carolyn asked. "And why didn't you make sure she ate and slept if she was working under you? Really Derek." She admonished.

Derek hung his head in shame.

"No. It was all my fault. He didn't know. When we are at work…we are working. We try to keep our professional life and personal life separate or it would never work. This kind of thing is frowned upon anyway, so…"

"So why do it then?" Nancy asked.

Everyone looked at her. She had been silent up until that point and they were worried that this would cause a scene.

"Nancy." Derek said warningly.

'No Derek…it's okay. It's a fair question." Meredith said.

She looked at Nancy.

"Your brother came into my life at a time when I was trying to find myself. And he is also in the same predicament. In some way, our lives were each uprooted and we lost who we were. We dealt with it in our own way and somehow our paths crossed…he lets me be me and I think it is the same for him…I hope so anyway. I laugh when I am with him and I smile and I feel lighter…don't get me wrong, we fight and I don't take crap from him but he makes me feel…like me. And I haven't had that before." She said.

The table was silent. Meredith continued looking at Nancy. Nancy nodded in silent understanding and looked away.

"Wow…you are kind of amazing." Julie said.

Meredith smiled, blushing again. She glanced at Derek and found him lost in thought, his eyebrows furrowed.

She felt a foreboding feeling wash over her, making her wonder if she should have kept her mouth shut.

Derek looked down at Meredith. Her body was sweaty, her eyes rolling back in her head, her breasts heaving, moans and soft screams escaping her full lips, her hair strewn on the pillow in a light brown tangles. He pounded into her relentlessly trying to bring her quickly to her peak. He did this to her, he made her feel this way…it made him feel useful, like this was the only way to express his gratitude for all she was doing for him.

"Derek…oh god…I…please god…finish me…please…" She begged breathlessly.

Derek slammed into her harder and faster, bringing her legs up to go deeper into her so her channel could strangle his cock and bring him his own pleasure. He felt her tighten up and milk him. He yelled as he released into her, letting her legs fall as she continued to ride out her own orgasm.

"You…are…a…god." She panted.

Derek forced a smile at her. She was too spent to notice it wasn't real.

She draped her arm over his abdomen and snuggled closer, enabling him to breath in her unique scent of arousal, vanilla and lavender. It was a heady combination that constantly bewitched him. She had wrapped him in her very essence and he wasn't sure how to handle that without suffocating.

It wasn't that she was a suffocating or clingy person, she wasn't. But he didn't know if what she said to Nancy was part of the act or if she was being honest.

And that…

Scared him to death.


	41. Chapter 41

"I think that you are going to help me with dinner." Carolyn announced three days later.

Meredith snapped to attention and looked pointedly behind her, indicating to Carolyn that Meredith thought she had to be talking to someone else.

"Don't be coy Meredith. What else do you have to do? All the boys are out fishing at the lake, the girls are out shopping. You don't fish, you don't shop…so you are going to help me cook dinner." She said sternly.

"Do you have a lot of house insurance cause this is going to end with big burly fireman busting out windows to rescue us." Meredith said.

Carolyn laughed loudly.

"I adore you." She said happily.

Meredith looked at her in surprise, tears rising to the surface of her tear ducts.

"What?" Carolyn said, catching the look on Meredith's face.

Meredith shook her head unable to speak, due to the emotion clogging her throat.

"Oh, Meredith." Carolyn said. She went to Meredith and enveloped her into her arms. Meredith sank into the embrace and sobbed. Carolyn led her to the kitchen table and sat her down.

"What is all this about?" She asked.

"No…one…my mom…she…didn't love me." Meredith sobbed.

"Oh dear. I am sure she does. Why would you say that?" Carolyn asked.

Meredith took a deep breath and willed herself to calm down.

"She told me. She told me over and over she wanted to have an abortion but my father wouldn't let her. She wasn't there for me ever, not when I was hungry or sick or…hurt. She said I was a waste of space and that I would end up dead in a ditch and she would be happy because then I couldn't embarrass her if I was dead." Meredith said, her eyes catatonic.

Carolyn gasped.

"Well, you are part of this family now. So you don't have to worry about that anymore. I love you. Julie, Kathy and Mel adore you. Derek is so lucky to have you in his life and I hope you stay there for a long long time." She said, forcefully, trying to get through to the hurting woman her only son brought home.

"You guys are so nice to tolerate me this week." Meredith said, sniffling.

"Tolerate you? Meredith did you not hear me? We love having you here. The house is just that more lively with you here and you put that barracuda in her place. I have wanted to throw her out on her ear more than once. You stuck up for my son and I will always remember that. So now I want your help with dinner."

Meredith nodded and impulsively hugged Carolyn, suddenly craving more of this affection that she wasn't used to.

" Just don't blame if your house blows up." She said again.

Derek watched the exchange through his mother's opened window. He was so confused. Part of him was pissed…that this lovely woman had to grow up like that, part of him was proud…that she was such a great person despite all that, another part worried…she was weaving herself effortlessly throughout his family, something that Addison hadn't managed in fifteen years, the last part of him, the part most dominant at the moment was longing…he found himself wanting so much more than he felt he had to offer.

"Hey. Did you get the bait?" Mike asked, coming up behind him.

Derek shook himself out of his musing.

"Yeah, I've got it right here."

Mike looked behind him into the kitchen where Meredith was hanging onto Carolyn's every instruction.

"She is really something, huh?" He asked.

Derek followed his gaze and forced a smile.

"Yeah."

Mike grinned and slapped him on the back, grabbing the bait and walking towards the lake.

"She really is." He whispered to no one in particular, sparing one last glance in the kitchen before following Mike.


	42. Chapter 42

Dinner on their last night was a noisy affair. Everyone was laughing, joking, talking loud…except Derek. Oh, he would join in but Meredith could see it was half-hearted and forced at best.

"Is everything okay?" She asked quietly, leaning into him.

"What? Oh yeah. Just don't really want to go back to Seattle." He said. Seattle meant the acting stopped and reality reared its ugly head.

"Oh. Well, don't make it so long in between visits next time." She suggested, smiling at him.

"That would probably help." He agreed, drinking the sight of her in.

"Unless of course, you are thinking of moving back here." She said, looking down at her folded hands that rested in her lap.

His heart squeezed at the thought of not seeing her every day, no matter what their relationship was. She had somehow become a constant in his Seattle life.

"No. I like my job in Seattle."

_I like you in Seattle._

She smiled fully at him.

"Okay then. Just make the most of tonight and tomorrow morning." She said, turning to Julie to continue their conversation.

He planned on it, with her, in bed. He didn't know how much longer he had with her at this point.

"Derek! Stop!" She said laughingly as he nibbled on her neck as they stumbled to the guest house.

"No." He said, biting with a little more force.

"Hmmm…" She moaned. He pressed her against the door and slammed his mouth to hers. She retaliated in kind, neither one stopping to breathe. Times like this made him think everything was normal and fine, but the truth was…it wasn't. They would return to Seattle and their normal lives tomorrow.

In Seattle, he was an asshole hated by just about everyone. She was a sweetheart, albeit feisty, that was adored by everyone. She was kind and he was inhumane at times, she was thoughtful, he was inconsiderate, she was stubborn and he was…too.

Could he drag her down into his hailstorm of self loathing? Could he watch as the twinkle in her green eyes fade out as she found herself disillusioned with him? Could he watch her walk away from him when she realized that he could never give her what she wanted, what she needed from him?

_No._

"Derek?" She asked breathlessly. "Where did you go?"

"I'm sorry. I am just…" He bit off, suddenly frustrated. He was so fucking confused. He could drag this out in his mind but the second he looked at her, so trusting and happy, it flew out the window. He could put this conversation off for one more night. Just one more night with her…pretending with her that he could be happy and normal.

_Just one more night_

Did that make him feel like he was using her?

_Yes_

But that was who he was now. A man who took what he could get before it moved on to better and bigger things. Was that wrong?

_Yes_

Did it make him feel like scum?

_Yes_

Did he care? At this moment looking at her, imagining her laying open for him, inviting her to take what he pleased of her, all of her…body and soul. His last chance to feel whole.

_No._

He picked her up, reveling in her laughing squeal and rushed into the bedroom. He laid her down gently and gazed at her for a moment. She was wearing a sweater and jeans but to him, she was the most beautiful person in the world. She always had been, he realized now.

She pressed her body against his arousal, moaning for him to hurry up.

"No. Not tonight. I want…let's take it slow." He asked.

"I can do slow, I can do incredibly slow." She purred.

He smiled at her and leaned in, nipping at her full bottom lip, allowing his tongue to soothe the slight pain. Her mouth opened and he took that opportunity to thrust his tongue in her warm cavern, allowing her tongue to wrestle for control. He sucked her tongue into his mouth and then let it go. He sat her up and removed her sweater, then her bra, throwing them carelessly on the floor. He laid her back down, drinking in her full breasts with her hardened nipples from the cool air. He suckled each breasts, making sure to pay equal attention to each. He continued on to her flat soft abdomen, paying close attention to an older appendectomy scar. He unbuttoned her pants and spread the material apart at the zipper to reveal her sexy lavender panties. He moistened the skin right above them. He lifted her hips up to slide both offensive garments off her long silken legs. Satisfied, he looked at her again. She was a vision, her body perfect in its slight imperfections…if that made any sense at all.

"You are overdressed Dr. Shepherd." She commented seductively.

"I can remedy that Dr. Grey." He said.

He rose up and chucked his clothes off, not caring what happened to them or how they were treated. He made his way back to her. He kissed her deeply and thoroughly, his hands roaming everywhere. He entered one finger into her, then two and finally three causing her moan loud. He continued working her up into a mewing frenzy, playing her like a violin. He felt her start to clench around his fingers. He removed them quickly. She made a sound of protest, but before she could actually form words he had already thrust his swollen cock deep inside her. She screamed as it set her orgasm off instantly. He felt her clenching, strangling his cock but he ignored it and plowed on. He pumped into her slowly, drawing out her orgasm, leaving her on her high. He kept on, fighting back his own release, wanting this to last forever. He felt her clench again, tighter this time, heard her scream, felt her claw his back, drawing blood. His orgasm slammed into him, leaving him reeling. She screamed again as hers hit her a third time. She collapsed from sheer exhaustion. He rolled off of her and lay panting, gasping beside her.

"I like slow." She said.

"Me too." He said.

They lie there quietly, neither wanting to ruin the moment with words. Her breathing evened out and he knew she was slipping into slumber.

"Derek." She said, her words slurring with sleep.

"Hmmm." He said.

"I love you." She said and then she was out.

His mind reeled with every thought imaginable from she didn't know what she said, to he misunderstood, to she was lying…

For just a minute he had thought that they could make this work. But this changed everything. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let her settle for the person he was now. He couldn't ruin her, he wouldn't.

_She loved him._

Unfortunately, that didn't change a thing.


	43. Chapter 43

Meredith awoke the next morning, stretching languidly. She frowned and opened her eyes when she felt the cold place next to her where Derek should have been. She raised her head and looked around the room.

No Derek

She listened closely for the shower.

No Derek

She decided that he had probably went to the main house to visit with his family some more before they had to catch their plane. She smiled.

This past week had been…perfect. Even with the Nancy and Addison issues, she had finally seen what a normal loving family was like. Most of them had welcomed her with open arms and she was so thankful that she had came out her with Derek, even if he had strong armed her into coming.

Derek.

Just his name made butterflies flutter in her stomach. She had never felt this way before. He was obstinate, bad-tempered, grouchy, gruff, inconsiderate…just overall unpleasant in Seattle. But here, he was different…he was happy or more happy then she had ever seen him. The Derek that she had seen this week with her and his family was the Derek that she could see herself spending a lot of time with.

Meredith rolled her eyes at herself.

Who was she kidding? She liked Seattle Derek as much as she like Connecticut Derek. She just wondered which one was really him. Could the two be merged?

Did it really matter?

No.

Because she knew that she was hooked no matter what. And it wasn't just the sex…even though that was just amazing…it was the small glimpses of him…the real him…that she had gotten over the past three weeks that had her in knots.

She was excited to see how this week would affect their relationship when they got back to reality.

She knew one thing for sure.

This week was the turning point in their love/hate relationship.

"What time does your plane leave?" Carolyn asked him.

They were sitting in the kitchen having coffee with Nancy, Mel, Julie and Kathy.

"One. I will wake Meredith up in a few minutes and then we will leave around eleven."

"Speaking of Meredith…." His mother began.

"What about her?" He said, trying to ignore the fluttering of his heart at the mention of her name.

"She is very lovely and I want to know what your intentions are towards her."

Derek choked on his coffee and looked at his mother incredulously.

"Intentions?" He croaked.

"Yes, intentions." His mother confirmed.

"What do you mean by intentions exactly?" Derek hedged.

"When are you taking her off the market?" Mel asked.

"Making an honest woman of her?" Kathy asked.

"Making her unavailable to any other man?" Julie asked.

"They mean, when are you going to marry her?" Nancy asked.

"Marriage? Are you serious?" He exclaimed, standing up so quickly his chair fell over.

"Well…yes. She is perfect for you Derek. Your father would be so thrilled." Carolyn said.

"We just started dating. I am not jumping into marriage."

"Well don't wait too long before someone else snatches her up." Julie advised.

"And you think marriage would stop her from cheating? Cause that worked so well for Addison." He said sarcastically.

"Meredith isn't Addison." Mel pointed out.

Everyone agreed, even Nancy.

"I know that." He said.

His mother regarded him closely.

"Do you? I mean, you have seemed really happy this week. And she obviously adores you. I mean she faced Addison for you."

"I know…Ma, look…I know you want me to be settled down and having babies but I am not going to marry Meredith Grey…ever."

He heard a soft gasp to his left.

"I…I'm sorry. I woke up and figured you were here…I will just go and finish packing." She said before fleeing.

Everyone glared at him.

"Go. Fix. That. Now." His mother said, her voice deadly.

He ran after her. She was already in the guest house.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

She looked at him and smiled.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"You seemed upset." He said.

"What? No. I just thought you were telling her about you lying to her and I didn't want to watch a grown man reduced to tears by his mommy." She said, sassily.

"Oh. I just thought…never mind." He said.

"They are already planning our wedding huh? No wonder you moved to Seattle." She said.

Derek laughed weakly. He pushed his hand through his hair.

"Yeah." He agreed.

"Well finish packing so we can catch our plane. If we stay here any longer they are going to be naming our children."

He moved to finish his own packing, thinking what a wonderful understanding woman Meredith was.

He only hoped she would be as understanding tomorrow.


	44. Chapter 44

Meredith glanced at Derek as they drove to her house. He was…off. He had been a quivering pile of nerves the whole flight. Now, he was staring stoicly at the road, devoid of any emotion. She began to feel nervous. She wanted him in a good mood before she suggested that they see where this goes with them.

All she knew is that she felt whole when she was with him. She had no illusions about how he was, she just didn't care. She had handled him so far.

He parked the car and got out to unlock the trunk. He grabbed her bags and went ahead to the door of the dark house.

"Where is your friend, what's her name?" He asked gruffly.

"Cristina. And she is at work." She corrected him with a smile. "We are going to have to work on your memory retention with names."

Derek looked at the door pointedly. She unlocked it quickly and he strode up the stairs with her bags.

"Where is your room?" He asked.

"Down the hall, last door on the left." She told him.

_What the fuck was up with him?_

He went into her room and dropped her luggage down by the door. She followed him in and stood there uncertain on how to proceed.

"Derek…"

"I have to go. I will see you later." He said abruptly.

"Wait! I want to talk to you about something. I thought maybe you could stay over tonight. We don't have to work tomorrow and I thought we could…"

"No." He said, his beautiful mouth twisted into a sneer.

"No? Oh. Okay. Well I can just come over tomorrow and we can talk then. I am sorry you probably want to go home and rest and get unpacked and shower off the plane gunk and here I am bombarding you with…"

"Shut up." Derek demanded.

"What?" She said, surprised.

"Shut up."

He started pacing the room, thrusting his hands into his hair and obviously grappling with some emotions.

She watched him quietly, letting him stew for a moment.

"What do you want from me?" He finally asked.

"What? I don't want anything from you." She said, her mouth dropping open in shock.

"Don't you?"

"No." She said, her temper starting to flare. "I don't."

"Really? No dreams of picket fences and kids and having a rich doctor to spoil you and to pick you for surgeries?" He asked. He winced inwardly. This felt so wrong coming out of his mouth but he had to do this.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked him.

"Me? I am not doing anything. I am simply telling the truth."

"And what is your version of the truth?" She asked sarcastically.

"You and me…never gonna happen. It was fun…pretending for the week but this won't continue now." He said bluntly.

"Pretending? You thought I was pretending?" She asked, horrified.

"Weren't you? I was."

Meredith turned away from him so he couldn't see her tears. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"So, what? You were pretending when we made love?" She asked, facing the window.

He could see her face in the reflection and his heart twisted at the broken look on her face.

"Sex. We had sex. It wasn't love. It couldn't be, I don't love you. I could never love you." He said slowly and precisely.

_I could never love you. Just like her mother and Matt. Was she really that unlovable?_

She stifled her gasp and squared her shoulders preparing to face him once again.

"How dare you? Why would you use me like that? I bared my soul to you. I haven't let a man touch me in three years and I am finally here. I am right here Derek." She cried. "I love you.' She whispered.

"No! You don't. You don't even know me. What? You think because you spent a week with my family that you are suddenly an expert? Well you are not."

"Don't do this." She demanded softly.

"Meredith, you are not good for me." He said clearly.

"You don't want me?" She asked, her breath knocked out of her.

"No."

Meredith backed up and nodded slowly. He saw her take a deep breath and weigh her words carefully.

"Okay then. But before you go, I want to say something. You are a fucking coward Derek Shepherd. You can't see what is right before you and for that, I feel sorry for you. You are going to die, miserable and alone unless you get some help. I am not anywhere near remotely religious but I will pray for you. And I hope that one day you will find someone who can get through to you and make you see that all women are not like Addison. I hope you find someone who you love and want more than your next breath. I hope that you find someone who will make you happy. I now know that I am not that someone. And I thank you for being honest. Now if you don't mind, I have a lot to do." She said, her voice breaking.

She indicated to the door. He took one last look at her and left, hearing her break down when he hit the bottom stair. He wanted nothing more than to run upstairs and take her in his arms and say that he was lying, but instead he shut and locked the front door behind him and went home to the infinite quietness and to a big bottle of Scotch.


	45. Chapter 45

"Hey! You're home." Cristina said as Meredith came into the kitchen the next morning. Her eyes narrowed as she saw her. "Why have you been crying?"

Meredith looked at her.

"You were right about Derek." She admitted.

"I will kill him." Cristina growled, getting to her feet.

Meredith put her hand on her friend's arm to stop her.

"Don't. I knew the risk with getting emotionally involved. I ignored it and this is what happened."

'Which is what exactly?" Cristina asked.

"He doesn't want me." Meredith admitted, tears clouding her vision.

Cristina uncharacteristically put her arms around Meredith and rubbed her hand down her back.

"Well he is a fucking idiot. You don't need him. You can have anyone you want. Several people at the hospital would give their right hands to go out with you, men and women alike. Which do you prefer?" Cristina asked.

Meredith giggled.

"If I wanted a woman, I would just experiment with you." Meredith responded.

"Sorry, I don't do vagina, but thanks for the offer. Izzie might be willing."

"I would get sugar shock." Meredith joked.

The both laughed for a moment.

"Well, if you don't want me either then take your hands off of me, I am obviously easily impressionable and see things that are not there." Meredith said, just slightly joking.

"Meredith, if I was a lesbian, you would be the first person I would screw." Cristina said seriously.

"I know. I love you Cristina Yang." Meredith said.

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Sometimes, I wonder about you Mer. Are you going to be okay?" She asked.

"Yes. I am. He made his choice and it wasn't me. He is really messed up and I hope that one day he finds happiness with someone."

"How can you be so…understanding about this? I would hate him and I would show it by slicing his tires and breaking out all of his windows and shit."

"I can't hate him. I fell in love with him Cris. And that doesn't stop just because he is an idiot and a coward and a moron and a brainless brain surgeon. He is broken. I feel so bad for him." Meredith whispered.

"I am just pissed off." Cristina said. "What are you going to do? Are you going to wait for him to come to his senses? He is fucked up Mer, that could take years. Your ovaries may be shriveled up before then."

"No. I am not going to wait for him. I can't. I have spent too much time hiding within myself and I need to make myself happy. I am just now finding out who I am and I need to concentrate on me right now."

"What happened to him Mer? To make him like this?" Cristina asked.

"That is not my story to tell. I won't betray his confidence, but there is something I have to tell you about me." Meredith said.

She took a deep breath and poured her heart out to her best friend, her person. She watched as Cristina's face reflected first curiosity, then horror, then anger and finally understanding.

"Why didn't you tell me before? I am your person. I would have helped you." Cristina asked, her voice clogged with emotion.

"I had to face it myself. Derek helped me do that. He doesn't know that but by him being more fucked up than I was helped immensely."

"Does he know about Boston?"

"Yes. Please don't get mad that I told him first. I needed to show him that I kind of knew where he was coming from. We were both betrayed in a horrible way."

Cristina nodded.

"Well, damn. I don't know who I want to kill more…Derek, Matt or your Mother."

"Do me a favor…stay out of jail. I need your half of the rent." Meredith joked. "Seriously, just be here for me."

"Always." Cristina promised, grasping her hand as they sat in silence.

Derek awoke the next day, hung over. He stole a glance at the clock.

_2:30pm_

Derek groaned. He felt like shit and not just because of the alcohol.

He had told the most captivating, beautiful, wonderful woman who he had ever known that he didn't want her and that basically no one would ever love her. What kind of monster was he?

_One who was damaged and full of self loathing._

He had stood there last night and told her that he had used her and what did she say?

That he was a coward but that she prayed that he could be happy with another woman and that she appreciated his honesty, no matter how much he had hurt her.

Derek laughed bitterly.  
_  
Seriously?_

Honesty

?

Not even close.

If he forced himself to be honest, then he would have told her that he had never felt like this before, that every time he looked at her he lost his breath and his heart beat uncontrollably, that just breathing her in gave him a hard on, that every time she smiled he felt lighter, happier.

But he couldn't be honest not with her. She had her whole life in front of her and she didn't need to be stuck dealing with his demons. She needed to find a normal man who could love her openly and freely and she needed to have children and not be worried that her husband was so damaged that he may not be there the next day. She needed to have a quarantee of happiness.

He couldn't give that to her and he refused to be responsible for breaking her spirit.

Of course, if he was honest…he would admit that the thought of her with someone else killed him.

_If he was being honest…_

But he wasn't.


	46. Chapter 46

Derek knew three things for sure…he was hung over, he was dreading going back to work and he was an idiot. Of course there wasn't much he could do about any of them. All he wanted to do was see her. And all he was afraid of was seeing her. He didn't want to see the effects of what he had done to her the other night. Part of him wanted to see her okay and then part of him wanted to see her hurting…which he knew was horrible of him. He knew it was. But he didn't know if she loved him or the idea of him. He still remembered the look on Addison's face when he caught her. At first, just for a moment he saw satisfaction on her face as she saw him fucking his best friend, then the 'remorse' kicked in. He shook himself out of his reverie as he heard Meredith's friends voice coming up beside his car. He looked out his windshield.

There she was, walking towards the hospital with her friend Cristina, yes he did know her name…her hair up in a ponytail looking so young and fresh, her eyes filled with affection and laughter towards her best friend, her confidant. He wondered if Meredith had told Cristina what had transpired between them. And he worried in the back of his mind how her friend would react to it. Cristina Yang scared him almost as much as Miranda Bailey did…and that was saying something. He felt an emotion close to gratitude towards the petite angry Asian, she was making Meredith laugh and while he wished he could be the one to put a smile on her face, he was glad one was present. She was too beautiful to frown.

If only they had met in another time and another place, he thought wistfully. Before Addison, before Mark, his best friend…his confidant had betrayed him.

_But they hadn't. _

He sighed as he watched them disappear and decided to get out of the car and get to work.

Work, the one thing he could count on. He was good at his job…he spent a lot of time perfecting medical techniques and procedures, so of course he was the best. He would not lose focus. He had a long-term goal. To be chief of surgery at a major metropolitan hospital by the time he was forty-five. He had five years to go.

"Nice to see you are back in one piece. The only question is…is my intern?"

He took a deep breath and forced a smile at Bailey, though it came out as more of a grimace.

"Yes, I had a good time, thanks for asking. As far as Dr. Grey goes, you would have to ask her but I saw her walking in this morning so I would have to say... yes." He said dryly.

Bailey raised her eyebrow.

"She had better be." Was all she said before she walked off.

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. He thought about just locking himself in his office with paperwork for the next six months.

_Beep Beep Beep_

So much for that thought.

"Hey! How was Connecticut?" Izzie asked or rather squealed when Meredith walked into the locker room.

"It was cold." Meredith said, throwing her purse in her locker and grabbing her scrubs.

"And?"

"Really cold." Meredith said, taking off her sweater and pants, folding them and placing them in her locker along with her boots.

"Mer…" Izzie whined.

"What are you whining about now…whoa! Free striptease!" Alex said, eagerly sitting on the bench closer to Meredith.

Meredith rolled her eyes and bent over to put her feet in the legs of her pants. Unfortunately it was right in Alex's face who was dazed at the sight before him.

"That is a luscious ass Grey." He complimented her. She had just finished tying her scrub pants when she heard a voice behind her in the doorway.

"Why don't you stick your head all the way up in there Dr. Jock Itch?" Derek said, his voice low and deadly.

Meredith turned around and glared at him before shrugging into her scrub top and slipping on her Converse shoes.

"His name is Alex Karev." She informed him, her voice calm.

"I don't really care, but you know that, don't you?" He said.

"I know a lot of things Dr. Shepherd." She said sweetly.

"That remains to be seen Dr. Grey."

"Why are you gracing us with your presence Oh Wise One?" She asked sarcastically.

The others remained silent watching their banter like they would a tennis match.

"Well you would know if you weren't in here auditioning for Amateur night at the local strip club. I have been informed that a doctor from the east coast will be here Wednesday scoping out Seattle Grace as a possible place to transfer too. Apparently, he is an up and coming general surgeon and Dr. Webber has asked that we make his visit as welcoming and impressive as possible. So try not to fuck up too badly at least until Friday. Think you interns can manage that?" He asked.

"Can you?" Cristina asked, her voice hateful and full of venom.

"Cris…" Meredith pleaded quietly.

"I am an attending Dr. **Tang**." Derek told her as if that was the answer to everything.

Cristina stepped towards him, ready to spring on him and beat him to a pulp.

"It is Dr. Yang." She hissed.

"Whatever." He said, sounding bored.

Meredith stepped in front of Cristina and pushed her back to the bench near Alex.

"Sit and stay sitting." She ordered.

She turned towards Derek and walked over to him.

"You…get out. This is the intern locker room, not the Attending locker room. If you can't behave and mind your manners then you can't be in here." She told him.

"Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?" He asked, his head way too close to hers. His voice took on a seductive quality even though he didn't mean for it too. He was always dazzled in her presence.

_She dazzled him._

"I am no one Derek, didn't you know that?" She asked, smiling at him sadly, turning and walking away from him.

_He let her._

_Why?_

_Oh yeah..._

_Because like he said, he was in idiot._


	47. Chapter 47

Meredith drug her tired ass out of the locker room. She knew she should go home and sleep but she wanted to have a drink or a shot or a bottle of something. She had lost two patients today and Derek was in an even fouler mood because of that. If that was possible.

He was so confusing. He was being mean, as was his usual behavior, but his eyes were different. They were filled with what looked like longing and regret and self loathing and hurt and lust.

It was official…

_The dude needed anti pyschotics._

So she was going to go drink. She looked at her watch.

_11:42pm_

She was supposed to have gotten off at eight but with the two deaths came lots of paperwork.

So it would be a quick drink.

She entered Joe's and welcomed the warmth. It was colder than Eskimo cock out there. She walked to the bar and smiled at Joe.

"Hey Joe." She said.

"Hey Mer. How are you tonight? Getting off late huh?" He asked smiling pleasantly. She loved Joe.

"Lost two patients tonight…one was sixteen. He was drunk and drove right into a tree. So now I want a drink."

"Ironic." Joe said.

"Isn't it? Tequila Joe." She said smiling.

"Are you driving?" He asked, looking at her sternly.

"What? Are you my father?" She teased.

"Not the last time I checked. I just don't want you messed up like Shepherd back there." He said, nodding to the far left corner booth.

Meredith looked behind her at him. She shook her head at the sight.

Derek Shepherd was a sloppy ass drunk. He was passed out on the table. She turned back to Joe.

"How bad is it?" She asked him.

"Bottle of Scotch…in two hours. New record." Joe said.

Meredith sighed. She didn't need this tonight.

"Did you call him a cab?" She asked.

"Wouldn't do any good. He lives too far out."

Shit! Yes he did. Cabs don't go on the ferry boats.

"I am hoping he sobers up enough to go to the hotel at closing time." He informed her, though his voice didn't hold much hope. "Does he have any friends?"

Meredith snorted.

"Not likely. He is a tool." She said.

Meredith sighed.

"Help me get him in my car. I will call Alex and see if he will help me get him in his trailer."

"Trailer? The dude is a world-class neurosurgeon and he lives in a tin can?" Joe asked.

"It is a very nice trailer or whatever…just help me."

They lugged his heavy ass to her jeep and put him in the back seat.

"Mer! What's up? You said it was important." Alex said jogging up.

"Did I interrupt your evening?" Meredith asked regretfully.

"Nah. I was just trolling for surgeries…you know trying to beat Yang." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"Do you mind helping me?"

"Sure with what?" He asked.

She gestured towards the jeep. He looked in the window and burst out laughing.

"Is that McAssHat?"

"Yes, he is three sheets to the wind and I need your help taking him home." She said, smiling hopefully.

"Sure, I don't want to miss this experience for the world." He got in her jeep.

"Thanks Joe."

"No problem got my work out for the year." He joked.

She got in a pulled out of the parking lot heading towards the docks.

"Why couldn't he get a cab?" Alex asked, looking at the backseat.

"He lives far out…like an hour…on the ferry-boat." She said looking at Alex apologetically.

Alex shrugged.

"This is so much more entertaining than VH1." Alex said.

"Still thanks." She turned her attention back to the road.

They drove silently for ten minutes and pulled onto the ferry-boat. The comfortable silence continued, well aside from Derek's snoring. Meredith was pulled out of her musings when she heard a camera go off.

"Alex!" She admonished.

Alex was using his phone to take pictures of Derek.

"What? He's drooling Grey. This is worth at least a hundred." He told her.

"Stop it." She hissed.

"Fine." He grumbled, as he put his camera away.

"So why are you doing this?" He said.

"So what do you think you are going to specialize in?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"Oh no you don't. Come on Grey. Spill." He demanded.

"We…nothing…nothing is going on." She said honestly.

Alex looked at her smirking.

"We had sex…a lot last week but it was…nothing and we are nothing. He doesn't want to be anything." She confided in him.

"You want me to kill him?"

She shook her head.

"Beat his ass?"

She shook her head.

"Give you half of the proceeds from the pictures?"

She laughed.

"No."

"Ah, there it is. I know you are going to be alright when you laugh. Most beautiful sound in the world." Alex said.

He looked away, suddenly uncomfortable.

Meredith's eyes widened.

"Oh…Alex…you…I…oh." Meredith stammered.

"Don't sweat it. You are way out of my league." He said, smiling kindly.

"I am not." She protested.

"Yes. You are. You are this untouchable beauty, you have intelligence in spades, you are freaking medical royalty for Christ's sake and you are in love with the drunk bastard in the backseat who needs a good kick in the balls. I would do that myself if I wouldn't feel so empathetic. Believe me that is no fun." Alex said.

"I didn't know." She whispered.

"Grey, I have liked you since I met you, back when you were hiding from your own shadow, but you and me…we are too much alike to have a romantic relationship. So friendship, I can live with. I just want you to know that just because this guy is a jerk doesn't mean other guys wouldn't knock down your door for just the chance to go out with you. You are desirable, you are beautiful, you are loved. Don't forget that."

"Wow, that is a lot of depth for a manwhore." She teased.

"Ha Ha…hey, is this it?"

Meredith blinked. She didn't remember driving. Probably not a good thing.

"Nice scenery, nice land, oh is that a lake? Nice…wait...is that a trailer?"

"Yes, it is. Now help me get him in so I can go home."

She opened up the door and shook him.

"Hey…Derek. Hey."

"Hmmm…" He groaned.

"Wake your drunk ass up." She demanded. Alex came up beside her.

"Hmmm no…"

"I need your keys. Where are your keys?" She yelled.

"Pans." He mumbled.

She looked at Alex.

"Oh, don't look at me. I'm not going near his penis. It's a guy thing."

She rolled her eyes. She reached in to his front pocket and felt around, searching for his keys.

"S nice…right there." He slurred. Her finger found the key ring and she pulled them out. She handed them to Alex and he ran to unlock the door. She watched him and suddenly she was staring at the roof of her jeep.

"Hey, Whatcha doin pretty thang?" Derek asked.

"Let. Me. Go. Now." She said.

"Okay doors unl…I will just go over there." Alex said.

"Alex! Help me."

Alex laughed. He pulled her upright.

"Okay man. Up we go." He jerked Derek up and Meredith struggled to help him stay upright. They book ended him and carried most of his weight to the trailer.

"Who you?" Derek asked Alex, staring at him confusedly.

"I am Dr. Jock Itch." Alex said dryly.

"Don't do men people." Derek said.

"I would hope not!" Alex said disgusted.

"I do girls…one girl…Grey…she is hot and flexible and man can she suck a…"

"Okay! Let's get your drunk ass inside so you can sleep it off." Meredith said interrupting.

"Grey! It was just getting good." Alex teased.

"Shut up!"

"Don't feel so good." Derek said the instant before he lost it…all over Alex's shoes.

"Fuck!" Alex said, letting go of Derek, who fell on the deck, almost taking Meredith with him.

"Alex!"

"He hurled on my shoes! I hope I broke his back." Alex said, but took his shoe off and helped pick him up. They got him to his bed and just let him lie where he fell. Alex looked around.

"Alcoholic much?" He asked.

Meredith looked around with dismay. liquor bottles littered every available surface not taken up by take out boxes and dishes.

"I am going to hose off my shoes. I'll be in the car." Alex grumbled as he walked outside.

Meredith looked at Derek with concern and anger. She grabbed a trash bag and gathered up the garbage and alcohol bottles. She washed the dishes, wiped the counters and swept the floor. She removed his shoes and his socks. She pulled a blanket over him and swept his hair off of his forehead. She sighed. She reached into her pocket and placed something on his pillow and then walked out.

Derek woke up and felt like death. This was the hangover of all hangovers. He sat up gingerly and winced. He stretched and focused on his stomach. Didn't feel like he had to vomit but knew he had at one point by the taste in his mouth.

How the hell did he get home?

Why were his shoes and socks off?

He got up and then blinked as he looked at his trailer.

Why was his trailer clean?

He looked back at his bed. He saw a white card on his bed. He stumbled over to it and picked it up. He squinted at the handwriting and tried to focus on what it said.

_Please._

He flipped it over.

_Dr. Kathryn Wyatt, psychiatrist_

Derek looked around again at what his life had been reduced to. He was lonely, bitter, a social leper and a burgeoning alcoholic.

He sighed and picked up the phone.


	48. Chapter 48

Derek looked around the room he was in and sighed. He felt stifled and suffocated in the twenty by twenty room. He noted the bookcase of charts behind him, the messy desk to the far left of the room right by the door, which he ached to escape through. He glanced at the fish aquarium, thinking it was terribly out-of-place in the staid room. He turned his focus on the older blonde woman sitting in her desk chair directly in front of him, holding a black and white composition notebook. She was looking at him expectantly.

He stayed silent. They just sat there sizing each other up before she cleared her throat and broke the silence.

"I like quiet time as much as the next person, but you have been here thirty minutes and you have yet to say anything. In order for me to help you, words are somewhat necessary as I haven't mastered the art of mind reading just yet. I am working on it though." Dr. Wyatt said.

Derek snorted.

"That's a start." She said wryly.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked.

"Let's start with why you are here Dr. Shepherd."

"Derek. Since we are going to talk about my shitty feelings and issues, we might as well be on first name basis."

"Okay. I am Kathryn." She acquiesced.

"I…was married for eleven years." He admitted.

"Okay. I am sensing by the lack of a wedding ring that is no longer the case?"

"We are divorced."

"Why?"

"I found her fucking…sorry…sleeping…with my best friend of thirty-five years….in my bed."

"How did that make you feel?"

"What kind of shit question is that? It made me feel betrayed, worthless, furious, pissed off, suicidal…take your pick lady."

"What else?" She prompted.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think you are here just because your wife slept with your friend." She said.

"She was pregnant. She said it was mine. It wasn't." He confided.

"Did you want it to be?"

"Yes…I want to be a father…or I did. Our marriage had been suffering for a while and I thought that a child would make us close again. Turns out it was just the result of her extra curricular activities with him."

"What did you do when you found them and you realized the truth?"

"I left and came here."

"You didn't try to work it out?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"No. Why would I? She had an affair and had been for quite some time. She tried to pass her bastard child off on me. So no…I didn't try to work it out."

"Do you regret that?"

Derek thought a minute.

"No." He said finally.

"Why do you think that is?"

"She hurt me." He said simply.

"Why was your marriage suffering?" She asked, switching gears.

"She had an affair."

"No. You said that your marriage had been hurting and her being pregnant might have helped…so why was it hurting?"

Derek took a deep breath.

"We were just…absent. We got lazy I guess. I wanted kids and she didn't. I wanted to build a house out of the city and she didn't. I wanted to work for a teaching hospital but a private practice was all she would ascent to."

"Did you resent her?"

Again Derek had to think.

"Yes." He said, breathing deeply.

"So you came here after your marriage dissolved…and then what did you do?"

"I bought forty acres of land, bought a airstream trailer and I started working here." He smiled slightly.

"Do you still want kids?" She asked.

The smile left his face.

"I can't."

"Why not? Is there a medical problem?"

"No. I just…can't."

"You mean you won't. Why not?"

"I would need a woman." He whispered, trying to control his emotions.

"You are a handsome man, I am sure you aren't lacking for company. Haven't you found any women who interest you?" She asked kindly.

"Just one."

"And?"

"I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"I am damaged and I am not a nice person and I can't…I won't drag her down like that. She is too good." He said.

"What is her name?"

"Meredith." He said reverently.

Dr. Wyatt raised an eyebrow. Dr. Meredith Grey, one of her favorite patients. Lovely woman, damaged in her own right. Utterly perfect for Derek.

"How did you meet?" She said, schooling her features into a stoic expression.

"She is one of the interns here. I…um…she…I was mean to her and demanding beyond what the actual job entails and she got hurt sort of because of me and sort of because she is beyond stubborn and I…don't know…I just…she affects me."

"She affects you?"

"She is kind and loyal and smart and beautiful and young and when she smiles it warms you. She has this light in her eyes that never waives even though she has had a hard time of it. She gives of herself completely and I…I took advantage of her. I shouldn't have done that. She deserves better than me."

"What does she think?"

"I don't know. I am guessing she thinks I am an idiot but she just doesn't get it. I am no good for her. She…I broke things off with her after I took advantage…"

"I am guessing that by taking advantage you mean you had sex with her?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Excuse me? Isn't that a little personal?" He asked.

Dr. Wyatt waited.

"Last week, at my mom's in Connecticut."

Dr. Wyatt furrowed her brow.

"You took her home with you?" She asked incredulously, forgetting herself for a moment. Meredith didn't normally go out of her comfort zone and a family outing? Way out of her comfort zone. She hadn't seen the intern in a few weeks due to scheduling conflicts but the shy intern held a place in her heart. She made a note to get the girl's skinny ass in there soon.

"Yeah. I may have told my mom that she was my girlfriend." He said sheepishly.

"And she…"

"Hated me at first sight."

"Yet she went along with it."

"Yeah, she drives a hard bargain which I was unable to keep my end of and I threatened her so she would go. She did and we just…she saw me at my worst. She found out my situation and let my ex have it and then…" He hung his head.

"Then?"

"She told me about her past and I felt like the ass I am. My past pales in comparison to hers but she is still holding her head up high. She shared something with me so deeply personal that I just…I don't know…I just had to have her close to me."

"Do you regret it?"

"No. I should. But I don't. That was the best week of my life."

"Yet you ended it."

"She deserves a man who isn't scary and damaged or dark and twisty. I can't give her what she needs."

"Can't or won't?" She asked again.

Derek put a hand through his hair in frustration.

"It doesn't matter. It doesn't change a thing lady. It's over and done." He hissed.

"Is that what you do Derek? Be mean and say horrible things in hopes that she will go away and leave you alone? Hurt her before she can hurt you. That way she is the one to leave and it doesn't weigh on your conscience…cause everyone leaves or cheats right? Why should Meredith be any different." She taunted.

He shot up.

"You don't know what you are talking about." He growled.

"I am not the one in denial here Derek." She said simply.

"Shut up!"

"Why are you here Derek?"

"I don't know." He said.

"Bullshit. Why are you here?" She pressed.

"Cause she wants me here!" He yelled, anguished.

"If you don't care about her, then what does it matter what she wants?" She asked evenly.

"Fuck you." He looked at her hatefully and then bolted out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Kathryn Wyatt sat back in her chair and smiled.

Derek Shepherd had met his match, he just didn't know it yet.

And her name was Meredith Grey.


	49. Chapter 49

"Glad you could join us Dr. Shepherd." Dr. Webber said as Derek entered his office thirty minutes late. Derek shot him a look that said clearly not to mess with him.

"Derek Shepherd, this is Dr. Aaron Ballard from Boston. Dr. Ballard is the general surgeon I was telling you about yesterday. He is thinking about joining our staff and I want you to help him in any way you can while he is visiting us. That goes for the rest of you." He said to everyone gathered in his office. Everyone nodded.

"Okay then. Get to work and save lives." Dr. Webber concluded. "Derek, please stay a minute."

Derek watched the other department heads walk out and turned and looked at Richard impatiently.

"I would like you to take Dr. Ballard on a tour this morning. You both have a lot in common. You both were raised on the East coast and you both are from large families. If you have any questions Dr. Ballard, Derek should be able to answer them." Dr. Webber said as he left for his surgery. Derek bore his eyes into the Chief's back. He hated babysitting and Richard knew it. He turned to Dr. Ballard.

"Let's get this over with, new guy." He said abruptly.

Dr. Ballard raised an eyebrow.

"Aaron."

"What?" Derek said rudely.

"My name. It's Aaron. May I call you Derek?"

"No." He said stalking off.

Aaron watched him leave.

"Nice guy." He muttered before catching up with him.

"This is the OR. I am sure you have seen the inside of one before?" Derek asked.

"Yes. I am going into my fellowship so I am familiar with the logistics." Aaron said sarcastically. What the hell was up with this guy?

"Great. Any questions?" Derek asked impatiently.

"Yeah, what has crawled up your ass and died? I have only been here three hours, so I know it is not me, so what gives? I didn't ask you to hold my hand…your Chief did, so lose the attitude." Aaron demanded.

Derek glared at him. This guy had some balls.

"Fine. I had a bad morning. Sorry." He grunted out.

"No problem. Now, tell me some behind the scenes information."

"Like what?"

"Like who is doing who, who wants to do who, what nurse was caught in the OR sucking an attending…" He hinted.

Derek smiled slightly.

"Just kidding. Seriously. Who is my competition? Why is this the best hospital for me? Do the interns put out and is that frowned upon? Cause I saw some hot ones from a distance. Everyone is insanely hot here." Aaron observed.

Derek chuckled begrudgingly. He didn't know why but he thought he liked this guy.

"Everyone in your year is your competition, this hospital is in the top five and I don't do interns so I don't know but I am sure they do."

That of course wasn't entirely true, he did do one intern, who was off-limits to this horn dog. Wait, not his place. She could do whoever she wanted.

"What do you do for fun?"

"Fun?"

"Yeah, you know…fun. Go out, have a few drinks, have sex with random strangers…fun." Aaron prompted.

"I go home, drink scotch and fish." Derek stated. "Why?"

"Just wondered and that is pathetic, by the way. I could show you how to have a good time."

"Are you hitting on me?" Derek asked suddenly.

Aaron looked horrified.

"No. Why the hell would you ask that?"

"Just wondered." Derek said, throwing Aaron's words back at him.

"I was just trying to get you laid. You are uptight."

"I'm good, thanks."

"Say…I saw a hot little dirty blond with light blue scrubs when I got here. She is about five seven, a hundred pounds, great rack. Do you know who I am talking about? She didn't have a name of her jacket so I am guessing she is an intern. She was with an Asian and a tall blond."

_Meredith._

"No." He said, his snippy attitude back in full force.

"Oh. Well, I will ask around. I would really like to get to know her, if you know what I mean." Aaron said suggestively.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I would like to inform you that we are serious about our jobs here, not about getting laid. Maybe California would be a better choice for you. You know…all those 'great racks'…" Derek suggested.

"Maybe. Thanks for the tour man. I am going to go to the gallery and observe a little. I'll see you later." Aaron said, slapping Derek on his back in a showing of camaraderie. Derek fought the urge to slug him.

Instead Derek stalked off.

Aaron Ballard watched him, smiling smugly. He turned in the opposite direction. He had an intern to find.

Meredith groaned again. She was having a horrible day. She didn't sleep at all the night before, instead staying up all night worrying about Derek. She was late for work, didn't have coffee or breakfast and had gotten assigned to rectals for being late. So now she had rectal jelly on her scrubs, which was a nice addition to her already 'shitty' day…pun intended.

"Grey!"

Meredith turned and smiled at Alex as he jogged to her.

"Lunch?" He asked her.

"I can't, I have seven more rectals to do." She smiled regretfully. She liked Alex and enjoyed his company.

"I know, you have rectal jelly on her scrubs. Which is why I brought you a tuna sandwich and some yogurt. Don't want you passing out and hitting your head again." He said, handing her the container.

Meredith smiled at him widely.

"Thank you Alex." She said sincerely.

Alex ducked his head in embarrassment.

"Yeah…I know you had a rough morning." He said. "Well, I will see you later Grey. Hope your day gets better."

She watched him run off in the direction he had originally came. Why couldn't she want Alex? He wasn't complicated and he liked her. Her eyes focused on the answer to that question, who was leaning over the counter grabbing a chart.

Oh right. Derek. She focused on her sandwich, trying to eat it in a hurry. She felt someone staring at her. She looked up quickly but Derek was now looking in his chart.

She sighed.

Why must life be so complicated?

She really needed to talk to her shrink…before she did something embarrassing, like stripped down and got down on all fours in front of him...

Yeah, she needed to go see Kathryn.


	50. Chapter 50

"I was wondering when I was going to see you."

Meredith looked sheepishly at Dr. Wyatt.

"Sorry to cancel out last week, I was…detained."

"Oh I know all about it." Dr. Wyatt informed her, smiling smugly.

"Know all about what?" Meredith asked suspiciously.

"How you went to Connecticut with a certain neurosurgeon." Dr. Wyatt sing-songed. Her relationship with Meredith after six months was more of a teasing nature. They had made great strides in her therapy and Kathryn considered Meredith one of her friends. The appointment was just mostly for show. Unprofessional, yes, but Meredith was adamant about not switching 'shrinks'.

Meredith's eyes widened.

"How did you know that? I thought you didn't listen to gossip." She shrieked.

Kathryn just looked at her and shrugged.

Meredith swallowed and fought back her tears.

"He came and saw you didn't he?" She asked.

"Yes but you know I can't tell you about our session Meredith."

"I know, I am just so glad he made an appointment."

"Well?" Kathryn asked.

Meredith blushed.

"I don't know. There is just something about him."

"Sure I get it, if you like cocky, hateful, arrogant assholes with God complexes." Kathryn deadpanned.

Meredith smiled.

"There is so much more to him than that. He is funny and when he smiles, it is the most amazing thing and he lives on this great piece of land with a lake and the most quaint little trailer. He cooks…kind of…actually he burned our dinner but anyway…he is vulnerable and…you know how they say the eyes are the windows to our soul or some crap like that? Well, it is so true with him. He has so much pain and self loathing but every once in a while I see the man that he used to be before his world came crashing down. And I really like that man." Meredith rambled.

Kathryn looked at her amusedly.

"How long are you prepared to wait for that man to surface?"

Meredith looked down at her hands and fiddled with her watch.

"I don't know if I can…wait that is. I just am now discovering who I am. I just stopped hiding from myself. But Kathryn…I wouldn't really care if that man ever surfaced because I am pretty crazy about the cocky, hateful, arrogant neurosurgeon with a God complex that he is."

"Then what is the problem?"

"You did meet him, right?" Meredith asked doubtfully.

"Okay you have a point." Kathryn agreed.

"He said he didn't want me, that he couldn't love me." Meredith said sadly.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow and wanted to take a hit out on Derek. Those were the same words Meredith had heard every time her mother berated her.

"What do you think?"

"I think he is scared." Meredith said.

Kathryn nodded.

"Any more nightmares?" She asked.

"I had one last week while I was in Connecticut."

"Tell me about it."

"It was the same one I always have. I am at home, here in Seattle and he shows up and hurts me. I wake up just before he kills me." She whispered.

"How often are you having them now?"

"Twice a week usually, but I haven't had one since last week."

"Why is that, do you think?"

"Derek was next to me, lying in bed…his arms wrapped around me. It's not about the sex…please don't think it is. I just felt so…safe. And I haven't felt that way since Thatcher left me when I was five." Meredith stated.

"It must have taken a lot for you to take that step with him…the sex."

"Not really. It's so weird Kathryn, but telling him about Matt and Ellis was not as hard as I thought it would be. He was so understanding and angry for me." Meredith smiled as she remembered.

"Is that when it happened? After you told him?"

"Yeah. Sparing you any details, it was…magical." Meredith paused. "Oh God, did I just say that? I am turning into such a girl."

Kathryn laughed.

"Tell me one thing. Was it good, cause he looked like he would be good, was he any good?"

Meredith laughed and threw a couch pillow at her.

"That is a very inappropriate thing to ask your patient. But yes, he was really, really good."

"What can I say, I live vicariously through my patients, so sue me." Kathryn responded. "So I will see you in two weeks and…good luck."

"Thanks Kathryn. I better get back to my scut work." Meredith got up and walked to the door. She turned back to Kathryn.

"Just try to help him and don't give up on him. He is stubborn but he is a really great guy. Just…help him."

Kathryn nodded and watched Meredith walk out the door.

"Hey! Baby you made it!" Cristina screamed as she stood on the bar at Joe's when Meredith walked in later that night.

Meredith raised an eyebrow and looked at her other friends in question.

Alex shrugged his shoulders, walked over to her and handed her a shot of tequila. He threw his arm over her shoulder.

"She's shit faced." He slurred.

"She is obviously not the only one." Meredith said laughing.

"Come with me…" He said. She giggled, took her shot and went with him. She had no choice as his arm was still around her.

"Just don't throw up on me."

"I won't. That shit was nasty. Douche owes me a pair."

"A pair of what? Balls?" Cristina said, now off of the bar and now sprawled out in their booth on top of a passed out George.

"I have balls, I have big balls. Wanna see?" Alex told Cristina but waggling his eyebrows at Meredith, who promptly rolled her eyes.

"Where is Iz?" She asked.

"Grinding over there on the new doc…I shall McDub him McHottie." Cristina said.

Meredith glanced over to where Izzie was indeed grinding on a man. From the back he did look cute. She would have to meet him later. Had to be nice to the maybe new superior.

"So Mer, can you give me a ride home?" Alex asked. "I can't ford a cab, I spent it all on alcohol."

'Where do you live?" Meredith asked.

"Don't member." He said.

"What is with you guys and your inability to forget your address? Is it a convenience thing or are you just that fucking stupid?" Meredith ranted.

Alex shrugged and grinned sloppily.

"I will take you home with me then." She said, smiling at him.

'Well, that didn't take you long, did it?"

Meredith looked up at Derek, who had approached their table. Her eyes went wide.

"It's not…I'm not…We're not…" She stammered.

"Don't worry about it Dr. Grey. I will see you tomorrow. Try to be on time." He said, his jaw clenched.

He looked at her once more and then shaking his head, he left Joe's.

"Damn, he was pissed at you." Alex pointed out.

Meredith glared at him before rushing out after Derek.


	51. Chapter 51

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Meredith yelled, as she rushed out into the drizzling rain.

Derek kept on walking, ignoring her.

She raced up to him and caught his arm. She twisted around him until she was facing him. He glared at her and shook her hand off of his arm.

"You are just like her." He spat. "Always going on to someone better."

"Excuse me?" She asked, her voice hostile.

"My ex-wife." He said.

Meredith's hand came up to his face.

_Crack!_

Derek put a hand up to his face, rubbing the sting out of it.

"What? I was just trying to point out how perfect Alex is for you. He likes to put out too. You knew me, what…two weeks and you were in bed with me?" Derek said harshly.

Meredith shook her head, trying to make sense of what he just said.

"You don't get to call me a whore. When I got to know you, I thought I had found the man I would spend the rest of my life with. So the self-esteem and the boy problems and the obvious mommy and daddy issues…who cared? Cause I was done. You did this. I am all glued back together now and I make no apologies for how I fix what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore." Meredith finally said, her whole body trembling.

Derek looked at her, his eyes reflecting the agony she knew was showing in hers.

"I didn't mean that. I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate…you are not a whore. I didn't mean to say that. I have to go." He said, trying to escape.

"No, wait! Quit running from me." Meredith begged. "Talk to me, let me help you."

"No. I don't need any help." He denied.

"That's right Derek, you are fine. Just go…go back to the woods and hide…that's what you do best."

"I am not hiding! I'm not hiding! I have nothing to hide." Derek hissed.

"You are hiding from your feelings for me. What happened in Connecticut was not make-believe, there was no pretending in that bed, in that home…not after that second day. Why can't you just admit it? You have feelings for me. Admit it." Meredith demanded.

"No." Derek said, shaking his head in denial and backing away from her.

"Admit it!" She growled, closing the distance.

"Mer…" He pleaded, the agony worse the closer she got to him. Finally he couldn't go any farther as he hit a brick wall…literally.

"Admit it." She said softly, her breath mingling with his.

"Mer…" He whispered, right before her lips touched his.

She twisted her hands in his wet raven locks and pulled him closer to her, so that every point of their bodies touched. She felt him harden and push into her stomach. He hesitantly buried his hands in her silken tresses and thrust his tongue into her mouth. She sucked on his tongue causing his hands to grip her leg and bring it over his hip, grinding into her. She brought her other leg up until he was carrying her slight weight. He turned her around and slammed her into the wall. She felt the pain but didn't acknowledge it. She was on fire from the top of her head to her toes which were trying to curl in ecstasy.

Suddenly, she was abruptly pushed away from him. He looked…panicked. She gripped his arm before he could flee.

"Tell me you didn't feel that…we have a connection." Meredith said.

"It is just sex." Derek said.

"No it's not! It's…electricity and lightning and…it's everything." Meredith said.

"I…I …can't." He whispered. He looked at her longingly. "I wish I could."

He backed away slowly, still shaking his head.

"Keep running Derek…keep hiding. One day, I won't be here and then where will you be?" Meredith asked softly, her tears flowing and mixing with the rain.

"Same place I am now." He said, turning his back on her and walking away.

"You are a coward Derek Shepherd!" She screamed at his back.

He gave her no indication he heard her.

She stayed there…for minutes, for hours…she wasn't sure. Nothing could numb this pain…not sex, not alcohol, not her well meaning friends. She blindly went back into the bar to take care of someone who would let her.

"Ugh…I am never drinking again." George groaned the next morning.

"Me either." Izzie agreed.

"Shut up. My head is killing me." Alex hissed.

"What the fuck is that smell?" Cristina asked, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"Smells like sulfur." Izzie said, holding her hand over her nose.

"Breakfast is ready." Meredith yelled from the kitchen.

"Oh, it's breakfast." George said weakly.

"Dude, that smells like shit." Alex said.

"Are you guys coming?" Meredith yelled. "These eggs are getting cold."

"I am suddenly very allergic to eggs." Izzie said.

"Hell no, Tinkerbell! If we have to eat them so do you." Cristina hissed. "I am not getting food poisoning by myself."

"What is taking you guys so long?" Meredith exclaimed coming into the living room where they all were congregated.

"We're coming. Keep your panties on Nancy Drew." Cristina said, getting up reluctantly, the others dragging their feet behind them.

They all sat at the table and Meredith proudly served them.

Alex leaned closer to his plate.

"What is all in here Mer?" He asked weakly.

"Oh, just avocado and some kind of cheese I found in the fridge." Meredith sat airily.

Izzie looked at horrified. 'Avocados…in eggs?' she mouthed. Cristina kicked her under the table. She winced and glared at Cristina.

"Well, go on, eat up." Meredith said.

They all looked at each other and then the other three looked at George. He shook his head.

"No!" He hissed quietly.

"Do it." Alex said, giving him a threatening look.

"Is something wrong?" Meredith asked.

"No, it looks…good." George said, gulping loudly. He faked a smile as he cut a piece of omelet and brought it to his mouth. He turned green at the smell and glared at the others. He put it in his mouth, trying to keep his face straight. He chewed and swallowed hard, forcing himself not to gag.

Meredith looked at him expectantly.

"Hmmm…Good." He said, forcing a smile at her.

Meredith smiled and went to go do the dishes.

George looked at the others and shook his head adamantly. They all scrambled to hide their eggs…in the cookie jar, under the seat cushions and the placements. Alex hid his in the tiffinay hanging lamp above the table.

"That was…great Mer," Izzie said, smiling widely.

"Oh do you want more?" Meredith asked. "There is a lot more."

"Oh…yay!" Izzie said, with a panicked look on her face.

"No! I mean…no. We are full. We thought it was so nice that you made us breakfast." Cristina said.

"Speak for yourself." George muttered.

Cristina elbowed George.

"Well, let's go. We don't want to be late." Cristina said.

"Yeah, we need to grab breakfast." Izzie muttered.

"Wait…aren't you going to eat?" Alex asked.

"Oh I don't eat eggs." Meredith informed them, going to grab her coat.

George's mouth dropped open as he glared at the others.

"She doesn't eat eggs. She wouldn't even eat that crap and you made me!" He whispered loudly.

"You took one for the team Bambi. Suck it up!" Alex told him.

"You suck it up. If I was a dog I would lick my own ass to get the taste out of my mouth." George complained.

Everyone but George cracked up.

"What is so funny?" Meredith asked, confused.

"Just something that happened last night." Izzie said quickly.

"You must have had a different time then I had. Let's go the car is warmed up." She said sadly, leading the way.

"Come on Fido. And don't let me catch you licking your ass in the car or I won't walk you later." Alex teased.


	52. Chapter 52

"Okay, listen up people…I don't have all day. I have a surgery with the new guy, who is one step away from a sexual harassment suit on his second day here. Stevens, you can scrub in with us, if you can refrain from dry humping him…I mean really he hasn't been here for twenty four hours…just nasty." Izzie blushed. "Now…O'Malley you are on Peds, Yang…cardio, Karev…plastics, and Grey…someone is popular today…you are on Neuro. Don't make me regret that." Bailey ranted.

"So Dr. Weller or Dr. Crichek?" Meredith asked.

"Dr. Shepherd." Bailey said, raising an eyebrow.

"Fun." Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"What? Aren't you two big buddies these days?" Bailey mocked.

"Yeah, we are bestest friends…I just painted his toenails last night." Meredith said.

"Is that sarcasm I hear?" Bailey asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, just checking. Now get to work." Bailey said, leaving the room with Izzie rushing after her.

"Ugh! What the hell did I do to deserve this shit?" Meredith ranted.

"Well, let's see…you pissed off Shepherd, passed out and hit your head, pretended to be his girlfriend in front of his mommy, let him stick you with his prick and then let him dump you and your fake relationship…damn, you are pathetic." Cristina said.

"I personally think it all comes down to hitting your head. We should do a MRI. You didn't start liking him until then, so clearly you have brain damage." Alex interjected.

"I hate you both!" Meredith hissed.

"Oh, you love me, Evil Spawn not so sure about." Cristina said.

"Oh she loves me too." Alex said winking at Meredith.

"Ugh…whatever. I have to go find McDouchy." Meredith groaned as she went to go find Derek. The same Derek she had thrown herself at and the same one who had pushed her away and walked off.

"Hey Mer! Wait up!" Alex said, jogging up to her.

"What's up? More jokes about how pathetic I am?" Meredith said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"No." Alex looked down at his feet. "Iwonderedifyouwouldgooutwithmetonight." He said in a rush.

Meredith stared at him in shock.

So did Derek, who was coming to find his late intern. He wanted to apologize again and he felt he should be punished for the way he acted. A day with Meredith in close proximity, breathing her in, looking at her beautiful face…punishment. Looking at her, knowing he in no way deserved someone so wonderful…punishment. Watching Dr. Jock Itch ask his dream woman out…definite punishment. He knew it was irrational, he knew he had pushed her away, he knew she deserved better than him, but in that moment…he wanted to kill Alex Karev, yes he knew his name too, and hide his body somewhere on his forty acres.

"Oh." Meredith breathed.

"I know we talked about it the other night and I understand. I just want to get to know you better." Meredith looked at him knowingly. "Not like that. Just maybe grab some pizza and a couple of beers. I mean, no one really likes me here except you and that red-headed nurse." He whispered in her ear. not wanting anyone to listen in to that statement. He had a reputation to uphold after all.

Meredith giggled.

"Meet me in the lobby at eight?" Meredith asked.

Alex grinned.

"You got it. See you at eight." He kissed her on the cheek and jogged off. Meredith watched him leave, gazing at his firm rear. She was in love with a bastard, what she wasn't…was blind.

"If you are done drooling Dr. Grey, we have some work to do." Derek growled in her ear. She shivered involuntarily. Damn, she should keep an extra pair of panties…or two…in her locker, cause these were soaked.

She schooled her features and turned to face him.

"Let's get to it then, shall we?" She said professionally. "What's up first?"

Derek looked at her searchingly.

"Twenty eight year old female who presented with severe headaches over a four-week period. CT scans and a MRI showed a small tumor pressing against her frontal lobe. Her surgery is at six. Please do a complete work up, prep her and then you can scrub in. I will see you in the OR." He said.

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd."

"Mer…" He began.

"That will be all Dr. Shepherd." She said tersely before walking away.

Derek watched her leave, his heart plummeting. She had never walked away from him. So this is how she had felt.

Meredith liked her patient. Even through her pain, Marissa was cracking jokes and making her laugh. The workup was a breeze, with Marissa calling her a vampire for taking her blood. That was the first laugh of many out of Meredith that day and it felt good to be lighter. She had been so sad and frustrated lately and the good humor made her spirits soar.

"So I am going under the knife in thirty minutes…got any good gossip before I get my head cut open?" Marissa asked.

"I don't gossip." Meredith said.

"Talk to me about my hot doc…that man is a god." Marissa said fanning herself. "Is he single?"

Meredith snorted, but remained silent writing Marissa's blood pressure reading in the chart.

"What does that mean? You know something." Marissa said, leaning forward, her eyes bright with curiosity.

"I know nothing." Meredith corrected.

"I call bullshit." Marissa said.

"About what?" Derek said, leaning in the doorway and smirking. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I wanted to know if you were single and Meredith here won't say a thing…she just snorted." Marissa said, not shy at all.

Derek raised his eyebrow and cleared his throat, embarrassed.

"I…I am single." He said, smiling quickly at his curious patient.

"Are you gay?" She said incredulously.

Meredith snorted again.

Derek frowned.

"No, why would you ask that?" He said. Did he look gay?

"Well, I am just wondering why a hot doctor such as yourself is single?"

Meredith snorted once again.

He shot her an irritated look.

"Could you not do that please?" He asked her.

Meredith looked at him innocently.

"Not do what Dr. Shepherd?"

"That damn irritating snorting thing. It is almost as bad as your very loud snoring." He said.

"No one said you had to stick around to hear either one. Oh wait, you didn't." She said, glaring at him.

He shot a nervous look at his patient, who was sitting back watching the show.

"I told you…I…" He began.

"Whatever, I don't want to hear it anymore." She turned to Marissa. "Let's get you ready to go." She said brightly, leaning over to buzz an orderly.

"Dr. Grey." He said.

Meredith ignored him.

"Meredith I am sorry about last night." He blurted out. "I am going through too much…I…just…"

Meredith looked at him hardly.

"If you want to find sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis. Now let's do this."

She smiled at Marissa.

"I will see you in the OR."

She glared at Derek once more and stalked out.

Marrisa looked at Derek in amusement.

"She is really mad at you."

"I know. She has every right to be."

"Dr. Grey, if you would like to, you can drill the burrholes." Derek offered during surgery.

Meredith blinked in surprise.

"Su…sure." She stammered.

She moved in front of him and took the surgical drill. Her gloved hand brushed against his and their eyes met. She looked away quickly. It always seemed as though he were looking into her soul. She laughed inwardly. Probably why he didn't want her.

She took a deep breath and pressed the drill to Marissa's head.

"Talk me through this, cause she will haunt me if I kill her." She told Derek.

Everyone laughed, making the atmosphere in the room lighter. Meredith had that gift. She could walk into a room and instantly brighten it without even trying.

She flipped it on and exerted force.

"Okay, now go in just until you see the blood flow out, but don't go too far or you will hit her brain."

"Definitely don't want to do that. Okay, got it. Suction please." Meredith grinned.

"Okay, now tell me, what do you see?"

Meredith looked carefully.

"I see the clot." She said.

"Okay now what do you do?"

"I evacuate it." She said.

"Right. So do it."

She looked up at him quickly.

"You want me to do it?"

"Yes. I still have part of my bargain to keep." He reminded her, his eyes sad.

She nodded and focused on Marissa. Damn! She really needed another set of panties.

"That was amazing! It is such a high. I don't know why anyone does drugs, they should just become surgeons. It won't kill you and you make more money and it is actually legal." She rambled happily as they scrubbed out an hour later.

"Yeah." Derek breathed.

"Yeah." She said softly, not looking at him.

"Meredith, we need to talk."

"About what? How you have rejected me not once, but twice…about what an asshole you are for no good reason…about your bipolar behavior that gives me whiplash…or how about sleeping with me most of last week and kissing me back last night and then walking away both times? No Derek, we are certainly not going to talk about that. Have a good night, don't get drunk. I am not available to take you home tonight." Meredith ranted.

"Are you seriously going out with Karev?" Derek asked.

"Yes. He asked me out. He wants to spend time with me. He likes me. Give me one reason why I shouldn't go."

"I don't like it." Derek whispered, looking pained for admitting that.

"Give me a good reason." She shot back.

"I can't."

"Of course you can't. Thank you for the opportunity today. Goodnight Dr. Shepherd." She said walking out.

Derek watched her go, trembling slightly. He promised himself he wouldn't feel this way about a woman again. This shaking pile of emotions that varied from anger to self-pity to jealousy to the one feeling he didn't want to admit to.

Oh well, promises were made to be broken.


	53. Chapter 53

"This was a great idea." Meredith said to Alex as she dug into the massive pepperoni pizza in front of them.

"I do have them from time to time." Alex said.

"Hmmm….guess I haven't known you long enough to be around to see them." Meredith said sassily.

Alex threw a pepperoni at her.

"Hey!" She protested laughing, sticking the pepperoni in her mouth.

They quieted down to enjoy their meal. Meredith looked up to find Alex staring at her in awe.

"What?" She demanded.

"Dude, you are like a…pig. How the hell do you stay so thin?"

"Damn! You are really great for a girl's ego. I like pizza. What's the problem with that?" She said glaring.

"Nothing just…you eat like the wrestlers I used to train with."

"I do not!" Meredith gasped.

"Yes, you do. I find it quite charming actually, that a tiny person such as yourself can eat a whole large pizza by herself." Alex deadpanned.

"Shut up." She said grinning.

"So…" Alex said.

"So?"

"Are you making any headway with Shepherd?" Alex said, taking a drink of his beer.

Meredith sighed.

"No…not really. I'm not going to force myself on him if he doesn't want me. Well, not anymore." She said cringing as she remembered cornering him last night.

Alex nodded.

"You deserve better, you know."

"That's what he says." Meredith said.

"Oh god! I agree with Shepherd on something? Kill me now." Alex grimaced.

"I can't. I'm a healer. Hippocratic Oath or whatever." She teased.

"Oh, they were serious about that? Oops." Alex joked.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Alex, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, I put out on the first date. I am just classy like that." He mocked.

"I'm serious Alex."

"Okay, shoot." He said seriously.

"Why can't you let anyone else see this side of you? You go around pretending to be the Mack Daddy of the interns and you are really this nice caring funny guy."

"What? I have you know I am the Mack Daddy of the interns. Wanna be my Mack Mama?"

She shot him a look.

"Fine." He groaned. "I was the class clown growing up. I had really shitty parents, dad was a drug addict and mom was nutso. I was eventually raised by my grandmother. I don't really know how to be anything else, but with you…I don't know…I feel different. Like you understand me or something. I guess that is why I am drawn to you. You get me."

"I know what that's like. My dad left when I was five or my mom kicked him out…either way he wasn't around. No contact whatsoever. My mom was not mother material at all. Told me she wished she had an abortion. Nice, huh? I raised myself from the age of eight." She shrugged and took a drink.

"You did a good job." He told her.

"So did your grandmother. Where is she? Back in Iowa?"

Alex's eyes saddened.

"She died when I was in college. She was the only one who believed I had what it took to be a doctor and then she didn't even get to see me actually make it."

"That sucks Alex."

"Yes, it does. Okay, this took a turn for the morose." He said.

"It did. So, how many nurses have you screwed in the past seven months?" She said, going to lighter conversation.

"I'm supposed to be keeping track?" He said in mock horror.

"Hey do you want to go see a movie…"

_Beep Beep Beep_

They both looked at their pagers. Meredith groaned.

"I'm not on call. What the fuck?" She complained.

She took out her cell phone and dialed the extension listed on her pager. This had better be good.

"Hey, Shep."

Derek paused and looked behind him to see Aaron jogging up to him.

"It's Dr. Shepherd." He corrected him.

"Lighten up. Say do you want to get a drink across the street? I don't know anyone here and all the hotties have gone. I was hoping to be seen with a long-standing attending to see if it helps with the chicks any. What do ya say?"

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Let me get this straight…you want to use me to see if I can help you get laid?"

"Basically. You know everyone here right? You have been here a while?" He asked.

"Yes, I have been here awhile and no, I don't know a tenth of anyone's names here. I don't mix well with others." Derek said.

"Okay then, come with me and I will help you to get laid. You need it man. You are way too tense." Aaron said.

"No thank you."

"I will pick up the tab. You are there almost every night anyway. I can't hurt your reputation any if you are as big of an ass as I guessing you are with the staff. So come on."

Derek stared at his back for a minute before following him.

At least he got free drinks out of the deal.

"So, I heard you got your ass handed to you today by that hot blond intern. Something about shit, syphilis and sympathy?" Aaron said laughing.

Derek clenched his jaw.

"She is not a hot blond. I mean, she is hot…really hot, but her hair is more honey than blond." Derek said.

Aaron looked at him speculatively.

"And you asked me if I was gay the first day we met? Who cares what color her hair is man. I just want to tap that." He said lewdly, taking a shot of vodka and winking at a redhead who was next to him.

"Let's get one thing straight Ballard. There will be no tapping of Meredith, do you understand me? I don't care who else you fuck with, but she is off-limits." Derek growled, leaning forward into his personal space to get the point across.

"Shit man. What the fuck is your problem? Are you in love with the bitch or something?"

Derek took a gulp of his drink.

"Or something." He said curtly, signaling to Joe for another.

"I'm sorry man, but unless you have an actual relationship with her, she is fair game. So if you really want her, you will have to fight her for me and I always fight to win." He said ominously. He threw some cash on the bar to cover their tabs and with a last shrewd look at Derek, left the bar.

Joe brought Derek's drink to him.

"Look, I don't know you personally or anything. To me, you are just double scotch, single malt, a doctor and an amazing tipper. I feel like I have to say this to you. I like Meredith Grey. She is an amazing woman and that guy…I have a bad feeling about him. So pull your head out of your ass before something bad happens to that amazing woman of ours, okay?" Joe said, his brow furrowed.

Derek sighed and drowned his drink down in one gulp.

His cell phone buzzed signaling an incoming call.

"What?" He said curtly.

"Hello to you too, Dr. Shepherd." Nurse Liz said dryly. "Marissa Allen has developed a post op fever. Temp is currently 101. Can you come back and check on her?"

"I am drunk." He groaned.

"Of course you are. What was I thinking?" She said. He could almost hear her roll her eyes.

"What do I need to do? I am not a doctor as you have reminded me on several occasions." She asked.

Derek smiled a rare smile.

"Page Dr. Grey."

"Hey Liz. Yeah…okay…did you call…you did…and what did he say….he is, why doesn't that surprise me…he told you to call me…to come in…on my night off…to check on his patient…yes I did the surgery…he let me…so that means I have to drop my date and come running…he is the attending…okay…I will be there in a few…start her on cephalexin by IV…okay…bye Liz."

Meredith closed her phone and smiled apologetically at Alex while her eyes were a fiery dark green color.

"Ooh, you are angry. I wonder who at? Let me think? Hmmmm…so many options." Alex teased.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have to check on Marissa." She said, getting up from their booth.

"No problem, I will take you there and wait around. I have nothing better to do. Let's go." He said throwing some money on the table to cover their meal.

"Thanks Alex." She sighed, walking away.

"Damn fucking brain man…can't stay sober for two freaking hours…has to ruin my night…ass!" She muttered as she stormed to the car.

Alex smothered a laugh.

God help Derek Shepherd when Meredith got her hands on him.


	54. Chapter 54

"Sorry you had to come in last night." Marissa said.

Meredith peered at Marissa's chart and smiled at her.

"Don't worry about it. My date understood."

"He was hot, not as hot as the sex god, but hot."

"He is nicer than the sex…Dr. Shepherd. But he is just a friend."

"I wanna friend like that."

Meredith laughed.

"Everything is looking good. It isn't uncommon for an infection to occur after surgery. The antibiotics seem to be working, so I will continue them until tomorrow morning and I will reassess then."

"Thanks Dr. Grey. I really do feel better today. My head hurts but I guess after brain surgery that is to be expected huh?" She said.

"Yep." Meredith said, grinning.

"How are we doing today Marissa?" Derek said, coming into the room.

Meredith's grin left her face and a scowl replaced it.

"Um…judging by the look on Dr. Grey's face…I am going to say, better than you are going to be doing in just a minute." Marissa said, smiling.

Derek looked at Meredith, but all he could see was the back of her. Then she turned around, smiling stiffly, her eyes dark and flashing.

Two things crossed his mind simultaneously…

One…she was pissed.

Two…she looked hot pissed.

"Is there something you would like to say to me Dr. Grey?" He asked, smirking.

Her eyes flashed like lightning.

"Not in front of the patient Dr. Shepherd. I do have a few choice words for you though, if you will be so kind as to follow me out." She said, between gritted teeth.

"Oh come on! I wanna watch you reem out the sex god." Marissa complained.

"Not this time Marissa. I will be back later to check on you."

She strode out of the room with one last piercing glare at Derek.

He looked at Marissa and mouthed. 'Help me'.

She giggled.

"Nope you are on your own for this one, good luck though." She told him.

"Thanks." He said.

He walked out of the room, where Meredith took his arm and dragged him, not altogether unwillingly, to the nearest supply closet. She roughly pushed him in and shut the door behind him.

"If you wanted to get me alone all you had to do was ask." He joked.

Wrong thing to do.

"Seriously, you're joking? You are making light of my obviously pathetic feelings for you? Really?" She said, as her eyes glistened with tears.

"Mer…I…" He began, feeling like an asshole.

"No! You don't get it, do you? I have never said that to anyone before…ever. And if you don't feel the same…fine. I can live with that. But when you break up a date I am on with someone who does like me and who enjoys my company…that pisses me off….it hurts me…it messes with my head. I am not going to put my life on hold for someone who may never love me. If you don't want me, then you need to let me go, because this back and forth you are doing with me…this one minute I am going to be an ass, the next I am going to be nice…it isn't right. I am a nice person. I don't bother anyone. I do my job and I go home and I spend time with my friends, but, Derek, I want more. I want to fall in love with someone who feels the same way about me. I want to get married and argue over mindless things like taking out the trash or leaving the toilet seat up. I want to make love all night long and have to work the next morning on no sleep. I want to have babies, at least two that I can raise and have them know what it is like to have two loving parents. I want to grow old with someone and sit with him on the rocking chairs on our front porch of the house we have lived in for forty years. I want that and I wanted that with you, but you are too damaged or stubborn or I don't know what…to have that with anyone because some bitch betrayed you. Well, guess what? You are not the only one in this world who has been hurt. So it is time to get the fuck over it. Grow up Derek! Stop drinking and wallowing in your self-pity. I would like to say I will be here when you do, but I won't be. I am done. From now on, I will be working with Weller or Crichek. Goodbye Derek."

She turned around and walked out leaving him in darkness. Fitting, he thought. He slid down the wall and put his head between his legs, trying to not hyperventilate.

"I am your intern today asshole. Where do you want me?"

Derek looked at Alex Karev and glared. This guy was a thorn in his side. Going out with Meredith, was he kidding? He was Derek's polar opposite. Maybe that's why she went out with him.

"It is Dr. Shepherd or sir. I won't answer to anything else." Derek said sternly.

"Then it should be really quiet today." Alex said smartly.

"Look, your girlfriend…" He ignored the pain in his chest. "…can fight her own battles. Try to be professional Jock Itch." He growled.

"Oh and that is professional?" Alex whipped back at him.

"You started it." Derek said.

"No I didn't. You did." Alex said.

"The daycare is on the first floor. This is the third floor. So either grow up or go downstairs." Bailey interjected.

"He called me an asshole." Derek told Bailey.

"I am sure it was justified." Bailey told him. "Now you two get to work and don't let me catch you arguing like two-year olds again. Do I make myself clear?" She said, her hands on her hips and tapping her foot.

"Yes Ma'am." They both said begrudgingly.

"Good. Now get out of my face!" She yelled, walking off muttering about 'stupid boys with stupid penises getting into a pissing match over a girl'.

Derek stalked off and Alex followed him. The day was busy and they operated on three cases together. At the end of the day, they were scrubbing out.

"She is kind of great you know? And you are stupid for hurting her." Alex said quietly.

"Don't talk to me about her. You win okay?" Derek said tersely.

"I win what? And all expenses paid trip to Friendshipland? Dude, she isn't looking for anyone but you. Wise up."

"She is done with me and I can accept that. I don't deserve her." Derek said sadly.

"What you are too good for her?" Alex demanded.

"No, she is too good for me." Derek said laughing bitterly.

"You've got that right." Alex agreed. "The thing is, she saw something in you and Meredith…she is wonderful and if she loves you then you are obviously redeemable. Either that or she is a horrible judge of character and then I really am an asshole." He joked.

"She wants more than I think I can give her."

"You think? Dude, you gotta know. So find out asswad or next time I am not going to be coming at you with words."

Alex finished up and left without another word.

Derek sighed. He had gotten lectured by three people today and he was on overload. He just wanted his trailer and a fishing pole. And scotch, maybe a cigar. He had some thinking to do.

_Beep Beep Beep_

The Chief.

Derek sighed.

Or maybe not.


	55. Chapter 55

**WARNING! This update is rated MV for mild violence, the next update...is worse. It is going to be intense.**

Meredith rotated her neck, trying to get the kinks out of it. She had spent six hours on an intricate pediatric surgery today and she was fried. She looked in her refrigerator for something to eat. She thought about ordering takeout but it was just her tonight. Cristina was on call. She focused on yesterday morning's leftover eggs and shook her head. She couldn't believe they had eaten that crap. She shrugged and decided to eat last night's pizza. She took a bite and moaned. She loved cold pizza. There was nothing else better in the world, except maybe…well sex. She frowned. There would be none of that for a long while. She looked at her pizza and sighed. At least, she still had it.

Her phone rang. Meredith groaned but reached over to grab it. She looked at the number and furrowed her brow. Who was this?

"Hello?" She asked hesitantly.

"Meredith? It's Carolyn dear. How have you been?" She asked warmly.

"Good…" She said confused. Why was Derek's mom calling her?

"That's great dear. I just wanted to touch base with you. I so enjoyed spending time with you and I can never seem to catch my son on his phone so I decided to call you. I hope it's not a bad time?"

"What? No. So you haven't talked to Derek since we left?"

"No. Which is no surprise to me. He isn't one for talking on the phone. So how have you two been? Was your flight okay?"

"I am okay and Derek is…Derek. The flight was fine." It was after the flight that the hell began.

"How is work?"

"Work is great. I am learning a lot and Derek let me help with a surgery. He actually let me do the whole thing from start to finish and I am pretty sure no other intern has gotten that opportunity yet." She said, forgetting this was Derek's mom and just thinking of her as a friend.

"So he is a good teacher? He was in private practice before."

"He was?" Meredith realized that she knew next to nothing about Derek.

"Oh yes. It pays more and Addison was all about the money, like she didn't have enough. She is a trust fund baby and still made Derek jump threw hoops."

"Why did he put up with it?"

"I don't know. I asked him once and he said that it would all be worth it when they had a family. Of course that didn't happen. About four years ago, after seven years of putting him off, she finally told him she never wanted children. It devastated him, caused some problems in their marriage but then about a year and a half after that, she became pregnant. He was so thrilled. Told everyone he came across. He went out and bought this little Yankee's onesie and a calendar with the due date marked on it and a baby book. Then it came crashing down around him two months later. She finally admitted that it was Mark's and not Derek's. And you know the rest. He moved to Seattle and met you a year later." Carolyn informed her.

"And Mark was his friend?"

"His best friend since he was six. We practically adopted him. They grew up together and this just killed Derek. I still can't look Mark in the face without wanting to hit him. But Derek is doing so much better now that he has you."

"Yeah, about that…Carolyn I have something to tell…"

Someone knocked on the door.

"Crap! Hold on, someone is at the door. I am going to put you down for a second okay?"

"Okay dear. Take your time." Carolyn said pleasantly.

Meredith walked to the door and opened it with a welcoming if not confused smile, which was quickly wiped off.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Derek sat in a conference room with the Chief, all the attendings and the general surgery residents as they tried to decide whether to hire Dr. Aaron M. Ballard or not.

He voted…not.

The guy was too smarmy for words. He was a total snake and an ass at that.

"I think he is great." A pretty brunette resident said.

"That's because you slept with him Megan. I am sure he was great on top of you. However, we are here about his surgical skills." Bailey said pointedly. Megan blushed and looked away.

Derek chuckled.

"What do you think Shepherd?" The Chief asked.

"I don't like the guy. I don't pretend to know how he is in the OR but he is asking for a Sexual Harassment suit. And I spent more time with the guy than I wanted to, thanks to you Richard." Derek grumbled.

"He comes highly recommended though."

"By who? Clarence King?" Derek said.

Everyone tittered.

"No Derek, by Ellis Grey. She wrote, 'Dr Aaron Matthew Ballard would be a wonderful addition to any staff. I have worked closely with him for some time now and he is undoubtedly one of the best I have ever trained. I see him taking over for me when I retire, which will be when they rip the scalpel out of my cold dead fingers'." People tittered at that. Derek scowled. He hated Ellis Grey. "'He is professional and caring with his patients and has unbelievable focus. If he decides to pursue another teaching environment, I know that he will be extremely valuable to whatever staff he joins.' She goes on to say more, but that is high praise coming from Ellis Grey."

'If I may Chief…I don't think he is right for Seattle Grace and I vote no." Bailey interjected.

"Derek?"

"No."

Everyone voted and the nays had it. Dr. Aaron Matthew Ballard was not coming to Seattle Grace to stay.

There was a god after all.

"I missed you. Didn't you miss me?" He said.

"What do you want?" She asked fearfully.

"You." He said stepping forward.

She moved to slam the door is his face but he lodged his foot in the way.

"Nuh uh Angel. I came all this way to talk to you. Now we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way. Which is it going to be?" He asked.

"The hard way." She said as she slammed the door again, crushing his foot. She managed to shut the door and lock it. She backed up.

"Aargh! You bitch! I am going to make you pay for that." He stepped out of her sight. She looked and couldn't see him.

What was he doing here?

She began backing up towards her kitchen and her phone.

_Carolyn!_

CRASH!

Her head flew towards the sound of glass breaking. A brick lay in front of her door with glass splintered all around it and a big jagged hole in her glass door. His hand reached in and unlocked the door.

She let loose a strangled gasp. He opened it and smiled at her.

"Did you really think I was going to go away? I came all this way just to see you Angel. Aren't you going to give me a hug?" He said, as he walked slowly towards her. She backed up quickly into the kitchen.

"Go away. Leave me alone. We have nothing more to say to each other." She said loudly.

_Carolyn stopped knitting and paused. Were Meredith and Derek fighting?_

"We have plenty to say Angel. You hurt my career with those 'allegations' that you made about me." He said.

"Allegations my ass, you beat the fuck out of me and left me for dead and you turned my mother against me you asshole. The charges were dropped!"

_That was not Derek. Carolyn became worried. Meredith sounded fearful._

"Well that was all fine but an unfortunate mishap happened with my latest girlfriend and she had evidence." He said, unaffected.

"Had?" Meredith said, swallowing hard.

_Had? Carolyn sat up straighter._

"Yeah I had to get rid of her. I couldn't let her hurt my career. It was almost too easy, but I won't bore you with the details. I want you to be surprised by what I do to you. Oh, we are going to have so much fun Angel."

"Why me? I haven't been around in a long time. I haven't made any trouble for you or my mother."

"Well, when my late girlfriend pressed charges they pulled up your report and now that she is dead, they will be coming to talk to you. I am too pretty for prison so I am just going to have to deal with you too." He said, casually.

_Carolyn choked on vomit, but kept it down. She began searching for her cell phone so she could call Derek. Where the hell was he?_

"And my mother?" Meredith asked. "Is she in on this?"

"Of course not Angel, she wouldn't let me kill you. It would look bad for her. She believes in my innocence. She is so easy to manipulate." He said smiling.

"Just go. I will tell the police that I was mistaken and that I haven't seen you. Go home, please." She pleaded.

He walked up to her and reached behind her and grabbed a knife. He grazed it along her neck, before reaching for an apple and slicing it neatly in fours. Meredith bit back a sob.

"Do you mind if I have a snack first? I am hungry. I had surgery with Dr. Bailey today. She is good."

"You have been at the hospital? My hospital? For how long?" Meredith asked frantically.

"A few days. I had to use my given name, Aaron. After all. I didn't know if you had told anyone about me or not. Met so many nice people…Bailey, Webber, O'Malley, Stevens...Shepherd. He is very possessive of you, doesn't really seem your type though. He is not very fun."

_Carolyn dialed Derek's number, keeping her home phone on her other ear. It rang, and rang and rang…_

This is Derek Shepherd, you know what to do.

Damnit. She was going to kill her son.

"You leave him alone." Meredith warned.

"Oh how sweet, you love him."

"Please Matt." Meredith pleaded. "Do what you want to me and then leave. Don't hurt him or my friends. Promise me."

"Oh don't worry. This will only hurt…a lot."

He lunged for her and threw her across the room.

Meredith screamed and crashed into the oven, hitting her head on the handle.

Carolyn stifled a scream. This was not happening. She tried Derek's phone again. No answer. She cancelled it and called Seattle Grace Hospital.

"Seattle Grace. May I help you?"

"I need to speak with Richard Webber now. It's an emergency."

"Right away ma'am."

"Richard Webber speaking."

"Richard this is Carolyn Shepherd. Do you know where my son is?"

"He is right here. Hold on."

Richard placed the phone on hold and looked at Derek.

"It's your Mommy." He teased Derek handing him the phone.

Laughter rang out.

Derek snatched the phone from Richard with a scowl.

"Ma? I'm busy."

"Meredith is in trouble Derek! She is at home and I called her and someone was at the door and he is killing her!"

"Ma. Calm down. Have you been watching horror movies again cause we told you about that?"

"Listen!" She hissed.

He rolled his eyes and looked in apology to everyone. He heard a muffled crash and a scream.

"Please Matt don't!"

He sprang out of his chair and rushed out the door.

"Ma!" He yelled, getting her attention.

"Yes? Derek how far are you from her?" His mother was crying.

"Seven minutes." He said, running down the stairs.

"Oh god." His mother whimpered.

"Ma. I need to hang up. I have to call the police. I will call you later."

"Derek!"

"Ma, I have too. Do not hang up with Meredith."

"I won't. Derek be careful." She begged.

"I will Ma." He hung up and called 911.

"Emergency may I help you?"

"This is Dr. Derek Shepherd. I need police and an ambulance dispatched to 613 Harper Lane."

"What is the problem sir?"

"Some sick fuck is hurting my girl. Get there quick. I am on my way."

"Sir…"

He hung up and raced down the last flight of stairs. He shoved through the door entering into the lobby.

"Hey watch it!" Cristina yelled.

He raced past her, then thought about it and grabbed her arm and pulled her with him. He didn't know if he would need a key to get in or not.

"What the fuck are you doing?" She protested.

"Matt. Matt has Meredith." He ground out.

"Oh fuck." She said, her face blanching.

They raced to his car and peeled out of the parking lot. His phone rang, he threw it at Cristina.

"Answer it."

"Hello?" Her voice shook.

"Who's this?"

"Cristina."

"This is Derek's mom. Are you there yet?"

"No. We are on our way."

"You have to hurry. She is screaming so loudly."

"You have her on the phone?" Cristina shrieked.

She heard muffled screams coming through the phone.

"I was on the phone with her when she answered the door. Just hurry!"

"We are two blocks away, I will have Shepherd call you later."

Cristina hung up the phone and tried not to lose her supper.

She put her hands in her head. She swiped her tears away, not knowing when she started crying.

Just let her be okay. She prayed to a God she didn't believe in and begged for mercy for her best friend.


	56. Chapter 56

**This update is rated VV for very violent...it probably goes into a little more detail than most of you would want to read, sorry about that but it is resolved kind of quickly in this update. There is no rape! Just a few more updates to go with this drama fest...well with this major drama fest...**

Meredith laid very still on her kitchen floor. She heard him walking slowly around her, dragging out his torture. He kicked her in her side…once…twice. Meredith bit down on her lip, breaking the skin and tasting her blood.

"Come on Angel, I know you better than that. Last time it took me longer than this to beat you down. Get up…come on…get up. GET UP BITCH!"

He grabbed her by her hair and yanked her to her feet. She cried out. He slammed her against the counter.

"So pretty." He said leaning forward to kiss her lips. She yanked her head out of the way. He gripped her face and forced his mouth on hers. She scrambled to find the knife he had used for his snack. Her hands found it and she plunged it into his shoulder.

He howled in pain. She kicked him off of her and ran. She ran for the front door. She was two feet from it when he grabbed her and threw her into her foyer table. She crashed into the mirror on the wall and fell to the floor. He looked at her, his eyes blazing with hate...and what looked like amusement. She removed a piece of glass from her arm and scooted back towards the stairs. She bumped into a paperweight that had been on the table. She gripped it in her hand and waited for him to come for her. He yanked her up and she crashed it into his head and stumbled up the stairs. She crawled to her room and locked the door. She pushed her chair against the door and slid down the wall in the corner of her room.

She accessed her injuries. She knew it was adrenaline that was keeping her going right now and she was afraid of what would happen once the shock set in. She knew she had some broken ribs, several lacerations on her face, scalp, arms and legs. She heard him lumber slowly up the stairs. She heard him kick every door in and looking in. She heard him stop outside her door. She stayed quiet praying to a higher power to let her get through this. She had so much more she wanted to do with her life.

"Little bitch, little bitch…let me in…" He taunted. He pounded on her door. She clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle her screams. He barreled into her door over and over again. The door began to splinter, the chair began to move. Meredith stood up shakily and looked for a way out. She contemplated jumping out of the window. Her door crashed open and she backed up into the wall.

"Now why do you always have to go and make me mad? And I was in such a good mood Angel. You know what the consequences are when I get mad. Fighting me is only going to delay the inevitable and it makes me waste good energy. We don't want that, do we?" He said smiling at her gently. She whimpered as the knife glinted in his hand. He walked to her and waved it in front of her.

"Now, where should I stab you first? Maybe your arm…or your leg…maybe your lovely breasts…hmmm…I think...abdomen." He said, stabbing her.

She moaned in agony and fell to the floor.

"Up you go. Stand up Angel. It is too hard to do this with you on the floor." He then sluiced the knife into her flank.

Meredith felt unconsciousness coming on, but she fought it back. He went to stab her in her left hand. She cried out, bringing her other hand up to hit him forcefully with what little strength she had left. She shoved her hand into his nose breaking it instantly. He yelped and went to the ground. She stumbled to her door and down her hallway. She limped down the stairs. She paused, seeing black dots before her eyes. She had to get out of here, she had to get help. She lost her balance and fell down the stairs, hitting the floor hard and lying, sprawled in the foyer.

She lost track of time. She didn't know if it was seconds or minutes or hours, but too soon he was back to finish the job. He was like a buzzard sniffing out road kill.

"Goodbye Angel."

She opened her eyes to look at him, fearful green meeting crazy brown.

Pity that this was the last thing she would see in her short life.

She wished for the clear blue eyes she saw in her dreams.

Maybe she would see them in heaven.

Derek parked his car in the yard and didn't bother turning it off as he and Cristina ran for the house. His eyes took in several things at once…

The gaping hole in the door that was ajar…

The glass littering the porch and the hallway…

The table in the foyer turned over and more glass from the mirror glittering under the light of the lamp…

Blood splattered on the floor…

All leading up to Meredith, lying crumpled, broken in the hallway looking up at her very own Grim Reaper, her eyes empty…

Aaron Ballard standing over her, a crazy glint in his eyes, blood streaming down his shoulder and back, his head gashed, his nose flowing with his blood…

He took in the whole scene in seconds and then he was moving.

He crashed into Ballard, knocking him several feet away. Cristina was already running to Meredith, tending to her.

Derek picked up Ballard and slammed his fist into his face…once, twice, three, four times. He had him down on the ground pummeling him with his fists, hearing his hand crack and not caring. He slammed his head over and over into the hardwood floors. All he could focus on was this man standing over his Meredith preparing to kill her. This scum would die. He felt arms grasping at him and a voice screaming at him. He struggled against it all.

"Dr. Shepherd stop! The police are here, let them handle it, I need your help until the ambulance gets here." Cristina begged from her position by Meredith, her eyes looking frantic, hopeless, lost.

He peered blindly at the police officers who were pulling him off of Ballard.

He stood up, shrugged off the officers and glared down at the near dead man on the floor.

"If you don't die from this, I will make sure you rot in hell, if it is the last thing I do." He hissed.

He stumbled over to Meredith, where Cristina was frantically applying pressure to her abdomen and her side. Blood was oozing out of several different places and she didn't have enough hands. Derek immediately jumped into action, barely noticing the pain in his right hand. He applied constant pressure on her abdomen and checked out her head.

"When did she lose consciousness?

"When I got to her."

"Pulse?" He asked stiltedly.

"48 and falling." Cristina whispered.

Derek cursed.

"Where is the damn rig at?" He bellowed.

"They are pulling in now." An officer informed him.

"What have we got?" A paramedic asked rushing through the door.

"Thirty three-year old female presenting with several stab wounds, lacerations, what appears to be broken ribs and a head wound. Internal injuries are a given. She is loosing a lot of blood. Her pulse is now 42, I don't have a blood pressure cuff here. She has not regained consciousness since I go to her. Now, if you don't have any more inane questions, let's get moving." Cristina said.

They loaded Meredith on the stretcher and all of them rushed to the ambulance. The paramedic stopped them.

"I can only take one." He informed them.

"You will take both of us. I am Dr. Derek Shepherd and this is Dr. Cristina Yang. We are surgeons at Seattle Grace. It is more necessary for us to be here in this rig than one of you. Now if you want to catch a ride elsewhere, don't let me stop you…hell my keys are in my car...feel free to take it. But you will get out of my way and quit wasting time."

Derek drug Cristina in the ambulance with him. They settled on each side of Meredith and continued working on her. They took her blood pressure and put an oxygen mask on her. They inserted an intravenous line and started a blood transfusion of O neg. Her pulse was still slipping. The ambulance took off, jarring them. They raced at upward speeds of one hundred miles per hour, sirens blaring.

He looked down at the most amazing woman he had ever met and it killed him watching her fight for her life. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

"I promise you, I will be the man you need me to be. Just don't die on me. Be strong for me, please."

He pressed a kiss to her bloody forehead and gripped her hand, anxiously awaiting for their arrival so he could fight more to save the women he loved.


	57. Chapter 57

"What do we have?" Bailey asked as the paramedic hopped out to open the doors. Alex and Izzie were with her, gowned up and ready to help.

"Thirty three-year old woman presenting with…"

"It's Meredith!" Cristina shouted, pushing past the paramedic and grabbing one end of the stretcher.

"Oh my god!" Izzie gasped.

"What the fuck happened?" Alex yelled.

"Shut up both of you." Bailey said. "Let's get her in a Trauma bay."

They rushed her into the room and helped move her lifeless body to the bed, being careful not to jostle her IV lines.

Bailey instantly got to work asking questions.

"What the hell happened?" She asked.

Derek took her blood pressure and Cristina was working cutting off her bloody clothes.

"Hey! I am talking to you." She yelled.

"What?!" Derek screamed, trying to concentrate on the monitor readings.

"What happened?"

"He stabbed her and he beat her and I think she fell down the stairs at one point because of the way she was lying when we got there. She has lost at least two pints of blood from her two stab wounds. I tried holding pressure. I am sure there is internal bleeding, some broken ribs…" Cristina told them.

A machine beeped out a warning.

"Her pulse is 34, we need to intubate." Derek announced.

"Come on Mer…don't do this to me." He whispered to her.

He grabbed a 7.5 tube and tilted Meredith's head back. He inserted the tool and visualized her cords, quickly and efficiently inserting the tube in her throat. Cristina handed him the Ambu bag and he squeezed it evenly until they got the ventilator ready.

"Who did this?" Alex growled.

"Ballard." Derek told them.

Everyone gasped.

"What? Why?"

"He knew Mer a long time ago and he beat her up then and that is why she hid herself like she did. I don't know why he came after her this time." Cristina said.

"When I get my hands on him…' Alex hissed.

"I already took care of it." Derek said.

"Is he hurt?" Bailey asked.

"Oh yeah." Cristina said.

"They had better not bring him here, cause the only place he will see is the inside of the morgue." Bailey growled.

"I think we should get her a CT." Cristina said, after they had finished removing the glass and the majority of the blood.

"Yeah. Izzie, Alex take her up." She held up a hand as Derek and Cristina both started to protest. "You two need to go clean up, you are covered in blood. You can't walk around this hospital looking as if you were in a gang fight. Go put on some scrubs and meet me in Radiology."

Derek stopped them as they were wheeling her off.

"I will be back to you in just a minute Mer…please don't get worse before I do." He whispered to her.

He stood back and let Alex and Izzie take her, which left him standing with Cristina standing in the bloody exam room, before they both rushed off to change.

"Okay what have we got?" The Chief said, with George following him. "I was paged 911. This had better be…is that Meredith?" He asked, watching Alex and Izzie place Meredith in the CT tunnel. He looked at Bailey, Derek and Cristina in shock.

"What?" George asked.

"Yeah…your precious Dr. Ballard did a real number on her huh?" Bailey said bitterly. She hadn't liked him from the beginning.

"Ballard did this? There must be some mistake." The Chief said.

"No mistake. He normally goes by Matt." Derek emphasized curtly, glaring at Richard.

Richard went pale and he swallowed visibly.

"No…" He gasped.

"I will kill him!" He roared.

"That seems to be the consensus with all of us." Alex said, as he and Izzie entered the already crowded reading room. "Shepherd got a piece of him…doubt he left any for the rest of us."

"If he comes here, he will be maggot food." George hissed.

They all looked at him in shock.

"She is one of us…a big part of us and someone hurt her…' He trailed off.

"Images are up." Bailey said. They all crowded into look at the pictures on the screen.

"Shit!"

"Ovary, spleen, small intestine and bladder all lacerated and bleeding out." Richard said.

"Several broken bones in her arm." Alex said.

"Head has a small bleed which should heal itself." Derek said relieved. Brain damage was not pretty.

"Someone get me an OR stat. Page Torres for the broken bones and Stewart for her ovary." Bailey said. Izzie and Alex ran to get her out of the CT tunnel, George ran to get an OR, Richard went to get scrubbed in. Bailey moved to follow him.

"Wait Bailey…I want to see her before you take her." Derek said.

"Not now Shepherd, there isn't time." She said, before leaving.

Cristina and Derek stayed there, frozen.

"Is she going to die Derek?"

Derek looked over at her in surprise. She called him Derek.

"She can't die." He said.

Cristina nodded, trembling. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"They aren't going to let us scrub in." She stated.

He nodded.

"I know. But they sure as hell are not going to keep us from the gallery. Let's go."

She followed him to the gallery in OR 2, where the nurses, anesthesiologist and four great surgeons all prepped the patient for surgery.

The patient was a friend to some, a colleague to others and for one man…she was the love of his life.

He only hoped he got a chance to tell her.

"It's going slow." George said.

"There is a lot to repair." Izzie said.

"She will be okay right?" Alex asked, for once uncertain.

"Of course she will." Cristina snapped.

Derek remained silent and ignored the others around him. They were all on the front row of the gallery watching Bailey and Richard repair her intestine, bladder and spleen, Dr. Stewart with her ovary and Torres with her arm. The primary concern now was blood loss and infection.

"Come on Mer." He whispered.

"She is going to be okay." Alex told him, stressing each word.

He nodded mutely.

Alex squeezed his arm.

"I mean it. She is going to be okay. She is far too stubborn to die. She still has to prove herself right. She isn't going to die until you admit you love her." Alex joked weakly.

"I do." He choked out. "I love her so much."

_Bbbbbbeeeeeeeppppppp!_

"Administer some epi. Hang another unit of O neg. Get me the paddles. Damnit Grey!" The voices all blended into one piece of white noise.

It all meant the same thing.

They were losing her.


	58. Chapter 58

They all shot to their feet watching, their mouths agape, at the sudden flurry of action down in the operating room.

"Oh God!" Cristina whimpered.

Derek ran out of the gallery, took three steps at a time, knocked over two nurses and stormed into the OR after grabbing a mask and putting it on his face.

It was chaos as they all worked feverishly to revive Meredith. He glanced up to the gallery where her four best friends were standing, arms around each other, noses pressing into the glass, watching, waiting, identically expressions of agony on their faces.

He had a nurse glove him up and place a gown on him.

"How much epi have you given her? Why aren't you using the paddles? What the fuck are you people doing?" He screamed.

He grabbed the paddles from Bailey.

"Charge to 200!" He ordered.

"You are not going to die on me Grey. Not now. You can't do this to me, to us." He yelled at her.

"Shepherd, what the hell are you doing?" Bailey asked.

"Saving her. Clear!"

Meredith's body jumped, but the monitor remained the same.

"Damnit Mer! You said…you said you wanted a husband, a family…you can't have that if you are dead. We can't have that if you are not here. Don't take this from me. Not now that I know."

"Shepherd, we have this. You are a neurosurgeon. You shouldn't even be in here." Richard ranted.

"Charge to 300 again!" He said ignoring Richard.

The nurse looked between the Chief and Derek, clearly confused.

"I said Charge to 300!" He screamed.

She pressed the button.

"Clear!"

No change. Shit!

"I love you, I love you, I love you…please…I love you. Don't die…I love you."

"Shepherd, let us do this. You need to get out now!" Richard screamed.

"No! I love her. She is my…everything. I realized it too late…it can't be too late…it just can't be. She has to live. She has dreams…I want her to have them come true…I want to make them a reality…she can't die!" He yelled.

"You have to let us do this Derek, you have to leave…we will not give up on her…you have my word, but we can't do this with you in here." Bailey said sympathetically.

Derek shook his head and fell to his knees, tears streaming from his eyes. He rocked back and forth as the monitors continued beeping.

Flatline.

No heartbeat.

Gone.

Dead.

No.

_Beep Beep Beep Beep_

"We have sinus rhythm." Bailey announced, relief evident in her voice.

"What?" He asked, his head snapping up.

"We have a heartbeat. Please go wait outside."

"No, let me stay. I will stay out of the way. I promise."

"Come on man." Alex said, coming into the OR.

He pulled him up and he and George led him out of the OR, where they had continued the surgery. They walked, or rather stumbled, to the nearest waiting room. Alex deposited Derek into a chair. Izzie shoved some coffee in front of him. He took it and gulped it down, not even wincing as it burned his tongue.

"Why are we in the waiting room?" He asked.

"We can't watch anymore. If she…we just can't." Cristina whimpered.

"She has a heartbeat and they are continuing." George informed Izzie and Cristina. They nodded and they fell into silence.

The picture that people saw as they looked was five utterly beaten down people, all with identical distraught looks of agony on their individually beautiful faces….Cristina, the know it all, Izzie the bubbly one, George the puppy, Alex the insensitive jock and Derek the angry mean one…all five of them…lost and helpless.

They waited for what seemed like hours like that.

"There you all are! Fools have to make me chase you down…" Bailey ranted.

They all jumped up anxiously waiting for words that would either make them or break them.

"She is in recovery and she is stable. We manage to repair her bladder and intestines. We had to remove her spleen and her right ovary, there was just too much damage to them. We sutured up her stab wounds, set her arm and taped her ribs. Our primary concern now is infection. But barring any complications, she should make a full although painful recovery. She is resting comfortably now and I want it to stay that way. You can all go see her…briefly and then go home. Let her heal without you five breathing in her face." She said.

They all breathed sighs of relief and nodded.

"Go! Quietly." She ordered.

They all crept into her cubicle where she was lying, pale and still. Her head was covered with a bandage, her arm was in a cast, her face had bruises and cuts. The nurse was finishing up covering her abdomen. They all caught sight of the long winding closure from her surgery that would forever mar her perfect skin.

"Look at that scar." Izzie said sadly.

"Small price to pay to be alive." Alex said.

"She is so…small." George said.

"She is broken." Cristina said.

"She is breathing…I don't care about anything else." Derek said.

"Okay, you have to leave now. Derek, I want to see you in my office." Richard said, coming in and checking her vitals.

They all left and Derek followed Richard to his office and sat down heavily.

"I really don't have time for this Richard. I have to get back to…"

"Meredith. You have to get back to your intern? Derek you are an attending and her boss and her teacher…what the hell are you thinking? You broke down in an OR full of your peers." Richard ranted.

"Can we please do this some other time? I have been put through the ringer tonight. I found out from my mother that Meredith was in danger…shit I have to call her…I saw Mer lying on the ground bleeding with that physco bastard over her with a fucking butcher knife getting ready to finish the job he started when he came here posing as an applicant, I beat his ass and broke my hand and worked my ass off to save her life. I don't have time for this. If it were one month ago, I would have went to the bar and drank myself into a coma, but things are different now. I have to go see her and be with her and let her know I am not running. So I need you to get out of my way." He pushed past a shocked Richard. "Oh, and I will need a leave of absence, I can't work with this hand anyway and I need to take care of Meredith…if she will let me."

He was halfway down the hall when he heard Richard belt out.

"Have Torres check you freaking hand! Your two million dollar a year hand!"

Derek chuckled darkly and determinedly walked towards the recovery room that held his life.

He dared someone to stop him.


	59. Chapter 59

"Well, it's fractured." Callie Torres said as she examined the x-ray up on the light board in Meredith's private room. "I think we can just do a hand brace instead of a cast and it will probably only take about four weeks to heal. You're lucky."

Derek nodded, not really paying attention. He was focused solely on the occupant in the bed. He looked up at the clock again. Eight hours since they had finished her surgery and she showed no signs of waking up.

Callie sat down in one of the chairs in the room. Everyone had either went back to work or to grab a bite to eat if they were lucky enough to be off. She looked at him.

"You had to have hit him pretty hard to do that kind of damage to your hand. You are a surgeon Dr. Shepherd and a damn fine one. Why?"

He scowled at her. She put up a hand in defense.

"Nothing against Grey, I just want to know what you were thinking."

"I wasn't. I just wanted him to die and I wanted to be the one to make that happen. He was standing over her going in for the…kill…" He winced. "…and I just…lost it. I have been fighting her, fighting myself…my emotions and I just…snapped. I kept telling myself I didn't love her…I had only spoken my first real words to her less than a month ago. How can you love someone you barely know? I was almost too late. I didn't answer my phone when my mom called…if she hadn't of called the hospital…I would've been too late. What kind of person am I?" He ranted.

Callie looked around for help. She didn't know Derek from Adam…and he wanted love advice from her? The only words he had ever spoken to her were 'Hey you, Ortho girl, I need a consult'.

"Um…I really hope that is a rhetorical question." She said.

"What?" He looked at he as if he had forgotten she was in the room.

Okay then…

"You took the day off…you? Cristina Yang…competitive ball busting Cardio bitch? Took the day off? Ha! You will be jonesing for a surgery in two hours." Alex taunted as he, Izzie and Cristina all walked back in to Meredith's room.

"Shut it Jock Itch." Cristina said, winking at Derek as she sat on the other side of Meredith.

"Not funny Yang. I have to put up with it from him…he's my boss…you're not." Alex retorted. "Here dude…you look like you need this." He said shoving some coffee and a chocolate chip muffin into his good hand.

"Did you have your hand checked out?" Izzie asked him but she looked at Callie.

"Yeah, it's fractured. He won't be operating for a month or so." Callie informed Izzie. She got up. "I am going to go get you a brace and I will be back in an hour to check on Grey. Page me if you need me."

"Ortho Chick is hot in a break your bones kind of way." Alex mused watching her leave.

"I thought you were all in love with Meredith." Cristina singsonged.

Derek glared at Alex.

"Chill dude, we are just friends."

Silence swept over the room. They sat there just watching Meredith and the monitors, just waiting for a change.

"What is taking so damn long?" Izzie said frustrated. She moved closer to Meredith, leaning over Cristina.

"Her body has to heal. She has been through a lot the last few weeks. She is going to be fine." Cristina said, scowling at Izzie's proximity.

"Wow, aren't you all glass half full…" Izzie said.

"Izzie? Do you like coffee?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You are going to be wearing it in about five seconds if you do not get out of my personal space." Cristina warned her.

Izzie straightened up and bounced to the other side of the room.

"You can get all up in my personal space if you want." Alex leered. He patted his knee. "Come to Papa."

"Oh gross."

"Will you three please shut up?" Derek said, rubbing his forehead. His hand was throbbing, he was exhausted and he was more short of patience than usual.

All three made a face at him but kept quiet. He leaned forward rubbing Meredith's hand and arm.

He looked at her. She was so little in the hospital bed, it seemed to envelope her. She was pale and her hair was in tangles and she had a cast and bandages and she just seemed so lifeless. It hurt him to see her like that…Meredith was usually a force of nature and now she seemed like was drowning…he would give anything to change places with her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I am Officer Jenkins and this is Officer Nelson. We are with the Seattle Police Department and we are following up on Dr. Grey's case. We really need to speak with Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Yang."

"No, I am not moving from this spot." Derek said.

"It will only take a few minutes Dr. Shepherd…as I said I am sorry to intrude but I have to…unless you want to take this downtown?" He said.

Derek scowled.

"Hey man, I will sit right here until you get back. She would much rather see my face than your ugly mug anyway." Alex teased.

Derek sighed but got up and followed the officers and Cristina out of the room.

"What is it?" He demanded.

"Can you tell me what happened last night before we got there?"

"I got a call from my mom and she said she was on the phone with Meredith and Mer told her to hold on or something and the next thing she knew Meredith was screaming. So she called me and I grabbed Cristina and we rushed over there to find that bastard about to finish off my girl so I did my best to finish him off instead." Derek growled.

"You almost did Dr. Shepherd. He had some serious head trauma." The Officer Nelson said curtly.

"And?" Derek asked.

"And while you were only defending Dr. Grey, you did take it to the extremes." Nelson pointed out.

"He was trying to kill our friend in the home I share with her. Meredith was near death too. An eye for an eye I say." Cristina defended.

"He may press charges." Office Jenkins said.

"Let him. I have more than enough money and power to fight him. He is going away for a long time and if it amuses him to try to bring me down…good luck to him. But if he goes within a mile of Meredith I will finish the job I started and unfortunately failed to complete." Derek threatened. "Furthermore, if he does press charges I will press some on behalf of myself."

"For what sir?" The officers looked perplexed.

"I broke my hand on his face. I make two million dollars a year…I can't operate for at least a month, maybe two…tell him he owes me about 300,000.00. That should shut him up."

Officer Nelson's mouth twitched.

"I will be sure to pass the message along Dr. Shepherd."

"Shepherd!" Alex yelled.

Derek raced back into the room, Cristina hot on his heels.

"What?"

"She is trying to open her eyes." Izzie breathed.

Derek pushed past Alex, grasping his penlight out of his scrub pocket as he did. His was in his locker.

He peeled her eyelid back and looked into one eye and then the other. They were reactive. She was waking up.

She opened her eyes in a slit and then blinked opening them a little more. Soon they were open fully and trying to focus.

"Hmmm…" She groaned.

"Meredith?" Derek asked.

Bailey and Richard rushed in responding to Izzie's page.

"Is she coming around?" Richard asked.

"How are her pupils?" Bailey asked.

"Has she spoken yet?" Richard asked.

"Yes, reactive and no." Izzie responded.

"Mer?" Cristina asked.

"Meredith groaned again.

"Meredith, use your words. I know you can talk but you need to say something." Derek said to her.

"Say something Mer." Cristina ordered.

Meredith licked her lips.

"Ou...ch…" She moaned.


	60. Chapter 60

Several things occurred to Meredith Grey at once…

She wasn't dead for one…it was way too crowded and she had really hoped for quiet in heaven which she was not getting at the moment, unless she was in hell in which case she should have limited the one night stands, the cursing, the pot in high school and her pension for tequila.

Secondly, she was in a massive amount of pain…even her toenails hurt. She needed some Morphine…stat!

Thirdly, she was pretty sure she was dreaming because Derek fucking Shepherd was by her bedside, holding her hand, tears streaming down his handsome though tired looking face.

She blinked and they were still there.

She groaned.

"Mer? Meredith?" Derek asked frantically.

She looked at him blankly.

"Who are you?" She murmured.

Derek looked at the others who all looked really worried.

She chuckled weakly.

"Got ya." She said.

Everyone laughed in relief.

"That was so not funny Mer." Derek said.

"Everyone else thought so." She murmured, fighting to keep her eyes opened. Someone must have slipped her something.

"Mer? I love you." He murmured.

"Hmmm…I know. Took your ass long enough." She said.

"We had our first conversation a month ago. How is that taking a long time?"

"Just remember who said it first." She said, smiling softly. "You are still in big trouble mister. Tired."

"Go to sleep Mer, you can punish me later." He said.

"Will." She slurred, letting the darkness envelop her once again.

****

The next time she woke up it was to Derek getting yelled at.

"I waited for you to call me young man to let me know how she was and nothing. I was worried out of my mind. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Ma. I was kind of busy. She almost died, I almost lost her. I am sorry if you weren't my main priority right then. Why did you fly all the way out here for the second time this month?"

"One of my children was hurt Derek." Carolyn said.

"My hand will be just fine Ma. How did you know about that anyway?"

"I wasn't talking about you Derek, I was talking about Meredith. You know the one who was tortured when I was on the phone listening in? How is _she_?"

"She has several injuries, all of which she will recover fully from. She just needs her rest."

"I am not here to bother her Derek. I am here because my son doesn't know how to pick up a damn phone!" Carolyn ranted.

"I'm sorry Ma." Derek said looking contrite.

"What happened to your hand anyway?" She asked sitting next to him.

"Broke my hand on the bastard's face." Derek said proudly.

_Derek broke his hand? On Matt's face?_

"Did you hurt him?"

"Yep." Derek said, smirking slightly.

"That's my boy…not that I condone violence but for that…I will make an exception." Carolyn said.

"So are you ready to marry her yet?" Carolyn smirked.

_Marry…who…what?_

"Ma…" Derek whined.

"Derek I know these things and the way you looked at her during the reunion…it's like you saw heaven for the first time. It's the way your father looked at me. That is not something you throw away or take lightly. She's good for you. Don't be stupid again."

"Again?"

_Again?_

"Yeah, again. Pretending to be a couple so I would get off your back? Brilliant I have to admit but you forgot one thing…you are the worst liar I have ever met. I can see through you. I knew the instant you introduced her that you were trying to pull one over on me. The look on her face when you said she was your girlfriend was priceless. She looked…disgusted. I don't think I even want to know what you did to make that look appear on your face or what you did to get her to agree to the farce." Carolyn laughed lightly. "But I saw the chemistry and I knew…if I could just throw you two together for long enough…it didn't take too long though did it? Second day and you defiled my dining room table…"

_Meredith cringed. She did not want to relive that moment…well she did want to relive the act just not the getting caught part._

"When I saw her, lying there and that crazy bastard over her with a butcher knife…Ma…I lost it." He whispered. "She fought back, he was a mess…I just wanted to kill him…to actually take his life and make him stop breathing and I would've if Meredith hadn't needed me."

Meredith blinked back tears.

"She flatlined. She was gone for a minute…not breathing…dead." Sobs racked his body. "I realized then at that moment…it just hit me…I love her and I am terrified."

"She is not Addison."

_Duh._

"No…I know that. Now, I know that. I think I always did. I meant, how can you love someone so much you just met? I haven't_really_ known her but maybe a month and I was horrible to her for most of that time except the reunion and maybe one moment or two before that. Why would she want someone who treated her like dirt?"

"Maybe she looked down deep and saw the real you."

_Exactly._

"What if I am not enough? What happens if I put all I have into this with her and one day she's gone. What if she realizes one day she can do so much better than me or what if she gets hurt again or…"

"What if she gets cancer or hit by a bus? Derek you know as well as I do, there are no guarantees in life…your father was here one minute and gone the next, because someone wanted his watch. But I wouldn't trade one moment with him. People die or they leave, but that doesn't mean you can watch life pass you by and refuse to participate in it. All I know is that I have never seen you happier than I did two weeks ago." Carolyn said fiercely.

_Carolyn was one wise woman._

"I hurt her. Badly, I told her I didn't love her and I told her no one ever would. I was mean to her and I made her cry and beg and plead with me. What kind of man does that?" Derek said, wiping his tears away.

_A Brainless Asshole?_

"One who has been hurt before. Have you talked to her?"

"No. I told her I loved her but I don't know if she will remember."

_Not an amnesiac. Not stupid. Not deaf. So heard it._

"What did she say?"

"I know and it took me long enough and that I was still in big trouble." Derek said smiling.

_Damn right._

Carolyn laughed.

"You have met your match Derek."

"I have. Do you think she will forgive me?"

_Yes, I will...eventually._

"I think so. You have to prove to her that you are worthy of her forgiveness and her love."

"I can do that. I will do that." Derek vowed.

_Please do that. I love you._

Meredith slipped under again determined to stay awake longer next time. 


	61. Chapter 61

"You're a good friend…you are probably my best friend in the whole entire world…" Meredith told Cristina the next day.

Cristina looked at her in amusement. She was sitting in the chair to Meredith's left with her feet propped up on the bed.

"You are so high right now."

"Nuh uh." Meredith shook her head.

Cristina rolled her eyes. Meredith had been up for two hours and had been in severe pain. Hence the highness…Derek had left while she was still asleep telling Cristina he would be back as soon as possible. Cristina had offered the use of Meredith's house since it was closer and had more room than Derek's trailer. He went to get his mom settled and to shower and eat. Bailey had made him go when she had realized he had been in that room for thirty-six hours with no shower or real sustenance. She had told his stinky ass to go away or else. His mom had dragged him out by his hair. That was some real entertainment for them all there. But no where as entertaining as this.

"Dr. Grey, how are you doing this morning?" Bailey asked as she walked in, Richard, George, Izzie and Alex trailing behind her.

"Just Peachy." She said.

Cristina bit her lip and smothered her smile, as everyone else exchanged glances at each other.

Richard went over to begin examining her. Meredith looked at him with glassy eyes. He smiled at her.

"Was my mother a screamer?" She asked.

Richard looked at her in confusion.

"I'm sorry?"

"In bed. Did my mother scream during sex?"

Richard turned a ruddy color as everyone else stifled laughs…except Bailey, who was checking her chart.

"Who gave her Morphine?" She asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

"Shepherd said to give her something if she was in pain. The nurse put her on the pump over an hour ago." Cristina spoke up. "It has been highly entertaining."

Richard cleared his throat, wrote a few notes and then cleared the room quickly.

"Meredith. How are you feeling?" Bailey asked.

"Groovy." Meredith said, drawing out the word.

"I'm sure you are." Bailey murmured. "George is going to take you down for another CT in a few hours."

Meredith looked apprehensive.

"Does anyone remember what happened the last time George took someone down for a CT? He almost threw the stretcher down the stairs…sorry George."

"I don't have too…" George began stopping when Bailey cut him a look. "It won't happen again."

"That good enough for you Dr. Grey?" Bailey asked impatiently.

"You're pretty." Meredith said, scrunching her nose up.

Bailey rolled her eyes before leaving the room.

"How are you Mer?" Alex asked walking over to her and sweeping her hair out of her face.

"Are you people deaf?" Meredith said loudly.

Izzie laughed.

"How long has she been like this?" She asked Cristina.

"About two minutes after they inserted the Morphine."

"Who would have thought Mer would be a lightweight." George said.

"I am not light, I am dark and twisty…I do a really good twisty…I am very flexible." Meredith offered.

"Good to know." Izzie said, rolling her eyes.

"All my boys said so…they said I was greeatttt….did you know I was a whore…sex is good, really, really good." Meredith stressed.

Alex sniggered.

Meredith looked at him.

"Wanna find out?" She slurred.

"No, he doesn't unless he wants me to break my other hand on his face." Derek said, catching the tail end of the conversation. His mother was behind him.

"It's you!" Meredith cheered.

"It's me. How are you today? Good it seems." Derek said dryly. He looked at Cristina. "How much did they give her?"

"More than enough…she isn't feeling any pain that is for sure." She responded.

"Hey Meredith. I am so glad you are okay. You really had me worried dear." Carolyn said, squeezing Meredith's hand.

"Did you know your son has a ten inch penis?" Meredith whispered loudly.

Derek went red, Cristina snorted, Alex banged his head on the wall to stop laughing, Izzie looked amused and jealous and George looked horrified.

Carolyn raised an eyebrow.

"No, I did not Meredith." She said calmly.

"He knows how to use it too. Wait you remember…you saw us on your table. That was some good sex. You should be mad at me about that…but it was his idea. I had nothing to do with it. No-thing." She paused for a moment. "What was I saying?"

"Derek's penis." Cristina supplied.

Derek kicked her chair.

"What? This is way too good to pass up." She said.

"Oh right. I miss it. But he doesn't want me. He loves me though, I know it but he is an asshole. A really big asshat...with a really, really, really big cock." She announced.

"He can be but I think he loves you very much." Carolyn told her softly looking at Derek.

Derek walked closer to her.

"I do…I really really do." He said.

She looked at him and nodded.

"Thanks! I am hungry. I want food."

Derek blinked.

"I kind of saw that going differently…" He muttered. Alex smiled at him sympathetically.

"Dude, be happy. She could want to cut off your ten inch man tool." He reminded him.

Derek winced.

"You have a point." He whispered back.

"Why don't all of us leave and give Meredith and Derek a moment alone?" Carolyn suggested.

Everyone nodded and went to go grab lunch.

"I'm sorry Mer." He said to her.

"Hmmm…" She said, looking everywhere around the room.

"All my friends are hiding. Ooh, I love hide and seek. Come out, come out wherever you are!" She sang. She paused for a moment. She grabbed her pump control and pushed it. Derek went to grab it.

"I think you have had enough of that for now." He said.

She moved it out of his way.

"No! I am trying to change the channel." She said pressing it near his face. "All I am getting is Grey's Anatomy."

Derek chuckled.

"You are laughing at me…behind my back…in front of my face." She pouted.

"You are just so cute, I can't help myself." He told her.

"I am not cute! I am sexy and fuckable and sexy and flexible and sexy…" She said.

"You are all of the above." He assured her.

"You are still in the cathouse."

"You mean the doghouse?" He asked.

"That's what I said." She told him, rolling her eyes.

"Of course it was. Why don't you try to go to sleep and we will talk when you come down from your high?" He suggested.

"Not high." She denied.

"Whatever you say Mer…just get some rest." He said, reaching up to turn the light out.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay." She breathed.

He looked down at her, her face already softened in sleep.

"Always." He whispered.


	62. Chapter 62

Meredith blushed when Carolyn walked into her room the next morning. She had been gleefully informed of the Meredith on Morphine experience by Cristina who enjoyed the horrified looks that had passed on her face.

"I am so so sorry Carolyn. I can't believe I told you about Der's…um…uh…" Meredith stuttered.

"Please…don't mention it…ever." Carolyn said smiling kindly.

"Okay. Where's Derek?" She asked casually.

This was the first morning she had actually been conscious and not in a massive amount of pain. They had, to the disappointment of everyone, decided in light of her behavior the day before to drop her to a milder pain-killer. Meredith was thankful that someone had the fortitude to do that. She had suffered enough embarrassment, she would like to keep what dignity she had left, if possible.

Carolyn smiled knowingly at Meredith.

"He will be here in just a few minutes. He had to go sign the papers for his leave."

"Leave?" Meredith asked confused.

"You have been out of it, haven't you?" Carolyn remarked. "He broke his hand and can't operate."

"Broke his hand? Oh my god! What happened?" Meredith exclaimed.

"Oh…Meredith, what do you remember about the other night?" She asked hesitantly.

Meredith avoided her eyes.

"I want to forget it. I don't want to talk about this right now." She said.

"Mer, you have to deal with this. You can't sweep it under the rug. You need to face this now if you…if we…are going to move on from it." Derek said, leaning in the doorway of her room.

"You are one to talk." Meredith challenged.

"Touche."

He walked all the way into the room.

"Ma, do you mind…"

"Say no more. I will be…around." Carolyn said, quickly leaving the room.

Derek sat down in the seat vacated by his mom.

"This is not happening now." Meredith asserted.

"Yes, it is." Derek said, grabbing her face and tilting it, forcing her to look at him.

"I…can't. Derek I can't do this now. Please, I have been through the ringer."

"You think I don't know that? You don't think I have been here the whole time?"

"I am the one who was attacked."

"Believe me I am acutely aware of that. You were the one tortured and beaten and stabbed and who fell down the stairs. But I am the one who heard your screams over the phone and the one who raced to your house and who watched that man stand over you with a knife in his hand about to finish the job he started. I am the one who beat that man to a pulp breaking my hand in the process. I am the one who worked on you at your house along with Cristina and in the ambulance and here at the hospital. I am the one who was left out in the hall to wait while you were in surgery. I am the one who watched you flatline and who begged you to live so I could make you happy and give you the future you wanted. And I am the one who loves you so this affects me too!"

Meredith looked up at him with teary eyes.

"You love me?" She asked.

"Finally she is lucid enough to understand me." Derek said smiling. He took her hands in his. "I love you. In a really, really big, pretend to like your taste in music, hold a radio over my head outside your window, let you eat the last bowl of Museli kind of way that makes me hate you, love you. I know I am late…I know that…but I have loved you for…ever or at least a month." He gave her a crooked smile.

Her heart monitor went wild at his words. Derek grinned wider.

"That's going to be so embarrassing." Meredith muttered.

She met his eyes.

"A lot has happened and I don't know if we can work. You said a lot of hurtful things to me and with this whole Matt thing…I just don't know where we stand right now."

"I know…I have a lot to make up for and I will. We will take it slow…get to know each other. I will do whatever it takes." He promised.

"Slow? Everything about us has been fast. Can we do slow?" Meredith wondered out loud.

"I can do slow, I can do incredibly slow." Derek purred.

Meredith laughed and then winced at the pain.

"It hurts when I laugh. Go back to being an asshole." She demanded crossly.

"I would but then that would be counterproductive. I can't romance you while being an asshole." Derek said.

Meredith looked at him oddly.

"First of all, I fell for you and most of you is an ass and secondly, I don't need to be 'romanced'. I am so not a girly girl. Give me tequila, pizza and porn and I am good."

Derek looked stupefied.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing just the mental picture of you watching porn. Sorry, you were saying?"

Meredith rolled her eyes and winced again.

"This romancing…what is involved with that?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused at the question. Awareness washed over his face. "You've never done this before." He stated.

"I've never done this before." She confirmed.

"Okay…" He blew out a breath. "I basically will do everything I can to make you smile and laugh, I will be at your beck and call, I will make sure you are fed, I will be there when you need a shoulder to cry on or an ass to kick and of course I am available for any and all of your sexual whims." He said.

Meredith smiled.

"No sex for you for a long while mister. You have been very bad. You deserve to be punished."

"You know what say punishment like nothing else?" He asked.

She looked at him.

"S-E-X." He mouthed.

"Whatever." She stayed silent for a moment. "Did you really break your hand over me?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry." She said regretfully.

"I'm not." He assured her. "I would do it again in a heartbeat and judging by the way you look in a pair of tight jeans, I will be doing it quite often."

"Possessive are we?"

"With you? Definitely." He said.

"Thank you for breaking your hand for me." She said simply.

"You know what says thank you…" Derek began mischievously.

"Derek, shut up." She interrupted him.

He waggled his eyebrows.

"Would you settle for a kiss?" She asked.

"Definitely."

He moved closer to her, bringing his hand up around the nape of her neck for leverage.

She pulled back.

"This doesn't mean I have forgiven you…this is merely a thank you. I don't want you thinking you are out of the doghouse, you have a lot to make up for and…"

Derek put a finger to her mouth.

"Shut up."

Meredith's eyes widened.

"Romancing is not telling me to shut up and I resent the thought that you think you can tell me that…I have you know that I am…"

She was shut up…effectively this time…by his mouth. His lips moved over hers effortlessly. Her breath caught causing the monitors to go wild. He moved to pull away but she brought her good arm up and held him to her. His mouth opened to protest and she took the opportunity to slip her tongue in his warm cavern.

"What the hell are you two fools doing?"

Derek pulled away from Meredith and glared at Bailey.

"What does it look like?" He asked sarcastically.

"It looks like you are giving the patient a heart attack. At least turn the damn monitors off if you are going to maul her. This was not in my top ten of things I wanted to see today. So knock it off until you two go home. You got me?" Bailey demanded.

Both Meredith and Derek nodded.

Bailey glared at them once more.

"Damn fools, sucking face. This is a hospital not a Sexaholics Anonymous." She muttered walking away.

"I am scared of her." Derek admitted.

"Oh yeah. Me too."

"Where were we?" Derek asked.

"Oh, no. No more kissing."

"Yes kissing, I am all for the kissing, more kissing I say." He said.

"No kissing."

"Okay, talking." Derek suggested.

"Kissing sounds better than talking."

"Mer, you have to talk about it sometime."

"Does sometime have to be now." She asked.

"No, but soon Mer." He told her.

"You know I have a shrink." She stated.

"Yes, I have met Kathryn and you need to talk to her too, but I think we also need to talk. If you want her there that is okay. I just don't want any obstacles anymore with us. I have made enough as it is. I don't want this to be the thing that makes us fall apart."

"Okay." She agreed.

"Okay." He repeated.

They looked at each other and smiled, somehow knowing that this was their real beginning.


	63. Chapter 63

Kathryn Wyatt looked up in surprise at the person who had entered her office.

"Dr. Shepherd? To what do I owe this pleasure?" She asked. She really didn't expect to see him ever again.

"Why haven't you been down to see Meredith?" He demanded.

"Excuse me? She has an appointment this afternoon." She informed him confused.

"Wait…you haven't heard?"

"Heard what? I just got back in town. I was at a conference in Miami…even us shrinks get to go to those not just fancy Neurosurgeons. By the way you look like shit."

Derek washed his hand over his face. He dropped heavily onto the couch.

"Yeah, well I feel like it. It has been a long few days."

"I feel like you are talking in code. What has happened?"

Derek opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"I will just find out from Meredith then."

"Not unless you go to her hospital room." He said.

"Why is she in the hospital? What did you do?" Kathryn asked suddenly incensed.

"Me? I didn't do anything to her. Matt did."

Kathryn bolted out of her chair.

"Matt? Is she okay? What did he do, how did he find her?"

"Calm down. He looked her up I guess and came here under the pretense of joining the staff using his given name which is Aaron. He showed up at her house four nights ago when she was on the phone with my mom. My mom heard and called me and I got there…almost too late but she escaped with some broken bones and a missing ovary and spleen and repaired intestines. He however, has what I imagine are several broken bones in his face and some head trauma where I beat him to a pulp and banged his head repeatedly against Mer's hardwood floors."

She nodded towards his hand brace.

"Breaking your hand in the process." She stated. "How do you feel about that?"

"Oh no, no physco babble bullshit with me today. Save it for Mer. She doesn't want to talk about it and she needs to talk about it. If we are going to move forward she has…"

"Wait a minute, hold up, rewind and pause…move forward? You and Meredith Grey? Moving forward?"

"Yes, I admit it. I am in love with Meredith Grey. I told her and she needs time to think or something like that. She seemed open to the possibility of starting over."

"When did you tell her?"

"What?"

"When did you tell her you loved her?"

"After she woke up. I had to tell her a few times before it processed. She is quite interesting when under the influence of drugs. Why?"

Kathryn looked at him, her eyebrow raised.

"So basically it took her almost dying for you to admit your feelings for her. What if that hadn't happened? Then what? Would you have admitted it to her then?"

"That is not the point."

"It is the point. How does she know you didn't tell her out of fear? That when she is recovered you are not going to run scared for the hills on your forty acres?" She asked.

"Are you saying she doesn't trust me?" Derek asked.

"Think back to all your conversations with her from the very beginning. When you didn't acknowledge her existence, when you told her she was unattractive, when you worked her into hunger induced concussion, when you used her while yelling at her and pushing her away, when you slept with her and ran like a scared little boy telling her no one could ever love her…would you trust you? I have heard everything about you since the first day she met you seven months ago…about how much she admired your talent while wondering what dragons you were slaying, wondering what you would look like if you smiled, her happiness when you did…all of it…every moment you ever shared with her, I have heard about. She has loved you from afar for so long…and you just noticed her one month ago when she 'prettied' up."

Derek swallowed hard.

"She never said anything." He croaked.

"I don't think she even knew it Derek. She just talked about you…a lot."

"It's not true you know, I did notice her…as much as I noticed any woman. I admit I was taken aback when she changed her appearance, but she is beautiful no matter what she looks like…I love her most when she has on her glasses and her hair is in a ponytail and she is wearing this cute little Dartmouth shirt that has a whole in the back of the neck and she has these black yoga pants…it wasn't ever about looks, it was about…" He trailed off.

"What?"

"Trust. I didn't trust her to not hurt me like my wife did. I get it."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Whatever it takes." He stood up. "I have to get back. I promised her a cheeseburger if she didn't bitch out the nurses today. Keep her appointment today. Just come to her."

Kathryn nodded. "I will see you at two. You better get going, she is mean when she doesn't eat."

Derek laughed.

"I know."

Kathryn settled back in her chair hoping like hell that this didn't set her back after all their hard work.

"Where the hell is my cheeseburger?" Meredith asked. She looked down at Izzie who was painting her toenails. "Is this really necessary?"

"Yes, you let yourself go a little lately. What was the point in the makeover if you are not going to keep it up?" She replied.

"I was attacked by madman and dumped by my emotionally stunted boss. Sorry if I don't measure up to your beauty standards. We can't all be models."

"Shut it Mer. You are gorgeous."

"Yes she is. I believe someone ordered a cheeseburger and a strawberry milkshake." Derek said walking into the room.

"It's about time…what happened to I will be there to feed you?" She said grabbing for the bag.

He held it out of her reach. He looked at Izzie.

"Was she nice to the nurses?" He asked.

"All except one. A circulating nurse named Rose, who was talking about how hot you were and how she wished you would look at her so she could let you do with her eyes all the naughty things she would do to you…Mer tried to stab her with an IV needle and told her not so politely to back the fuck off. You are taken." Izzie informed him, smirking at Meredith's glare.

Derek looked at her.

"And you call me possessive?" He asked.

"Shut up and give me my food."

"Or else?"

"Do you remember my wax job?"

"Derek nodded, saliva pooling in his mouth.

"Do you ever want to see it again?"

He nodded.

"Then give me my damn food."

He handed it over and she dived in…moaning as she bit into her cheeseburger.

"So good…"

She slapped at Izzie's hands as they tugged at the bottom of her gown.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You mentioned your wax job. I was seeing if you needed another session."

"Izzie you need to learn bounderies….that means never look at my good girl again without my permission."

"If you ever decided to grant permission…can I watch?" Derek asked, looking between the two woman.

"No." They both said.

"Damn." He said.

Meredith giggled.

"Well, well, well, I leave for five days and I come back and you are in the hospital."

Meredith groaned as she spotted Kathryn lingering in the doorway.

"How the hell did you find out I was in here?" She asked. She so didn't want to talk about it now.

Suddenly it came to her.

"Derek, why did it take you an hour to get me a cheeseburger from a place five minutes away that we preordered?" She asked.

"They had to kill the cow. Slaughtering took too long." He quipped.

She glared at him.

"And on that note, Izzie and I will leave. Let's go Stevens. We will go find someone who will let you look up their skirt. Maybe Yang." He said as he led her out.

"She would kill me." Izzie said.

"I know." Derek said. Izzie drove him crazy.

Kathryn shut the door after they left and looked at her.

"I don't want to talk about it." Meredith told her.

"Too bad. I am not having this undo seven months of hard work. I am not leaving until you talk."

She settled in to wait. Now it was just a battle of wills.

May the strongest and most stubborn win.


	64. Chapter 64

"I can sit here all day Grey." Kathryn said after twenty minutes of silence.

Meredith looked at her magazine in front of her and pointedly ignored her. Kathryn reached over and yanked in from her.

"Hey! I was reading that!"

Kathryn looked down at the magazine in her hands..

'You were reading 'How To Pick The Right Knitting Tools'?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

Meredith blushed and looked instead at the television that always seemed to be on.

Kathryn grabbed the remote and turned it off, placing the object out of Meredith's reach.

'Talk." Kathryn demanded.

"How was the conference?" Meredith asked.

"Don't play stupid with me Grey. You know what I want to talk about. I refuse to undo months of hard work by both of us because this asshole got to you. We have made so much progress. You can not keep it bottled up inside. It is not healthy. What are you scared of?"

"Him." Meredith whispered.

"He can't get to you Meredith. He will be locked up for a very long time."

"I know that. It's the remembering…his eyes, his hands, his breath, his voice…I close my eyes and it is all I see and feel and hear." Meredith breathed, tears running down her cheeks.

"Oh Mer…" Kathryn said.

"I was getting so much better…and just like that…" Meredith trailed off.

"Did you fight back?"

"What?"

"Did you just stand there and take it or did you fight back?" Kathryn asked.

"I…I fought. I wasn't just going to stand there and let him kill me without a fight." Meredith asserted.

"You are better Meredith. The Meredith I first met admitted that she curled into a ball in the floor the first time he did this. You fought back…you fought for your life. And you won."

"Because Derek got there in time." Meredith said.

"You would have been dead long before if you hadn't of fought him off."

'It doesn't matter. Look at me! He…I am missing an ovary and a spleen…and…"

"So what. You are here. You are living and breathing and eating cheeseburgers and bossing around your…boss slash boyfriend….whatever he is. Focus on that and on kicking Derek's ass when I leave. He came to me you know." Kathryn grinned.

"Did you just throw him under the bus so I wouldn't be mad at you?"

"Yes. Did it work?"

Meredith laughed.

"No. I get what you are saying…I just…can't…"

"Can't is not a word in your vocabulary. You can and you will. Now, tell me what you are feeling right now."

"Lost. Angry. Hurt. Confused."

"Okay, lets focus on that. Lost…" She said.

"I don't know which way to go. I feel like I am not in charge of my life."

"Angry?"

"At Matt and at you and Derek for forcing me to face this, though I know why you are."

"Hurt?"

"I am in pain Wyatt." Meredith pointed out.

"You didn't mean physical and you know it."

"Am I horrible person? Did I piss someone off in a former life? I don't deserve this and I feel like God is picking on me."

"Confused?"

"Derek…he is being great but I can't help but wonder why. He couldn't get away from me fast enough and now he is all whole and healed? I don't buy it and it insults me that he thinks he can just waltz in and expect me to forgive him." She ranted.

"I don't think so. He has bad timing but he would've come around."

Meredith snorted.

"When? The Apocalypse?"

"Give him some credit Meredith, you are not the only one with issues here. But he is trying."

"He is. But I don't know if that is enough."

"Why not?"

"He treated me like crap Kathryn."

"And? If I recall you told me that turned you on."

Meredith's mouth fell open.

"I…I…you promised me you would never repeat that ever."

Kathryn smiled wickedly.

"And I will never let another soul know…as long as you consent to therapy twice a week until we are back on track."

"That's blackmail!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Yes it is. Now I will let you get back to your half massacred livestock."

"We can't all be vegetarians. Thank god." Meredith joked.

"Seriously Mer, don't repress this. And give Derek a chance."

Meredith nodded.

"I will try."

Kathryn looked at Meredith as she was exiting.

"You have a chance to be happy. Take it." She smiled as she left.

Meredith sighed.

She really wanted some more Morphine.

Life was much easier to deal with under the influence of drugs.


	65. Chapter 65

Meredith woke up around six that afternoon after a short nap to the sound of…oh god no…

Her mother.

"Why wasn't she better protected Richard? What kind of hospital are you running here?" Ellis Grey demanded as she stepped into the empty room.

"I know you are awake Meredith Elizabeth Grey." She said.

Meredith groaned. She opened her eyes slowly. She sat up gingerly and looked at her mother.

"Ellis." She greeted.

"It is Mother or Mom." Ellis corrected.

Meredith snorted.

"You have to earn that title, being a baby incubator for nine months doesn't automatically do it for you. Now that pleasantries are out of the way, what the hell are you doing here?"

Ellis blinked, not used to being addressed it that manner. Used to people kissing her ass, Meredith presumed.

"I was called." She said stiffly.

"By who?" Meredith glared at Richard. "Seriously, who called her?"

"It wasn't me, but one of the nurses could have very easily called her as she is listed as your next of kin." Richard informed her.

"Change that immediately and put down Cristina." Meredith ordered.

"What happened Meredith?" Ellis asked.

"Your boy toy came down here to finish the job he started three years ago Mom…you know the beating that you covered up and cut me off for?" Meredith spat out.

"Matt? No." She shook her head in denial. "No." She whispered. "He is shopping around for a job…a better position after his girlfriend came up missing." Her eyes widened. "No! He…I…oh god. Meredith."

Meredith hung her head.

"Just go away Ellis." She said, not having the strength to fight with her today.

"No. I have to…I want to make sure you are okay."

"Why now? You never gave a shit before." Meredith asked.

"I…I didn't know how to…talk to you. I never had a good relationship with my parents and I didn't know how…"

"That is a shit excuse and you know it. I am well aware of your relationship with your parents considering I never met them. I grew up with no one except some random nannies who couldn't speak English. You should have been better than they were to you. That was your responsibility to me as my mother. You were supposed to be unselfish and caring and warm. Instead I got Mommy Dearest. So I don't want you here." Meredith yelled.

"I am not going Meredith. I am your mother…." Ellis ranted.

"I believe Meredith said for you to go." A clear voice rang out in the room.

Carolyn stepped in and walked over deliberately to Ellis Grey. Warm Mother Earth vs. The Orginal Satan's Whore…standing face to face and toe to toe.

"Who are you?" Ellis said with a raised eyebrow.

"I am her Mom." Carolyn said slowly.

"Excuse me?" Ellis hissed.

"I am her Mom…I am the one who flew in to take care of her during her recovery. I am the one who strokes her hair when she needs comforting and the one who bakes her muffins and cookies and I am the one who helps her bathe. I am also the one who heard her screams when your protégé beat her up. I am also the one who has only known her for three weeks, but I am still more of a mom to her than you have been in thirty-three years. And as her mom, I am here to kick you out until either you leave this hospital or until she decides she wants to see you. Now go." Carolyn ordered.

Meredith smiled gratefully at Carolyn.

"How do you know this woman?" Ellis asked Meredith.

"She's Derek's mom." Meredith shrugged.

"Who's Derek?" Ellis asked confused.

"I'm Derek. Who are you?" Derek asked entering the room with a bag of food swinging from his hand. "I believe you ordered some food malady." He said, smiling widely at Meredith.

She smiled weakly at him. He walked over to Ellis and stuck his hand out.

"Dr. Derek Shepherd." He introduced himself.

Ellis looked at his hand and narrowed her eyes.

"You are the head of Neuro here."

"That's right. And you are?" He hinted.

"Dr. Ellis Grey." She said.

Derek dropped his hand and his smile and glared at her.

"Get out." He ordered.

"No. You are dating my daughter?" She turned to Meredith. "You are dating your boss? Have I taught you nothing?"

"So what? I had dirty sex with him too. Kind of like the sex you had with my boss…only neither Derek nor I, is married. So who are you to cast stones at my glass house or whatever." Meredith challenged.

"You are my daughter and I…l…love you. I was worried and I left Boston as soon as I could. I want a relationship with you…I do. I just don't know…how to talk to you." Ellis pleaded.

"Just go away."

Ellis nodded and cleared her throat. She smiled weakly at Richard and walked to the door.

Meredith closed her eyes. Could she let her mother walk away? She had made the first move. Yes, she had been the worst mother ever but maybe, just maybe, things could work out.

"Ellis?"

"Yes Meredith?"

"Don't go back to Boston just yet. Give me a few days, okay?"

Ellis smiled and nodded.

"I can do that. I haven't had a vacation in years. I will be at the Archfield."

Meredith looked at Carolyn.

"Would you have any objections to my mother staying at my house with you?" She asked.

Carolyn smiled softly at her new daughter.

"No, of course not. She can help me get things ready for your room downstairs. Is that alright with you Ellis?" Carolyn asked.

"Yes. That will be fine. Call me when you are ready."

Ellis smiled once more and walked out the door.

Meredith let out a deep breath.

"I will…just go." Richard said, beating a hasty retreat.

"Me too." Carolyn said, exiting as well.

"Why is everyone always disappearing so we can be alone? Are you paying them off?" Meredith joked.

"Are you sure you want to do this with her?" He asked.

"She's my mother." Meredith said simply.

"She is evil, she picked him over you."

"I didn't say she was a good one. We can't all have June Cleaver." She said sassily. "What's in the bag?"

Derek chuckled and shook his head.

"Where do you put it all?"

Meredith shrugged as she popped a French fry in her mouth.

"Metabolism disorder remember?" She said, her mouth full so it sounded like something else entirely.

"Am I feeding you enough?" He asked suddenly.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Yes."

"Do you think it is a good idea to have your mother and my mother under the same roof together?" He asked.

"I think your mother can handle Ellis…I mean she did give birth to Nancy." Meredith teased.

"True. Do you think you can forgive her?" He asked, curious.

"I can try. Just like I am with you. And just like you, she has to prove herself to me." Meredith asserted.

"How can you be like this? All forgiving and trusting?"

"Life is too short Derek to hold a grudge. It doesn't solve anything and it weighs heavily on your soul." Meredith said.

Derek nodded and settled back to watch her eat, snagging a French fry occasionally. She would swat his hand and laugh.

Maybe she was right about grudges. He suddenly knew what to do.

He needed to call his brother.


	66. Chapter 66

Meredith watched as Derek paced the small room, gripping his cell phone tightly. She looked back down at her Cosmo, trying to ignore his sighing and groaning.

She gave up after five minutes.

"Sit your ass down or go outside." She demanded.

He stopped and looked at her in surprise.

"What am I doing?"

"What I am doing?" She mocked. "You are pacing back and forth in this tiny room and sighing and moaning and groaning…stop it!"

"You don't have to be all grumpy about it." He mumbled, sitting down. His foot starting tapping on the floor.

"What the hell is your problem?" She asked.

"I called Mark and left him a message and I am waiting for him to call me back." He admitted.

"Wait…Mark, Mark…as in the Lothario who banged Satan's Whore in your bed on your anniversary?" Meredith asked.

"That's the one." Derek confirmed.

Meredith sat in shocked silence for a minute.

"Why?" She said finally.

"Someone once told me that life is too short to hold grudges." Derek said, looking at her.

"Wise woman." Meredith said slyly.

"Very wise…and beautiful…and sexy…and…"

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Meredith informed him seriously, while fighting a smile.

"Oh really?" Derek asked, moving closer to her.

"Yes, really. What kind of woman do you take me for?" Meredith asked.

Derek pretended to think.

"An easy one?" Derek asked hopefully.

"Ugh…ass!"

Derek laughed.

"Seriously I take you for a wise and smart and sexy and gorgeous woman who is very forgiving to pig-headed temperamental surgeons with a god complex?" He asked hopefully.

"The jury is still out on that one." Meredith said.

Derek nodded and made to get off the bed. Meredith grabbed his arm.

"Stay. Now, tell me why you are so nervous about talking to the Lothario." She ordered.

"Mark." He corrected.

"I think my name is better, but whatever…fine…Mark. Why are you so nervous?" She asked.

"I said a lot of hurtful things to him."

Meredith looked at him incredulously.

"Um…he fucked your wife. He is lucky he is still alive." Meredith pointed out.

"He tried to make things right but I wouldn't listen. He lost my whole family when he did that…the only family he had. He grew up like you, with no one and I was too angry and hurt to look at his point of view." Derek said.

"Derek, he…slept…with…your…wife." She said slowly.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Derek asked.

"Because he slept with your wife…because you are sitting here all worried about his forgiveness and he should be begging for yours." Meredith said.

"And your mother is staying with you why? Because she can't afford a hotel room?" He asked.

"I am not asking for her forgiveness, I am giving her a chance to make things up to me. There is a big difference."

"To you." He said.

"Um…to most people. I bet Dr. Wyatt would agree with me. I think I will call her." Meredith said, grabbing his cell phone.

"Don't you dare!" He hissed as he struggled to get the phone from her, his broken hand and her broken arm hindering them both. She knew he would overpower her so she did what any woman would do.

"Ow, ow, ow!" She cried out.

He instantly let her go.

"Oh god Mer, are you okay? Did I hurt you? I am so sorry." He asked frantically looking for the source of the pain.

"Sucker…" She yelled, sliding the phone in her bra.

Derek rolled his eyes and shook his head, while laughing at his own gullibility.

"Don't think just because you put that phone there, that I won't go after it." He informed her.

"You wouldn't dare." Meredith said confidently.

Derek lunged at her and slipped his hand quickly down her bra. She gaped at him before she tried to move away from him. He persisted, his hand groping for the phone. Taking a moment to feel her breasts while in there. She laughed loudly as he continued to feel around. She struggled with him playfully.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Free porn? I am so applying here for job…"


	67. Chapter 67

_"__Well, well, well, what do we have here? Free porn? I am so applying here for job…"_

Derek let go of Meredith abruptly and stood up. Meredith looked at the unfamiliar occupant in the room.

"Who the hell are you?" She blurted, part in frustration and part in awe…the man was a freaking hottie but Derek's hand had been on her boob and lets face it…boob action was hard to come by in this place.

"Mer…" Derek said. She put up a hand, her eyes telling him to shut up. So he did.

"I'm Dr. Mark Sloan, plastic surgeon to the rich and famous." Mark said grinning proudly.

Meredith frowned.

"Hmmmpf…more like Dr. Mark Sloan, man devoid of any morals." She said crossly. "What do you want?"

Mark raised an eyebrow and looked at the petite sprite in the hospital bed who was glaring daggers at him. He looked to Derek.

"feisty, huh?" He observed.

Derek's mouth twitched, but he didn't nod or shake his head probably since Meredith was looking at him, daring him to agree. Ooh, pussy whipped…interesting.

"Derek called me." He said to Meredith.

"Did he ask you to come out here to Seattle?" She asked.

"No. He left a message asking me to call him back." Mark said.

"In what way did that indicate he wanted you to use your frequent flyer miles?"

Mark grinned. This chick was something.

"I know Derek." Mark shrugged.

"I am willing to bet you knew Satan's Whore better." She observed.

Again Mark looked at Derek.

"Satan's Whore?" He asked.

"Don't ask him, this is a conversation between you and me. Satan's Whore refers to Addison. Like you didn't know. You are not stupid Sloan, just moronic."

"Did you just call me a moron?" He asked surprised. Most women fell at his feet…this woman looked as if she would cut off his manhood and use it as a hood ornament.

"Do you comprehend English?"

"Yes…"

"Then yes, I just called you a moron." Meredith confirmed.

"Okay…" He said, looking at anywhere but Meredith.

"Hey Mer! You can go home tomor…oh…wow…hi…I am Isobel Stevens but everyone just calls me Izz…"

"Izzie! Get out or shut up. I am talking to this moron here." Meredith demanded.

Izzie made herself comfortable in the chair to Meredith's right…gazing at Mark in adoration and lust.

"Now where was I?" Meredith began.

"Mer, did you hear? They are letting you…hey. Who are you?" Cristina said, looking Mark up and down and licking her lips.

"Cris!" Meredith said frustrated.

Cristina sat down next to Meredith on the bed.

"How can you show your face around here after what you did to Derek?" Meredith started again.

"Mer…" Derek tried again.

"Derek, I want to know what his intentions are towards you."

"What did he do to Derek?" Izzie whispered loudly.

"I don't know." Cristina said.

"He slept with my wife." Derek told them.

They gasped.

"You're married!" They said simultaneously.

"He is divorced now." Meredith said.

"His wife cheated on him with that guy?" Cristina asked.

"Can you blame her?" Izzie asked.

"Nope, not really." Cristina answered.

"Get out now!" Meredith ordered.

They grinned and left laughing.

Mark laughed.

"Those are your friends? Nice."

"Keep your rod away from them. Who knows what diseases you are harvesting." Meredith asked.

"You don't like me much, huh?"

"Nope."

"Do you want to like me?"

"Nope."

"I am…or I will be…Derek's friend again…once we talk this out…and you two seem to be together, so…"

"Nope."

"Come on Mer…give me a chance. May I call you Mer?"

"Nope."

Derek stepped in.

"Okay, we are going nowhere with this. Mark, I just wanted to talk to you, you didn't have to fly all the way out here to see me…Mer, lighten up."

"I will not lighten up. I will lighten up when I feel light." She huffed.

Mark laughed.

"Shep, I believe you have met your match. She is way more entertaining than Addie ever was." Mark observed.

"Did ya ever think it might not be a good idea to mention the wife so casually?" Meredith asked.

"I am not known for my thinking."

"Obviously." Meredith said dryly.

Mark looked at Derek.

"Look man. I never got the chance to say how sorry I was. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I loved her man. You know I don't normally believe in that shit and I have to admit I was jealous that you had someone…even if she was an evil bitch who played us off on one another. I didn't see who she was until too late. It was my kid man." Mark pleaded.

Meredith softened. Damn it!

Derek smiled though it was pained.

"I thought it was mine Mark, how do you think that made me feel to realize it was yours. I have always wanted a family…you know that."

Meredith grabbed for his hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

"I'm sorry." Mark said again. "It will never happen again. I promise."

"Bet your ass it won't." Meredith said. "I am immune to the McSteamy charm." She stated proudly.

They looked at her.

"McSteamy?" Derek asked.

"Yeah…I mean he is hot…not as hot as you though, but hot…I mean I wouldn't do him or anything…I am not a whore…or I was but I am not anymore…I mean I can be a whore for you…you know what, never mind." Meredith rambled.

"Did you understand anything she just said?" Mark asked incredulously.

"Yes, she is trying to cover her ass. What is my nickname?" Derek asked.

Meredith mumbled something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that…what?" Derek said amused.

"I said, McDreamy…although your behavior up until I got hurt was that of a juvenile scared little asshole." She said.

"I know Mer."

"What did you do to her?" Mark asked, observing the couple.

"None of your business." Meredith said.

"I ran away like a scared little boy when Mer wanted a relationship with me." Derek told him.

"What made you come around?" Mark asked.

"Mer got hurt and I…she flatlined…I lost her for just a brief moment and all I could think was that my life would never be the same if she wasn't in it…so…" Derek said morosely.

"And you forgave him?" Mark asked Meredith.

"Not yet." She said.

"Well you are trying to right? So why can't you forgive me…for hurting Derek…since I didn't even know you existed at the time?" Mark asked.

"I have no obligation to try with you." Meredith pointed out.

"She is tough." Mark told Derek.

"I believe stubborn is the word you are looking for." Derek told him.

"The ice you're on…thin."

Derek grinned at her.

"You love me." He said sweetly.

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I don't have too…you tell me all the time in your sleep." He smirked.

"I do not."

"Yes you do…in between your loud racking snores." Derek told her.

"I do not snore!" She exclaimed.

"Yes you do. It sounds like Hiroshima going off in here." Bailey said, entering the room. She noticed Mark.

"Who the hell are you?"

Mark blinked. All the little people had it out for him today.

"Mark Sloan, plastic surgeon from…"

"I don't care. Does it look like I care?' She asked.

"No?"

"Shut up." She ordered.

"But you just asked…" She shot him a look. "Okay…I am going to go now. I will be in contact later. I am across the street at the Archfield."

Derek nodded.

"Okay."

"Nice to meet you?" He asked Meredith.

"That remains to be seen."

Mark walked out of the room shaking his head at the most bizarre half hour he had ever had in his life. He knew two things for sure…

One…Meredith was perfect for Derek.

Two…He wasn't leaving until he got his best friend back.


	68. Chapter 68

"Grey, I decided to keep you another night." Bailey announced as she walked into Meredith's room the next morning where Meredith was already up and dressed and ready to go.

"What?! I have been in here a week and a half." Meredith complained.

"I'm just kidding Grey. I can't wait to dropkick your ass out of here. You have been whiny and bitchy and absolutely loud with your damn snoring. The other patients were complaining about the noise level." Bailey joked dryly.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Are you giving me attitude Grey?" Bailey asked. "You may be a patient but your skinny ass is still my intern."

"Of course she isn't Dr. Bailey." Derek said, coming back into the room from putting Meredith's bags in his car.

"Uh huh…" Bailey said, rolling her eyes at him, slapping Meredith's discharge papers into his chest and telling him, "She is your responsibility now…good luck with that."

She walked out muttering loudly, "Damn attendings screwing interns, messes my damn day up, thinking about their sex lives having everyone bitching at me…can't keep it in his pants…"

Derek looked at Meredith in amazement.

"She knows I am her boss, right?"

Meredith giggled.

"It doesn't seem to me that she cares." She pointed out.

He grinned and walked over to her, bending over and pressing a hand on each side of her, trapping her in.

"I am your boss too you know." He reminded her.

"Yeah…I don't care either." She shrugged.

"You don't?" He asked.

"Nah…you don't scare me." She informed him.

He leaned closer to her.

"Oh really?"

"Yes…really." She said, looking him in his eyes.

"Well…you really shouldn't have said that."

Before Meredith could react, Derek had pushed her down on the bed and covered her lightly with his own body. He leaned down as kissed her neck, lingering there.

Her breath caught. Oh god…this man would be the death of her. She was so glad she didn't have that damn monitor on her or it would show her heart two seconds away from exploding.

He moved to the other side of her neck, sucking slightly. She arched up off the bed, coming in contact with his hard body. They both moaned.

"Seriously? Can't you wait until you get home?" Cristina asked, pushing a wheelchair in the room. Meredith and Derek sprang apart. Derek was wearing a shit eating grin and Meredith was busy smoothing down her hair.

"What the hell is that thing?" Meredith asked.

"It is a chair and it has wheels…so I am guessing a wheelchair." Cristina said.

"I know that bitch…who is it for?"

"You, whore." Cristina said.

Meredith opened her mouth to protest.

"You know the rules Mer, you have to leave in the wheelchair." Derek said.

"Uh…no." Meredith said.

"Yes." Derek sighed. Meredith was very stubborn.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Will you two shut the hell up?" Cristina ordered.

"I am not riding in that thing in front of everyone. It is way too embarrassing and I won't do it." Meredith sat back on the bed and crossed her arms.

Derek shared a look with Cristina.

"Are you sure you want to stay at the house during her recovery? Cause I don't even know if I do." Cristina asked.

"Wait…what?" Meredith asked. She looked at Derek. "You are staying at my house? Why?"

"To take care of you of course." He said.

"And what makes you think I need you to take care of me?"

Something told him right then to tread carefully.

"My mom is staying there, your mom is staying there…though God knows why…Cristina is staying there…so what is wrong with me staying there?" Derek asked.

"You are a man." She pointed out.

"Yeah, isn't that one of the many things you love about me?"

"Eh…" She said, shrugging her shoulders. "Who says I love you?"

"You did." Derek and Cristina said.

She glared at Cristina who grinned back at her.

"Temporary insanity." She said.

"Yeah that ten inches hit her brain and damaged it." Cristina joked.

"Shut up!" Meredith hissed.

Derek leaned against the far wall, grinning with his head cocked looking at her and Meredith lost her breath.

Good God, he was hot and hers for the taking.

"I'll tell you what…you make this wheelchair disappear and I won't object to your staying at my house." Meredith bargained.

"All I have to do is lose the chair?" He asked.

"Yep."

"Done. Get it out of here Yang." Derek agreed.

"Okay…" Cristina wheeled it out to the hall and reentered the room.

"Great! Let's go. I am tired of this place." Meredith said, standing up and starting to walk to the door.

"Not so fast Grey." Derek said.

She turned to him in confusion and before she could ask him what…he had swung her up into his arms.

"Put. Me. Down." She said lowly but deadly.

He grinned at her.

"No can do. Rules state that a person can not leave the hospital under the power of their own two feet and seeing as how you made me lose the chair…this is the only way I could honor that rule. Between you and me, I like this much much better."

"I hate you! And your stupid hair!"

"Don't hate on the hair, the hair is good, the hair is excellent." He kissed her soundly.

"I am just choking back some McVomit. I will see you at home." Cristina made a fast exit.

"Derek, you can't carry me out of this hospital. Everyone will see you and know we are…whatever we are." Meredith whined.

"I want them to know." He started walking.

"I am too heavy."

"You weigh less than your suitcase."

"I must smell bad."

"You took a shower this morning."

"I smell like the hospital."

"I do too."

"You are going to drop me."

"I will break your fall."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!"

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey!" He mocked.

She crossed her arms and shut her eyes, avoiding the looks they were getting.

He went into the elevator and pushed the lobby button. He nodded to the other occupants who all looked amused.

"I want sex." Derek said conversationally, ignoring the other passengers who all got quiet.

"Now?" Meredith asked, her face reddening.

"Okay, but I don't think these people would appreciate it." He said, looking at them.

Meredith pointedly ignored him the rest of the ride. They got out of the elevator and he carried her to his car.

"You are so going to pay for that.' She hissed.

"I can't wait."

"I am not talking to you." She informed him.

"Really?"

"Yes really. You just humiliated me in front of the whole hospital by carrying me through the halls and into an elevator where you proceeded to ask me for sex…what do I look like to you? Burger King? Well sorry buddy, you can't have it your way…these legs are closed to you now."

"That is what you call not talking to me? Cause you suck at it." Derek said.

"I am not talking to you starting now."

"Uh huh…" He said.

"I can do it." Meredith protested.

"Sure you can." He agreed condescendingly.

"I really can." She said. "Starting right now."

She sat back in the passenger seat with her mouth clamped closed and her arms crossed looking out the window.

Twenty bucks said she wouldn't last two minutes.

"You are such an ass." She hissed.

Make that twenty seconds….


	69. Chapter 69

Meredith awoke several hours later. She had gone home and with minimum fuss she had been whisked away to her room where she fell into a deep sleep. She was going to get so spoiled with the naps. She heard a knock at the door. Derek poked his head in.

'You decent?" He asked.

"Does it matter?" She asked.

"Nope, just hoping you weren't." He joked.

"Yeah, cause my surgical scar is such a turn on." She said wryly, self-conscious about it.

"The scar doesn't bother me, as long as your innate flexibility is still good, then I have no complaints."

He ducked as a pillow flew at his head.

She focused her gaze on the door.

"That's a new door." She stated instead of asking.

Derek's eyes darkened for a moment, no doubt thinking back to that night. His eyes cleared almost immediately, so as not to upset her.

"Yeah." He said, his voice slightly strained.

Meredith nodded, not wanting to think much about it herself.

"So everyone is here for dinner, if you want to wash up." He said.

"Everyone?"

"All of your friends and our moms."

"Oh. Why?" She asked.

"Think of it as a kind of celebration."

"Oh, yeah…A 'I am so glad you are not dead' party…I have always wanted to have one of those." She said sarcastically.

"Well, here is your chance."

Meredith giggled.

He brushed her wild hair off of her face and leaned in. She leaned back away from him and covered her mouth.

"Morning breath." Was her muffled explanation.

"It's not morning." He informed her and removed her hand, kissing her palm before grasping the back of her neck and kissing her fully on her mouth.

Meredith moaned and felt her eyes roll back in her head. The things this guy could do with his mouth. She moaned and he took the opportunity to thrust his tongue into her partly opened mouth. Oh god, the things he could do with his tongue. He eased her down on her back and laid lightly across her. She felt his massive erection at her pelvis. She grinded into him. He groaned loudly when she wrapped her legs around him, causing delicious friction in her girl parts. Oh God, the things he could do with his…

"Meredith! Really? You are ten days out of major abdominal surgery!"

Meredith groaned again, this time for a completely different reason.

"Why did I ask you to stay here again?" She asked her mother.

Derek eased off of her slightly though not all the way. He smirked at Ellis, seemingly marking his territory.

"Did you need something Ellis?" He asked casually.

"Dinner is ready, if you can dismount from my daughter long enough." She informed him, glaring slightly at him.

He grinned, Ellis not intimidating him in the least.

Meredith rolled her eyes at their showdown. She nudged Derek off of her.

"Give me five minutes and I will be down." She dismissed them.

"I'll wait." They said simultaneously.

"No. I am perfectly capable of getting to the dining room on my own."

Ellis and Derek shared a glance.

"Oh come on! I was hurt…I didn't fall down them on purpose." She exclaimed.

"Still I would feel much better if you would let me help you down." Derek said, his eyes hopeful.

"I can help you down. It doesn't have to be Derek…I am your mother after all and I am here to help."

She sighed.

"Fine. Whatever. Give me a few minutes." She walked into the bathroom, stopping when Derek started following her.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Helping you." Was his reply.

"Helping me pee and brush my hair and teeth? No thanks, I've got it." She said, firmly shutting the door in his face.

She leaned against it and slid down the door carefully, thankful for a few minutes peace.

Derek tapped on the door.

"Meredith, do you need some privacy?" He asked gently.

He heard a muffled scream and something hit the far wall. He looked at Ellis wryly.

"I guess that's a yes." He said.

"You should quit crowding her." Ellis said. "She doesn't like it."

Derek looked at her incredulously.

"How would you know what she likes?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ellis asked, her tone hostile.

"It means you have no idea what Meredith likes or who Meredith is." Derek said, his tone mimicking Ellis's.

"I have known her for 31 years. You have known her for what…a month?"

"Seven and it's thirty three." He responded.

"What?" Ellis asked.

'Meredith is thirty three not thirty one…but whatever…after all you know her better than I do. Right? You know how she takes her coffee or what she aspires to be or how she snores loudly and is not a morning person and loves junk food and ferry boats and is the most kindest, most forgiving person in the world and how she puts the needs of others always before herself and how she made a family out of four other lost interns because she didn't have one of her own. I will stop now because you know all of this. Right?" Derek said passionately.

Ellis didn't respond because the door opened and Meredith walked out.

"Alright you can help the invalid down the stairs now." She said sarcastically as she swept out of the room.

Dinner was…interesting. The table was packed. It was Alex, Cristina, Izzie, George, Carolyn, Ellis, Mark, Meredith and Derek. She had never had so many people in her house at once. Everyone was careful not to mention the attack.

Meredith had a hairy moment when she had gotten safely down the stairs. She looked at the deep scratch on the hardwood floor four feet from the bottom of the steps. She remembered the look in his eye as he swooped in for the kill. She looked at the place where the foyer table was. The lamp had been replaced with a different one. She looked at the front door, the glass had been replaced and new deadbolts put in. She noticed a state of the art security system that hadn't been there before. She blindly walked towards the kitchen where he had kissed her and where she had stabbed him. There was no blood anywhere…everything was replaced and cleaned up as if it had never happened. But it had and Meredith knew she would have to deal with it and soon.

Dinner had instead become an Ellis get-to-know-Meredith occasion.

"So have you picked a specialty yet?" Ellis asked.

"I am only an intern, we can't declare until third year." She responded.

"Yes, but surely you have a choice picked out on what you want to concentrate on."

"I do." Meredith blushed.

"Why do I get the feeling it isn't General?" Ellis asked wryly.

"Because it isn't." Meredith said

"Well, what is it?"

"Neuro." Meredith said quietly.

"Really?" Derek grinned. "Thanks no doubt to my awesome teaching skills." He boasted.

"Not hardly." Meredith said. All the interns laughed.

"I am an excellent teacher." He said.

"Dude, you suck. You are a great doc but you have the personality of a snail." Alex said bluntly.

"Ouch, Shep that has to hurt." Mark said wincing.

"Shut it McSteamy." Meredith said. "You have a great personality just the anger and your temper makes everyone want to avoid you at all costs." She told Derek.

Derek shrugged.

"I am better now…thanks to you." He told Meredith.

"Ugh. We are trying to eat." Cristina complained. "I liked you better bitter and pissed off. That way I didn't have to see you acting like a whipped puppy."

Everyone laughed.

"So are you two getting married now?" Ellis asked.

Meredith choked on the mouthful of water she had just put in her mouth. She sputtered as Derek patted her forcefully on her back.

"I'll take that as a no." Ellis said, seemingly relieved. "You are on birth control right Meredith?"

"Seriously? You are trying to have a sex talk with me? Ellis, I have been having sex since I was a teenager without any guidance from you. I haven't gotten pregnant yet. If and when I marry Derek, it will be my choice and if and when I have children with him, it will because we made the conscious decision to add to our family. Don't worry Mother, I won't mess up my life as you did to yours when you had me." Meredith said fuming.

"I didn't mean…that isn't what I was trying to…sorry." Ellis said looking down at her lap.

Meredith sighed.

"No, I overreacted but Ellis, you can not waltz in here after what has happened and act all mom like with me. I grew up way to early and I am wiser than you give me credit for. I know you think falling in love with my boss is wrong and believe me when I tell you that I didn't plan to fall for the ego bearing, temperamental asshole that is Derek Shepherd."

Derek opened his mouth to protest but obviously thought better of it and kept it shut. His mother smiled at him knowingly.

"I for one can't wait for the day they announce their intent to marry. I just hope I am not to old to enjoy it." Carolyn hinted.

"She is good at the guilt trips huh?" Meredith asked Derek.

Derek nodded his head but when he saw his mom look at him sharply he quickly shook it. Meredith laughed.

"Oh look, Derek is a momma's boy." She announced much to his chagrin.

"Run Meredith, run now." Cristina said.

"Nah, luckily I like his mom." Meredith said winking at Carolyn. "She cooks."

Everyone laughed.

"Hey if you two get married, can I plan it?" Izzie asked.

"I will be a groomsman." George offered.

"Hold on! No one is getting married. I have known him for seven months and I have only liked him for about fifteen days total out of that whole time." Meredith informed everyone.

"And yet you are in love with him?" Ellis asked clearly not understanding.

"Yeah…I don't understand it myself but somewhere in between him calling me unattractive and treating me like I have leprosy and going at it on Carolyn's dining room table, I fell in love with him. What can I say? I love temperamental overbearing assholes." Meredith sighed.

"Yes and I love neurotic interns who snore like truckers and who talk excessively." Derek said loudly.

Meredith glared at him.

"What? You can dish it out but you can't take it? I can give just as good as you can. I lay down for no woman, doll." Derek smirked.

"Oh really?"

"Well, I will lay down if you ask me too." He purred. "Ouch!" He exclaimed as he felt a sharp kick to his shin. His eyes found his mother's who looked at him warningly. "A simple stop it would have sufficed." He grumbled.

'Yeah, but that was much more fun and effective." Carolyn stated matter of factly.

Meredith giggled.

"I thought you loved me?" He asked Meredith, pouting.

"Oh you big baby." She said unsympathetically.

"Well aren't you just so sweet?" He said sarcastically.

"I am not known for my sweetness."

"Yes you are." Izzie, Cristina, George and Alex said.

"I have a question." Carolyn said. "Does anyone know why there were eggs under the tablemats and the chair cushions and the Tiffany lamp in the kitchen?"

Meredith looked at her four friends who looked anywhere but at her.

"The eggs I cooked? I made you breakfast and you didn't even try them?"

"I beg to differ. I did take a bite and I still can't look at an egg without wanting to vomit." George grumbled.

"Thanks…really. Some friends you are." Meredith complained.

"Us? You made us that…slop and expected us to eat it. You didn't even eat it so don't give me that crap." Cristina said.

Meredith giggled.

"They did look awful but it is the thought that counted." She said.

"Not in that instance Mer." Alex said.

"So obviously I will do all the cooking in our marriage." Derek said smiling indulgently.

"What marriage?" Meredith exclaimed. "There will be no marriage."

"Yes there will be." Derek said confidently.

"We will see." She said.

"Yes we will."

"Dude my money is on Shepherd." Alex whispered to the others.

"Dum dum da dum." Cristina hummed under her breath.


	70. Chapter 70

"Okay, I think it is time for everyone to go home." Derek announced. It was almost midnight and dinner had been over for three hours. They had spent the time joking and laughing and Derek found he liked the quirky interns. Will wonders never cease?

Meredith stopped in mid laugh at something Cristina said and looked at him, her eyebrow raised. Ooh good, her sassy side was coming. He liked that side of her…well actually he liked all sides of her…Made him think porny things.

'Oh really Dad…is it my curfew already?" She said sarcastically.

Dad? Well that killed it…

"We should be going. Some people have to work." Alex grumbled.

"I recommend having someone try to kill you…it hurts like hell but it gets you time off." Meredith joked. Everyone looked at her.

"What? I can't joke about it?" She asked defensively.

Everyone started talking at once. A chorus of 'sure you can, yep, whatever floats your ferry-boat, if you want' rang out in the room, then the room was engulfed in uncomfortable silence.

Meredith shook her head.

"Okay everyone get out, I need my beauty rest." She ordered frustrated. She wanted to be treated like she was normal and not some mental headcase ready to break at any moment.

Everyone left together until all that was left was Meredith, Derek, Ellis, Carolyn and Mark. He was shifting uncomfortably at the door, not sure what to do. Meredith took pity on him.

"Walk your date to his car and kiss him goodbye." She told Derek, masking her softness with sarcasm. Her eyes conveyed to him her intentions and he nodded and kissed her on her forehead before walking towards Mark.

"Can the two moms get Meredith ready for bed?" He asked unthinkingly.

His back was turned to Meredith so he didn't see her shoe hurtling towards him but he felt it upon impact. He rubbed the back of his head as he turned to her.

"What was that for?" He asked, fighting the urge to yell at her.

"Look at my body. See the breasts, remember the vagina? Yeah…not two years old. I am perfectly capable of getting ready for bed. Worry about your own self and leave me alone Shepherd." She hissed, getting up slowly and walking purposefully up the stairs, slamming the door when she got to her bedroom. They heard the door open.

"And don't bother coming up here tonight!" She screamed.

Everyone looked at Derek in amusement.

"She loves me." He assured everyone.

"Uh huh." Ellis said.

He looked at Mark.

"Let's go outside." He said, sighing deeply. He dreaded this conversation but it was necessary. They sat on the swing, each plastered on their own side.

"I…don't even know…how…to…" Derek started, stumbling over his words. He had been angry for so long and he didn't know how to build this bridge to repair the damage. He almost felt like it wasn't his place to make amends but in order to have the future he wanted with Meredith, he really needed to reconcile his past with his present and future.

"I messed up." Mark said.

"That is the understatement of the century." Derek responded.

Uncomfortable silence encompassed them.

"Did you love her?" Derek asked.

Mark sucked in a breath and let it out slowly.

"I thought I did." He replied. "I think that is was more the idea of her and not actually her…you know? Like the idea of settling down with someone and having someone love me. I don't know. What is love anyway?"

"Love is…laughing about your family catching you having sex, it's having her forgive you for being an ass 24-7, it's wanting her to be safe and happy and even if that meant leaving her you would do it because it would mean she would be those things even if it was with someone else, it's appreciating her flaws and thinking they are the cutest things ever even if they keep you up all night because you were to stupid to remember to get earplugs, it's risking your career without a second thought because someone is trying to hurt her…" He paused and with tears in his eyes he looked at Mark. "…it's knowing you would give up everything just to hear her say 'I love you'. That's love."

"Okay, so I didn't love her." Mark said.

Derek chuckled and shook his head.

"You know that she had an abortion?' Mark asked.

Derek nodded.

"Did you know it was mine?"

Derek nodded again.

"I'm so sorry Derek." Mark said, hanging his head in shame.

"I know. I am going to let you know a little something Mark."

Mark looked at him.

"I stopped being mad at you the instant I met Meredith."

"What?"

"I was still mad and resentful towards Addison for what she did and for her betrayal, but when I saw Mer on her very first day as an intern…she was so understated and she shrank back from everyone, just hiding but all I could see was this woman who would have an impact on my life and I ran for the hills. I ignored her and I made her generally feel like crap but she scared the hell out of me."

"So why did you stop being mad at me then?"

"I wouldn't have met her if it wasn't for you. I would never have moved to Seattle if I wasn't trying to get away from you."

"Glad I could help." Mark said. "So are we okay?"

"Yeah." Derek said.

"Derek?"

"Yeah…"

"Meredith is hot." Mark said, smiling devilishly.

"Don't push your luck man." Derek warned, glaring at him but laughing.

"So Dr. Shepherd is certainly protective." Ellis said, perching herself at the edge of Meredith's bed.

"You can call him Derek and yes he is." Meredith said.

"Is it driving you crazy yet?"

"God yes!" She exclaimed.

"You certainly handle it better than I ever did. I felt suffocated all the time." Ellis revealed.

"My dad?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, Thatcher was a nice man…a good man…but we were never meant for each other in that way. He like to show love and I ran from it…things like feelings were beyond me. That was just the way I was raised and I guess…I wasn't inclined to change any."

"Even for me?" Meredith asked softly.

Ellis looked at her.

"You were the only bright spot in my life. I know I never told you that and I know I am late in telling you but you were all my young hopes and dreams all wrapped up into one mischievous bundle of energy. I wanted you to be better than me, stronger than me, happier than me and you are. But I robbed myself of the chance to know you and I regret that. Really I do." Ellis said, her voice trembling.

"Why now? After all this time?" Meredith wondered out loud.

"I almost lost you forever." Ellis said.

Meredith snorted and looked away, swiping furiously at her tears.

"That seems to be the only way anyone feels the need to tell me they love me. I guess I should have more near death whatevers."

"Who?"

"Derek. Nice huh? A month ago the man hates me, then he needs me, then he likes me, then he sleeps with me, then he lets me know it was a mistake and he hates me again. Now he loves me and can't live without me. It's…"

"Confusing?"

"Bullshit was kind of what I was going for."

Ellis cocked her head to the side and regarded Meredith.

"What?"

"He does…love you I mean. It is present in every glance, every worry line, every smile, every joke, every twinkle in his blue eyes…" Ellis smiled.

"How do you know his eyes are blue?" Meredith asked suspiciously.

"I'm old, not dead. He is some major eye candy." Ellis said.

"Oh ew…ugh…no. Don't ever say that again." Meredith demanded.

"Snatch him up quick. I will be less inclined to seduce him if he is related to me." Ellis said.

Meredith laughed.

"Shut up! The mental image alone is enough to make me want to drink bleach."

"Seriously, I need to know if we can work things out…if we can work on our relationship…or is it too late?" Ellis asked, her eyes searching her daughters.

"Mom, the whole Matt thing." She winced. "He hurt me and you covered it up and I don't know if I can trust you or not." Meredith said.

"I didn't know, he had an airtight alibi, he had someone vouch for him and according to the paperwork he was in surgery…believe me I didn't know."

"And you didn't once think that I was telling the truth? It didn't occur to you to take my side for once?"

Ellis looked down at the bed and picked at an imaginary thread.

"I'm sorry." She got up. "Just think about it, okay?" She smiled and left the room.

Meredith waited until the door closed and then she sobbed into her pillow. She felt a pair of strong warm arms envelop her and she sobbed harder into his chest. He murmured comforting words into her ear and kissed her hair, her forehead, her cheek, whatever his lips could reach.

"It's going to be okay Mer." He whispered to her.

"Promise?" She asked, brokenly.

"Yes, I promise."

She nodded and before long, felt the darkness encompass her senses and she fell into a deep sleep.


	71. Chapter 71

"Oh God…yeah…right there…that feels soooo good…ah…"

Derek cracked one eye open. He turned his head to his left.

Oh. Holy. Hell.

The woman of his dreams was writhing in pleasure and moaning beside him. Now normally that would be a good thing…but he wasn't the one causing her pleasure. She was deeply asleep and he wasn't entirely sure she was dreaming about him.

"Hmmm….Derek…"

Okay so she was dreaming about him. He bet a million dollars that he had the biggest shit eating grin on his face at the moment…along with a huge boner. He raised up and rested his head on his hand, just content to watch her. Well he would rather do other things but maybe she should be awake first.

"Fuck me please."

This was so much better than her snoring. Fuck this. He would wake her up. He eased down and moved closer until he was nose to nose with her.

He kissed her softly and was surprised when she threw her arms around him and kissed him back deeply. She wrapped her legs around his waist and grinded into him. He almost came in his pants right then. He slipped his hands under her shirt and ran them down her up and down her sides. He took her shirt all the way off and leaned down to fondle her breasts with his mouth. He paid equal attention to both, suckling and licking and placing open-mouthed kisses on them. He took a nipple into his mouth and lightly bit down. She thrust her hands in his hair and tugged forcefully, wanting him to move back up to eye level. She thrust again. He felt the desire coiling in his abdomen and knew he wouldn't last long if she kept this up.

And there was the little matter of her still being unconscious.

"Meredith? Mer, wake up. Meredith?" He said quietly.

"Hmmm?" She said groggy. She opened her eyes and smiled at him sweetly.

And then she discovered their position.

"What the hell?" She exclaimed. She pushed him off of her and looked at him incredulously.

"You make out with sleeping people now?" She asked.

"You started it." He accused.

"How did I start it? I was sleeping." She protested.

"Oh Derek…right there…oh yeah…fuck me please. Does that ring a bell?" He said.

Meredith opened her mouth to argue and then she blushed…all over. She was beet red. She clapped a hand over her mouth and shut her eyes in embarrassment.

"I…um…had a dream." She explained.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that one out on my own, thanks." He said, though he was smiling.

"It was a good dream." She said.

"Also something I noticed."

She bit her lip and looked down away from him. He tilted her head up to look him in the eye.

"What?" He asked gently.

"I'm just…sorry."

"For what?"

"You have been so great and I have just been so snappy and pissy and…"

"Stop right there. You have been in pain."

"Yeah," She snorted, "A pain in the ass."

"Think of it as a role reversal. Don't worry about me, I can take it. I won't hold it against you later. It will be good practice for when we are married." He said.

"Who said I am going to marry you? I have known you for a month if that. We have been enemies longer than anything else. You can't build a relationship off of that." She said.

"Yes you can and that is exactly what we did. And we have known each other longer than a month. You have been an intern for eight months." He argued.

"You started noticing me the day I got in your face at Joe's and then you noticed me sexually two days later." She said, crossing her arms over her breasts. He ogled them hungrily. She followed his gaze and she realized she had no shirt on. She glared at him and grabbed her sheet to cover them up. His eyes mourned the loss.

"What was I talking about?" She asked.

"Sex…I mean, me noticing you for sex." He reminded her.

"Yeah, so don't give me this we have known each other for eight months shit now lets get married." She mocked.

"You're wrong."

"About what?" She asked.

"When I first noticed you. It was on July 13th. It was around seven in the morning. You got out of your car and you were running late. When you shut your door, you dropped your purse. I remember you cursed and bent down to pick it up. Then you cursed again when you realized it fell in a mud puddle. When you lifted it up, it got your outfit wet. You had this cute little scowl on your face. You looked like you wanted to stomp your foot and pout." He chuckled at the memory.

"That was my first day." She whispered.

"Yeah." He turned his face back to her abruptly. "I didn't want to love you. I didn't want anything to do with you. But even then, I felt something. I watched you all the time. I watched you work and I watched you charm everyone around you…the janitor and the cafeteria workers and the barista in the lobby, the nurses…hell even Bailey and the Chief. I even watched you sleep once. You have this peace and this aura, for lack of a better word, around you and people are attracted to it. I have never seen anything like it. Then you opened your mouth." He grinned. "I never would have pegged you for being feisty."

"Don't peg me, I am not peggable." She said.

"You're pegged, deal with it." He teased.

"If you noticed me all those months ago, why did you fight me so hard?" She asked.

"I'm a mess. You deserve so much better than me. You can do so much better than me." Derek explained.

"Don't you know? Don't you get it? There is no one better for me than you. Everyone has problems Derek, everyone is a mess. Once in a while though, two wrongs…" She gestured between the two of them. "…can make a right. We are wrong apart, but we are right together. That is why I fought so hard for you."

"You gave up though. Not that I blame you." He hastened to add.

"I couldn't wait around for you forever. I don't know if you have noticed, but you are one stubborn asshole." She said.

"I have been told that a time or two." He agreed.

"Why did it take me almost dying for you to admit your feelings? I have been lingering on that since it happened. I just can't wrap my mind around it." She asked.

Derek looked away and sighed.

"Let me see if I can explain this. Losing you to another man, I could handle. As long as you were happy, I could deal with it…with a lot of alcohol and heavy narcotics that is. Because, I could still see you, get a glimpse of you every once in a while. I would handle that for you because I believed that is what would be best for you, in my mind at least. But, seeing you in the foyer, in the ambulance, in the OR…watching as your heart stopped beating, as you stopped breathing…hearing the beep that signaled asystole…thinking I would never see you again…you know how they say your life flashes before your eyes?" Meredith nodded. "I saw snippets of what our life could be like. I saw you say yes and I saw you in a white dress saying I do…and I saw you cradle our child in your arms and I saw us on our front porch on our land overlooking the lake and the cliff, gray-haired and covered in grandchildren. I saw what I wanted my life to be and I realized that I was irrevocably in love with you." He paused for a moment, unable to continue.

Meredith crawled into his lap and buried her face in his neck.

"I love you too." She whispered. They sat there for a long silent moment.

"So now what? The balls in your court." He said quietly.

Meredith pondered this for a moment.

"I want to date." She announced.

"You want to date?" He asked.

"Yeah, we kind of skipped over the whole dating part. I want to date."

"We can do that." He agreed. "I put on a great date."

"Hmmm…we will see about that now won't we?" She said.

"Mer? What do you want out of this relationship?" He asked.

"Well…I want equality and communication for starters. You?"

"Honesty is number one with me." He said.

"Honesty huh? Okay, well then I have to tell you this." She paused. "You have morning breath."

"What?" He exclaimed. He cupped his hands to his mouth and breathed, sniffing as he did so.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, going to brush my teeth." He said, sheepishly. He slipped her off of him and kissed her cheek. She giggled as his beard tickled her.

"Shave while you are at it."

He mocked glared at her as he shut the bathroom door.

She laid back on her pillows and grinned satisfactorily.

Maybe this couple thing wouldn't be so bad.


	72. Chapter 72

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked again. She began pulling on the blindfold. Derek saw her out of the corner of her eye.

"Uh uh…no peeking. This is supposed to be a surprise."

"I hate surprises." She said.

"You will like this one, I promise." He assured her.

"Okay… fine…whatever." She said, sitting back into the seat with a small smile playing on her lips.

They drove along a little while until Derek found his turn. He pulled in and put the car in park.

"I will be back to get you in five minutes. Please do not peek." He pleaded with her.

"I won't." She promised him.

Derek quickly grabbed the supplies from his trunk and set up. He hoped she liked it. He looked out onto the horizon. It was just about time. He rushed back to get her.

"Okay, come on." He led her to the clearing and eased her down to the blanket covered ground. He positioned her just right.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Derek."

"Really sure?"

"Take off the damn blindfold Derek, I am not getting any younger." She ordered, losing all patience with him.

"So impatient." He chuckled and untied the blindfold. She blinked a couple of times and then gasped as her eyes focused on the view.

Before her was the most beautiful sunset she had ever seen. The sky was rich in hues of pinks and golds and purples.

"Oh Derek, it's so beautiful." She breathed. She turned to him, her eyes sparkling.

"Yes, so beautiful." He whispered, his gaze intent on her.

"You aren't even looking at the sunset." She objected.

"I know." He said, smiling softly.

Meredith blushed under his worshiping scrutiny.

"Stop looking at me like that." She demanded.

"Why?" He asked, cocking his head to the left.

"You make me feel like sixteen year old virgin." She confessed.

"Hmmm…really? Let me know when you want to lose your virginity then. I would be more than happy to help with that." He teased.

Meredith shoved at him playfully and rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry but virgins don't put out on the first date." She informed him seriously.

He leaned very close to her and she shivered as his breath caressed her ear.

"Good thing you are not a virgin then."

"How would you know if I am or not? I just met you after all." She said playfully.

He tapped his temple.

"I just know these things. I might be physic. For instance, I know there is this thing you do on a dining room table…I believe you call it the Torrid Table Top…that blows guys minds." He grinned.

She shifted uncomfortably as she felt her panties dampen…mixed with the March wind, she was suddenly chilly…and hot. Definitely an arousing sensation. She decided to change the subject.

"Is that food?" She asked, nodding towards the basket lying beside them on the blanket. He smirked at her knowingly at the topic change. She ignored him.

"Yes, it is. I know how hungry you stay so I thought it would be a good idea. The trailer doesn't have much food I am afraid." He said.

She looked around in surprise.

"This is your land?" She asked.

"Yeah, the trailer is through those trees." He informed her, gesturing.

She peered through the waning dusk and saw the outline of his home. She looked back towards where the sunset had been and saw a sprinkle of stars and a half-moon had appeared.

"This is amazing Derek. Why would you stay with me when you could be here looking at this view?" She asked.

"The view at your house is much more breathtaking." He replied.

Meredith sighed.

"There you go again with all those compliments. If I didn't know better I would think you were trying to seduce me."

"Oh I am, make no mistake about it, but I will let you eat first." He commented, grinning at her widely.

Meredith's mouth flew open in shock. Derek chuckled and brought his finger under his chin and closed it, kissing her firmly but quickly on her lips.

"Now…I have turkey subs, chips, grapes, strawberries, blueberries, and cheese. Oh, and champagne." He looked at her eagerly.

"Are we celebrating something?" She asked coyly.

"Yes, we are celebrating our survival." He told her.

"I thought I was the only one on death's bed." She argued.

"Not that survival…maybe that is the wrong word…we are here together on my land. At one time, I would never have entertained the thought and now…" He trailed off.

'Now…" She prompted.

"I can't imagine you anywhere else but here with me." He said, looking deep into her eyes.

Meredith met his gaze and she grasped the neck of the champagne bottle and grabbed the basket and stood up. He followed her movement.

"Where…" He began.

She smiled seductively.

"Right now I am going into the trailer, when I get in there I will put down these things on the table…and then I will get undressed and then I will get into your bed…naked."

She walked away, her bottom swishing. She looked over her shoulder to where Derek sat spellbound.

"Coming?" She asked.

He scrambled to his feet.

"Yes." He smiled. "And you will be too."


	73. Chapter 73

Meredith entered the trailer and quickly set the items down. She tore her shirt off and turned when she heard the trailer door slam. She placed her hands on her hips and cocked her head slightly to the left and down, looking at him through her long lashes. She smirked at the expression on his face.

He looked…gob smacked for lack of a better word.

He moved towards her tripping over his feet. She held out a hand to stop him.

"Uh uh…no touching. You can only watch until I tell you otherwise." She demanded in a strong voice.

Derek raised an eyebrow. Hmmm…Dominatrix Meredith…this was a new one for him. He nodded his assent.

She smiled coyly and reached down to take off her boots…first the left and then the right. Her socks soon followed. She shimmied slowly out of her jeans, leaving them in a heap in the floor. She stared at him, left only in her lavender bra and boy cut shorts…the same ones from the drunken night he stayed at her house…he was drunk, but he wasn't that drunk. She walked towards him very slowly and pushed him down on the couch. He looked up at her from his sprawled position. If he eased up, his mouth would be in direct line with her…

_Slap!_

He shook his head in confusion and looked at her. She raised an eyebrow at him and shook her head.

"Don't even think about it Shepherd." She ordered, her voice silky but full of steel. He felt his pants tightened as his erection grew from half mast to flying free range.

"O…okay." He stuttered.

"Okay what?" She prompted.

His eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Um…"

"I think the word you are looking for is Mistress." She informed him.

Oh…that shit was hot.

"Yes…Mistress." He said, his voice low and husky.

She straddled him and he reflexively arched his hips, his erection searching for her core like a heat seeking missile.

"What did I say?" She taunted.

"You told me no touching…you said nothing about him." He reminded her.

"Tell Little Derek to calm down or no play time for him." She demanded.

"He has a mind of his own and I beg to differ he is not little." Derek grumbled.

She swiped her damp panty clad sex over his covered hard erection.

"Hmmm…no he is not." She purred.

He almost came right then and there. Embarrassing or not…he was about to prematurely ejaculate like a thirteen year old if she did not stop teasing him.

'Mer…" He started to warn her.

She kissed him deeply, slipping her tongue in immediately and massaged his slowly and languidly. He moved his hands to thread them in her hair but remembered her warning about no action. He really, really wanted action tonight. And he meant…REALLY…

He instead gripped the couch cushion tightly with his hands, not knowing what else to do with them.

She broke the kiss and stood up…a little unsteady on her feet. He smirked knowingly. She quickly righted herself and reached both hands behind her back and unclasped her bra. She let the straps fall down her arms and she shrugged it off where it joined the rest of her clothes. She backed up towards the bed, bringing her finger up and crooking it at him. He got up as if there was a string connecting them…making him go where she went.

She stopped when her knees hit the bed and he stopped three feet from her. She grabbed his shirt and pulled…buttons scattering everywhere…some to the floor, some hitting the walls with a silent ping. He helped her shrug it off. Her nails trailed down his chest, lightly scratching until they reached his jeans. She deftly unbuttoned them…all five and dragged the zipper down slowly, being careful of the huge bulge under it. He hissed when her fingers brushed it deliberately.

He watches a his vixen dropped carefully to her knees. She gripped his jeans and ripped them down to his ankles. His erection sprang free in front of her face. She licked her lips when she saw it. She immediately thrust her mouth upon it and started suckling and licking and nipping.

Oh Fuck!

He groaned loudly under her expert ministrations. His girl was an expert in giving head. She took all he had in and swallowed. He felt her throat working at his tip. He felt the coil in his abdomen start to spring. He backed away quickly. She looked at him confused, some of her hair sticking to her face with sweat.

"I don't want to cum that way…not without you." He explained. She smiled and nodded. He helped her stand up. He reached for her, but hesitated.

"May I…Mistress?" He asked.

"You may." She acquiesced. He grasped the back of her neck and pulled her to him, his lips attacking hers, tasting his precum on her tongue. He gently laid her down on his bed and took in the sight. He never thought he would see the day she would be naked in his bed. It was something to behold. He settled his weight on her loosely, mindful of her abdomen. He kissed her neck and moved to her breasts…paying equal attention to each. He moved down to her naval, flicking his tongue in the indention which made her shudder. He traced his finger lightly amidst the slight pink pucker of her surgical scar and looked at her thoughtfully.

"Are you sure it's not too soon? It has only been three weeks." He asked, letting her know with his eyes that it was okay if she wanted to stop. Her health and comfort came first.

"It's fine Derek. I promise." She assured him. He nodded and he released a breath, not realizing he was holding it waiting for her response.

He hooked his fingers into the crotch of her lacy panties, rubbing his fingers through her wetness. She hissed. He gave a rough tug and ripped them off of her. She sat up and looked at him.

"Those were my favorite panties." She objected, shocked but turned on.

He smirked.

"That was my favorite shirt." He replied.

She looked at him, her eyes a narrowed dark jade and she threw herself at him. She thrust her hands in his thick locks and tugged him up to kiss her from his lying position on his bed. He gripped her hips to pull her into position but she slapped them away.

"You said I could you." He protested.

"Not…yet…" She gasped. She nipped at his neck, lingering there to suckle and leave a mark. She drew up and looked at his hickey.

"Satisfied?" Derek asked wryly.

"I want everyone to know you are mine. Is there anything wrong with that?" She asked.

"Not a thing. I think everyone knows based on my reaction in the OR and the fact I barely left your side, but a hickey works too." He teased.

"Shut up." She ordered.

"Make me." He growled.

"Gladly." She purred. She positioned her moist center over his throbbing, now painful erection. She eased down slowly, taking him in inch by inch, moaning at the feeling of being…filled. She stopped when he was balls deep inside her, his tip hitting her cervix. And they said anything over eight was just for show…To that she said ha, to him she said…

"Oh. my. God."

She stayed still for a moment, just reveling in the feeling of being joined with him.

He brought his thumb down to her clit and circled the nub. She moaned loudly. Her muscles clenched his cock.

"Please…Mer…move." He said through gritted teeth trying desperately not to explode.

She shook herself out of her trance and begin moving up and down on his engorged cock. He brought his hands up and caressed her breasts. He watched her fuck him…her whole body bouncing, her hands stationed on his chest as she moved, her head thrown back, sweat glistening on her brow. He pulled her down for a kiss, stilling her movements for a moment. She protested loudly. He didn't want her to over do it so he flipped them so he was on top, never leaving her tight core. He brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her sweetly, his eyes locking with hers. She smiled lovingly at him. He began moving slowly in and out of her core, taking things slowly.

He wanted to make love to her.

They continued moving together, the only sounds were there moans and sighs. Meredith started gasping as she felt her orgasm coming on.

"Der…I'm…oh god…oh…Der!" She said as her orgasm flew through her. Derek slipped his hand between them and found her engorged nub, pinching it…making her orgasm last longer.

"OH!" She screamed. He continued to move his own orgasm rapidly approaching, her clenching strangling his cock. He released into her with a gutteral moan, his fluids mixing with hers. He collapsed to her side, so as not to hurt her with his weight.

They lay there, spent and gasping, neither able to move.

"That was…" He began.

"Yeah…" She agreed. She curled into him and kissed his sweaty chest. He twisted his hands into her hair.

Several minutes later, he felt her smile into his side.

"What do you find so amusing?" He asked.

Her stomach growled.

He laughed.

"Hungry?" He asked unnecessarily.

"No…that was my uterus thanking you for ramming into it repeatedly." She said sarcastically.

"I didn't hear you complaining any."

"I said my uterus was, not me. Now shut up and feed me." She demanded, winking at him.

"Food…coming right up." He said, slipping out of bed.

"Then you…cumming in the shower." She suggested. "I know of this bendy thing..."

"This is why I keep you around." He said.

"You mean, someone else would want you?" She said in mock shock.

"It wouldn't matter if they did, I only have eyes for a certain feisty surgical intern."

Meredith smiled softly at him.

"Let me know if you see her coming…she would be pissed if she knew I was with you." He joked.

He ducked to avoid the book that was previously on his nightstand and was now hurtling towards his head.

"Ass!" She hissed and then she began laughing uncontrollably. "Just…bring me…my food." She gasped.

He brought the basket to their bed and sat on it beside her. He took her in his arms.

"You know I am just kidding right? I would never…" He began to assure her.

She put her finger to his lips.

"I know."

They began feeding each other, just enjoying the peace and quiet his land afforded them and wishing they hadn't wasted so much time.


	74. Chapter 74

Meredith woke the next morning…alone. She looked up at the skylight and realized it was still dark. She spared a glance at the alarm clock.

_4:35_

Ugh! Why was she up at such an ungodly hour when she didn't have to be at work?

Because Derek was MIA.

She listened for the sound of water running…Nothing. She peered into the kitchen slash living room area…Nothing.

Where the fuck was he?

She got up out of the warm cozy bed…and instantly shivered. Damn it was cold in here. She grabbed the fleece comforter and wrapped it around her naked body and went in search of her wayward boyfriend.

Boyfriend…she smiled. Derek "McDreamy" Shepherd was her boyfriend.

She opened up the trailer door and looked out into the vast darkness. She squinted and brought a lone figure into focus. He was by the lake. She slipped into his slippers…the man owned slippers…what the fuck…and shuffled outside.

Holy Hell.

If she thought it was cold in the trailer, it was nothing compared to the icy undertones of the air current outside of it. She shivered again…wishing she would have had the foresight to get dressed. She took another step…

Fuck this.

She went back inside and grabbed a pair of his sweatpants and a fleece hoodie and donned them. They swallowed her whole, but if she folded the waistband a couple of times on the pants they would not fall down at least. She put a pair of socks and put the slippers back on and exited the trailer again…feeling much more prepared to go outdoors and find out what was so important that he would leave his warm naked sexy girlfriend.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear her approach. He had woken up at three and hadn't been able to go back to sleep so he decided to go fishing to clear his mind. So much had happened in the last six weeks and he hadn't really had the chance to process it. He went from a hard cold empty shell of a man to a loving future wanting boyfriend of the most infuriating woman on the planet. He chuckled out loud at the thought of her. He had never met a more beautiful, kind, feisty, stubborn, intelligent woman in his whole life. And she was his…

"What could you possibly be thinking of that would make you have that goofy ass smile on your face?" Meredith asked behind him.

Did he mention she was sarcastic?

"Fish." He said seriously.

"Fish?" She asked incredulously.

"I love fish." He explained simply.

"You love fish? Fish has you looking all blissed out? Did fish just fuck you seven different ways til Sunday?" She asked.

"No Meredith, it is a fish." He informed her patronizingly.

Her eyes flashed. Ah yes…fiesty Meredith made for great sex.

"I thought fish would be good for breakfast." He continued.

"You want to have fish for breakfast? Seriously, Muesli would be fine." Meredith said quickly.

"You hate Muesli." Derek commented.

"Not as much as I hate fish." She bantered back.

"You hate fish!" Derek said in mock shock. "Well now I don't think I can spend an eternity with someone who hates fish. Fish are great, wonderful even. I love my fish."

"You are a weird little man." She said looking at him oddly.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I am not little?" He said emphatically.

"Until you prove it."

"You little…" He said in amazement.

Yeah bitch, she thought, I have balls…well she didn't have balls persay…you get the point…

He moved towards her dropping the pole near his lake. He moved like a predator stalking his prey. She moved back, her heart thumping excitedly. He reached for her and she dodged him easily.

"Nuh uh…no nookie for you." She teased.

"Why not?" He pouted.

"First off, you left me to go fish…secondly, you tried to feed me said fish…thirdly, you look like a Cub Scout…a twelve year old Cub Scout…so that makes you jailbait and makes you look like an idiot. So…no nookie for you." She concluded proudly.

"I…you…well you look like…like…a man." He returned feebly.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You sound like a twelve-year-old too…which leads me to believe you would blow your load prematurely…like a twelve-year-old. I have no patience for that. Sorry." She sighed pitifully and turned to walk off.

She was suddenly swept off of her feet.

"I will show you a twelve-year-old. I am going to make you squeal like one." He growled.

She giggled the whole way to the trailer.

After a two-hour delay, they sat at his kitchen table eating Muesli…well Derek ate Muesli, Meredith proclaimed she wouldn't touch that shit if it was the last food on earth and started raiding last night's leftovers. She was happily chomping away on a strawberry.

"So what do you want to do today?" He asked her. She shrugged. It didn't matter to her as long as she was with him.

'What did you have in mind?" She asked.

"I thought we could go shopping in Bainbridge, maybe stay over." He suggested.

"Really? You would go shopping with me? Hmmm…I know you have balls, I have seen them up close and personal, but you seem to have lost them in the past twenty minutes…" She trailed off, musing.

He threw a grape at her.

"Shut up." He growled playfully. "I just thought it would be nice to use this time off together wisely."

"So a second date?" She asked.

"Oh you still want to date? I thought since you put out already that we could stop that." He teased.

Meredith huffed with her mouth agape. No easy feat let me tell you…

Derek grinned.

"You should see the look on your face right now." He said laughing.

She cocked her head at him and in hindsight he should have known what was going to happen then. She stood up, grabbed her warm coffee…and dumped it on his head.

She smiled and leaned close to his dripping wet form.

"You should see the look on your face right now." She said before bouncing into the bedroom area.

Yeah, she was the most infuriating woman on the planet.

And she was all his.


	75. Chapter 75

"Where have you been young lady?"

Meredith and Derek froze in the foyer and turned towards her mother, who had her hands on her hips, her foot tapping and a frown on her face.

"I…we…I'm sorry…what?" Meredith rambled, astounded at her mother's attitude.

Ellis broke out in laughter at the incredulous look on her daughter's face.

"I have always wanted to say that, I figured now was a good time as any." She said with a grin.

Meredith snorted.

"Well, if you must know, we were at Derek's where we engaged in many fornicating acts and now…"

"I really don't want to know so if you will please not finish that sentence…" Carolyn called from the kitchen.

Meredith laughed.

"I was going to say that we are heading to Bainbridge and we came here so I could change." Meredith explained.

"That is okay then. I just don't want to know anything else about my son's penis or his sexcapades." Carolyn said, smiling as she came into the foyer, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.

"I will try to refrain…" Meredith said.

"I would appreciate it." Carolyn teased.

"What am I missing here?" Ellis asked.

"Oh I was on morphine and I informed Carolyn about the size of Little Derek." Meredith said flippantly.

"And is Little Derek…little?" Ellis asked.

"Mom!" Meredith admonished her.

"What? I am just curious."

"I'm so not going there with you…ever…Mom…ever…" Meredith told her, walking up the stairs. She looked back at Ellis as she got to the top. "Ugh!"

Ellis laughed.

"I love getting her flustered." She remarked.

"That was so wrong." Derek smiled, giving her a hi five.

"You are both wrong…she is going to think the minute she turns her back that Ellis will be trying to mount you. I bet you she is down here in less than five minutes."

**Four minutes and twenty-two seconds later…**

"I'm ready." Meredith said, clumping down the stairs hurriedly, still pulling her hair in a ponytail and trying to slip her left shoe on.

Carolyn looked at Derek and Ellis.

"Told you." She murmured.

They stifled a laugh.

"That was fast." Derek said, stiltedly.

"Oh…I just don't want any mounting to go on…I mean…um…mountains…I don't want an avalanche or anything to happen so we should go." She said lamely.

"Meredith it is March…no chance of an avalanche this time of year in Seattle." Derek commented.

"Well…you never know now do you?" Meredith said pointedly.

"No, you never do…we should go. We will see both of you later." Derek said, done teasing for the moment.

Meredith practically dragged him out of the house and to the car.

"What's the hurry?" Derek asked as he got into the driver's seat.

"Did you see the way she was looking at you?" She seethed. "Did she not see the big ass hickey on your neck? Maybe I should tattoo 'Property of Meredith Grey' on your fucking forehead."

"I draw the line at that…I wouldn't want to mess up my pretty face…I wouldn't mind that tattoo on my ass though." Derek teased.

She shot a sideways glance at him. She glared, he grinned.

They both started laughing.

"Let's just go and have a good day." Derek suggested.

"That sounds really good. Lead the way." Meredith agreed.

Derek stared incredulously at the store in front of him. In all the years he was married, for all the years he had been alive period…he had never once ventured into what he called 'No Man's Land' aka Victoria's Secret. He had seen many of their products and for the life of him he didn't see what the secret could be since none of that stuff left anything to the imagination.

"Well…" Meredith said gesturing for him to follow her. This was the last store on her list of stores to visit and she had definitely saved the best for last…at least in his opinion.

"Coming." He squeaked out before clearing his throat.

Meredith smirked.

She grabbed several selections and had him wait outside the dressing room with her purse. You must really have it bad, he didn't even let Addison do this to him and he was married to her for over ten years. All he needed was a Chihuahua and he could be Paris Hilton's boy toy.

"Der?"

He raised his head at her muffled voice.

"Yeah?" He asked, knowing he would be lying if he didn't admit he was bored.

"Can you help me with this thing? It's stuck." She said in a pouting and slightly whiny voice.

Derek sighed and got up to go help.

"Don't forget my purse." She reminded him, as if he could forget.

He knocked lightly on the dressing room door. She opened it.

Suddenly, he wasn't bored anymore. He also wasn't so stupefied that he didn't realize she was naked and anyone walking by could see. He shoved her into the room and shut the door quickly behind him.

"What are you doing?" He hissed, slightly unnerved.

"I couldn't decide what to try on first…there are so many choices and I thought you would have a suggestion." She said coyly, her breasts now pushing up against his shirt clad chest.

Everything was hard the lump in his throat, his breathing, his dick.

"Um…" He said, trying to think clearly.

"There is this pink one…normally I am not a fan of pink…too Izzie, but I think this is cute or…this yellow one…not too bright, the perfect color. Then I looked at the primary colors…blue, the color of your eyes, black…very naughty…red…which is racy." She told him.

'Why are we looking for underwear again?" He asked.

"You seem to like ripping them so I figured I would stock up cause I see lots of opportunities for panty ripping…In. The. Not. So. Distant. Future. As in…Right. Fucking. Now." She gripped his pants by the waistband and pulled him to her again. Before he knew it, her nimble fingers had unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and she was now gripping his engorged length.

"Here?" He whispered.

"Yes…here." She said. She pushed him against the wall in a show of power and attacked his mouth. His thought process was now gone. He moaned and she knew in that instance she had him where she wanted him. Willing and by the looks of his cock…able. He took control and pushed her naked form into the wall of the dressing room. He wound his hand into her hair and tugged, bringing her head back enough to attack her neck. She moaned and he moved his mouth to hers, muffling her sounds. Meredith was very loud…which is one of the reasons he had taken her to the trailer last night. His mother already had too much information about his sex life thank you very much.

He gripped her thighs and raised her up so her saturated pussy was dead even with his needy cock. She lifted herself up slightly and slammed herself down on him. They both stifled groans of satisfaction. He steadied her as she raised and lowered herself over and over, her head thrown back, her body hitting the wall. Thump, thump, thump. He felt her clench around him, strangling him, bringing him closer and closer. She suddenly looked deep into his eyes, her eyes a wild jade, his own a cobalt. She came on the next simultaneous heartbeat they shared, biting her lip to keep quiet and small moan still emitting out of her mouth. He followed immediately, burying his face in her sweaty neck and biting down softly. She came again with his actions.

They panted and tried to control their breathing.

"Get them all." He gasped. "I'll pay."

"I thought you would say that." She smirked.


	76. Chapter 76

Derek padded quietly to the kitchen. He smiled at the image he saw. Carolyn patiently teaching Ellis how to bake cookies. Ellis was looking at the ingredients like she would an open body cavity.

"This is the last thing I ever thought I would see." He commented.

"Everyone should know how to cook a little." His mother said.

"Have you ever heard the saying 'Like mother, like daughter'? Yeah…definitely true in this case."

"And you are telling me this why?" Carolyn asked.

"Mer is off for another month, so maybe…"

"You want me to teach your girlfriend to cook?"

"Yes, isn't that what I said?" Derek asked

"Don't you take that tone with me young man." Carolyn warned.

"Sorry." Derek said.

Ellis, who had been quiet until that time, chuckled and shook her head.

"Besides she will be my wife one day." Derek continued. "And she will give you more grandchildren."

"Does Meredith know that you are planning to use her body to house your many offspring?" Ellis asked.

Derek looked at her in surprise.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Have you proposed, gave her a ring, discussed how many children you want or don't want?" Ellis elaborated further.

"No…I just…"

"Assumed? You know what they say about assuming don't you?"

"I love her. And she loves me. What more do we need to know?" Derek asked confidently.

Ellis looked at Carolyn, who was shaking her head.

'He was married before right?"

"Yes he was."

"Then how is he so clueless?"

"How am I clueless?" Derek asked angrily. He just came in here for some coffee.

"There is more to marriage than love." Ellis said.

"Yeah, like you are such an expert on all things marriage and family." He said nastily.

"Derek Shepherd! I did not raise you to talk to people like that!" Carolyn admonished.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"No you're not and that's okay. That's my whole point. I don't want you to bow down to me or to Meredith. I don't know how you were before, but Meredith has given me a glimpse. You were a total ass and now you are Casanova. She loves you, yes, but she loves the real you. The you that blows up for no reason and the you that blows hot and cold. You are nothing but a spineless shadow of that man." Ellis said.

"I don't understand." Derek asked.

"She is saying you are pussy whipped." Carolyn supplied helpfully.

Derek looked at his mother in shock.

"What? I agree with her. You didn't even lay down like this for Addison." Carolyn pointed out.

"Like what?" Meredith asked coming into the room.

'Nothing, did you sleep well?" Derek asked Mer, kissing her on her cheek.

"His behavior." Carolyn informed her.

"Oh you mean how he is acting all pussy whipped?" Meredith asked.

Carolyn looked at Derek as if to say 'I got it from her'.

"I am not pussy whipped." Derek denied.

"Sure you're not…ooh cookies!" Meredith said, grabbing one.

"I am not!" Derek stressed.

Meredith looked up at him.

"Yes you are. You are not the Derek I met." She said.

"You hated that Derek." He pointed out.

'No I didn't. I fell in love with that Derek, you could have toned it down a bit but you seem to be scared of upsetting me now…what you think I am going to leave you if you yell at me?" She asked jokingly.

The look on his face said it all.

"Derek, I didn't give up on you before and you said some really hurtful things to me, so why would you think I would now?"

"You did give up…the day you got hurt…you told me you couldn't do this anymore." Derek reminded her.

"And yet here you are."

"What?"

"Do you really think if I was serious about letting you go, you would be with me right now? All you had to do was realize you loved me and tell me and I would receive you with open arms just like I did." Meredith told him.

'You don't trust me." He stated rather than asked.

"Not yet I don't. Can you blame me? And I don't know if I can trust you unless you act like you…not this Derek 2.0 who is acting like a lap dog. Be you Derek, be the man I fell in love with."

"Okay I can do that." He rubbed his hands together. "I hate shopping so we are not going to do that again…dressing rooms however, I have no problem with…I don't carry purses…ever, I am a man not your gay best friend…I have an ego which is normal cause I am a surgical God…live with it…I love fishing so if you don't get over it, you can eat pizza on those nights or mornings…you whine a little too much and you are very stubborn and that drives me crazy…but not as much as your snoring…good God woman get that checked out or something. You sound like a trucker…"

"Is that all?" Meredith asked, her eyebrow raised.

"No…one more thing and this is the most important thing of all." He informed her.

Meredith sighed. Her self-esteem was taking a hit, she almost wished she would have kept her mouth shut.

"Let's hear it."

"I love you more than I ever thought possible." He said grinning.

Meredith laughed and threw her arms around him and squeezed.

"How was that?" He asked her.

"You will find a balance." She told him.

He pulled back and reached over for a cookie. Two hands slapped his away.

"Not yet." Ellis told him.

"You let Mer have one." Derek whined.

"And you call me whiny?" Meredith asked. "Here, have a cookie." She pushed a piece from her hand into his mouth.

"She loves me at least." He said to Ellis and Carolyn.

"Or she is just trying to shut you up." Ellis offered her opinion.

"I don't like you very much." Derek teased.

"You know that saying 'Like Mother, Like Daughter…" Ellis mocked. "It is very true."

"Oh that is scary." Meredith said.

"Very. I am sorry but I have to dump you now." Derek said.

"You dump her Derek Christopher Shepherd and I will disown you." Carolyn warned.

Meredith smirked at him.

"I was just kidding." Derek said.

"You had better be." Meredith said.

"Did I mention you tend to be on the bossy side now? What happened to the sweet shy intern I used to know?"

"That was just a ploy to suck you in so I could get you in my clutches." She joked.

"Well, it worked. Now can you go back to being the Meredith I know since I have to be myself and all." Derek suggested fairly.

Meredith shrugged.

'Okay, but that means no more wild dressing room sex." Meredith announced.

"On that note, we are leaving the room." Carolyn grabbed Ellis' hand and they left the two alone.

"Well, she could always come out to play…if I can balance cheesy and asshattery, you can handle being a sweet shy vixen." Derek suggested.

"I will try." Meredith promised.

"We are going to be okay right?" Derek asked. He couldn't handle losing her.

"We are okay. We just have to work this out. We haven't known each other long after all."

"Mer?"

She turned her head towards him.

"I look forward to getting to know you." He said.

A slow smile spread across her face.

"Me too."

"Mer?"

"Yes?"

"Would you be offended if I bought some earplugs?" He asked hesitantly.

Meredith laughed.

"No, I don't mind at all."

And she didn't.


	77. Chapter 77

Carolyn Shepherd and Ellis Grey didn't have a whole lot in common. One was a nurturer, one wasn't. One was career driven, the other not. However, there was one thing they agreed on…

They wanted their kids to shut up.

It had been four days since 'the talk' and it had been a nonstop rollercoaster ride ever since. It was a wonder their children had fallen in love with each other at all. Derek would snip and Meredith would snap and then they wouldn't speak to each other for an hour or two and then the screaming started.

Ellis and Carolyn could accept it if the screaming was of the fight variety but this was the screaming that was involved with their constant make up sex.

A thump sounded upstairs and both women looked up from their respective reading material and glanced at the ceiling.

Ellis looked at her watch.

"In 5...4...3...2..."

"I am just saying I can go to the hospital by myself. I am a big girl Derek, I don't need my daddy to go along and hold my hand." She said sarcastically coming down the stairs.

She saw the mothers.

"Hi." She said.

Ellis and Carolyn nodded at her.

"That is just wrong. I am not pretending to be your father Meredith, I am just saying that danger follows you like a magnet and I would like to be there in case you get in a thirty car pile up or something." Derek said.

He noticed the mothers.

"Morning." He grunted.

Ellis and Carolyn nodded at him.

"I just need five seconds without you." Meredith said.

Derek walked into the kitchen and came back out seconds later.

"There…I even threw in an extra five seconds." He said wryly.

Meredith glared at him.

"That is exactly what I mean. You are here…all the time…saying things." Meredith said.

"That is how it works…the guy is there…all the time…saying things and the girls…love it." He said kissing her quickly.

Meredith huffed.

"I do not need to rescue me all the time. You are not my knight in shining whatever." She informed him.

"I'm just saying that I think it is a good idea for me to go with you to the hospital. And for the record I am your knight in shining whatever." He kissed her again.

She rolled her eyes.

She turned to the mothers.

"It's not normal for him to hover like this right?" She asked them.

"Not getting in this." Carolyn said.

"Me neither." Ellis agreed.

Neither looked up from their reading materials.

Meredith felt oddly put out.

"What happened to female solidarity and all that crap?" She wondered out loud.

"That ended the minute I was told how big Little Derek was?" Ellis said flipping a page in her medical journal.

"I so did not tell you that. I told her that under a fog of Morphine." Meredith said, pointing to Carolyn.

"No you didn't tell me, you yelled it out very loud around oh…three o'clock this morning." Ellis said, her eyebrow raised.

"Oh you heard us?" Meredith blushed.

"The whole neighborhood heard you. I have been filtering calls all morning demanding we stop filming a porno movie in the house." Ellis informed her dryly.

"It's not me." Meredith denied.

"Yes it is dear." Carolyn said, turning the page in her book.

Meredith looked at Derek, who was leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed smiling smugly at her.

"It's all your fault." She hissed at him.

"It sure is." He grinned.

Meredith huffed again, glared at all three of them and then stalked to kitchen.

Derek walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

"What are you all reading?" He asked conversationally.

"Go away." They said simultaneously.

"O…kay." He said getting up from the couch and going after Meredith.

Ellis and Carolyn shared a look and a smile.

They followed directions so well.

"Everything is looking as expected four weeks after surgery." Bailey announced after examining Meredith.

"Great when can I come back to work?" Meredith asked eagerly.

"When I say so." Bailey said, blinking once at Meredith.

Now normally Meredith would take pause with that particular Bailey look, but she was desperate.

"Well when do you say so?" Meredith pressed.

Bailey threw her an exasperated look.

"When I say so." She yelled.

"Bailey please. I am begging. Let me come back to work. He is driving me crazy." Meredith pleaded.

Derek had been silent up until then.

"Thanks Mer, I love you too." He remarked dryly.

"Shut up." Meredith snapped.

"Trouble in Paradise already?" Bailey smirked knowingly.

"He is chatty freaking Cathy and he has a lot of hair products and he fishes and breathes. Ugh!" Meredith ranted.

"Does anything in my manner right now suggest I care?" Bailey asked.

"No?" Meredith asked.

"Correct. There is hope for you after all." Bailey said shutting her chart. She leaned over to whisper in Meredith's ear.

"Does Derek need a check up today?" She hinted.

Meredith looked at her confused and then it dawned on her.

She mouthed 'thank you' to Bailey.

Bailey shot a look at Derek and then walked out.

Derek turned to Meredith.

"What did she say to you?" He asked.

"That's not important. How is your hand?" She asked.

"It feels fine. I think it is healing well." He informed her.

"Great! We should have it confirmed with Torres just to be on the safe side." She suggested.

"I will." He said.

"No I mean now….today…while we are here." Meredith said, her smile leaving her face.

"What's the rush?" Derek said. "Besides I am sure Torres is busy."

"Derek…' Meredith said warningly.

"What is your problem?" Derek said.

"If you don't have her check out your hand and get cleared for work, I am going to wake up in the middle of the night, grab a Ginsu and Lorena Bobbitt your ass. Understood?" Meredith hissed loudly.

"Let's go find Torres." He agreed quickly, grimacing.

"I somehow knew you would say." Meredith smirked, walking ahead of him.

He followed directions so well.


	78. Chapter 78

Meredith Grey stood outside of Seattle Grace Hospital just soaking in the atmosphere. She had finally wore Bailey down by begging and pleading through phone calls, texts and notes tucked into the bribes she had Cristina bring up here. Meredith Grey was coming back to work. She was praying for a bloody mess of a surgery, which was…wrong…Meredith knew it was wrong but she needed to cut. She had finally kicked Derek's ass back to work two weeks ago and now it was her turn.

She walked confidently through the doors and up to the locker room. That confidence continued through getting dressed and joking with the other interns. It continued when Bailey entered the room holding her adorable son Tuck.

It stopped the instant she opened her mouth.

"The day care center developed a water leak and it is closed until tomorrow." She thrust her son at Meredith. "Enjoy."

She walked back out.

"Wait! What am I supposed to do with him?" Meredith asked following her, awkwardly holding the squirming toddler.

"Hold him, feed him, change him, play with him and watch him. Grey if I come back to get my son later and he is unhappy…you will be unhappy. Have fun. Oh and welcome back." Bailey walked away not even trying to hide her smirk. That would teach Grey to pester her.

Meredith looked down at the suddenly wailing child.

"Yeah kid. I know exactly how you feel."

Derek scrubbed out of his surgery quickly. He wanted to hopefully catch Meredith for lunch. He had missed her the last two weeks when he was back at work. He was used to seeing her every day all day and now they would get back in their routine…only better. When they were cooped up in her house, it was stifling but here they had a whole hospital they could hide in if they needed space…or if they wanted to make up. Derek groaned when his pager went off…

_Mer Grey…On call room 3-4...911_

911? What the hell? Was she okay?

He sprinted down the stairs to the third floor and ran for the appropriate on call room. He burst into the door and froze…

Meredith was pacing the small room holding Bailey's son and both were wailing.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked bluntly.

Meredith glared at him.

"I don't know much about children but I am pretty sure you should not the say word 'hell' in front of them and if I knew why he was crying I wouldn't have paged your ass!" She ranted.

Derek smirked.

"I do know a lot about children and I am sure you shouldn't use words such as 'ass' around them."

Meredith took a menacing step towards him.

"Yeah…shutting up now." Derek muttered. Why did this little pixie intimidate him?

Oh yeah, she had the power to withhold sex.

"How long has he been doing this?" Derek asked loudly to be heard over Tuck.

"Oh, only about four hours now. I have fed him and changed him and tried to play with him. I have rocked him and I even sang to him." She said.

'Oh that explains it then." Derek teased.

Meredith was not amused…at all.

"Sorry." He muttered. "Let me try."

He took Tuck and the boy immediately shut up.

Derek cringed slightly worried about her reaction to that.

Her eyes widened.

"What the f…holy h…god da…sh…are you kidding me!" She stuttered. "Do I offend or something? I showered, I smell nice, I am pretty…why does he want you? Do you think he has homosexual tendencies?"

"Um…don't ever suggest that to Bailey. And I am more comfortable around children. I have been an uncle since I was ten. It's not big deal Mer."

"Yeah not for you. He likes you, he hates me. This is why I can't ever have children. I obviously repel them." Meredith ranted.

"What? Wait…of course we will have children. Our children will like you Meredith, I promise."

"Up until two weeks ago, I didn't like my mom so you can't promise that." She countered.

"Why do you have Bailey's son again?" Derek asked sighing.

"There is a fu…freaking water leak in the day care and it is closed. I mean come on people get a mop or something. She just walked in and shoved him at me. And then told me if he wasn't happy when I returned him, she would make my life miserable. It is my first day back, I wanted to cut not be Mary fu…freaking Poppins!" She exclaimed.

Derek bit his lip to try to stifle his smile at her obvious attempts to not cuss in front of the impressionable boy.

"Look I will stay with you as long as I can…"

_Beep Beep Beep_

Meredith groaned.

Derek glanced at his pager and smiled apologetically at Meredith.

"Sorry Mer I have to take it. It's a possible skull fracture."

"I'll go. You can stay here with Tuck." Meredith offered hopefully.

"You want me to send you…an intern…in the place of me…the attending…to assess and surgically repair a major Neurosurgical problem?" He asked her.

She huffed.

"Give him to me." She demanded.

Tuck burst into tears.

Derek leaned forward and kissed Meredith on her forehead.

"I will send some reinforcements." He promised.

He was texting Mark before the door to the on call room closed. Mark was thinking of joining the staff and was doing interim work at Seattle Grace until he made up his mind.

_Mer in OCR 3-4...needs you_

Need me 2 break her N 4 U?

_Not funny just go_

Sorry…will do

Derek shook his head and smiled at what Mark was walking into. A pissed off and frustrated Meredith and a crying screaming baby.

Doesn't Karma rock?

Mark heard the crying before getting to the on call room. He hesitated at the door and looked up at the room number then at his text. Right room so why was there a kid screaming its lungs off?

He took a deep breath and entered the room.

"Who did you piss off to get babysitting duties?" He asked amused.

"I was off with major injuries for six weeks…so now they must torture me." She ranted, obviously not amused.

"Make it stop." Mark ordered.

"Okay." She thrust the baby at him. He quieted.

"What the he…ck." She ranted. "He shut up with Derek, he shuts up with you…what am I doing wrong?"

"He is cuddling up to my chest so maybe he likes harder chests?" Mark guessed lamely.

'I have a very nice rack I have you know. I have had many compliments on my chest. It's nice…don't you think?" She asked Mark, clearly offended that the kid didn't like her chest.

"Um…I don't think I can answer that…he might have this room bugged." Mark answered her nervously.

"You pussy…" She gasped. "Can you say 'pussy' in front of kid and not go to hel…down there?" She whispered, pointing to the ground.

"I think you are safe." He smirked.

"This is Bailey's kid.' She informed him.

"Oh you are just screwed then." He said. Dr. Bailey scared the hell out of him.

He sniffed suddenly.

"Um…Grey?"

"What?" She asked tiredly from where she was now lying on the cot with her eyes closed reveling in the peace.

"When did you change him last?"

"Right after I got him, why? Is he wet?"

"More like muddy." Mark informed her.

She looked at him and he was making a disgusted face.

"Seriously?" She asked.

"Uh huh."

He started to hand the Tuck over.

Meredith shook her head.

"Oh uh huh, you noticed it, you change him."

"I don't know how." He told her.

"Neither do I."

Mark thought a minute.

"Let's take him to the locker room and hose him off." He suggested.

"That might work."

They headed to the attending locker room and stripped Tuck of his clothes. They saved the diaper for last, both dreading it.

"On three…one, two…EWWWW!" Mark said.

"That is just nasty." Meredith gasped, holding her breath. They put him in the sink and took the removeable faucet and hosed him off between his legs.

"Hold him up Grey so I can get a better access point." Mark ordered.

"You got me wet." Meredith exclaimed as the spray hit her.

"So." He sprayed her again, this time on purpose.

"You a…butt." She yelled and reached behind her to the other sink and doused him. She sat Tuck down and they had a full out water fight, Tuck giggling the whole time.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Bailey bellowed.

"You just said hell…" Meredith accused. "Wait...you curse in front of him?"

Bailey blinked at her. Meredith smiled sheepishly.

"We were…er…changing him?"

"It takes two surgeons, two faucets and a water fight to do that? I just use diapers and wipes." She informed them as if they were mentally challenged.

"It was very nasty." Meredith said.

"Hand me my child."

Meredith handed the naked wet baby to his mother and stepped back quickly.

"I am going to offer you both a piece of advice…think long and hard before either of you has any children. I am going to go and book mine a future therapy appointment because I am sure he is going to need it after today. And get cleaned up…you are surgeons for Christ's sake." She turned on her heel muttering 'got a damn medical degree and can't change a damn diaper'.

Meredith and Mark looked at each other.

"Vegas?" She asked.

"Fight club?" He asked.

"Yeah." They agreed.

No one ever needed to know about this.


	79. Chapter 79

"Wait…crap…I can"t…put your legs this way…"

"Ouch!"

"Sorry! If you would just listen to me you wouldn"t have hit your head Meredith." Derek said.

"If you would just listen to me, then you could be halfway to an orgasm by now." She countered.

"Whose idea was it to have sex in the backseat of my car?" He asked.

"Who offered to relieve me of all the stress I am under from studying for my intern exams while working one hundred hour weeks?" She hissed.

"Take off your panties." He demanded.

"You take them off." She challenged.

He raised an eyebrow and shrugged, bringing his hand to them to rip them.

"Wait! Don"t rip them! Shit, hold on." She raised up to remove her panties hitting her head again in the process. "Ouch, mother fucker!"

"Language, language." Derek mocked.

"Shut up and fuck me already. Take me for a ride Derek. Now." Meredith ordered, finally getting her panties off.

Derek"s eyes darkened and he grabbed her and positioned her over his raging hard on. He checked quickly to make sure he was ready by running his fingers through her sticky wetness. She smiled and brought his dripping fingers up to her mouth, sucking her own arousal off of them. He groaned and slammed her down on to him, her warmth enveloping his steel.

"Oh…my…god…I love your big cock…I am going to fuck you so hard!" She panted in his ear, moving up and down rapidly, fucking him.

Derek"s eyes rolled back in his head. Damn, she was talking dirty. This woman never ceased to amaze him. He gripped her hips and thrust up into her, making their skin slap together. He felt her tighten around him.

"Oh god…I"m cumming…I"m cumming all over your big cock…oh…gggoooodddd!" She screamed into the quiet early morning.

Her screams sent him over the edge and he shot his release up into her.

He held her close to him and kissed her sweaty brow.

"That was hot. I like it when you talk to dirty." He grinned.

"Really, I never would have guessed." She said dryly. She looked at her watch and jumped.

"Shit I am running late." She started pulling her jeans on.

"What about these?" Derek said, swinging her black lacy thong around on his pointer finger.

Meredith smirked.

"Keep them, put them in your pocket and smell them through out the day." She suggested wickedly.

"I can do that." He said.

Meredith threw her shirt on, slipped on her shoes and opened the back door. She leaned back in for a kiss.

"Thanks for the pick me up." She said.

"Anytime."

He watched her sprint off. He smiled and brought her panties up to his nose and breathed deeply.

God he was going to have a raging hard on today.

Meredith rushed into the locker room and began to quickly change clothes.

"Someone got laid." Cristina remarked.

"Why do you say that?" Meredith asked.

"Your panting, your sweaty, your eyes are glazed over and your shirt was on inside out." She listed matter of factly. "On call room?"

Meredith smirked.

"Car."

"Nice…just when I think you"re boring, you rise." Cristina said.

"Something rised alright."

"Okay details are not necessary or wanted." Cristina grimaced.

"I"ll listen." Izzie said eagerly.

"You would." Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Okay people, rounds started five minutes ago. Let"s move it." Bailey yelled. They all sprinted after her.

Derek was sitting at his desk, mentally preparing for his surgery in thirty minutes. He reached for his Ipod Touch and his fingers brushed against Meredith"s panties. He drug them out and fingered them. He brought them to his nose. He loved Meredith"s smell, her essence. It was sweet and salty just like her. He smiled.

Mark entered Derek"s office and froze.

Derek looked up sheepishly at Mark.

"Am I interrupting? Would you and your panties like another moment alone?" Mark teased.

"Shut up." Derek shoved Meredith"s panties haphazardly back into this lab coat.

"No really, I would have pegged you for a boxer kind of guy but a black thong works too."

"Mark…" Derek warned.

Mark put his hands up in surrender.

"How are things at Lover"s Lane?"

"You know…they are really good." Derek said. "We are adjusting to working and living with each other but I think it is going great."

"So you moved in?"

"Well…not officially." Derek hedged.

Mark shot him a look.

"We haven"t actually talked about it yet." Derek explained.

"Well if you stopped fucking so much…" Mark asked.

"Oh this from the guy whose quote in the yearbook was originally, "suck it or fuck it"?" Derek asked.

"Well…I"ve evolved."

Derek snorted.

"I have to go to surgery now. I will catch up with you later."

"Yeah, you and your panties have fun now." Mark taunted.

"Get out." Derek ordered.

He heard Mark laughing down the hall.

He walked out of his office and stopped at the Nurse"s Station to get a chart. He wrote a post operative note and went to scrub in.

****  
Alex grumbled as he took his pile of charts to unload. Bailey had said his charts were bad and he couldn"t scrub in until they were done, she had actually kicked him off of rounds. He dropped his pen and reached down to get it. He paused as he noticed a pair of black lacy panties. He looked around and picked it up. Alex smirked.

Time to shake things up a bit.

Meredith followed Cristina as they left the last patient"s room. She was on Neuro today. They caught up with Izzie, George and Bailey. He was asking how to keep his patient under control. She had apparently decided to eat a whole bakery the day of her surgery.

"You can either tie her down and gag her or…" Bailey straightened up as she spotted something behind them. "…you can tell me whose damn panties are up on my bulletin board!"

Meredith closed her eyes as she turned around willing, begging, pleading that she was not about to be faced with her worst nightmare. She forced her eyes opened and groaned silently.

Why in fucking hell were her panties on display?

Cristina noticed the look on her face and stifled a grin.

"Are they yours?" She whispered.

Meredith moaned.

Cristina bit her lip.

"This is a hospital! Serious business happens here!" She rounded on Izzie and George who were giggling. "Oh you think this is funny?" They shook their heads, trying not to laugh.

"Tell her." Cristina hissed.

Meredith shook her head.

"No!"

"She is going to think they are mine. Tell her."

Bailey eyed them both.

"Yeah, I know it is one of mine, it is always one of mine. So tell me which one of you lost your damn drawers?" Bailey demanded.

"Oh crap! Did I leave those lying around again? I am so sorry Dr. Bailey, they must have fallen out of my pocket."

Everyone looked in shock at Mark, who was smiling winningly at Dr. Bailey. Bailey looked stunned and glanced back over to her interns. Meredith bit her lip and Cristina shrugged. She turned to glare at Mark and stalked off.

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief and mouthed a thank you to Mark. He nodded and removed her panties from the board. She followed him and he gave them back to her in the empty stairwell.

"You should really leave these on." He told her.

Meredith rolled her eyes and turned to leave.

"Hey, does this mean you aren"t wearing any panties?" Mark asked.

The door slamming was his only answer.

Derek finished scrubbing out and put his lab jacket back on. He reached in to feel the panties and panicked when he didn"t feel them. He searched his person for them and then the room he was in and then the hallway floor.

Shit! Meredith was going to kill him.

He was practically on his hands and knees looking under a crash cart when he noticed a pair of black and white Converses in front of him. He trailed his gaze up and inwardly winced when he saw Meredith"s face.

"Hey." He greeted weakly.

"Hi. Looking for something?" She asked.

"Oh…um…yeah…I dropped something." He told her.

"Like a pair of panties?" She asked edgily.

She dangled them in front of him. He ventured a look at her face.

Oh yeah…

She was going to kill him.


	80. Chapter 80

"Meredith."

"What were you thinking?"

"Meredith." He tried again.

" Did you think it would be funny to display my panties to the whole world? Everyone knows we are fucking, they didn"t need a visual Derek." Meredith exploded.

"Meredith!"

She whirled around to face him.

"WHAT?"

"Oh, I usually just say Meredith and then you yell at me…I haven"t thought past that point" He said almost to himself. He looked at Meredith sheepishly. "I actually didn"t have anything planned." He admitted.

Meredith gaped at him before grapping a package of liposuction tubing and whacking him repeatedly with it.

"What are you…Ouch…stop it."

"Seriously? Seriously!" Meredith exclaimed. She shook her head at him in disgust and tried to push past him.

Derek grabbed her before she could go.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"Away from you." She retorted.

"I don"t think so." He said.

"You don"t think so? Well I don"t care what you think, I am a grown ass woman. I don"t need anyone telling me what to do."

"I am not just anyone. I am your boyfriend."

"Yeah you are the boyfriend who lost my panties."

"You are the girlfriend who practically shoved them at me and told me to put them in my pocket. I can"t help it if they fell out. If you were so worried about them, you should"ve kept them on." He said forcibly.

"You weren"t complaining at the time if I recall correctly." She yelled.

"Who the fuck in their right mind would complain when their hot girlfriend is fucking them senseless?" Derek yelled back. "If you weren"t acting like a dog in heat this wouldn"t be a problem."

Meredith gasped.

"I"m a…I"m a dog in heat? You asshole! What happened to "Oh baby if you need any stress relief just let me know…My dick and I are here for you"" She mocked.

"Who took me up on it?" Derek asked.

"Who lost my panties, which may I add ended up on the third floor lost and found bulletin board. Bailey found them and just when she was going to crack me, Mark of all people stepped in and said they were his. Thankfully he gave them back to me after he smelled them I am sure. Then he asked me if I was wearing panties. All in all, this is a really humiliating day. So thanks for that."

"Don"t blame me…wait, what? Mark had your panties in his hands? I am going to kick his ass."

"How did he even know they were mine?" Meredith wondered out loud. She noticed the sheepish look on his face. "Derek…"

"He may have caught me…playing…with them earlier." Derek told her.

Meredith started hitting him again. He pushed her against the closed door, grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head.

"Stop. Hitting. Me." He growled.

Meredith"s eyes darkened.

"Make. Me." She smirked.

He slammed his lips onto hers. Meredith resisted him, turning her head away. He grabbed her face and held it still, his lips devouring hers. He pressed his tongue to her lips hard, forcing his tongue in. He grew frustrated when she still didn"t respond. He brought his hand up and gripped her hair and pulled making her gasp in pain and pleasure.

"Stop resisting me. You know you want me, you know you have to have me or you feel like you will die. I know you feel this because I feel it every time I look at you. I think about having you every minute of every day. You are a drug to me." Derek growled into her ear.

Meredith bit back a moan. She loved it when he was forceful with her.

"Take off your pants." She demanded.

Derek backed up and smirked. He leaned against the far wall and crossed his arms, his eyebrow raised.

"Make. Me." He said, throwing her previous words back at her.

She crossed over to him and swiftly pulled his scrub pants and boxers down to his ankles. She grasped his rigid length in her tiny hand and wiped a drop of precum down towards his scrotum. He stifled a moan.

Meredith chuckled.

"You know you can"t actually hide you reaction to me right? It is more than obvious." She taunted him.

It was his turn to snatch her pants down.

"Hmmm…commando, looks good on you…really good."

Meredith rolled her eyes at him and then her eyes rolled back in her head when he swiped his fingers along her dripping wet slit.

"And you say my reaction is obvious?" He mocked quietly into her ear.

Meredith shivered as his warm breath caressed her anti helix.

They looked at each other for a moment and then lunged for each other, ripping the rest of their clothes off. Derek tripped as he unsuccessfully tried to slip his pants all the way off, throwing them both to the cold linoleum. Meredith giggled as he fell on top of her.

"Get off." She groaned.

"I plan on it." He deadpanned.

He shifted his way down her body and licked up and down her wet slit, on every upward stroke he would thrust his tongue gently into her core. She brought her hips up to try to get him to use more pressure. He pressed them down to the ground refusing her silent request. She whined. He grinned and kept going…softly, slowly…until she was out of her mind. Just when she thought he would never give her what she wanted, he sucked hard on her clit, bringing two of his digits up inside of her. She bucked up and moaned loudly. He continued until he felt her tighten around his fingers.

"Oh…oh…I"m…oh god, I"m cum…" He pulled his fingers out quickly, moved up her body and entered her swiftly. "…MING!" She screamed. He rammed into her repeatedly, his hips smacking onto hers, her channel still tightening over and over on his engorged cock. He brought her right leg up to his shoulder and went deeper causing her to fall into oblivion once again.

"Shit…Fuck…God damnit! So good…so fucking good!" She screamed, her voice now throaty. She reached between them and fondled his balls. He panted and his own orgasm was coming like a train at full speed. He emptied into her with a roar and sprayed her walls with his seed. He collapsed on top of her, both panting and gasping.

"Damn! That was hot." Derek said.

"That is what you being an asshole does for me." She gasped, trying to catch her breath.

They heard a knock at the door.

"If you are done having your screaming orgasms for what is probably the tenth time today, we have some people we like to call patients that need to be treated. And Grey, keep your damn panties on from now one. You are just nasty, the both of you." Bailey ranted.

They looked at each other and sighed.

"Do you think anyone else heard us?" Meredith asked.

"I think that everyone heard you that is in a ten-mile radius." He said.

Well, shit!

Busted.


	81. Chapter 81

Meredith unlocked the door and entered her house quietly. She had gotten pulled into a severed arm surgery from a car accident and was just getting home at one o'clock in the morning. She placed her keys on the new foyer table and unconsciously looked at floor where her blood had been spilt. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She really needed to make an appointment with Dr. Wyatt.

"You ready to deal with it yet?'

Meredith looked up with a start and for the first time noticed Derek standing in the kitchen doorway, wearing his dark blue cotton pajama pants, white T-shirt, no shoes and an understanding though concerned smile.

She smiled back uncertainly.

"No." She bit her lip and forced her tears back. "But I don't really think I have a choice." She finished, whispering.

He walked slowly towards her. He brushed a fallen tear from her cheek.

"Why are you putting this off?" He asked.

"Derek I am really tired and I want to go to bed. We will talk about this later." Meredith said, brushing past him to head towards the laundry room to get her pajamas.

"It is always later with you. Stop avoiding Meredith." Derek said.

"I am not avoiding, I do not avoid." Meredith denied.

"Really? So the past seven weeks of you not talking about or dealing with the Matt situation is what? Acceptance?" He asked.

"Well, it is not avoidance." She said. "It…I am just…refraining from talking about it."

"That is the definition of avoiding." He informed her. "Seriously, look it up, google it…you are avoiding and it stops now."

Meredith looked at him hatefully.

"Stop fucking pushing me! I am a grown woman, I can take care of myself…if you don't like how I am dealing with this, then leave." She demanded, pointing at the front door. "Go on! Leave!" She screamed.

He looked at her a second longer and then nodded, walking out of the kitchen and leaving her alone.

Meredith went into the laundry room and grabbed her clothes out of the dryer. She heard the front door close. Her head snapped up and she dropped the clothes, gasping with panic. He wouldn't leave, would he? Oh God, she had told him to. Meredith blindly ran through the kitchen, down the foyer and wrenched open the door. She ran out on her front porch and looked for his car. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it in her driveway.

"You have me blocked in."

She looked behind her to where he was sitting forlornly on her swing, not swaying just sitting there with a dead look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, tears streaking down her face. She made no move to hide them.

He sighed and patted the spot next to him. She walked slowly over and sat down, keeping her distance. They sat in silence, neither one knowing where to start.

"I am avoiding." Meredith admitted.

Derek nodded. He stayed silent.

"I'm afraid Derek." She sobbed.

He drug her to him and held her closely, the swing swaying back and forth.

"Of what?" He asked softly.

"Of Matt."

"He can't get near you. He is in jail."

"Of my mom leaving and things going to shit with her again." She told him.

"She is making progress, but that is a two way street. Don't let that happen." He told her.

"Of losing you." She whispered quietly.

Derek tensed up.

"That will never, ever happen Meredith. I am here as long as you want me." He said forcibly.

"You wanted to leave tonight."

"You told me to leave tonight." He countered.

"I did. I shouldn't have said that. I am so very sorry." She told him. "This is new to me. I have never loved anyone before."

"We should have some rules." Derek suggested.

"Rules?" She sniffled.

"Yeah, Okay, number one…even if I yell, even if you yell, we will always show up." He said.

"Okay, always show up." Meredith agreed. "Um…that you'll love me, even when you hate me."

"Love each other even when we hate each other. No running, ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happens."

"No running." Meredith nodded.

"What else?" Derek asked.

"That we will take care of each other even when we are old, smelly and senile…" She paused. "And if I get Alzheimer's and I forget you…" It was always a fear to her that she wouldn't remember her life and people around her. She had seen so many patients during her clinicals that had that happen to them.

"I will remind you every day who I am." He promised her. "So…take care of each other when we are old, senile and smelly." He smiled.

"So these are our rules?" Meredith asked, smiling slightly.

"Yes, these are our rules." He kissed her softly. "This is forever." He promised.

"Forever…" Meredith said wonderingly. "I've never looked forward to forever with anyone. It is kind of…scary." She admitted.

"Yes it is, isn't it. But a good kind of scary, right?" He asked.

"Yeah…good scary." She looked at him and bit her lip. "Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to maybe, kind of, sorta wanttomoveinwithme?" She asked hurriedly.

Derek looked at her in concentration for a long moment.

Meredith took that as he was looking for a way to let her down easily.

"Never mind…stupid…I am stupid…I just thought that maybe you would, but…forget it." She said, moving to get up.

He drug her back down.

"Will you give me a minute? It took me a moment to decipher the ramble that spewed out of your mouth. I am just now getting versed in 'Meredith'." He ran a hand through his hair. "Now, I think you just asked me to move in with you, am I right?" He asked.

Meredith blushed and ducked her head. She nodded.

He put his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him.

"I thought that is what I had already done but I'd love to make it official."

Meredith grinned.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really. I love you Meredith, more than I ever thought possible to love anyone else. I know that I am an asshole at times and that I am not the most understanding person in the world, but I just want you to know that." He said.

"I love you too. And I know I avoid some." He shot her a look. "Okay, I avoid a lot, but I just wanted to say thank you for pushing me and giving me the leeway to push back."

"No problem." He told her. They sat there in comfortable silence for a moment.

"It's getting late, we should get to bed." Meredith said.

Derek stood up and extended his hand to her. She took it and stood up. He led her through the door and then threw her over his shoulder after she had closed and looked it.

She squealed loudly.

"Shhhh….don't wake up the moms." He hissed.

He slapped her on the behind soundly.

"Don't tell me to shhh when you are going to slap me on my ass." She demanded.

He slapped her again and laughed. They made it up the stairs. He stopped short when he got there.

"Is it too much to ask that for one night we can get some sleep without hearing 'Oh Gods, Oh right there, Yes Yes Yes', the giggling, the laughing, the purring and the headboard slamming against the wall? Is it?" Cristina demanded.

Derek looked at her, started to say something, thought twice about it and then turned around to where Meredith could face her.

"Did we wake you?" Meredith asked meekly, her face turning red from being upside down.

Cristina growled and slammed her door.

"Guess that is a yes." Meredith muttered. Derek started walking again.

"Maybe we should get her some earplugs…" He said.


	82. Chapter 82

"What in the hell is that?" Meredith asked Derek. Her tone suggested hostile undertones.

"A suitcase?" He asked rather than stated.

"I know it's a suitcase, what I want to know is why is it here?" She asked, rolling her eyes.

"Mer, I moved in." He reminded her.

"Yeah, I am fully aware of that thank you very much."

Derek had been moving his stuff in for two days…TWO DAYS! Who the hell had that much shit? Especially when they were previously living in a 12 x 12 tin box. She thought they had moved everything in already.

"It is just a suitcase Mer…one suitcase." He told her soothingly.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

He grinned sheepishly.

"Ok and maybe my fishing gear, but that is it I swear." He promised.

"Fishing gear? Why the hell do you need your fishing gear?" She asked.

"In case I want to fish…"

"Where Derek…where? In the bathtub? I don't have a pond or a lake for you to fish in. And it is a moot point anyway because you are keeping the trailer for your manly outdoorsy crap." She reminded him.

"I know, I know…but…I like looking at it. I want it here." He told her.

"Let me get this straight…you brought over your fishing gear so you could look at it even though you will have to lug it back over to your lake when you want to go fishing?"

"Yep, that about covers it." He said, nodding.

"How did you manage to graduate high school not to mention college and med school?" She said, shaking her head.

He shrugged and grinned as he lugged it all up the stairs.

"Grab the suitcase will ya?" He yelled down to her.

She looked at it with distaste. She bent over to pick it up.

"What the hell is in this thing? It weighs a fucking ton!" She grunted as she went up the staircase backwards, pulling the case up stair by stair. She dragged it into her room and let it drop. She leaned against her doorway panting and gasping.

"What did you say? I didn't hear you." He asked.

"What is holding up your trailer since it seems you packed the bricks that were under it?" She asked breathlessly.

Derek laughed and easily picked up the suitcase and placed it on their bed.

"Show off." She muttered.

He unzipped his case and began to unpack it. Meredith's mouth fell open as she got a look at the items that had been in the case.

"What the hell are those?" She asked lowly.

"My hair products." He said simply.

"Your hair products?" She repeated.

"Yeah, you didn't think my hair looked this good on its own, did you?" He chuckled.

"What have you been using since you started staying here?"

"I just made due with what I had here, but this is the full line." He boasted.

"And where pray tell are you going to put your full line of expensive, completely unnecessary, full line of hair shit?" She asked sarcastically.

"In the bathroom and it is not unnecessary. Ask my mom, I had an afro until I entered college." He told her.

"Which bathroom?" Meredith pressed.

"The master bathroom." He told her, walking into said room and starting to put products on the shelf.

Meredith rushed in there. She watched him take her Advil, her hairbrush, her birth control pills, her makeup case and her magazines and place them in the sink to make room for his stuff.

"What are you doing?"

Derek sighed in frustration.

"What does it look like I am doing Meredith? I am putting my stuff up in our bathroom."

"And what are you going to do with my stuff when you are done with your stuff?"

"I thought I would put it in the hall bathroom since you seem to take showers more often than baths."

"So basically you are rearranging all of my stuff to make room for yours." She said.

"Yes, it is called moving in." He said, this time with a sarcastic edge to his voice.

"But you can't just throw my shit to the side to suit your purposes." She told him.

"Well what do you suggest I do, oh wise one?" He asked her, throwing down his can of $20.00 hairspray.

Meredith stalked over to her sink and opened up the cabinet underneath it. She grabbed six cans off of the shelf and placed them there. She repeated this process until half of her stuff and his stuff was under the sink and the other half was on the shelf. She stood up and looked at him in satisfaction.

"See, done." She said.

"Um Mer…"

"What?"

"That was only half of it…the other suitcase is in my car."

He ducked out of the bathroom to avoid the flying bar of soap she was aiming at his head.

"Ugh! He is driving me crazy." Meredith moaned.

She was having lunch in the cafeteria with Cristina and Izzie, her face buried in her arms.

"Already?" Izzie asked.

"He is driving you crazy? You are both driving me crazy." Cristina spat.

"What are they doing to you?" Izzie asked, popping a French fry into her mouth.

"It is a bipolar love fest…one minute they are humping like rabbits, the next it is the house of flying daggers and dishes."

Izzie looked at Meredith.

"We are still trying to adjust." Meredith explained.

"Adjust? Please bitch…that is not adjusting, that is straight up raging hormones…and I mean it is 24-7."

"What's the problem?" Izzie asked.

"I don't know. He is just…everywhere…he is at the house, he is at work."

"You work and live together. What did you expect?" Izzie asked.

"I don't know, but there has to be a balance somewhere. I need…space."

"Kick him out, that will give you space." Cristina suggested.

Meredith rubbed at her chest, where the familiar pain would be when she thought about Derek leaving her.

"No. We will adjust. We are adjusting." She corrected.

"Have you been to see your shrink yet?" Cristina asked, sipping at her Coke.

"No, not yet." Meredith muttered, putting her head back into her arms.

"That would probably help Mer." Izzie said gently.

"Ugh, I know, I know. I just don't want to." She pouted.

"Mer, you have to." Cristina told her.

"Okay, I am going to go make an appointment." Meredith said, standing up.

"And Meredith?"

"What?"

"For the love of God and my own sanity, take Dipshit Derek with you and try your hand at couple's therapy." Cristina demanded.

Meredith looked at her and laughed. She leaned over and ruffled her hair. Cristina backed away from her, scowling.

"Okay, but only for your sanity."

They watched her leave.

"If that doesn't work, I am going to move in with you." Cristina informed Izzie.

"Why me?"

"Living with Tinkerbell is better than living at Casa de la Crazy." Was her response.


	83. Chapter 83

Kathryn Wyatt sat back in her chair and regarded the couple that sat before her…the very silent couple. She rolled her eyes subtly. God they were made for each other…they both were like this on their first day of therapy individually and now here they were as a couple and neither were saying anything…hell they weren't even touching. Yet she could feel the emotions flitting from person to person…it was almost electrifying in a way…as if words were not necessary for them to communicate. She could detect lust, admiration, anger, reluctance, fear and love, but there was the underlying dose of tension that she wanted to cut through…immediately.

"Okay, I am not getting any younger so talk. Now." She demanded.

They both jumped as if they were lost in their own individual thoughts, thoughts that were tied together like an invisible string traveling to each other.

"Meredith?" Kathryn asked.

"Why do I have to go first?" Meredith whined.

"Cause I want to torture you most." Kathryn teased, but her eyes showed her seriousness.

Meredith cracked a smile.

"So why don't you tell me why you are here?" Kathryn asked.

"Cause Derek seems to think I need to be here telling you all my deep dark secrets and fears." Meredith snorted indelicately.

"And you don't think you need too even after all you went through with Ma…" Kathryn began.

"Don't…don't say his name…please." Meredith said, her voice steely.

"Okay…after all you went through with Voldemort." Kathryn amended.

"Voldemort?" Meredith asked confused.

"Yeah…you know…Harry Potter…ugly old dead guy who is trying to kill Harry Potter."

Meredith looked blankly at her.

"He who shall not be named?" Kathryn asked, trying to jog her memory.

"Sorry…not a geek." Meredith said.

"Fine…'him'…after what happened with 'him'. You don't think you need to talk it out?" Kathryn asked.

Meredith shook her head.

"I'm fine." She insisted.

Derek groaned.

"What?" Meredith snapped.

"You are not fine, you are the furthest thing from fine that there is. Matt…yes I said his name…attacked you, tried to kill you…again. You need this." Derek said.

"Who are you to tell me what I need? I survived just fine before you came into my life Derek Shepherd and now is no different. I have been through this before and I know how to get past it. If anyone needs therapy it is you." Meredith said loudly, jabbing her finger into his chest to make her point.

"And I have been going!" Derek yelled.

Meredith looked at him and then to Kathryn, startled. Kathryn nodded once.

"You've been going to therapy? For how long?" Meredith asked in a whisper.

"Since you drug my drunk ass home and left me Kathryn's card." He admitted. "I have been working through my issues and now it is time to continue working on yours just like you did before…only there is one difference now." He told her.

"Oh, yeah and what is that?" She asked, her voice thick with fear.

"I will be here with you every step of the way." He promised her. "I know that is taking some getting used to, me underfoot all the time. I know you need some space and I will give you as much as I can, but Meredith…I am not letting you deal with this yourself. I just got you in my life and I will be damned if I am going to let you get too far away from me. Of course why would you want to. I am a catch." He said winking at her.

She rolled her tear filled eyes.

"Of course you are dear." She mocked.

"I am." He insisted.

"Hmmm…hmm." She said, noncommittally.

Derek looked to Kathryn for help.

"Tell her I am a catch." He demanded.

"Oh yeah, you are the Cat's Meow Derek." She said, raising an eyebrow.

Derek slumped back on the couch and crossed his arms.

"Well, I know how great I am." He muttered.

Meredith hit him with a couch pillow.

"Do you see how violent she is?" He told Kathryn.

"Can't say I blame her, someone needs to take your ego down a notch." Kathryn murmured.

Meredith took a deep breath and was suddenly serious.

"I know he can't get to me now…or ever again. That doesn't change the fact that he got to me twice. I close my eyes and I see him, standing over me with this look of dark hate in his eyes. It was like looking at the devil himself." She turned to Derek suddenly. "I will deal with this, I will come to therapy, but I have to do it by myself. Don't think I am shutting you out, I'm not but…"

Derek placed his finger over her mouth and nodded.

"I understand. You have to do this alone. I get it. I'm not mad, but I am here if you need me." Derek told her.

Meredith nodded and kissed him softly.

Kathryn shut her composition book with a snap.

They looked to her in surprise.

"What the hell am I getting paid for if you are going to deal with your issues without me?" She mocking complained.

Meredith cracked a grin.

"Oh don't worry, you will get your money's worth from me."

"I know, but I thought this was couple's therapy?"

"You want issues? Oh we have issues." Meredith said.

Derek laughed.

"Like what?" Kathryn asked.

"The hair products…all the hair products."

"The complaining."

"About your hair products and let's not forget the fishing gear you can't use."

"I told you I like to look at it."

"Who likes to look at a fishing pole and those wobbly things."

"It is called bait Mer."

"Whatever, it is not normal."

"Neither is your very loud snoring."

"I do not snore…" He shot her a look. "Okay so I do, you have earplugs now so shut up. Nothing helps your funky breath in the morning."

"I am so sorry that I have morning breath, we can't all be perfect like you."

Kathryn looked at them before leaving her office and closing the door on their bickering.

She was sorry she had asked.


	84. Chapter 84

"Call me when you get there. Oh and did you pack your motion sickness medicine? Did you get all your clothes? Sunscreen? Credit Cards?" Meredith asked.

"I will, yes, yes, yes and yes." Ellis said patiently.

"What about…"

"Meredith, I have been taking care of myself for more years than I care to admit."

"Yeah but when was the last time you had a vacation?" Meredith asked.

Ellis thought for a moment.

"That's what I thought." Meredith said smugly.

"I have everything. So please just stop asking me all these questions, stop avoiding and give me a hug." Ellis demanded.

Meredith smiled and embraced her mother.

"Thanks…for coming out here and…yeah." Meredith whispered.

"Thanks for giving me another chance." Ellis said squeezing her back. She kissed Meredith on her forehead.

"Mom? Do you have everything? Credit cards? Sunscreen? All of your clothes?" Derek asked his mom as they trudged down the stairs.

"Derek I have raised six children. I think I can manage to pack my own bags.' Carolyn admonished him.

Ellis and Meredith laughed.

"Can you believe him, you are a grown up and have been taking care of yourself for more years than I am sure you care to admit." Meredith said.

"They are made for each other." Ellis told Carolyn.

Carolyn smiled.

"Just as long as everyone remembers, I knew it first." She announced.

"What?" Ellis asked confused.

"Didn't I tell you? I came here three and a half months ago and Derek lied and told me he was dating Meredith so I wouldn't fix him up or worry about him. Well, I can spot a liar from a mile away and I had Mer paged. The look on her face when she found out Derek had told me that…" Carolyn smiled as she remembered that moment. "She drug him away and I know she made him beg and plead. She fit in so well with our family, told his ex-wife off, played an interesting game of Twister, defiled my table. I loved her right away." She looked at Meredith. "I am going to miss you something awful."

Meredith practically leaped in her arms and hugged her fiercely.

"I love you." Carolyn whispered.

"I love you too." Meredith said.

"What about me?" Derek whined.

"You have been replaced." Meredith teased.

"I'll take you." Ellis said slyly, winking at Derek with good humor.

"Oh look at the time! We don't want you two to miss your flight now do we?" Meredith announced.

"Of course not Meredith." Ellis said, giving her a look saying 'I know what you are doing'.

Meredith countered back with a look of her own. 'In your dreams Mommy Dearest'.

"Okay, let's go Ellis. Cabo awaits us." Carolyn said.

They left in a flurry of hugs and kisses.

Meredith shut the door behind them and looked at Derek.

"Why do I feel like my kids just left home?" She asked.

"The house does seem kind of quiet." Derek agreed.

"Wanna liven it up?" Meredith asked.

"How ever would we do that?" Derek asked, feigning ignorance.

"Hmmm…have you ever had kitchen sex?"

"Not that I recall."

"Oh we must change that. Right. Now." Meredith said, kissing him deeply. Suddenly she poked him hard.

"Tag…you're it!" She squealed as she ran into the kitchen.

Derek looked after her in wonder. A shirt flew towards him and landed in the floor. Wait…what the hell was he waiting for?

He flew towards the kitchen and stopped cold.

Meredith was sitting on the counter clad in only a pale pink bra and thong set. Derek swallowed hard and stumbled to rest in between her legs.

"Damn, you are hot." He gasped.

Meredith smiled and ran her fingers through his thick hair pulling him to her, kissing him softly and then thrusting her tongue in his warm cavern. They only broke apart when oxygen was absolutely necessary. They disposed of their clothes rapidly, not wanting to go slow tonight. The need to possess each other was at a fever pitch.

Derek ran his fingers up her soaking wet slit to check for readiness before thrusting deep inside her. They both groaned at the complete feeling that caused…their bodies flush against each other. Derek squeezed his eyes shut and stilled his actions. He was going to cum way too soon if he didn't take a minute.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Don't want this…to…be…over." He gasped out.

Meredith responded by tightening around him. He groaned.

"Not helping." He grunted.

"Not trying too." She said softly, kissing his ear. "I. Want. You. To. Move."

"Mer…" He warned.

"Derek." She said, all her emotions in her eyes. He got lost for a moment in her emerald gateways.

He started moving, very slowly. She moaned loudly, as if he were playing her like a violin and he was making her notes sing out. She laid back and raised her hands up to grab the edge of the counter beyond her head. She braced herself to slam into him as he thrust. He started moving faster until both of their teeth were rattling with the motions. All they could hear around the house was Mer's screaming, Derek's moaning, their skin slapping and the items falling off the counter as they brought each other to their respective climaxes.

Derek picked Meredith up into his arms and slid to the floor with her. She lay straddling him, their sweaty bodies entwined.

"You know, I think I like that the kids are gone." Derek said.

"Oh yeah."


	85. Chapter 85

"So Meredith, what are you today on a scale of one to ten?"

Meredith leaned her head back on the cushioned arm of the couch.

"Five…maybe six." She said after some thought.

"Nightmares?'

"Three this week." Meredith confirmed.

"It was two last week."

"Yeah, Derek had to pull an all nighter one night."

"What were they about?"

"Same old, same old…'he' was running after me, knife in hand…cursing, screaming, laughing…he knocked me down, tore at my clothes, looked at me with those evil maniacal eyes, raised his knife…and then I wake up screaming." Meredith informed her.

"How does Derek handle it when he is there?"

"He holds me until I stop crying and then we go back to sleep."

"Have you thought about sleeping pills?"

"No. No meds. I am not going to become co-dependant. It's bad enough that I rely on Derek like I do."

"Why is that?"

"He didn't sign on for this. I am damaged goods."

"He is damaged too."

"Not like me. He is not waking up screaming, covered in sweat and shaking. I am disturbing his sleep." Meredith informed him.

"Has he complained?"

"No."

"Then what is the problem?"

"He should have a chance at a girlfriend who disturbs his sleep to have hot sweaty sex, not nightmares." Meredith argued.

"Again, has he complained?"

"No…but he should."

"He loves you."

"He shouldn't."

Kathryn threw her pen at Meredith, who looked up startled.

"Yes he should! You are a beautiful, wonderful, strong, amazing woman who deserves everything good in this world. Don't you dare feel like you are not worthy of that man. You changed his life. He was a soul less, barren shadow of a man when you met him. He would've cause the Pope to curse. Now he is this humorous, smiling, very cheesy man who is happy. You did that. So some underestimating your worth. It pisses me off and it serves no real purpose."

"Okay." Meredith whispered. "But don't you think that…"

"No."

"But what about…"

"No."

"He deserves…"

"You. He deserves you. I am warning you Meredith, don't you dare do anything stupid like trying to push him away because you think he is better off with someone else."

"He would be."

"Damn it to hell Grey! Stop this shit now!" Kathryn screamed.

"What is your problem?"

"You. You are my problem. You have it…the one thing everyone wants…a soul mate…you have it and you are thinking of throwing it all away and for what? So you can try to convince yourself that you did the right thing by him? When all it amounts to is that you are fucking scared to death."

"Scared of what?"

"The future. You can see it can't you? The marriage, the kids, the wrap around front porch with the rockers, his hair gray and distinguished, you watching movies with the grandchildren. It scares you. It is within your reach, that thing that was always unattainable in your mind because of your parent's marriage. I am talking about happiness Meredith." Kathryn said, leaning forward and looking into Meredith's eyes.

"I am not scared." Meredith denied weakly.

"Yes you are. I think that you have this fear not of Matt, but the thought that Derek might leave you because you are in your mind, defective. So you are thinking that if you push him away, he will leave and be the bad guy. Am I getting warm?"

"I am not pushing him away okay? It was an errant thought, I haven't acted on it or anything. I can't help that I feel that way."

"No you can't but it is counter productive so stop it. Now, where were we? Oh yes, nightmares…"

"I still have them."

"Okay smartass you are acting like a sullen teenager…"

"Sorry Mom." Meredith mocked.

"Let's go through the attacks again…both of them." Kathryn suggested.

Meredith glanced at her watch.

"Oh well would you look at the time…" Meredith stood up.

"Sit. Down." Kathryn said fiercely.

"But I have to get back…"

"NOW!"

Meredith sat.

"I am tired of wasting my time. You have had four sessions and we are not making much progress. Your insurance pays for twenty visits…now get to talking."

Meredith sighed.

"Three years ago…"

"Hey! How was the torture today?" Derek asked, coming up behind her and kissing her cheek.

Meredith glared.

"That good huh?" Derek said, cringing.

"Why are you with me?" Meredith whispered.

Derek looked at her with concern. He gently led her to an empty room.

"What kind of question is that?" He asked her.

"A good one. I am keeping you up at night, I am damaged…you deser…"

Derek put a finger over his mouth.

"Don't even think about finishing that statement. How…why…" Derek took a deep breath.

"I just don't want you to be…stuck."

"Stuck? You think I am stuck?" He thought for a moment. "You are right I am stuck." He said.

Meredith opened her mouth but no words came out. A hurt look washed across her face.

"I am stuck with the most wonderful woman in existence. Sex all the time, rocking body, gorgeous face. Yep, it is a real hardship." Derek said, smiling.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Make fun of me, but promise me that if you ever feel like you don't want this…want me…that you will tell me. Always be honest with me. Okay? Can you do that for me?"

"No. I can't." Meredith tried to protest but he put his hand up to stop her. "I can not imagine a life without you in it. I have trouble even remembering what my life was like before you made me love you."

"I made you love me?" Meredith asked doubtfully.

"Yeah." He smiled in remembrance. "I remember the exact moment too. You waltzed into that Italian restaurant and apologized to my mom for fornicating on her dining room table. I knew then, my life would never be the same."

Meredith giggled.

"Yeah, you had me at I brought food."

He looked at her in confusion.

"That day you came to my house and brought me that food?'

Derek smiled as he remembered.

"Yeah, I ran out of that house like the hounds of hell were at my heels." He looked at Meredith seriously. "No running anymore, right?"

Meredith smiled.

"Right." She whispered fervently.

She was suddenly enveloped into his strong embrace. She breathed him in.

Right. This felt right.


	86. Chapter 86

Derek rested his head on his elbow and watched Meredith snore. She looked so peaceful…didn't sound peaceful, but that was life with Meredith. He leaned down and blew in her ear. She stirred and grumbled a moment before settling back into her sleep. He grinned and let his fingers trail under the covers and up her leg to her…

"Oh!" She yelped. She turned her head abruptly towards him, glaring.

He let his thumb caress her forehead lightly.

"It is too early to be frowning." He said.

"No, it is too early to molest me." She looked at the clock. "Five? Five? You woke me up at five on our day off for what? Sex?"

Derek shrugged.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

She reached behind her, grabbed her pillow and whacked him with it.

"Ow! Why are you always hitting me with things?" He asked.

"I don't hit you with things." She protested.

Derek looked pointedly at her.

"The bedpan."

"You were annoying me."

"The tubing."

"Again with the annoying."

"The soap dish."

"I missed."

"I ducked."

"Whatever." She said, pouting.

"You know what turns a frown upside down?" He asked.

"Oh god, it's Barney." She groaned.

"Who?"

"Giant, annoying, cheerful, purple?"

Derek shook his head.

"Dinosaur circa 1990's?"

Derek still shook his head.

"You have nieces and nephews!"

Derek suddenly started laughing. Meredith realized he was teasing her and reached for her hardbacked book to throw at him. He grabbed her and pinned her underneath him.

He leaned down to her ear.

"So violent." He breathed.

She shivered and stilled her wriggling body.

"Do you feel what you do to me?"

Meredith felt his hardness against her stomach and nodded.

He reached down and slipped his finger under her panties and into her wetness.

"Feel what I do to you?"

Meredith moaned.

"Do you?"

She nodded.

"Answer me." He demanded.

"Y…yes." She stuttered.

"Do you want me?" He asked.

She looked him in his eyes.

"Always."

Derek ducked down to kiss her, her legs wrapped around his waist and then…

The door flew open and slammed against the wall.

"What the fuck?" Derek twisted his head to see who had just interrupted them.

Then he made sure Meredith was covered up.

"Did I interrupt sex?" Mark asked, sitting on the foot of the bed.

"Yes, now get the fuck out." Derek grumbled.

Meredith swatted at Derek and looked over his shoulder to Mark.

"What can I do for you?" Meredith asked.

"Now that is a very loaded question." Mark sneered.

Derek hissed.

Meredith rolled her eyes and pushed Derek off of her.

"Hey!" Derek whined

"Oh shut up you big baby. There is obviously a good reason why your friend is here at five fucking am, interrupting my imminent screaming orgasm and almost knocking my new door off of the hinges. So let's hear it." Meredith said to Mark, raising her eyebrow and staring him down.

Mark gulped.

"Yeah okay…um…"

"Surgeons don't say um." Meredith and Derek said simultaneously.

He shot them a weird look.

"Okay...First of all, I didn't realize it was that early and I didn't hear any sounds when I came in, and from what I have heard if you were in the throws I would've heard you down the street, and your door is fine. The reason I am here is that I kind of need a place to stay."

"What?" Meredith asked, her voice low and deadly.

"Just for a little while." Mark said.

'Why? Where were you staying?" She asked.

"The Archfield."

"And why can't you go back there?" Derek asked.

"They kicked me out because of the very loud sounds that were constantly coming from my room. I got several complaints. I told them if the complainers were woman, they could come up and see what the fuss was about…don't think they appreciated that comment very much. Anyway, so I was thinking about where I could stay and you came to mind Meredith."

"Why me?"

"Well if any one could appreciate screaming during sex, I figured you would be you." Mark said.

"I don't know…" Meredith said slowly.

"Oh come on…I am quiet, it is the girls who are screaming." He pleaded.

"Full of yourself huh?" Meredith said.

"No they are the ones who are full of me."

Meredith pretended to gag.

"I so didn't want to know that."

"Oh yes you do. You want me, admit it." Mark grinned.

"No. She. Doesn't." Derek said, his tone threatening.

"Oh man, I'm sorry. I was just kidding around. Sorry." Mark said, cursing at his stupidity.

Meredith looked between Mark and Derek.

"You are not my type Mark, but thanks for asking. I prefer moody, sullen types." Meredith joked.

"I am not moody or sullen." Derek denied.

"Then what am I doing with you?"

Derek whispered in her ear. She shivered and smiled.

"Oh...That's right."

"I don't even want to know…" Mark said.

"No you don't. Okay you can stay here. Empty bedroom is at the end of the hall. The bedroom next to the bathroom is occupied. But no skanks."

"Who is in the other bedroom?"

"Cristina Yang."

"Oh shit. Ball busting, tequila whore Yang lives here? How did I not know that?"

Meredith shrugged.

"So no skanks…"

"Yes, that means no woman at all since you don't know anyone of the respectable nature."

"No woman? Like at all?"

"Not here." Meredith said firmly.

"But you get to have sex." Mark whined.

"It's my house."

"Derek gets to have sex."

"He's my bitch."

Derek grinned proudly and nodded.

Mark got up and walked grumpily to the door.

"You know it is a fucked up world when Derek gets all the sex he wants and I am forced to play with myself."

"Oh god, mental image I didn't want." Derek grimaced.

Meredith reached into her table drawer and threw something at Mark. He caught it easily and looked at it.

"Real funny Grey." He said, indicating the tube of lubricant.

Meredith laughed.

"We don't want it to chafe now do we?"

Derek snorted.

Mark shook his head and walked out the door. He came right back.

"May I ask what you use the lube for?"

"Get out." Meredith yelled.

Mark closed the door and they could hear his laughter down the hall.

Derek looked at Meredith.

"Now where were we?" He asked.

"We were just going to make Mark regret ever asking to stay here." She said, pulling him down to her.


	87. Chapter 87

"Ma…talk to him. He is making her scream all hours of the night…and I mean all hours. I can't get any sleep, I am horny as hell and I do not need to know how loud Derek is in bed." Mark whined.

"Mark Jeremy Sloan, I am on vacation and if I have to know how loud he is, so do you. Suck it up and look for a place faster. Now let me talk to Derek." Carolyn ordered.

Mark handed the phone to Derek.

"She told you to suck it up, didn't she?" Derek grinned.

"Shut up." Mark muttered, before stalking to the kitchen.

"Hey Ma, having fun?" Derek asked innocently.

"Don't hey Ma me. Who's idea was it to torture Mark?"

"Mer's." Derek said breezily.

"Nice." Carolyn said. "Look, I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh God Ma…"

"Derek…"

"What did I do now? I am in Washington, you are in Barbados."

"You didn't do anything…yet. But I am hoping you will do something sooner rather than later."

"And what is that?"

"You should be receiving a package today addressed to you. You will know what to do with it. So do it…soon. Call me when you do."

"What? Ma? She hung up on me." He muttered, looking at the phone.

The doorbell rang. Mark answered it.

"Hey man, there is a dude in short shorts who wants you. When did you start batting for the other team?" Mark yelled.

Derek walked to the door and looked at the delivery guy in apology.

"I'm so sorry. We just got him out of the institution for the week. He will go back in Saturday."

"Ass." Mark muttered.

Derek signed for the package and tipped the guy well. Closing the door he looked at Mark.

"You owe me twenty."

"For what?"

"For being a jackass."

"What's in the box?" Mark asked, reaching for it.

"I don't know, I haven't opened it." Derek said slowly. He really wondered about Mark sometimes.

"Well, what the hell are you waiting for. It's from Ma, maybe she sent us some presents." Mark said.

Derek opened the box. Inside was a small box and an envelope. He reached for the envelope first.

"What the hell? You are opening the card first? No one does that."

"Shut up."

_This is a creation joined from the families of you and Meredith. I know you will do this justice and make both me and Ellis proud. Be happy always. We love you two._

Ma

P.S. Ellis said to tell you, her part was from her parents and not a jinx from her and Thatcher's marriage.

"Man…" Mark whispered.

Derek looked up, or rather down, at Mark who was kneeled on the floor with a jewelry box containing a breathtaking engagement ring. He recognized his mothers setting with a 4 karat princess cut diamond that must have belonged to Ellis. Mark held it up for Derek to see it better.

"You know…I have always had my doubts about your sexuality and now I can see they are completely founded." Cristina commented dryly, as she entered the living room. She was always sneaking up on them. It drove Derek crazy. But Meredith put up with Mark, so he had to put up with Cristina.

Mark jumped up and threw the ring at Derek and put three yards in between them.

"What is that Shepherd?" She asked.

"It's a ring."

"I can see it's a ring. Whose ring is it?"

Her mouth dropped open.

"You are going to prop…" Derek clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Shhhh…ouch! You bit me!"

"Never…ever…put your hands on me again. I don't know where they have been." Cristina demanded.

"In Meredith's pussy…didn't you hear them this morning." Mark grumbled.

"You had better have washed your hands since then…oh god, I am going to go wash my mouth out with soap." Cristina walked to the kitchen.

"I hope she doesn't tell Meredith." Derek said.

"How are you going to do it? I mean are you even ready for this?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, I am…I love her."

Mark nodded.

"Well, if you need any help to make it classy let me know."

"Yeah, if I want to propose over the JumboTron, you will be the first person I call."

"What? That would be awesome."

"Oh yeah, Meredith would love it."

"Meredith would love what?" She asked, walking into the room.

Derek pocketed the ring as Mark picked up the box.

"What's that?" She asked, nodding to the package.

"It's mine…it's…um…my…" Mark stammered as he racked his brain, looking for a plausible answer.

"His herpes meds…he had another outbreak." Derek said with a straight face.

Mark shot him a 'what the fucking hell' look. Derek shrugged.

"Oh…well…I am just going to go into the kitchen…and hire a really good cleaning company. Excuse me." She barreled out of the living room.

Mark jabbed Derek in his stomach.

'What the fuck man? You told her I had herpes?"

"I panicked, okay? I will tell her the truth later." He hissed.

'I hate you." Mark said.

"You slept with my wife." Derek reminded him. "You can take one for the home team and this way Meredith will never sleep with you."

"As if she would."

"There is that too. Now help me think. I want it to be a night she will never forget."


	88. Chapter 88

Meredith cautiously ducked her head into the hallway and then proceeded when the coast was clear. This avoiding shit sucked. Why?

Cause Derek was everywhere, all the time. And she had gotten used to that, she had. She even adored it, most of the time. But lately he had been acting…well, spastic was the only word that came to mind. He would start talking to her and then his eyes would get wide and then he would fumble his words and then he would just…bolt. Or he would be talking to someone and when she would come into view he would start laughing nervously and start talking about a subject that she knew wasn't the subject before he spotted her.

It was really weirding her out. It made her feel nauseous and confused.

What if he wanted to break up with her?

Normally she was a strong independent woman, but she really needed him for the future…her future, his future…their future. She couldn't do this without him. She didn't need him to run…not now, not ever. They had promised no running.

Her Blackberry chimed, indicating a message. She glanced at it and saw an incoming text from Derek.

_Quit avoiding me_.

She rolled her eyes and huffed. It was both a blessing and a curse that he knew her so well.

_I'm not._

So she lied, sue her.

_Liar._

_You're point?_

_What time you off?_

You should know.

_A liar and a smartass…_

Why do you want to know?

Dinner? We need to talk.

Meredith took a deep breath.

_What time?_

7?

Ok

See you then

What could he possibly need to talk about? He talked all the time. This had to be about his current behavior.

He wanted to break up. Her issues had become too much for him.

That was the only thing it could be.

She swiped her tears away and got to work.

This is why avoiding worked for her.

Meredith waited at their table at her favorite Italian restaurant. He had gotten held up or so he had said, and told her to go on without him. She hadn't actually seen him today. She sat there sipping her water wondering why he was taking her out to dinner. Did he have to dump her in a public place? That's just great, rip her heart out and make her despise Italian food.

She caught sight of him and waved him over. He smiled nervously and made his way over to him. Everything in his stature suggestion tension. She bit her lip and willed the tears to stay away. She could do this. She was strong…she was a survivor. She could do this.

He kissed her on her cheek briefly and sat down across from her. She avoided his eyes, not wanting this to be over yet.

"Sorry I got held up." He said.

"It's okay." She said quickly.

"Did you order yet?" He asked.

Finally Meredith had enough.

"Okay enough of the small talk. I know why we are here. If you want to break up with me, just say so. You don't have to change the subject when I am around or avoid looking in my eyes or run from me when you can't find it in you to hold up a normal conversation. Just do it already. I am a big girl. I can take it. But really Derek, did you have to do this somewhere public? Couldn't you just tell me on your way out of the door at my house?" A thought occurred to her. "Oh my god, that is why you were late, you moved your things out. Right? You are such a fucking ass!" She threw her napkin down and stood up. "I can do so much better than you Derek Shepherd and don't you forget it."

Derek blinked up at her spastically, his mouth opening and closing like a trout.

"Well, I'm waiting. Go ahead and say it." She demanded, tapping her toe in an irritating rhythm.

"Marry me?" He croaked.

"I hate you for doing this to me and I…what?"

"I love you. I don't ever want to live without you, you madly infuriating woman." He stood up and then kneeled down. "I will never leave you. I will never hurt you. You are my life…now and always. So marry me." He begged.

"You're not breaking up with me?" She asked incredulously.

Derek shook his head.

"You are proposing?"

Derek nodded.

"Why?"

"I thought I just told you why."

"I guess you did."

"So?"

"What?"

"I am down on my knees here." He reminded her.

"Oh! Sorry. Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I'll marry you."

Derek stood up and swung her around, peppering kisses on her neck and face.

The patrons of the restaurant clapped. They were mostly amused.

"So you don't hate me?" Derek asked, reminding her of her former words.

"Not today." She replied.

"This calls for some wine." Derek said, beckoning to the waiter. He ordered and the waiter scurried off.

Derek gripped her hands.

"I was so nervous about doing this but I never imagined you would think that."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh god!"

"What?"

"I forgot to give you your ring. I suck at this." Derek mumbled.

Meredith laughed.

"Then it is a good thing you don't have to do this again. I really don't need a ring."

"Of course you do. This is a special ring." He gripped the box and opened it for her.

Inside was a platinum band with a perfect four karat princess cut ring nestled in the setting.

"It's beautiful." Meredith gasped.

"It's from our mothers."

"What?"

"The setting was part of my mom's engagement ring from my dad and this diamond was your grandmother's. They got together and created this for you…for us."

"That is just so…" Meredith trailed off.

"We can pass it down to our children one day." Derek smiled proudly.

Meredith took a deep breath.

"About that…"

"You do still want children?" He asked.

"Yes. I just…"

"We can talk about all that later. Have some wine."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Meredith took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant."


	89. Chapter 89

Derek stared at her in silence, his knuckles gripping the table so hard, they were white. His face was ashen, his breathing taut.

Okay, not the reaction she was hoping for.

"Derek?" She asked gently, reaching for his hand. He flinched at her touch. She quickly pulled her hand back.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed before grabbing her purse and fleeing.

_"__I'm pregnant Derek. Isn't that what you wanted? Me, barefoot and pregnant?"_

"Addison, this is great news. You will be a wonderful mom. Everything will be perfect, you'll see."

"What? What are you doing? How could you sleep with him? How long has this been going on Addison? Is this baby even mine?"

"No, it's not."

Derek snapped out of his trance. This wasn't the same situation. Meredith wasn't Addison. He looked over to her seat and realized it was empty. He looked around wildly.

"She ran out of here sir." Their waiter told him quietly.

Derek cursed and ran out of the restaurant. Great, the happiest night of his life just went to shit and why? Because he allowed himself to be sucked into the previous darkness of his life. His life before her.

He spotted a lone hunched over figure walking away from him a block down. He ran after her.

"Meredith!"

Silence.

"Meredith please!"

She whirled on him. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying but blazing with anger.

"How dare you? I was so worried about your reaction yet I was confident you would be happy anyway, because you want to be a father…because it was taken from you so cruelly before. And yet you let yourself compare me to that…that…whore. I thought we were beyond that. I thought we had dealt with that. I don't need you to raise this child Derek. I am more than capable of doing it all by myself." She walked away from him.

Derek fell to his knees. He was in agony.

"Please…don't leave." He begged.

"Give me one reason I should stay?' She asked softly, her back to him, several feet away. Her feet seemed incapable of moving away from him any further.

"I love you."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"And this baby?"

"I love you both. More than anything."

"Then why?"

"I'm sorry."

"So you said. Unfortunately that's not enough. I have let you hurt me over and over again Derek and I always forgive you, but this is not about you or me, this is about our baby who didn't ask to be created. I know Addison hurt you, but I am not her. Are you afraid this isn't your child or that I am sleeping with Mark or God forbid, both?" She asked.

"No! No. I just got…lost….for a moment. It…just…opened up old wounds and I had a moment of self doubt when I realized the magnitude of the situation. I shook myself out of it and you were gone. You ran instead of letting me process what you told me. I am only human Meredith." He told her.

"Only because you wouldn't even let me touch you." Meredith spat back. "Obviously you don't trust me." She accused.

"Oh and you trust me? You thought I was going to dump you tonight. So who doesn't trust who here Meredith?"

Her face fell.

"I trust you, I just got scared." Her voice was defeated.

"Why are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop?" He asked.

"Why are you?" She shot back.

"I don't know.'

They were silent for a moment.

"So now what?" Derek asked her.

"I don't know. We're having a baby." She walked up to him and placed his hand on her abdomen.

Derek looked at their joined hands resting over the place where their child rested, who was now no bigger than a peanut. He then looked back up at her, his eyes shining with tears.

"We're having a baby." He breathed. "I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I did an hour ago, but I was dead wrong."

Meredith smiled softly.

"You can't do this. You can't freak out on me like this. I need you to be strong for us, because there are going to be times when I can't be and I need you to be here ready to jump in and talk me down from the ledge. And I promise I will do the same for you." She vowed.

"I guess…I guess I need to talk to Dr. Wyatt some more huh?" He asked.

"Yes. I think that would be a good idea." Meredith agreed. " I understand Derek, really I do but one or two appointments won't cure you."

"I know." He pulled her into a tight hug. He breathed her in and kissed her temple. "I am really so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Hmmm…you might be sleeping with Mark for a few nights but the way I see it, you have fifty years to make it up to me."

"You're still going to marry me?" He asked.

She sighed.

"Yes, on one condition."

"Anything." He promised.

"I wouldn't say that if I were you." She smirked.

He bowed to her.

"What can I do for you Madame?" He said in a pitiful French accent.

"First of all, never talk like that again…secondly, get your ass in there and get my food. I'm starving!" She demanded.

"Coming right up. I really am…"

"Derek! Hungry pregnant woman here. Get your ass in gear." She exclaimed.

"Going!" He disappeared quickly into the restaurant.

Meredith sat down on a nearby bench. God, he was an idiot.

But he was her idiot.


	90. Chapter 90

"Why have I been summoned to sit with the geek squad?" Mark asked distastefully, sitting down at the table with Meredith's fellow four interns.

"Feel free to keep on going Manwhore." Izzie said, flipping through her medical journal.

"Not a manwhore anymore." Cristina said.

"Do tell." Izzie closed her book and leaned forward eagerly.

"I am sitting right here." Mark objected.

"What were we thinking when we named him McSteamy?" Izzie asked Cristina.

"You were going by looks." Alex said dryly.

"Oh yeah, then he opened his mouth." Cristina said, popping a grape in her mouth.

"You were saying…" Izzie prompted.

"Oh yeah, he hasn't gotten any since he moved in with Mer."

They all looked at Mark, who was glaring at them.

"Why?" George asked.

"Mer said no sluts, whores or women of dishonorable intent." Cristina said.

Alex looked at Mark.

"Dude, go to their house." He said.

"Most of them still live with their parents." Cristina joked.

"Sucks to be you." Alex said.

"On the bright side, his right hand is getting really strong." Cristina teased.

Everyone cracked up.

Mark started to say something but was interrupted by the arrival of Derek and Meredith. They sat down and looked at everyone.

"Why are we all here?" Alex asked.

"We have news." Derek announced.

"Great. You proposed, she said yes, nice ring, ooh…ah…can I go now?" Cristina said.

Meredith looked at Derek.

"She knew?"

"We all knew. He couldn't, or wouldn't, shut up about it for weeks." Mark grumbled.

"I guess Derek turned you down huh, Mark?" Izzie said slyly.

Mark glared at Cristina, who smirked back at him.

"You told her about that?"

"She told everyone about that." George said.

"She didn't tell me.' Meredith informed everyone.

"Mark proposed to Derek." Cristina said.

Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"I always wondered about you two." She said.

"I did not propose to…look Yang just misunderstood the situation is all."

"He was kneeling down on the ground in front of Derek holding the ring that is now on your finger." Cristina informed her.

"Way to tarnish my marriage. Thanks guys." She said dryly.

Suddenly Cristina spotted Meredith's beverage cup.

"Ooh coffee, the machine in here is broken." Cristina said, grabbing Meredith's cup and taking a big gulp.

Immediately, the liquid flew out of her mouth.

"What the fuck is that?" She gasped, gagging.

"See, I told you. It tastes like shit." Meredith told Derek.

"It's good for you. It is green tea with mint."

"Why would she need to drink that crap?"

"It is very good for you." Izzie interjected. "We recommend it for pregnant patients all the time."

She froze and looked at Meredith, who was concentrating very closely on her lunch.

"Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something you want to tell us?" Izzie asked sweetly.

"Nope, I'm good." Meredith responded, smiling back at Izzie.

Derek nudged her.

"Yes, Meredith is pregnant." He proudly announced.

Silence washed over the table, as reactions unique to their different personalities showed on their faces.

Cristina recovered first.

"Did I teach you nothing? No glove, no love Meredith. That is the golden rule. Live by it, worship it. You have failed me." She said, her eyes twinkling.

"Nice, Grey is knocked up. Now Derek won't get laid either." Mark commented.

"Shut up Manwhore, no one pressed your buzzer. Congratulations guys." Izzie said warmly.

"Yeah, that's cool." Alex said.

"You will have kids with great hair." George said, wonderingly.

"Thanks, I think." Meredith said to everyone.

"Have you been sick?" Izzie asked, eager for details.

Everyone looked at Meredith like she was a ticking time bomb ready to explode at the sight of food.

"Nauseous. I can't stomach the smell of fish for some reason." Meredith shrugged, while winking at everyone but Derek.

"Fish? Fish makes you sick?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, you came in this morning and left your clothes in the floor and I picked them up and the smell hit me and I barely made it to the bathroom." She said.

"Oh, okay. I will stop bringing fish to the house and I will change clothes before coming home." He offered.

"Thanks honey. I'm sorry to be such a bother."

"No bother, I just know how much you love my fish. But you will come out of this stage. It is usually only the first trimester. I have to go scrub in." He kissed her and walked out of the cafeteria.

Meredith watched him go and then turned back to the others, smiling satisfactorily.

"He is just too easy." She sighed.

"Fish doesn't make you sick does it?" Mark asked.

"Not in the morning sickness sense, but if I have to eat one more fish taco I will blow chunks in your bed Mark, especially if you tell Derek." Meredith warned.

"Dude, do not cross the hormones." Alex chimed in.

"Don't worry, I can't stand fish. If I would have known that was all it would take, I would knocked you up ages ago.'

Everyone looked at him in distaste.

"That was so wrong." Meredith shook her head at him.

"What? I was joking!" Everyone cleared the table. "Come on guys, I didn't mean it."

They were all gone.

"Guys? Fine, whatever, more food for me. I don't need you guys. Ooh, chocolate cake!" He said, as he began picking off of their abandoned trays.

He hated interns, but they made great food choices.


	91. Chapter 91

"So how have things been since that night?" Dr. Wyatt asked, leaning back in her seat and regarding the couple in front of her.

They shared a glance.

"Well, it's been up and down to be completely honest." Derek said uneasily.

Meredith looked at him in surprise. She opened her mouth to protest but Kathryn put her hand up to stop her. She turned to Derek.

"How so?"

"It's not her. I mean she has been…I mean Holy Hormones…but I just am…" He trailed off.

"What?" Meredith asked softly.

"I'm terrified." He said.

"Of what?"

"Everything. My whole life…my whole happiness…is wrapped up in you. If I lost you, I don't think I could go on." He breathed.

"I am not going anywhere." She vowed.

"I don't mean leave me."

"Then what do you mean?"

"You are pregnant. So much can go wrong with you."

"Derek, I am perfectly healthy." She told him with a little laugh.

"This is not funny!"

She jumped.

"You…when you were lying there on that OR table after what _he_ did to you…when you flatlined…I felt like my heart was being forcibly ripped out of my chest…I couldn't breathe, I couldn't form a cognitive thought…it was like my organs were calcifying and I knew that if you died, I would be right behind you…whether it be at my own hands or from a broken heart. The regret was pouring off of me in waves at how I had dismissed your feelings for me, by protecting you from me. I haven't had a lot of luck before you. I am sure you noticed that? But what I feel for you, I haven't felt for anyone and you are carrying my child…our future is growing inside of you and I have nightmares about losing you some horrible way and I just…I can't…" He trailed off, breathing heavy from not taking a breath during his rant.

Meredith looked at him in concern and then looked at Kathryn as he kept panting.

"Can't breathe…" He croaked.

Meredith bolted off the couch and looked around for something, anything…Her eyes fell on a paper bag. Quickly dumping out the items in it, she rushed to him.

"Breathe into this." She demanded.

He grabbed it and breathed into it…once, twice, three times…each time his breath coming a little slower, a little calmer. He grabbed her hand and held it tight. He let his head fall on her shoulder and they laid there for a few silent moments. He finally looked up at her.

"I'm okay." He told her.

"No, I don't think you are…not completely. How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice quiet and shaking.

He looked away from her for a moment, obviously gathering his thoughts.

"Honestly?"

"No, I want you to lie to me some more." She said, her eyes flashing with anger.

"Since about a week after I met you." He admitted softly.

"What?" She asked in disbelief.

"They haven't always been like that. It's just I didn't expect any of this…you…liking you…wanting you…loving you. I can usually handle them with no problem, but since you got hurt…it was a lot to deal with not just for you but for me, but I made myself concentrate on you…on protecting you…on helping you…on loving you. And that helps with it, but we are having a baby. Something that I thought I would never have and I am…I'm sorry." He looked down ashamed.

"Don't hide from me. Never hide from me, no running remember? You helped me and now it is my turn. We will get through this because we are Meredith and Derek. Do you understand me?"

He nodded, his head cradled in his hands.

"Is there something we can do for him?" Meredith asked Kathryn.

Kathryn looked at her in surprise. This couple right here made her earn her paycheck.

"An anxiety medication will help along with therapy." She confirmed.

"No! No medication. I am a surgeon. I can not be altered." Derek said adamantly.

"We can give you a low dose of something like paroxetine. Twenty milligrams should be sufficient. If you take it at night, any feelings of fatigue should be gone by morning."

"And if I am on call?" He asked.

"So you don't take call for a few weeks. Stop being so damn difficult. You tried to deal with it your way, it didn't work!" Meredith snapped.

Derek sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Fine." He said quietly.

"I would also suggest some one on one sessions with you." Kathryn suggested.

"How is your daughter enjoying the Ivy League college we are single handedly paying for?" Derek asked, his eyebrow raised.

"She loves it, thank you for asking.' Kathryn smirked.

Humorous Derek was back. All would be right with the world.

Eventually...


	92. Chapter 92

"Did you take your meds? I know I have already asked that, but you didn't answer me so I am not sure if it was because you didn't hear me or if you were just ignoring me. And if you didn't hear me after asking four times, you need a hearing test and if you were just ignoring me, I am going to kick your ass. So which was it?" She asked.

Derek put down his newspaper and looked at her incredulously.

"Did you even take a breath?" He asked.

"Stop changing the subject Derek. Did you take your meds last night? Yes or no." She asked.

Derek sighed.

"Yes Mer, I took the meds."

"And?" She prompted.

"And what?"

"How do you feel?" She yelled.

"Why are you yelling at me?" He asked.

"Cause this is like pulling teeth. I can't get a straight answer out of you. I want to help, but you are shutting me out!"

"Meredith, you are hovering. I am not trying to shut you out. But I am not a child. I can remember to take my medicine without you harping on it. All we talk about is my issues."

"It is not." Meredith objected.

Derek shot her a look.

" Derek did you take your meds? Derek, have you read this article on anxiety? Derek, did you make another appointment with Kathryn? Derek, did you…"

"You've made your point." She said, icily.

"Have I? Or are you just saying that to shut me up?" Derek asked.

"That's obvious. I want you to shut up." She said.

"Fine."

"Fine!"

Derek went back to reading his newspaper while Meredith did the dishes, while slamming the drawers and making a lot of noise.

Mark and Cristina walked slowly into the kitchen.

"Good morning?" Mark asked hesitantly.

Meredith snorted.

"Oh that is not a good thing." Cristina warned.

"What isn't?" Mark asked.

"Meredith snorting." She explained.

"It isn't any worse than her damn snoring." Mark complained. "Ow!"

He turned around and looked at Meredith.

"What was that for?" He asked referring to the apple that had hit his head.

"For talking about me. I do not snore." She clarified.

Mark looked at Derek, who just shrugged, his mouth still in a tight line.

"Whatever you say Grey." Mark said, appeasing her.

"Mer, I hate to break it to ya, but you snore louder than the truckers on the freeway." Cristina said bluntly.

"I snore? Really?" She asked Cristina.

"Yep."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Meredith asked.

"I have been telling you since we got to Connecticut." Derek said, exasperated.

"No one pulled your chain." She said angrily. "Weren't you going to shut up?"

"You first." He spat back.

"Okay, that is our cue to leave." Cristina said, pulling at Mark.

"I'm eating." Mark objected, his mouth full of toast.

"Do you want that food to digest or do you want to have it revisit your plate?"

"Why?" He mumbled.

"They are about three steps away from fucking each other in front of us. Do you really want to watch your best friend and his pregnant fiancé get it on?" She asked.

"Hmmm…let me think on that." He replied.

Cristina smacked him.

"Ow! You bitches are violent." He said, as he got up and followed her out of the kitchen.

Derek and Meredith stared each other down.

Derek suddenly noticed the dark circles under Meredith's eyes, which were lackluster in color. Her hair was stringy, her clothes baggy and she looked beaten down.

Derek's shoulders sagged.

"I'm sorry Mer, I don't mean to shut you out. I just don't want to bother you with this." He said.

"Why not? I just want to help."

"Have you looked in a mirror? When is the last time you slept?" He asked.

Meredith avoided his eyes.

"I am fine Mer, really. I haven't had an attack in two weeks. I am taking the paroxetine and I am slightly groggy at first in the mornings but it is getting better. I am in a better mood or as much as I can be in one. You however, look like death warmed over." He told her.

"Gee thanks honey. I love you too. I am pregnant, I am vomiting constantly, I can't keep anything but crackers and that green tea shit down and I almost peed my pants yesterday, not to mention I almost threw up in a body cavity. I can't sleep and to top it all off, I find out I snore. All in all, not a good few weeks for me." She retorted.

"Okay then." He said. "But in all fairness, I did tell you about the snoring…repeatedly."

She glared at him.

"What? I am just saying." He said.

"Don't say. Nothing you have to say is of consequence to me." She told him firmly.

He moved closer.

"Oh really?" He asked, his head cocked to the side as if he were regarding something.

"Yes, really." She said, her back against the refrigerator.

He leaned in to kiss her.

Big mistake.

"Oh god!" She said, before vomiting in the sink.

Whoa! Major mood killer.

He swept her hair to the side and rubbed her back.

"Go away." She said feebly.

"No. I am not going anywhere." He told her.

"This is disgusting." She said.

"Well, I am not going to argue with you there, but I don't care. You are sick because you are pregnant and you are pregnant cause we had sex, so…"

"So this is your fault and I have your permission to kick you in the balls." She finished for him.

"Not exactly what I was going to say." He grimaced.

Meredith rinsed out the sink and her mouth.

"This sucks." She said.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, placing his forehead on hers.

"It's okay." She breathed, tilting her face up to his.

"Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I love you right?" He asked.

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

"I am not kissing you until you brush your teeth." He told her.

Meredith shot him a glare before trouncing out of the kitchen.

"No sex for you for a month! And I am not talking to you today." She informed him.

He sighed and sat back down at the table and waited.

_5...4...3...2..._

"Derek!"

Yeah, that's what he thought...


	93. Chapter 93

"So this jelly may be a little cold."

Meredith jumped.

"As may times as we have done this, I never can get used to it." She told Dr. Whitmire.

"Am I late?" Derek asked, coming into the room.

"Aren't you always?" Meredith asked, shooting him a glare. He kissed her.

"I'm here, aren't I?" He asked.

She grumbled something inarticulate and pointedly focused on the screen.

Derek looked at the Dr. Whitmire.

"Do you mind if I have two others join us?" He asked.

Meredith focused back on him.

"Who?" She asked.

"It's a surprise." He winked.

"No it's fine. The more the merrier." She said.

"You are so gonna wish you hadn't said that." Meredith told her.

The door opened.

"You know when I said I was happy for you and that you could do it all, I didn't mean for you to get knocked up right away especially during your residency."

Meredith sat up slightly.

"Mom?" She asked incredulously.

"Now Ellis, this is your first grandchild." Carolyn admonished.

"Carolyn?" Meredith asked.

"I know, I am not upset just wanted to make an entrance." She turned her gaze to the doctor. "Who are you? How old are you? Do you know what you are doing?"

Dr. Whitmire swallowed and looked nervously back at Ellis.

"Mom!" Meredith looked at her doctor. "Don't mind her, she is always on a power trip."

"Is that Ellis Grey? Your mom is The Ellis Grey? So this baby is like royalty?" Dr. Whitmire asked.

Meredith frowned.

"No, it's not, cause its daddy is a moron and that cancels out any royal genes. Currently said baby is kicking on my very full bladder so can we get on with this? Cause I have really gotta pee." Meredith asked.

"Of course!" Dr. Whitmire snapped out of it. She placed the wand on Meredith's rounded abdomen. "Okay…there is the femur…I am just going to measure it to approximately how big baby is…you are twenty-six weeks and four days…give or take a few days…baby is approximately one pound thirteen ounces…right on track…here is the baby's heart…beating at 152 beats per minute…also good…there is baby's face…see…baby is sucking its thumb…" Dr. Whitmire looked at them in askance. "Do you want to know the sex?"

Meredith and Derek looked at each other.

"Do you?" He asked.

"Oh…nuh uh…I am not making this decision by myself so you can come back later and get mad cause we weren't surprised. No way Mister."

"I would like to know." He said.

"You do?"

"Don't you?"

"Yes."

"Okay, we want to know." Derek told the doctor.

She looked sheepishly at them.

"I probably should have asked once I confirmed it for myself. The baby doesn't want to cooperate with us today." She said.

"What?" Meredith asked dryly.

"She won't spread her legs and show us." Dr. Whitmire clarified.

"Certainly doesn't take after Mommy then." Derek teased. He paused when he realized what he had said and with closed eyes, he muttered, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud."

"You did not just…" Meredith trailed off, angry.

"Yes, he did." Carolyn muttered.

"I am so so sorry Mer. I was just joking." He said.

"I know. Even if it was a very insensitive thing to say…however, I am not joking when I say that I am not having sex with you again until this baby who apparently is just like you comes out…or rather six weeks after that. So that is about four months. See if you can borrow some of Mark's lube." She said, getting off of the bed and waddling to the bathroom to change.

Ellis and Carolyn looked at him with identical smirks.

"How are you liking those hormones?" Ellis asked.

"Oh they are just great."

"You should have kept your mouth shut Derek." Carolyn told him.

"Oh that's great advice…now." He grumbled.

Meredith emerged and smiled at everyone. She hugged Ellis and Carolyn tightly.

"I'm hungry." She announced. "Lunch?"

"Lunch sounds great." They agreed.

Meredith came over and leaned into Derek, kissing his cheek.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Is this a trick question?" He asked.

Meredith looked at him oddly.

"What is wrong with you?" She asked.

He raised an eyebrow at her. _Seriously?_

"You just seem a little…irritated." He said, cringing to see what reaction that would bring out of her.

She cocked her head to the side.

"No…" She said simply.

Derek grinned relieved.

"Oh…so all that about sex for four months was just you teaching me a lesson, right? You weren't serious about that?"

Meredith looked at him.

"Oh, I was serious about that."

Derek's grin faded quickly.

"Really?"

"Yes, really." She said.

"But Mer…." He whined.

"Quit whining you big baby. You went three years with no sex. Four months should be a walk in the park." She said walking away, her hips still managing to sway sexily even with her being six and a half months pregnant.

"Well…shit." He muttered as he followed her.

His mother and Ellis grinned at him knowing.

"Shut up." He muttered to them, ignoring their laughter as they followed him out.


	94. Chapter 94

"We have been sitting here for ten minutes. I would like to think we are past this silence bullshit at this point in your therapy. So what gives?" Kathryn asked, looking at Derek.

"I'm horny." He blurted out.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow.

"O…kay." She said, not sure what her response should be. "Would you like to expand on that?" Please say no, she thought.

"I'm really horny. Like my balls are permanently blue horny. Like I have a constant hard on that three times daily masturbation will not cure horny. Like…"

Kathryn put a hand up.

"I get it." She cringed, darting a look at his lap. What? She was a woman. A woman who now knew why Meredith had fought so hard to keep him.

"You asked.' He pointed out.

"Yes, a fact I am now regretting." She informed him.

He withdrew back into silence.

She sighed.

"Fine, why are you horny?" She asked. She was so going to increase their rates.

"Mer won't give it up. At all. Not for two months. I am about to implode."

"Why won't she…give it up?" Kathryn asked, closing her eyes and shaking her head. She needed to retire in the worst way.

"Cause she is punishing me!"

"Why?" She asked. This was like pulling teeth.

"I may have said something that was disrespectful. I was just joking."

Kathryn waited for him to finish.

"For God's sake, spit it out." She demanded.

"The baby wouldn't show its sex and I may have said that it was definitely my kid and not Mer's."

"I am surprised you have balls left at all quite frankly." Kathryn said. "But I don't think Mer is punishing you. She is eight months pregnant with your child. She is tired and she is still working and she is having to deal with you acting like a whiny child. Grow up. You can live without sex."

"I am not so sure about that." He grumbled.

"You are still here aren't you? Whining, complaining and bitching, but still here. What is more important to you…sex or Mer having a healthy delivery?"

"Mer is more important of course. How can you even ask that?" Derek asked.

"Then how about we get back to the business at hand. How are your panic attacks coming along?"

Derek thought for a moment and then smiled.

"I can't remember the last time I had one." He said proudly.

"That is wonderful. Maybe no sex is the key." She smirked.

Derek glared at her.

"Not funny."

Meredith arched her back and willed the pain away. Being 34 weeks pregnant sucked. Her back ache was considerably worse today. Her tiny frame did not like the extra weight.

She choked back some bile for the fifth time today.

Did she mention she knew her child was not a vampire? Yeah, it repelled blood.

Lucky her.

Especially seeing as she was elbow deep in someone's intestines. Not a good time to upchuck. The patient and Dr. Bailey would not appreciate it if she did.

Meredith cringed as a pain spread across her back again.

"Grey? You alright?" Bailey asked.

"I'm fine Dr. Bailey." Meredith responded.

Dr. Bailey assessed her and then looked at a nurse.

"Page Shepherd and Dr. Whitmire. Tell them to meet Dr. Grey in OB." She ordered.

"Dr. Bailey?" Meredith questioned.

"Dr. Grey, you are done here. As of this moment, you are officially on maternity leave."

"I still have another four weeks." Meredith protested.

"Actually Grey I would say you have about another four hours. You have been having contractions all day long."

"No, I haven't." She said.

"Yes, you have."

"Bailey, I would know if I was in labor."

"And yet you didn't. You have been cringing and rubbing your back all day. You are nauseous and irritable, though that may just be Shepherd's personality rubbing off on you. I have had a kid. Trust me, you are in labor. Now go."

"Bailey…" Meredith stopped and looked down at her wet pants and the wet floor.

"And because you were standing there arguing with me, your water just broke all over my sterile OR floor. I should make you clean that up. Go before I do."

Meredith stood there in shock.

"Grey!"

Meredith's head snapped up, her eyes dazed.

"Go!"

Meredith nodded and waddled to the door. Cristina met her there, having seen what happened from the gallery.

Bailey turned her attention back to the patient.

"Stupid interns…don't know their ass from their esophagus." She muttered, but her eyes were sparkling. One of her babies was gonna be a mother.


	95. Chapter 95

"Meredith?" Derek yelled rushing into the OB department. "Meredith?"

Meredith rolled her eyes at Cristina. She was in one of the delivery rooms about to be checked to see how far along she was.

"Get him before he has a coronary." She said.

"Well, at least he is in the right place." Cristina deadpanned.

Meredith shot her a glare.

"Going! Cranky!" She said.

"Yeah, you try being in a good mood knowing you are about to squeeze something the size of a volleyball out of an opening the size of a lemon."

Cristina paled.

"I am just going to go…um…get Derek."

She rushed off.

"Yeah, that's what I thought you would say." Meredith muttered.

"Meredith!" Derek yelled.

"Wouldn't it be easier to walk up to the nurse's station and I don't know…ask where she is?" Cristina asked him.

"Yeah that would have probably worked…" Derek said. "Where is she?" He said, cutting to the chase.

"Oh, she checked out. Said she changed her mind." Cristina informed him.

"What?" He yelled.

Cristina laughed.

"God, you are way too easy McDreamy. She's in room 12." She said, pointing to Meredith's room.

He spared a glare at her before sprinting to the room in question.

"Mer! Oh my god, how are you doing? Can I get you anything…food, drink, tequila?" He said in a rush.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him.

"Tequila?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"I'm nervous here." He explained.

She let out a laugh, which quickly turned into a wince as a contraction racked her body. Derek took her hand in his and let her squeeze it with all her might.

He resisted the urge to pull it away. Laboring Meredith was very strong it appeared.

"It's almost over." He said instead.

"Dude…she has like hours of this to go yet." Alex said as he entered the room.

Both of them glared at him.

"I'm just saying…" He trailed off.

"Don't." Derek said.

Alex gloved up and sat down at the end of the bed.

"Raise your knees up and spread your legs." Alex instructed.

"What the fuck are you doing Karev?" Derek growled.

"I am going to finger fuck her. What does it look like I am doing? I am checking her progress. Chill dude." Karev said sarcastically.

"No. Get someone else." Derek demanded.

"Okay, I will get O' Malley." Alex said, rising from the seat.

"No!" Meredith screeched.

Derek looked at her in confusion.

"Alex is fine." Meredith said.

"He was in love with you." Derek protested, gesturing to Alex.

"So is Bambi." Cristina said.

"When the hell did this happen?" Derek asked.

"What can I say, I am hot." Meredith said tiredly. "Can we please get on with this? Preferably before the baby is old enough to walk out of my uterus."

Alex spared one last weary glance at Derek before inserting his fingers into Meredith's body. He pulled his fingers out a few seconds later.

"Seven." He announced. "This may not take long at all Mer."

"Great. Pain meds?" She asked.

"Yeah, I will page Vuk and get you an epidural." Alex promised.

"Thank God." Derek said in relief.

Meredith, Alex, Cristina and the nurse all looked at Derek again.

"Are you pain?" Meredith asked, sounding pissed. "Cause I was sure that I was the one in labor."

"I…um…just don't want to see you in pain." Derek stammered.

"Got a good grip, huh, Shepherd?" Alex said knowingly.

"Shut it." Derek hissed.

"Boys! I am going to go ax murderer on you both." Meredith yelled.

"Why?" They asked simultaneously.

"Because you", she pointed to Alex, "are not getting me my epidural. And you", pointing to Derek, "are keeping him from getting my epidural! So move!"

"Moving!" Alex sprinted out the door.

Derek smiled widely at her.

"Go with him." Meredith ordered.

"What? Why?" He asked confused.

"I am sick of looking at you right now with that stupid shit eating grin on your smug face. You did this to me and I hate you right now." She said.

Derek blinked and made a move towards her.

"I will Lorena Bobbit your ass." She warned.

He swallowed hard and nodded.

"I will just go get you some ice chips." He offered.

"Wise move." She smiled tightly.

Derek sprinted out of the room. He ran to the nurse's station.

"Ice chips?" He asked.

Debbie raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do I look the a waitress to you?" She asked with her usual dry tone.

Derek opened his mouth to respond.

"I would think carefully before you answer that." She told him.

"Of course you don't." He said, smiling charmingly.

"Down the hall, to your right." She said.

"I have to get them myself?" He asked.

She glared.

"Going." He said.

What the hell was it with women today?

Derek walked in fifteen minutes later to see a six-inch needle being stuck into Meredith's back.

He winced.

She looked at her. She was pale.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I don't like needles." She reminded him.

"Good thing you became a doctor then." He quipped.

"Funny." She said wryly.

He rubbed her hands with his fingers in a soothing manner.

"You can lie down now." Dr. Vuk told her.

"Thanks."

"It should start working rather quickly. If you need me, have them page me." He left the room.

Meredith took a deep breath.

"Where's Cristina?" Derek asked, looking around the room.

"She looked a little green so I had mercy on her." She said, her lips twitching.

Derek just nodded and continued holding her hands. He brought her left hand up and kissed her ring finger, where his ring was safely nestled.

"I'm sorry. For kicking you out." She apologized.

"Mer." He breathed. "You are in pain. You are snippy on any given day but I think today you have every right to yell at me."

She chuckled.

"How is the pain?"

"Much better, but I am feeling a lot more pressure now." She said with relief.

"Let's see where we are now." Alex said, coming into the room.

"We?" Meredith said at the same time Derek said…

"You again?"

"Whitmire is on her way." Alex said, gloving up again.

He checked her quickly, his eyes widening.

"Um…"

"Surgeons don't say um!" Meredith and Derek yelled together.

"Don't panic." He said.

"And they don't start a sentence with don't panic!" Meredith screeched.

"What it is Alex?" Derek asked calmly as he went to see what Alex was looking at. His eyes widened.

"Um…" Derek said.

"What the hell is it?" Meredith said panicking.

"The baby is coming." Derek told her.

"I know that." She said.

'Like now, right now. As in I see the baby's head now.' He told her.

"What?"

Derek turned to Alex.

"How far way was Whitmire?"

"She was getting on the ferry about twenty minutes ago." Alex said.

"What?" Meredith's voice took on a low and deadly quality.

"I called her when you were brought in. It's not her fault that you were in labor all day and didn't know it." Alex said.

"That is not helping Alex. Page another OB stat."

Alex remained where he was.

"It is like a full moon tonight. There are at least twenty other women spitting on their spawns tonight and a OB conference in Portland. They are short staffed as it is, which is why I am here. Do you think I asked for OB?" Alex asked, panic filling his voice.

"So who is going to deliver this baby?" Derek asked.

"No one is here to deliver me?" Meredith asked, throwing her head back on to her pillow.

"I don't know man, but someone better get ready to catch, cause ready or not…" Alex said after taking another look under the sheet.

"Here it comes." Derek finished grimly.


	96. Chapter 96

Derek leapt into action.

"Call Peds and get them here and then glove up. You are going to help me." He instructed.

Alex nodded.

"Meredith. Do not panic. Everything will be fine. I am going to have to deliver this baby."

"What?!" She screeched. "You are a brain doctor."

"I did a OB rotation Mer." He reminded her. Sixteen years ago, he thought.

"When? Twenty years ago?" She asked.

How the hell did she do that?

"Okay, Peds is on its way. Now what?" Alex asked, hanging up the phone.

"Open up the kit and get over here with it." Derek said, putting his gloves on.

He looked at Meredith, who was struggling to control her breath.

"It's going to be fine Mer. I promise. Do you trust me?" He asked her.

She nodded, biting her bottom lip.

He smiled at her.

"Okay. Now when I tell you to, I want you to push." He instructed.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Ellis asked, freezing upon entering the room. Carolyn was hot on her heels. They both took in the scene with shocked looks on their faces.

"Derek, you are a Neurosurgeon. You are supposed to be supporting Meredith, not delivering your own child. I thought you were using a doctor. When did you decide to do this?" Carolyn asked.

"About five minutes ago when I realized that OB was full of laboring moms, half of the doctors are out for a conference, her doctor is an hour away and I could see the baby's head. It's either me or this second year resident who is planning on specializing in Plastics. The baby doesn't need a nose job." Derek said.

"It will if it has your nose." Ellis muttered.

Alex laughed but quickly stopped when Derek glared at him.

"Hello? Woman having a baby here." Meredith spoke up in a strained voice.

Ellis and Carolyn quickly took up positions on either side of her. They reached for her hands.

"Okay, on the next contraction, I want you to push." Derek told her, trying to calm himself down. This was not the time for him to have a panic attack.

Meredith groaned. Derek took a look at the monitor.

"Push." He said.

She bore down, her chin to her chest, gripping her mothers' hands. She cried out.

"It burns! Get it out!" She yelled.

"Hold on Mer." Derek eased the baby's head out of Mer. He looked up quickly, grinning.

"It has a lot of hair." He said proudly.

"Great." Meredith said between gritted teeth. "I am more interested in knowing if it has all its toes, cause that would mean the baby would be OUT!"

"Okay, small push." Derek said gently. He twisted the baby's body gently and eased the shoulders out. The rest of the baby appeared until he was holding his son in his arms.

His son…

"Whoa!" Alex protested, leaning back.

His son…who was currently christening everyone with his urine.

"It's a boy." He announced.

Meredith started to cry, as did Ellis and Carolyn.

Derek started to swiftly clean up his son with a soft towel. His son was mewing quietly.

"We got here as soon as we could…" The doctor froze in the doorway, looking at Derek in astonishment. "You delivered the baby?" She asked him.

He looked at the pretty blond doctor and nodded, grinning like an idiot.

She blinked.

"But you're a neurosurgeon."

"Yes, I am aware of that Arizona." He said.

She turned to Meredith.

"I am so sorry ma'am, we usually have an OB available." She apologized.

"It's okay. I mean how many guys get to brag they delivered their own son?" Meredith said tiredly.

Arizona whipped around to face Derek again.

"This is your baby?"

Derek nodded still grinning.

"Okay…let me check him out." She took the baby from Derek, who released him reluctantly. "I will give him right back."

She placed him on the incubator and vigorously rubbed him down, stimulating him. She placed the stethoscope on his chest and listened intently. She frowned.

"Arizona?" Derek asked, watching her closely.

She turned to face them.

"Is he full term?" She asked.

"No, he is thirty-four weeks, why?" He asked, moving closer to Meredith, who was looking wearily at Arizona.

"He is sounding a little raspy and is having a little trouble breathing. This can happen with preemies so I don't want you to panic. I need to take some X-rays and I would feel better putting him in the NICU until we know what is going on. He will be placed under an oxygen tent for the time being. I will get you some answers as soon as I know." Arizona said calmly.

Meredith whimpered.

"Can she see him for a moment? Before you take him?" Derek asked.

"Yes, but just for a moment."

Derek cradled the baby and took him to Meredith, placing him in her arms. She looked at him fearfully before looking down at her son.

"Wow…" She breathed.

Carolyn and Ellis leaned closer to have a look.

"He looks like…" Ellis began.

"Derek." Carolyn finished.

Meredith looked up sharply.

"He has some of my features." She protested. "He has Derek's hair and nose but look at his chin. That is my chin."

"Nope." Ellis said.

"His eyes….are blue but the shape."

"Nope." Carolyn said.

"My mouth then."

"Nope. Those are my dimples Mer." Derek said.

"So you are saying I went through eight months of vomiting and gas and stretch marks and a thirty pound weight gain and labor to have a child who looks nothing like me?"

"Yep." They all said.

"I'm sorry but I need to take him Meredith. I will get you some answers as soon as I can." Arizona interrupted, her expression regretful.

Meredith swallowed the lump in her throat and kissed her son, passing him to Derek to do the same. He gave the baby to Arizona.

"This is one of two reasons for my existence. Take care of him." He told her.

"I will." She promised and placed the baby in a cart and took him away. Meredith broke down as soon as she cleared the door. Derek took her in his arms and rocked her back and forth.

Alex, who had been silent up until this point, positioned himself back in front of Meredith.

"Mer? I need to deliver your placenta now. I'm sorry but I have too."

Meredith nodded. He quickly and efficiently delivered and disposed of it and turned her care over to Carolyn who cleaned her up.

"It's going to be okay Meredith." Derek said in a soothing tone.

"What if it isn't? Then what?" Meredith cried.

"It will be." Ellis said forcibly. Meredith looked at her.

"How do you know?" She asked.

"Because your whole life, you have been a fighter. You were premature, did you know that?" Meredith shook her head. "You were…thirty five weeks. They said they would have to keep you for a few weeks, you were home in five days. I took you away from the only decent parent you had and you still thrived on your own. You survived two beatings from the same man, clawed your way through medical school with no help from me, you are at the top of your game here and you have survived living with Derek. You are a survivor Meredith and that little boy has your blood running through his veins. He will fight and win, no matter what the problem. That is how I know he will be okay. Because you are his mother." She told her.

Meredith sobbed even harder, throwing herself into her mother's arms. Ellis kissed her head.

"I love you baby." She whispered to her.

Meredith released her after a few minutes and took a deep breath.

"Okay, time to argue." She announced.

"What? Why?" Derek asked.

"Because we need a name. We can't take him home calling him Hey You." She said.

Derek grinned at her.

God how he loved her.


	97. Chapter 97

Derek looked through the glass window to the room his son was in. He looked so helpless with the oxygen bubble over his head. He had an IV inserted into his scalp as his veins were too little for a needle to puncture. He saw the team of doctors looking at his chart and conversing with each other. Arizona nodded and evidently concluded the brief meeting and her eyes caught his and she smiled comfortingly at him. She beckoned him to join her. He quickly gowned up and scrubbed in, as was the protocol with the NICU. He walked slowly to his son's bedside. He reached towards his incubator but pulled his trembling hands back quickly.

"You can touch him." Arizona said.

"Is he going to be okay?" He said, never taking his eyes off his son.

"Yes, he is."

Derek let out a sigh of relief. He suddenly felt weak and had to sit down.

"What is wrong with him?" He asked.

"He is a preemie Derek and he just had a little trouble breathing. He has a mild case of pneumonia and he is receiving IV antibiotics. His X-rays are within normal boundaries. We are just erring on the side of caution. He should be able to go home Friday." She told him.

"That's great. Mer will be so happy." He said, grinning.

"Have you decided on a name yet?" Arizona asked.

"Yeah…after much debate…meaning many heavy things thrown at my head…we…meaning she…finally decided on Michael Christopher Shepherd. Michael was my father's name and my middle name is Christopher." He said.

Arizona laughed.

"She is everything to you, isn't she?"

He looked up in surprise.

"I was there in the gallery that day she was brought in. I saw the look on your face when she coded. I thought to myself that if I could find someone who loved me that much, my life would be complete. Not that my life isn't fulfilled but to have this…" She gestured towards Michael.

Derek nodded.

"It is amazing. This past year has just been…amazing."

"You seem happy." She remarked.

"I am."

"And we are all grateful." She laughed.

"What did I do to you?" He asked, groaning.

"You made me cry. You were glaring at me when I asked for a consult and told me if I was too stupid to figure it out, I should go back to medical school." She said.

Derek winced.

"Sorry." He said.

"It's okay. Seeing you smile is apology enough. I knew that something really bad had to have happened to make you that way. If only I knew it would take a feisty intern to call you out on your shit to make you human…" She laughed.

A shrill wail interrupted them. Derek leaped to his feet.

"What's wrong with him?" He asked.

"I imagine he is hungry. Fortunately Meredith pumped some milk before falling asleep so how would you like to feed him?" She asked.

"I should really wait for Mer…" He said, torn.

"She needs her rest and I think she would be really mad if you let a random nurse give your son his first feeding." She pointed.

"You know her well." He said.

"Okay, sit down." She instructed. She reached in and lifted Michael out of his incubator and set him gently in Derek's arms.

Derek smiled softly down at his son. He eased his fingers gently through his raven locks, being careful of the IV. Michael opened his eyes and his gaze focused suddenly on Derek.

Derek struggled for breath, knowing that he would remember this moment forever. This was the way he felt the moment he first made love to Meredith. He didn't think his life could be more complete than this, but this moment proved him wrong. His life was perfect. He knew he didn't deserve it but he would cherish Meredith and Michael always.

He slipped the nipple of the bottle into Michael's mouth. Michael gingerly began sucking on it at first and then vigorously after he got the hang of it.

"He's a good eater." Arizona remarked.

"Just like his mother." He paused. "You won't tell Mer I said that, will you?" He asked.

"Well, you did make me cry…"

"Michael Christopher Shepherd?" Cristina asked, stifling a laugh.

"Yes, what is wrong that?" Meredith asked belligerently.

"His initials are M.C Shepherd." She pointed out.

Meredith still didn't get it.

"Mc Shepherd." Cristina clarified.

Meredith laughed.

"Oh God, they are. Oh well, it fits."

She had just woken up and found Cristina there by her bedside.

"Where's Derek?" She asked.

"Down at Mini Me's bedside. Really Mer, you crapped out an exact duplicate of McDouchy." Cristina grumbled.

"Yeah, I know." Meredith agreed but then her face softened. "But he is so beautiful Cris." She said with tearful eyes.

"Oh God, you are going all emo on me." She rolled her eyes. "He is cute and if you tell anyone I said that, I will cheerfully beat you to death."

"Your secret is safe with me." Meredith promised.

"Hey! You're awake." Derek walked in with a huge smile on his face.

"Yeah, have you been down with him?"

"Yeah, I got to feed him. I hope you don't mind but he was hungry…"

"Of course I don't mind. Did you give him the breast milk I pumped?"

"On that note, I am out of here." Cristina said, practically fleeing out the door.

Meredith looked at Derek.

"She says he is cute." She told him.

"Were you supposed to tell me that?" Derek asked her.

"Nope." She said.

"So, how are you feeling?" He asked.

"Sore, but good. I really want to hold him. How is he?"

"Mild pneumonia. He is getting some IV antibiotics and will be ready to leave Friday."

"Really?" She launched herself in his arms and squeezed.

He kissed her head.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?"

"Giving me life."

"You're welcome." She said.

"Didn't I hear something about holding your son?"

She pulled back and looked at him with excitement.

"Yes!"

"Let's go Mommy, your son who looks nothing like you awaits."

"You are going to rub that in endlessly aren't you?" She asked, getting into the wheelchair with no argument.

"What do you think?" He asked.

"I think yes." She said.

"You know me so well."

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I am not getting any younger…take me to my son."

"My pleasure Mer, my pleasure."


	98. Chapter 98

Meredith gazed at her son, letting her fingers lightly flutter along his tiny hand. She gasped as his fingers curled around her own.

"He's strong." She said as she tore her eyes away from Michael and looked briefly at Derek, who was looking down at Michael from his standing position.

"Of course he is, he's mine." Derek said proudly.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, his strength has nothing to do with the fact that I provided his nutrients and helped him to grow for thirty-four weeks."

"Fine. His strength comes from you." He conceded grinning.

"Yeah, cause nothing else seemed to have." Meredith muttered.

Derek laughed and caressed her shoulder softly.

Meredith sighed.

"He's breathtaking." She breathed.

"Does that mean I am breathtaking? Seeing as how he is my carbon copy." Derek asked.

Meredith looked up at Derek through her eyelashes.

"You have taken my breath away since the day I met you…I have trouble breathing when I am angry." She teased.

Derek gasped and clutched a hand to his chest.

"Your words wound me." He declared dramatically.

"Shut up before I really do wound you." She threatened him.

"Please do, just not around the other babies. We will let their parents decide if they want to teach them violence or not." Arizona teased, coming up along side them holding Michael's chart.

"How is he?" Meredith asked eagerly.

"Perfect. He is responding well with the treatment. You can hold him if you want." She offered.

Meredith nodded emphatically. Arizona reached in and picked him up. She murmured nonsensical things to him before handing him off to Meredith.

"Oh, wow. He is so little." She said, letting her fingers trail all of his arms and face.

"Five pounds, two ounces, eighteen inches long." Arizona announced.

"Is that okay? I mean I know as a doctor that it is within normal limits but as a mother…"

"You just want to be reassured." Arizona finished for her. "He's perfect and will be keeping you up with his screams in no time."

"Nah. He is my son. Ma said I slept through the night when I was born." Derek informed them.

Arizona nodded and with a smile looked at Meredith.

"What about you? What were your sleeping habits as a baby?" She asked.

"Um…I was colicky, I think." Meredith answered.

Arizona smiled more widely as she looked between the two.

"It is generally a rule that both parents have a big part in the genetic and personality makeup of a child. And since Derek's part is so…obvious, it stands a great chance that the personality will be all Meredith." She picked up the chart and strode my Derek, stopping to say to time. "So have fun with the all the loud screaming all night long. Have a good day now."

With a wink at Meredith she left.

Derek looked anxiously at Meredith.

'She's kidding right? Michael will be a great sleeper." He said. "Right?"

Meredith raised an eyebrow and kept on rocking her son.

"Why would she say that to us?" Derek asked.

"You."

"What?"

"You. She was saying that to you, not me." Meredith said, still rocking.

'Why would she say that to me?" Derek asked frustrated. "It's like she took a lot of pleasure in telling me that."

"You made her cry." Meredith said.

"How do you know about that?"

"First of all, you made everyone cry, including me and the nice old lunch lady. Secondly, I was her intern that day."

"Oh. Well I haven't made anyone cry lately. That has to count for something." Derek said, slightly loud.

On cue, Michael started wailing.

Meredith looked at him pointedly.

"Sorry." Derek said sheepishly and they worked to quiet the baby down.

"He is so precious." Carolyn said, as she was finishing her turn playing Grandma. "Do you want to hold him?" She asked Ellis.

Ellis raised an eyebrow.

"No, I am just standing here in the NICU because I love babies." She said sarcastically. "When are they moving him to the well baby nursery?"

"Tomorrow morning after they get his chest X-ray and lab work back." Meredith said, watching as Ellis took the baby from Carolyn and sat down in the rocking chair. "You have to hold his head." She said as Ellis was getting comfortable.

Ellis looked at Meredith.

"Did I break your neck? Did I drop you as a baby?" Ellis asked.

"No?" Meredith asked, not really sure. She wasn't aware Ellis ever held her at all.

"Okay then. I know how to hold a baby. I know that you think I never had anything to do with you and it is true the primary care went to your father but I would come in late at night, high after a surgery and I would find myself going into your room to tell you about it. I knew you wouldn't understand or anything, but I would pick you up and rock you for hours just telling you about my day. It was probably the best cure for colic ever, as I bored you to sleep." Ellis chuckled.

"Did that work?" Derek asked.

Everyone looked at him.

"Well, I have a feeling that Michael will have colic and if that works…" Everyone continued their blank stares. "What?"

Meredith turned away from him and focused on Carolyn and Ellis.

"I want to paint the nursery blue. Do you think we could hire someone to come in and do it tomorrow? I need the room to air out before Friday." She asked.

"Already done."

They all looked up at Mark, who had scrubbed in and joined them. Sure enough, there were blue specks of paint on his face and hair.

"Wait. You painted Michael's nursery?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, we all got together and did it. Didn't take long." He said, leaning over to look at the baby. "He looks like Derek. I can fix the nose, you know."

"His nose is perfect and who all got together?" Meredith asked impatiently.

"Me, Yang, O'Malley, Karev, Stevens. It looks like Baby's R Us threw up in there. Not my doing, I swear." He said with innocence.

"Izzie…" Meredith said, shaking her head though she was smiling.

"No. Well, yes, but all of them spent a lot of money on clothes, toys, stuffed animals…I just bought the rocking chair and the changing table and the paint and maybe this video camera." He said, holding it up and grinning. He gazed through the lens focused on Michael.

"Who's a pretty baby? Yeah, you are going to be the man. I will teach you all about women cause your daddy is clueless. Yes he is." Mark crooned in a high pitched baby voice.

"Give me that." Derek said, wrenching the camera away from Mark.

Meredith pulled Mark into a hug.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"Anytime Grey, you have made him so happy. Happier than I have ever seen him." He whispered back, kissing her chastely on her head.

"Don't be kissing my girl." Derek playfully growled.

"I'm sorry but visiting hours are over." A nurse said apologetically.

Meredith nodded and picked up Michael from Ellis' arms and hugged him to her.

"We have to go, but Mommy and Daddy will be back to see you tomorrow and in three days we will be taking you to your pretty new room that Uncle Mark and Alex and George and Aunt Izzie and Cristina made for you."

He yawned widely and closed his eyes.

'Not even a day old and already I am boring you." Meredith said ruefully. She kissed him and passed him to Derek who did the same. Once he was nestled safely in the bed, they linked hands and looked at him.

Meredith yawned. Derek smiled and kissed her.

"Come on, Mommy needs her rest too."

"Will Daddy come and sleep with me?" She asked.

"Nothing could keep me away." He said.

They walked to her room, hands ensconced in each others, ready for tomorrow to dawn so they could see their little boy once again.


	99. Chapter 99

Derek tried to ignore the slight nudge to his midsection and it almost worked…until the slight nudge turned into a punch. He rolled over with a groan. He opened his eyes to find Meredith glaring at him sleepily.

"Your turn." She enunciated.

He heard the baby wailing through the monitor.

"Didn't I just get up?"

"Four hours ago." She pointed out.

"He's probably hungry and you have the boobs." He yawned.

"He ate an hour ago, now get up." She rolled over effectively ending the conversation. Derek stumbled out of bed and felt his way to their son's room.

"What's the matter buddy? If you can't sleep, we can't sleep?" Derek reached down and picked up Michael, cradling him to his chest. He quickly changed him and sat down in the rocking chair.

Michael looked up at him with wide-eyed wonderment. He was a month old and everything he did fascinated Derek, whether it be yawning, mewing, drooling, crying…it didn't matter, it was all wonderful.

"So, what's wrong now? You are fed, changed, burped…all you need now is sleep. So I can go to sleep, so your Mommy…never mind, your Mommy is already asleep, probably snoring. You don't know it yet but she is really loud. Be thankful your room is across the hall. I am not as lucky…thankfully they make wax earplugs. Yes they do. They were right about you, ya know. You look like me, but you act just like your mother…God help us all."

Michael yawned again…seemingly unimpressed.

"Am I boring you?" Derek asked, amused. He caressed Michael's soft cheek and his downy hair. He breathed in his lavender scent.

"You smell like your Mommy. Best smell in the world." He murmured. He placed Michael on his shoulder and continuously rubbed his back.

"I want to tell you a story, since you have insomnia and all. Once upon a time, a prince named Derek met a princess named Meredith. It was a different kind of fairytale than you normally hear. See, the prince and the princess didn't like each other very much at first…okay…they hated each other, but through all the anger and the one-upmanship, they began having these feelings for one another…deep feelings. But see, Daddy had been hurt by an evil witch named Addison and he didn't want to love the beautiful princess. But Meredith didn't give up and even though she had a hard life herself, she wouldn't let go of her hope for the handsome, debonair prince. See I…he was a bit of an ass…I mean jerk…don't tell your Mommy I said ass in front of you…where was I? Oh yeah, he was a jerk and made Meredith cry and she didn't want to be with him anymore. And then Princess Meredith got hurt by the evil King and she almost di…went into a deep deep sleep and by some assistance from the good witch Bailey, she woke up and continued to spend her life bossing around Prince Derek and Prince Michael…yes you will not be able to escape it either…so good luck with that…and they will live happily ever after."

He leaned his head to the side to peer at his son's face and chuckled to discover he was sleeping.

"The End." Derek whispered, continuing to rock him.

After several minutes, he put Michael down and smiled.

"Good night. I love you."

He trudged quietly to their bedroom and crawled into bed. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes.

"For the last time, I am not bossy, I do not snore, how dare you cuss in front of our son and don't ever mention Addison to him again. Am I clear?"

He opened his eyes.

"No, you are not bossy at all."

She laughed sleepily and cuddled into his chest, where they both quickly fell asleep.

"Waaaaaaa!"

"Your turn." Derek said, rolling over.

Meredith groaned.


	100. Chapter 100

"Wow…eight weeks and those still look amazing…so when can I take them out for a spin?"

Meredith rolled her eyes and continued applying her makeup. Michael watched her from his bouncer sat up on the counter.

"Come on Mer…it has been three months." Derek whined. "Is it a good idea for him to be up there?"

She looked at Michael.

"Why? He is perfectly safe." She replied.

"Yeah, but we had sex on that counter…remember sex? It's where I put my peni…pen in your…ink bottle." He finished lamely.

"You should be really embarrassed." Meredith said, keeping her face straight.

Derek winced.

"I am." He said.

"Good." Meredith said, returning her attention to the mirror. She looked at herself from all angles.

"Ugh. My boobs are huge."

"I know." Derek sighed and finished getting ready.

"Grey, your boobs are huge!"

"Thanks Mark." Meredith sighed.

"Did they throw in a free breast augmentation with childbirth deal that I don't know about?"

Meredith leveled a glare at him.

"Went too far, huh?" Mark asked sheepishly.

"Just a little." Meredith smiled and proceeded to walk away.

Mark fell in step beside her.

"So when are you going to fuck Derek?"

She halted and looked at him.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"It's just…he is my best friend and he is really horny. And as his best friend I hear about his horniness and I don't want to hear about it. And I thought it would be nice to not hear the constant screaming from you but that has been replaced with the constant screaming of your spawn so it doesn't matter either way. So when are you going to let my boy get his rocks off?"

Meredith continued to stare at him in shock.

"That is the most you have ever said to me at one time." She said. "Huh." She turned and walked away.

Mark watched her go with confusion.

"So?"

"It's filed under Business, Nunya…look it up." She yelled over her shoulder.

"Well, he can't say I didn't try." Mark muttered, before walking in the opposite direction.

"Damn, your jugs are huge."

"I know, my breasts are gigantic. I am breastfeeding for God's sake, let it go people!" Meredith yelled to everyone in the cafeteria. She sat down, ignoring the odd looks she was getting.

Cristina raised an eyebrow.

"Been getting compliments?" She asked.

"More like ogles. And Mark asked me when Derek was getting laid. What is up with that?" Meredith asked, taking a bite of her sandwich. "Ugh, why does everything in a hospital taste like a hospital." She complained.

"How long has it been?"

"Since I ate a sandwich?" Meredith asked.

"Yes Mer, I am dying to know the last time you had ham and cheese. I am talking about the last time you and Shepherd did the Horizontal Tango." Cristina asked, rolling her eyes.

"Mambo, Horizontal Mambo." Meredith corrected.

"Who cares?" Cristina said.

Meredith sighed.

"A while." She admitted.

"And why are you torturing him? Not that I mind that. After all he was an asshole for a long time but the poor guy is getting callouses on his hand from all the friction, if you know what I mean."

"I…what if things aren't the same now?" Meredith whispered.

"The same, how?" Cristina asked. "Oh you mean, since you squeezed a watermelon out of your happy place?"

Meredith nodded.

"With his cock, you could be the size of a beer bottle and still be tight." She said.

"Thanks for that image, really." Meredith grimaced.

"Seriously Mer, you are gorgeous. And he loves you and shit…so stop worrying and just do him already. He is turning back into his old self and we will kill him if that happens. Now change the subject before the shrimp's vomit isn't the only smelly substance on you."

Meredith took another bite of her sandwich.

"This tastes like shit.' Meredith grumbled.

"You did what?" Derek yelled.

"I was trying to help Man." Mark protested.

"How was asking my fiancé if she would fuck me, helping me?" He asked.

"Man, you are wound tighter than a…" He didn't finish his analogy because the door slammed open, revealing Meredith.

Derek and Mark both audibly gulped.

"Get out Mark." Meredith demanded.

Mark left without a second thought.

Derek looked at her fearfully.

"Okay, so I have stretch marks and my hips are wider and my boobs are humongous and I am not like I used to be and I am just scared that I won't be attractive to you anymore and I…"

His mouth slammed onto hers, effectively shutting her up.

She moaned and thrust her hands into his hair and gripped tight.

After a minute, he pulled back.

"I will always think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. You gave me life, you gave me Michael, you gave me your heart. It isn't about what you look like, it has never been about what you look like. It is about who you are and how you make me feel. I love you. You. Don't you ever forget that, not for a moment. Okay?" He said fiercely.

Meredith nodded through her tears.

"I wanna have sex." She said.

"Now?" Derek asked, looking around his office.

"No, not now. Izzie and George offered to babysit and they are the least likely to kill our child, so I thought maybe tonight…"

Derek grinned.

"Tonight."


	101. Chapter 101

Derek waited in bed, thumbing through a medical journal. He glanced over at the clock on the bedside table once again.

"Mer? Are you okay in there? You have been in there for thirty minutes?" He called out towards the bathroom, concerned.

"Yeah…I…I'll be out in…um…a minute." She stammered through the shut door.

Derek frowned. Her voice was…off. He got out of bed quietly and padded over to the door. He tested the door knob and it opened easily for him. He pushed the door opened and just stared.

Meredith was standing in front of the full length mirror in the bathroom. She was dressed in a flowing lavender nightie that stopped at her upper mid thigh. Her silken dark blond hair was flowing down her back, having grown back since her makeover. Her skin was translucent and glowing, no doubt from the joy that being Michael's mother had brought her. Her hips, a little fuller than before, flared enticingly out on her thin frame. She gave a startled gasp as her damp eyes locked with his in the mirror. She looked down quickly.

Derek sighed.

"Didn't we go over this earlier?" He asked.

She nodded.

"Yes and what you said was great in theory but in reality…" Her uncertain voice trailed off.

Derek strode over to her in two quick strides and his hands gripped her upper arms.

"Tell me what you see." He demanded.

Meredith made a strangled sound in her throat and tried to pull away. He held her firm.

"Derek…' She protested.

"Do it." He demanded.

"Ugh…fine. My hair is too long, my breasts way too big, my hips have their own zip code, I have stretch marks on my stomach, ass and thighs. Satisfied?"

"Yes. I am very satisfied. Your hair is beautiful, very high on the yank ability scale, I love your big breasts…a lot…your hips and the stretch marks…perfect. Most of these are because you gave me the most precious gift I have ever received…our perfect son. Now you are going to stop this. I love you and I want to make love to my beautiful fiancé and I won't have you feeling shy or insecure during our alone time together." He tilted her face up to his. "Okay?"

She smiled softly and nodded.

"Okay." She agreed.

"Did I mention that outfit looks outstanding on you. Of course, it will make our bedroom floor look really good too, cause that is where it is going."

Meredith giggled and Derek knew she was much better. He took her hand and pulled her, rather impatiently, towards their bed.

"Are you in a hurry?" She asked.

"If you don't want to have sex in the floor then I suggest you quit dragging your heels woman."

"Horny?" She asked.

"That word doesn't even begin to cover the need I am feeling for you right now." Derek admitted. He stopped at his side of the bed and yanked her into his arms.

Her arms twined around his neck and she kissed him deeply, their tongues mingling.

"Hmmm…" She moaned. She gripped his hair, almost too painfully tight, but he didn't care in that moment. He sat her down gently and then leaned down and kissed her, once, twice and then backed away.

She made a sound of protest and then tried to pull him back to her. He chuckled.

"I am just getting undressed."

"What if I wanted to do that part?" She asked slyly.

"Then this would be over in ten seconds. I need to calm down a minute…three months is a long time to go without you…sexually, I mean. I am afraid I am going to be like a fifteen year old virgin." He admitted.

"I don't care." She told him.

"I know, but I don't want to be known as the premature ejaculator in this scenario. I want to please you." He told her, removing his sleep pants.

"You already do. Just by being here for me and loving me and supporting me. You please me every damn day." She told him, her tone fierce.

He removed his boxer briefs and sat down next to her. Her gaze automatically looked down to his penis, which was hard as a rock. She licked her lips unconsciously.

He swallowed hard and then laid her down on the bed. He untied the string at her breasts and tugged the fabric to the side so her breasts were exposed.

"Wow." He breathed.

She giggled.

"That inspires a lot of confidence in my abilities." He deadpanned.

"Sorry, but you look like a kid in a candy store." She responded.

"Hmmm…" He leaned down and licked her nipple.

Meredith gasped and arched up off the bed.

"Shit." She gasped, while wincing slightly.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked, pulling back.

"It is a little sensitive." She admitted. "And be careful or you might be getting a mouthful of breast milk." She said, her face turning red.

Derek laughed.

"Can't say I want that to much, so I will just move on."

He caressed her abdomen, trailing over the scar that Matt had left. He should hate everything it stood for, but he couldn't. It was got him to admit to himself and to her that he loved her. He ran his lips over it and licked gently, worshiping it. He moved lower still and froze when he realized two things.

One, she had no panties on.

Two, she was waxed.

He looked up in question. Meredith blushed again and shrugged.

"I…um…did it this afternoon." She admitted.

"I like it." He said dumbly.

Meredith tugged on his hair as he continued to stare at it.

"Are you going to look at it all day or are you going to actually do something?" She asked, her tone frustrated.

"Horny?" He asked, throwing her words back at her.

"I didn't get the opportunity to 'relieve pressure' in the last few months like you did." She said sweetly.

"It was just once." He said.

Meredith snorted.

"Once a day." She rebutted.

"Shut up." He said, lowering his head and smiling into her wet core.

He licked her up one end and down the other causing her to arch up again. He pressed her hips down and continued his ministrations, knowing he needed to get her really wet so it would not hurt when he impaled her.

Meredith gripped the sheets tightly to keep herself from ripping his hair out. She was panting and gasping for air, knowing that she wouldn't be able to breathe until she had her orgasm. She felt it coming, fast and hard.

"Der…" She breathed.

He slipped in two fingers and felt her walls start to throb, so he added another and curled them up to hit her spot as he suckled her clit.

"Oh…oh…god damn…yes…fuck yes!" She screamed, as she came all over his mouth and fingers. He smiled to himself. He missed his screamer and he didn't mean the colicky mess that was his lovely son.

He cleaned her up with his tongue and then settled next to his slightly comatose wife. She as sweaty and shaky and looked dazed with a stupid grin on her face. He would let her recover quickly and he meant really quickly, as he felt like he was going to get gangrene in his penis if he didn't use it soon. Blue balls had nothing on him…they were turning purple and green at this point.

He felt her reach for him and he focused on her once again.

"That was amazing." She said softly, her breathing still a little ragged.

"You are amazing." He corrected her.

"I want you…all of you." She demanded.

He settled slowly on top of her, being careful not to rest all of his weight on her. She reached between them and grasped his penis, her eyes widening.

"Wow…you are really ready."

He buried his head in the crook of her neck and nodded, trying not to sob. Yes, the emotions were that high and he was that ready. He hoped he could control himself enough to be gentle.

"You think?" He replied weakly.

"Hmmm…I think you should fuck me." She purred, positioning his steel hard cock at her entrance.

"Oh thank god!" He exclaimed, slipping slowly inside her. He felt the resistance of her tight walls, from abstaining for three months and from healing after their son's birth.

She winced a little and he moved to pull out.

"No. Just ease into it, I am fine Derek. Really fine." She told him.

He searched her face for any signs of a lie. He knew she would sacrifice herself to make him happy and he was not alright with that. He saw no signs of anything other than lust and love…his two favorite looks on her face.

He moved gently and she gasped…in pleasure. He continued sliding in and out slowly, until he was buried deep inside her.

"You okay?" He choked out.

She nodded, so he began moving, thrusting gently. The only sounds in that room where their ragged pants and gentle moans. She wrapped her legs around his moving hips, bringing him in deeper.

"Harder." She gasped.

He obliged, his hips pistoning into hers. Their moans turned to gasps and soon, her gasps turned to soft screams as her walls started to collapse around his rock hard cock. He closed his eyes and concentrated on getting her through her orgasm before taking his, which was barreling at him like a freight train. His stomach muscles were clenched and he was sweating from the effort of his self-control. Finally, she stiffened and arched her back, screaming shrilly. Her walls milked his own orgasm out of him and he roared as he came inside her, spraying her walls with his seed. He collapsed beside her and struggled to remember to breathe. They stayed silent for several minutes, just being.

A thought occurred to Derek suddenly.

"Are you on birth control?" He asked frantically.

Meredith stayed quiet for a minute, then burst out laughing.

"We just had the best sex of our lives and that is the first thing out of your mouth?" She asked.

"Sorry." He said contritely.

She turned towards him and kissed his neck.

"Yes, I had an IUD installed two weeks ago. I love Michael, but no more babies right now. Maybe in a couple of years." She said, her voice muffled by her yawn.

He smiled at her and got out of bed. She made a sound of protest.

"I'll be right back." He went into the bathroom and came out with a warm washcloth and gently cleaned her up before slipping the down comforter over her. He cleaned up himself and got into bed beside her.

"Sleep." He told her.

"No…" She said.

"Yes, sleep for a few hours then if you want we can do this again, but you are a new mother and you need your rest." He told her, his tone not leaving any room for an argument.

She nodded, her eyes already closing.

"Mer?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you."

"Hmmm." She smiled. "Love you."

"I love you too. Always." He told her, his hand caressing her hair.

"Always." And she was out.

He lied there awake for the longest time, knowing somehow this moment was something he should commit to memory so he could pull it up and cherish it always.

And he would.

Always.


	102. Epiloge

**Epilogue**

Meredith's eyes popped open suddenly. Her groggy brain registered two things at once: it was still dark outside and she was being watched. She turned her head to her right and her eyes met Derek's. He was propped up on his elbow and he smirked at her irritated expression.

"Will you please tell me why you woke me up at the ass crack of dawn?" She raised up to glance at the neon green numbers on her alarm clock and her glare intensified. "Four am! Are you serious? The only reason I should be up at four is if I have to work or Michael is screaming his little head off. I am off today and Michael is sleeping. So I repeat why am I awake right now?"

He just smiled at her.

"I love you." He said simply.

She sighed. Damnit. How can you stay mad when the most gorgeous man on the planet says that?

"I love you too." She told him, yawning.

"I was lying here, thinking and I just had to tell you that." He explained further.

"What were you thinking about?" She asked, snuggling into him further and accepting the fact that she was awake for the day.

"You. Always you." He said.

"What about me?" She clarified.

"Do you remember what started all this…us?" He asked.

Meredith laughed throatily.

"How could I forget? You were being your lovely outgoing self as usual and I was being my normally bitchy self." She teased.

Derek chuckled.

"You made me feel things I didn't want to feel. You made me crazy."

"Um…excuse me. You were already crazy, if anything I made you sane."

"Ha! Is that what you call it? You challenging me at Joe's and then showing up in front of me two days later looking like a walking wet dream? God, I had a hard on for two days after that." He said, shaking his head as he remembered.

"I remember you pushing me to my limits while I worked for you." She said.

"It is not my fault you didn't eat." He protested.

She raised her head up to glare at him.

"It's not. I may have pushed you a little…okay, a lot, but I didn't make it impossible for you to eat."

"Okay, I will give you that one." She conceded.

"When I saw you hit your head though and go down…" He trailed off.

"Yeah, and then you came to me and I threw a bedpan at you." Meredith giggled.

"I was just thankful it wasn't full." Derek said.

Meredith laughed harder.

"It wasn't that funny." Derek said.

"No…no…I was thinking about what my face must have looked like when your mother informed me I was your girlfriend." She gasped.

Derek groaned.

"I couldn't think of anything else to say. You just popped into my head. I didn't want to be fixed up with the airhead daughters of my mom's friends."

"So, fear of spending a few hours with an airhead made you blackmail me into going home with you?" She asked.

"No, anticipation of spending time with you away from work made me blackmail you." Derek explained.

"Hmmm…I loved going home with you. Meeting your family, playing twister, verbally smacking down your ex-wife, defiling your mother's dining room table…"

Derek laughed.

"That was so embarrassing." Derek agreed.

Meredith smacked his chest lightly.

"Embarrassing for who? I didn't know these people at all and they saw everything and I do mean everything."

"Then you walked up to my mom and apologized for fornicating on her table. I thought I was going to die laughing." Derek chuckled.

Meredith shrugged.

"Then you broke my heart." She said sadly.

Derek's breath hitched.

"Then I broke your heart. You get why I thought I had to do that, right?" He asked softly.

"Yeah. I get it. I didn't agree with it but I get it." She said.

"I was so stupid and when I got that wake up call…" Derek voice trembled with anger and sorrow.

Meredith looked at his face, so close to hers and saw the tears filling his incredible blue eyes.

"Hey. None of that. That wasn't your fault." She told him firmly.

"If I hadn't of been so stupid and pig-headed, I would have been with you." Derek said stubbornly.

"You can't be with me every hour of every day. He would have waited you out. And it doesn't matter now. I am fine. I escaped with a few scars and a whole new lease on life. Look at us now. We are a family. We are in love. I have a relationship with my mother. Do you know how blessed I am? My son is going to know both of his grandmothers. We have amazing friends and family. We have amazing jobs. We have an amazing love. We are…amazing." She said fiercely.

"You are amazing." He said reverently.

"You are biased." She teased.

"Maybe a little." He agreed. He got quiet.

"What are you thinking about now?" She asked, after letting him stew for a few minutes.

"I was just thinking what my life would be like if Addison hadn't of cheated on me." He admitted.

"Gah! Why the hell would you be thinking about that?" She exclaimed.

"It just makes me that much more thankful to her for doing that." He said.

"Hmmm…we should have sent her a Christmas card." Meredith teased.

"Eh…maybe next year." Derek laughed.

Meredith joined in.

They heard Michael cry over the monitor.

"Oh look, he wants to join our conversation." Meredith said.

"Let me go get him and we can snuggle." Derek said, getting up and pulling on his pants. Meredith admired his ass for a second before he turned around smirking at her expression of lust.

"Snuggle?" She said, making a face.

"Shut up Woman." He admonished teasingly before exiting the room to go get their son.

"Hey buddy! Let's get you changed so you can come 'snuggle' with your mommy and daddy."

Meredith giggled as she heard him taunt her through the monitor. Two minutes later, her son was being put in between them to 'snuggle'.

She smiled at Michael and lightly tickled him until she was rewarded with his giggle. He was six months old now and every day he amazed and fascinated her. His laugh, his funny expressions, his smile…all were reminiscent of Derek until you got to his personality. He as stubborn and bossy, already pointing his finger and grunting when he saw something he wanted. He was into everything, so nothing could be put in reaching distance or it would go straight into his mouth. He was funny and handsome and beautiful and such a perfect division of both of them. It made her heart bust at the seams just looking at him. She didn't know how she could love someone as much as Derek but it was possible.

She glanced at Derek, who had the same love struck expression on his face as she did. This little boy had them firmly wrapped around his fingers with very little effort on his part. And he seemed to know it.

"Buddy, mommy and I were just talking about how perfect our lives were. Do you want to add anything to that?" Derek asked.

Michael gurgled and laughed which sent them into laughter.

"I hear ya." Derek said, agreeing with whatever jibberish Michael was spewing out of this mouth.

Derek met her eyes and she swore that electricity flowed between them. It was that intense.

And suddenly they both knew, no matter what regrets they had, everything they had been through had led them to this moment…this perfect moment with their son…a product of their love and heartache.

"Mer?"

"Yeah?" She asked, her gaze never wavering.

"Merry Christmas." He said.

Meredith swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat.

"Merry Christmas." She choked out.

Yeah, her life was nothing short of amazing.

**The End.**


End file.
